Honey, this Mirror Ain't Big Enough for the Two of Us.

Frank-
Darkness.Again darkness. Always darkness. Darkness at 9:15. Always. Always the scratching starts at 9:15. The burning. The seeing things that “I promise aren’t there Frank, go to bed”.The sad look in all the passing nurse’s faces. The door clicking shut. Back to itching. Itching arms. Itching legs. Itching for The Good. Itching for relief. Itching. Itching marks. Itching marks where The Good happened. Where I was happy. Itching neck. Itching face.Very itchy. Then the bugs. The bugs come in my room. They pour in. Bugs climb on me. Spiders. I FUCKING HATE SPIDERS.Scream. Claw at skin. Spiders run up my body . Itching. Spiders burrow. Burrow in. Into marks. Into where The Good happened. Now no Good. Only The Bad. The Very Bad. Scream. Writhe. Sob. Cry. No one helps. No one helps get the spiders off, out. Help. HELP. HELPPP! Screaming. Screaming for Ray. Screaming for Mommy. Screaming for anyone. Praying. Don’t believe in God but praying so hard. Praying for this to all be over. To just get better. To just die. To feel nothing. Ray. Ray help me. Please Ray. Please God. Please Mommy. Just stop it all. Stop. It. Now. Bugs in my mouth. In my ears. In my stomach. In my throat. Scream. Can’t. Can’t scream. Too many spiders. SpiderssssSSSS. Spiders burning me. Spiders crawling in my eyes. Burning. Crawling. Suffocating. Itching. Scratching. Making me bleed. Burning spiders. Screaming spiders. Screaming bugs. Screaming and crying. Pleading. Dying. Help. Someone. Please. Help. Me. Hell. HELP ME. Ray. RAY!!!

Ray-
It pains me. It really does. We were told as soon as we got here to not constantly stay with our patients. We have to let them try to cope on their own as best they can with their withdrawal symptoms. They have to become self-sustainable if they are going to beat their addictions. But Frank. Frankie. He has it so bad. And he’s so young, only 19. It makes me wonder what or who drove him to drugs. It’s so hard just to watch him through the one way mirror, watch him scratch until he breaks skin and shake and scream at the top of his lungs. Alone in his room in the darkness, being attacked by figments of his brain that are fueled by frying neurons and prey on his weakness.Every time he cries my name in agony brings tears to my eyes. I’ve watched so many people disintegrate in these halls. So many lives destroyed and set fire to. The young girl down the hall, whose cocaine use led her to sell herself to violent and greedy men who abused and smacked her around to finance her addiction that still keep her up at night, screaming in terror. The man who developed AIDS from an infected syringe and died in an empty hospital room, covered in sores and disease. He had no mourners.

This is why it hurts me so much to just stand by and watch his anguish as the monster methamphetamines tear apart his mind and he tears apart his body. I can’t watch this anymore. Fuck the regulations; I will be there for Frankie. I quietly slip out of the observation room and quickly open the door to Frank’s room. I have no idea what he perceives me as through the veil of drugs. He starts to scream about spiders attacking him and how it burns and itches. His neck has started to bleed from the excessive scratching. I sit at the edge of his bed and silently watch him for several moments. His irises are so tiny they are almost invisible, the terrified hazel orbs staring at me, bloodshot and wet from tears. His black hair that normally has the tiniest bit of curl at the tips is limp from the sweat that drips off his body. Veins are prominent in his neck from all his screaming and I’m worried they are going to burst. I quietly begin to sing to him in my slightly raspy voice, knowing this calmed him down last night and hoping it’ll do the trick again.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are grey. You'll never know dear, how much I love you. So please don't take, my sunshine away.

He recognizes the song and stops scratching so violently, relaxing a bit to a whimper and a violent shaking. This is good, very good.

The other night dear, as I lay sleeping. I dreamed I held, you in my arms. When I awoke dear, I was mistaken. And I held, my head, and cried.

He has shakily climbed over to me and put his head in my lap, softly crying and sniffling. I look down at him and start to play with his raven locks, slightly smiling when he glances up at me. He makes a small motion to keep singing.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are grey. You'll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don't take, my sunshine away.

His eyelids start to flutter closed, exhausted from his hallucinations.Another nurse silently passes Frank’s open door, guiding an unfamiliar young man with greasy black hair and striking hazel-green eyes. His eyes are sunken in his face with dark circles around them, and his face is very bony as is the rest of him. Probably a meth or heroin addict. He wears a black hoodie and cargo pants. His shuffling stops in front of the door and he peers in at Frank and me. His eyes land on Frankie and an unreadable expression appears on his face. He looks up to me and I smile and place a finger on my lips. Shhh. He nods slightly and shuffles after the nurse. They disappear into the room next door. I look down at Frankie, almost asleep and breathing somewhat smoothly now and I sing the last verse in a whisper.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are grey. You'll never know dear, how much I love you
.
Please don't take, my sunshine, away.

I sit like that for a while, cradling Frankie’s head in my lap. A silent tear that was begging to escape slides down my face. He will be different. Not like Nia. I’ll keep Frankie safe.

I must.

Notes

Okay so I got this done fast. I had an idea and it happened. Song- You Are My Sunshine-by Jimmie Davis.
(Author's Note: The Good is what Frankie calls meth while he is high.)
Sorry if this made you sad.
Next update in the next few days. Feedback is appreciated greatly. kthxbyeeee

XXX Mourning-Glory XXX