Chapter 10- Frank
I sit in silence, trying to console Ray. The best thing I could do was awkwardly pat his leg in condolence.I have no idea how to help him; I’ve never seen him like this. He’s my doctor; I’m the one who is meant to be comforted in this relationship. He lifts his head out of his hands, wiping the tears off his face. He takes a moment to compose himself and I shoot Gerard a look behind Ray’s back. ‘What should we do?’ I try to say with my eyes. He glances back at me in a way that I can only interpret as, ‘Hell if I know.”
Ray clears his throat and says, “She’s in a better place now, right?” It sounds like he’s trying to convince himself as much as tell us.
Gerard and I both agree heartily, nodding and saying words of affirmation. He seems to perk up a bit, and pushes himself off the bed to stand. “I just wanted to make sure you were doing okay after last night, Frank. I’m sorry to come in here and unload all my problems on you. I’ll, uh, leave you to it, I guess.” He smiles, it not quite reaching his eyes.
I look at him hesitantly. “Are you sure you’re okay, Ray? If you need to talk, you can talk to us.”
He glances between Gerard and me, shaking his head slowly. “No, I’m fine. I think you two have some things you should probably work out.” I catch Gerard’s gaze for a moment, and his face is cheeks are heated.
I look up at Ray. “Okay…Yeah, sure.” He starts to walk out the door, and I call out to him before he closes it. “Ray? Can you…knock from now on?”
He lets out a small guffaw. “Yes, I will knock, Frank.” He walks out, Gerard and I both embarrassed.
After a lengthy silence, I speak. “You had a brother that killed himself?”
He sighs, drawing his knees up to his chin on the bed. “Yeah, his name was Michael. I called him Mikey for short.” I scoot over to Gerard, resting my head on my shoulder. He puts his own on top of my head.
“What was he like?” I ask tentatively, hoping I will not have another crying man on my hands. He just sighs heavily and begins to paint a visual picture. “He was tall for his age, and very lanky. Just the opposite of me growing up, in more than just build. No one ever thought we were brothers, the chubby vampire and the lanky loner. He had the worst vision, and had coke-bottle glasses. He straightened his hair until it was fucking fried and stuck it in and out of his frames at odd angles.” His face takes on a strange tilted smile as he recalls his brother, bittersweet memories flooding his head.
“He had the most serious face, almost never smiling. But when he did smile…It lit up the room. It’s my fault he was bullied. I was always pretty open about my orientation, and he was known throughout his school years as ‘the emo faggot’s little brother’. He never really had any friends and was a lone wolf. He preferred fiction and music to people and life. This made him an easy target for bullies. I was too wrapped up in my vices, alcohol and pills, to realize just how may bruises that covered his body. How many scars that laced his arms.” I can hear that his voice is thick with tears and his odd smile gone. I gently kiss his cheek, looking up at him silently.
“He left a note. It was just mere sentences long. All it said was, ‘Sometimes I think I’d love to die alone, live and breathe and die alone.’ He opened up his wrists in the bathtub. I was nineteen. It was all my fault. If I had just been there, or noticed, or listened without being so fucking selfish, he would-” I stop his sentence there, covering his mouth with my hand.
“It’s not your fault, Gerard. You can’t beat yourself up over it. What’s done is done, and we just have to live with it. Suicide was his choice, and as much as it pains me to say it and you don’t want to hear it, if he had truly wanted to die he would have killed himself anyways, with or without you being there for him. Okay?” He nods, unable to speak. I hope I said the right thing to him and he’s calmed down. I keep my hand on his mouth absentmindedly until he licks my palm, reminding me my hand is constricting his speech and breath. I recoil immediately, wiping my hand on his chest in disgust.
He lets out a small snort and rolls his eyes at me. “Come on; am I that gross, Frankie?”
I scoff, wrapping my arms loosely around his waist. “No, it’s just that I don’t particularly enjoy your saliva on my hand.”
He responds, a sly smile slowly creeping onto his face. “Oh. Well in that case…Would you prefer my saliva on some other part of you?” He winks at me, shifting me so I’m facing him. My face heats up as I realize the sexual nature of that question. He wriggles his eyebrows at me over-exaggeratedly and I am gone, unable to look him in the eye. I groan and hide my face in his clothed chest. He pats the back of my head while giggling softly. “You fucking cutie,” He whispers to me, bending over me slightly.
After some time, when I am confident my face has returned to normal human color and no longer resembles a tomato, I remove my face from Gerard’s chest. I look at him accusingly. “You go from on the verge of tears to giggling in, like, thirty seconds. That’s pretty odd.”
He mimics my accusatory look for a second, and then leans back against the wall. “What can I say? I’m a passionate person. When I feel, I really feel. It’s either about to cry or I’m giggling, there’s no grey area with me.” He pulls me into his lap, in a similar position to when we were kissing before.
He leans close to me. “I fall hard for someone or I don’t fall for them at all.”
I slide forward on his lap until our lips are just barely touching. I speak in a breathy tone, sharing air with Gerard. “Should I be flattered at that statement or worried?”
He chuckles in the back of his throat a deep, reverberating sound I can feel.Picking me up off of his lap, he lays me down on the bed. He climbs over on top of me, legs and hands on either side of me, smirking.“Yes,” He says plainly. Before I can begin to understand his answer his lips meet mine softly and innocently.
My confusion at his answer flies out the window, forgotten with the taste of Gee.

Notes

Going to school in like 2 minutes just woke up aghhhhhhhhh responsibilities

Kthnksbyee
XXX MourningGlory XXX