The Past

The icy rain pelts against my wet skin as I stand there, looking down at his final place, where he belongs.

The black tuxedo that clothed my body now grew increasingly wet and is clinging lifelessly to my flesh.

With silent steps, I turn in my footprints, and begin walking, to our house. Our home.

Some people call me psychotic, but many don't know the beginning of anything that went on between the two of us. He did something unforgivable, then when I rejected him, he came crawling back to me on the lowers terms he found acceptable. And something had to be done about that.

[i] I sat there, clinging onto his warm body for life was he buried his face deep into my chest, clinging to my shirt, and trying desperately to fight back the tears that he had come to me with. My hand laid itself gently on his ridged back, soothing circles being rubbed into his skin as soft 'shushes' escaped my lips.

"Y-you have to forgive me....please baby." He pleaded, looking up at me with tear-streaked, flushed cheeks, and swollen, bloodshot eyes. To quiet him, I draped my arm around his shoulders and my fingers pushed themselves aimlessly through his messy and tangled locks.

His once sharp and lively eyes now drooped and blurred as dark, hollow circles formed under them. He wore the same hoody and black skinny jeans as he did the last time we met. They were wrinkled and badly creased. His hair looked as though he hadn't bathed in weeks, and his voice was becoming more and more hoarse with every gasp for air he took.

He had walked through that front door, tear stains running down his pink cheeks. His boots snow-caked and starting to thaw. He had shuffled over next to me and just let the floodgates go, crying desperately for me to forgive him and how he loved me so much ad that he couldn't live without me.

As his crying eyes looked up at me one last time, I lost all the strength I had been saving to not cry, and just letting the hot tears flow freely down my face. I remained silent, just cradling him in my arms, rocking back and forth, my leg draped over his, my fingers doing their part to comfort the one I so desperately loved. [/i]

Tears tricking down my cold cheeks as I step through the threshold of the front door. I'm in a total daze, as everything around me starts spinning. I stumble to the banister and clutch it with a white-knuckled grip to stabilize my weak body. It all keeps playing over in my mind now. It won't stop. It will never stop.

[i] "Baby, please forgive me." he sobbed into my shirt, soaking it through. I continued to sooth him, caressing his soft skin, whispering comforting thoughts into his hair, desperate to calm him down, to put this whole thing behind us. Tears are still streaming down my face and onto his shuttering body. I feel him drawing quivering and shaky breaths in, as he looks up.

"I cheated on you." He choked out, barely allowing it to be coherent.

Those words rung in my ears like a thousand bells, and stung my heart like a thousand knives. The pain in my chest only increasing, laboring my breaths, as he pleaded for my forgiveness. I rip my body away from his, staring at him in disgust, the sobbing now escaping my agape lips. The blood now throbbing though my veins. I hear his desperate cries for me to stay as I scramble out the door and out into the cold January night. My heart crushed, and my love demolished. So many thoughts racing through my head as I stumble.

How could he have love for another? He shared his pleasure-filled moments with another man. He wasn't all mine so claim as my own. He has pronounced his unconditional love with someone else.[/i]

These thoughts race through my head now, the same speed and pain as before. But now, they hold no value.

[i]My hand reaches up to wipe the beads of sweat away that cling to my forehead, brushing my long fingers though my locks.

"How could my Frankie have an affair? He loves me!" My mind screamed, enclosed in my head by my sealed lips.[/i]

My body gives in and I collapse at the base of the stairs, my head throbbing, by breathing shallow and labored, tears rolling quickly down my cold face.

"Why!" I screamed out of my agony, "Why didn't he love me?!"

[i] The minutes turned into hours that passed as I tried to comprehend the information I had been told.

I started walking, walking home. Deciding that I loved him too much too let him go. To give him a second chance. And, slipping my hand into my jacket pocket, to feel the velvet covering of a small box, which concealed a small, golden engagement band.

If I was going to give him another chance, I was going to make sure I could truthfully call his love mine.

The icy wind blowing forcefully across my skin. My teeth were helplessly chattering and my limbs had gone numb, but I didn't give a damn about that, I was going to make him mine, forever. [/i]

My body is reeling now, doubling over from the agonizing pain coming from my gut.
"WHAT HAVE I DONE!" I screamed out. A new wave of tears bringing themselves forward. I held my head in my frozen hands. Dry, choked sobs pushed their way out of my pained body. "What have I done?" I cried.

I turned, and began crawling up the stairs. Once on the landing, curling my figure into a tight ball on the carpet, my knees pressed firmly against my chest, and my face buried in the bone.

[i] I burst through the door of our home, the biggest smile spread across my figure.
"He's mine." kept replaying itself over and over in my head, volume increasing every time.
Calling his name with so much joy in my voice, running though the rooms, trying to find him. Finally, I heard his sweet tone calling for me up the stairs.

"Baby." he screamed, requesting me by my pet name, the one he had given to me so long ago. His voice kept chanting that word as I bound up the steps and to the landing. I was forgetting that he had broken me, only knowing how he was going to heal me. My love growing stronger with every step I took, nearing him.

"Baby!' He shouted one last time.

"I'm here!" I called back, rushing through our bedroom door. [/i]

I pull myself up off of the cold floor, and trudge up the seven remaining steps that lead upstairs. As I near the top, I can feel him in the air, and I can smell his cologne still hanging lightly around the rooms. He's telling me to come with him, but a task has to be done first.

[i] My heart drops into my stomach to see him, there, in our very bed, with another man. His shrill and pleasure-filled voice kept chanting that damn word over and over again. He was clearly enjoying himself, and so was the man under him. He fingers tangled through his long locks, as he kept moving his head back and forth on my Frank.

"You bastard." I whispered to myself.

"You Fucking Bastard!" I spat, the boiling blood rushing to my head. I was washed over with so many emotions; anger, fear, confusion, betrayal, and disgust.

"Honey!" He shouted in pure shock, pushing his other off of him. "Look I-I can explain!" He started babbling frantically.

"It's to late for that." I said, retrieving the ring box from my pocket, and calmly walking over to the bed beside him, dropping it in his lap. [/i]

My heart felt like it was just shot by a stray bullet as I stumbled into the bathroom. I flipped the switch, and ran my hands through the cold water, splashing it up to my face.

My hand reached down to the first drawer of the vanity, rushing it open and feverishly looking around, trying to find the tool I needed to do the deed. finally, I felt my fingertip brush across the cold metal, in the back of the drawer.

[i] With one final, ridged breath I turned, and walked from the room. His desperate cries from me to stay were being shut out at I made my journey down the stairs and outside of our home.

Forever.

I stumbled through the snow drifts to my car that was parked in its usual spot. Yanking at the frozen driver's side door, I pulled it open and slid myself inside. My head flopped down against the wheel as tears rushed to my eyes and down my cheeks, landing in little puddles on my legs.

Pushing every other thought, except the extreme rage, out of my head, I wiped my eyes roughly with my cold sleeve, and threw on the ignition, bringing the vehicle roaring to life. I slammed it in gear and rolled out of the drive as quickly as possible, not caring who or what I may have hit. I just wanted it to all to stop. [/i]

And soon, it will.

[i] I park the car, nothing but rage pumping through my veins.

"He must pay for what's he's done. He can be mine and only mine." I screamed out loud, making my ears ring due to the confines of the car.

Gears are turning, as a plan is being devised in my head. Frank was going to pay for hurting me, by going through the same amount of suffering that I did. [/i]

My stomach has flipped, my body reeling, beads of sweat and drops of tears rolling down my face as I trudged into our room. His soft voice calling my name, telling me everything will be as it should, all too soon. I stepped through the threshold of the room. He is making me smell the blood. His blood. One small price to pay for his love.

I glide over to the window, the pain in my chest still growing. I peer out to the empty street below. All is calm, just like it was that night in our home.

[i] It was late, and the night was still. Everything was asleep, and even the wind had died down. I stood at the steps of the front porch, in the middle of a silent snowfall, just like the night we had met.

I silently glided up the steps and pushed open the door, not making a single sound. Even my breath was even and noiseless.

I walked. Walked through the house, looking at all the photos of us, being happy. These sights only brought more rage up in my boiling blood. My fingers were curled into white-knuckled fists, pinned to my sides, as I continued looking at the past, from my awful present.
Finally, I rounded the corner, and gripped the banister, silently walking up the steps, making sure to skip every creaking one, as to not wake my love.

I reached the top floor, and traveled into the closet, grabbing my tool of punishment. [/i]
"It's time." he whispered in my ear. I turn around, to be greeted by a splash of cold, empty air. I've always known that this was the only way I would ever see his gorgeous and smiling face again.

"I'm scared." I heard my raspy voice saying. Tears start flowing down my pained features.

"It will be over soon, baby." His empty voice whispered, with no body to belong to.

[i] I stare past the ajar door, to see him sitting up, staring out the window, his body doubled over and his spine ridged. I glide into the room, hammer cocked and finger in trigger, ready to show him my pain.

My breath is caught in my throat as a choked sob escapes his lips.

"Gerard, where are you?!" he cries into his hands.

"I'm here." I whisper. His body jumpping around and his swollen eyes look up at me.

Then, his eyes meet the barrel of the pistol in my right hand.

"Wh-what are you doing?" Frank stammered, eyes going wide.

And then, I felt my finger squeeze the trigger, my attention never averted for his delicate face.

"I love you." I cried, leaving the room as his body fell from the bed, his last breath caught short, and his life gone, before he even hit the floor. [/i]

"I love you too." His toneless voice whispered into the cold air of the room.

A small smile spread across my lips as I turned to the window. I drew the gun to my temple, hammer cocked and finger in trigger.

"You've suffered enough in the past, it's time to move into our future, baby."
And with that, my last breath was caught short, inaudible through the blast of the bullet, and my life left my body, before it even hit the floor.

~

[i] "Welcome to our home, baby." Frank smiled, outstretching his hand and intertwining our fingers together, as he lead me to the bed, cradling me in his ghostly arms. [/i]

Notes

Just a short Frerard story for y'all. Hope ya like it. ^_^