The Only Hope For Me Is You

"What in the actual fuck guys?"

I remain under Gerard's arm, tense from our argument. Gerard chuckles,

"Woah, language Bryar!" Bob, is obviously not in the mood for Gerard's bullshit, he's not the only one.

"What the fuck happened Frank?" He looks at me, waving his arms frantically demanding rather than asking as Ray and Mikey reach his side, waiting to hear my response.

You wanna know what happened? Gather round kids, it's story time. Well Gerard here wants to end his life. Oh, how do I know this you ask? Well, one faithful night, Gerard was drunk off his ass I helped him home. Being the wonderful friend I am, I decided to clean up for him. I found this piece of paper, explaining how he wants to basically end his life. How does this tie into me running out of the interview? Hang on, I'm getting there. I obviously felt like a crap friend for not knowing this, I spent that night crying in Ray's arms. During the interview Gerard mentioned himself being dead without me and I flipped my shit and left. But now Gerard is pissed at me but he's acting as if absolutely nothing is wrong, how about that?

I scoff at my internal sarcasm and open my mouth to respond truthfully, but slightly less hostile than my thoughts swimming in my stressed mind. As I do Gerard cuts me off,

"Guys, you know nervous Frank gets during interviews. He just had to calm his nerves."

Umm, sorry but I last time I checked my name was Frank. Unless my birth certificate is a lie, you shouldn't be talking right now.

Mikey raises an eyebrow, "And how did he manage to calm his nerves?" put air quotes around the last part.

Gerard's eyes traveled upward and he scrunched his nose, "Eh you know, he just had his head in the toilet for a couple of minutes. If ya know what I mean."

Wow Gee, lying to your own brother? What's the big deal dude? We're all supposed to be your friends, what's the point of keeping stuff from us?

Mikey raises his hands in defeat and takes a step back, "Okay man, a little too much information."

Gerard shrugs and smirks, obviously satisfied with his lie. "You're the one who wanted to know what happened."

Bob holds his hand up in front of Mikey, silencing him before he had a chance to speak again while looking from me to Gerard with his eyes narrowed,

"That doesn't explain why you two are a block and a half away from the damn building."

This time I keep my mouth shut, refusing to take part in this lie. However, Gerard comes up with an excuse almost immediately,

"Frank freaked out about leaving and ruining the interview so he left the building and tried to find a bus stop because he wanted to go home." He says as if it's the most obvious answer in the world.

I roll my eyes behind the dark shades and I can see Ray eyeing me knowingly. As if he knows Gerard is full of shit, but he's disappointed that we're lying to our friends. I arch an eyebrow at him and purse my lips sideways giving him the, "hey I'm not the one lying don't look at me like that" look.

Bob lowers his hand and takes a few steps toward me,

"What the fuck Frank, you're always pulling crap like this!" he says waving his arms around frantically. I instantly break eye contact with Ray and glare at Bob from behind Gerard's glasses,

"Excuse me?" I say furrowing my eyebrows.

"You're constantly fucking things up for us! When are you gonna man the fuck up and stop acting like a fucking pansy all the time! It's just a fucking interview dude!"

I take a step toward Bob, I want to scream in his fucking face. I want to grab him by the collar and tell him how Gerard's suicidal and falling apart. I want to tell him how I have no idea how to help him. I want to tell him how I'm loosing my mind at the though of finding my best friend dead one day. I want to tell him the truth. Instead I snatch off the sunglasses, revealing my red blood-shot eyes, and throw them directly in his face.

"Fuck you Bryar." I growl through clenched teeth and turn on my heels walking as fast as humanly possible down the block.

"Frank wait!" I hear Ray shout, I ignore him. Both him and Gerard know what's going on, but yet they listened to Bob without saying a world.

"Where are you going!" Mikey shouts as I turn the corner, disappearing from their sight. I start to run, with my feet pounding on the pavement I feel the heat rise from my stomach to my neck. I'm met with a new emotion, complete rage. As I near the next corner I mentally answer Mikey's question,

I have no idea where I'm going. But as long as it's far from here, I'll be fine.

Notes