True life of frerard

Gerard fell asleep hugging into my chest, he looked so peaceful and for once...happy. part of me was happy but the other half, sad? i had no reason to be sad; but i was. i lay looking up at the ceiling thinking about things i could do better. i instantly felt worse, i wasn't great. i was a screw up.
a few tears fell onto my pillow and i sniffed, making Gerard turn over. i need someone...slowly i got out of bed, trying my hardest to stay as silent as possible. i crept out the room and knocked gently on Mikey's door.
"Mikey...you awake?" the door opened and the lights were dim.
"yeah! come in if you want!" i slowly slid inside and walked over to him, i could feel his glare upon me...but why?
"you okay frank?" his face lightened and he patted a space next to him on the bed. i carefully sat down and looked into his green specked eyes.
"am i screw up?" i said, I dropped and so did my eyes. i stared at the floor hopelessly.
"aww...no Frankie! in fact, i love you! you amazing dude!" he pulled my head up to look at him, "i really mean it...i love you frank." he pushed me on the bed and climbed over the top of me.
"Mikey no! get off! i don't love you!" i was now crying hard, i didn't want a repeat of what Bert did to me, but it didn't feel bad...
WHAT WAS I SAYING?!
he didn't listen instead his lips pressed onto mine. they were warm and wet. something inside me screamed to kiss back! his muscles tensed and slowly i parted my mouth and slid my tongue into his. his fingers ran through my hair, before he pulled away and smiled.
"i wont say a word" he winked and got up. i ran out crying.
why?! i didn't love Mikey!
i went into the bathroom and locked the door. i knew the cupboards were full of pills, razor blades and other things like that. i pulled out an unused clean blade, it felt so cold in my hand. i looked at it for a while, with my tears falling to the floor.
i held it against my wrist, the silver blade seemed like my only friend. i pressed it against my skin harder, breaking into it, the crimson liquid dripped down, staining my clothes red.
there was a knock on the bathroom door, "babe...you in there?" i jumped, rushing around to find something to clean up the mess i made. he knocked again this time louder and harder.
"Frankie...answer me! come out!" he begged, why was he so scared?

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