'Life is hard when you are lazy and tired and possibly concussed. Life gets even harder when you meet Gerard Way, and instead of saying hello like a normal person, you threaten him with a digderidoo while telling him to stay away from your mom.'

As a result, 15 year old Helena Li [wait, no, make that Helena Way (P.S, way to be subtle, Dad)] is dragged off to America to spend time with her new-found family. Along the course, she discovers the brilliance of Poptarts, how to do a backbend while playing a bass [OH GOD MY SPINE IT BURNS], and that the paparazzi would do anything to get a picture, regardless of how unphotogenic she is.

1. In Which There is a Didgeridoo and a Half-Pipe

   “This,” I croaked, pointing an accusing finger at my friend Tory, and then towards my bruised and bloodied knees, “Is all your fault.”

2. In Which Helena's Life Begins to Follow the Plot of a Typical Fanfiction

   “Well, I can’t say I wasn't totally expecting that. I mean, that sounds like something out of a bad fanfiction. Huh.” I narrowed my eyes. “This better not be a prank.”

3. In Which Packing is Boring and Air-Sickness Bags are Renamed

   “Twinkle, twinkle, little star,” I muttered, holding it up for closer inspection. “What the hell, is this Tory’s bra?”

4. In Which School Really Sucks [and Middle Names are Discovered]

   Of course, my day just went from worse to totally catastrophic.

5. In Which It Is All Gabriel Saporta's Fault

   Gabe brandished a saucepan lid at the fiery inferno that was supposed to be our dinner, as if waving it around in a threatening manner would somehow cow the flames into submission.