Give Me a Reason to Believe

Chapter 15

The first day of school kind of went as expected. Everyone was looking at me but not really paying much attention to me, if that makes sense. Well it did to me anyways. When the day was over, Andrew dropped me off at my house and thankfully decided not to stay over for a while, he did that a lot, I needed the time to myself.
I skillfully avoided Gerard to dodge the typical ‘first day of school questions.’ I had something important to do. Well somewhat important to do.
Once I got in my room I locked the door and began composing a letter. A letter that would be finished then stacked with the rest of the letters I’d written and placed neatly under my bed.
Ever since Mikey’s first visit I had made it a habit to write letters to my sister. I knew I would never send them because just like with the first letter I wrote after my meltdown with Gerard, I didn’t know where to send it. They were envelopes marked with a name but no address. In them I would recount events I thought were important to share. I wrote them mainly as a comfort to me. I used the letters basically as a diary. They held my deep thoughts on things and my hidden dreams that I now hoped would be reality.
As I composed the letter, I recounted the day’s events in as much detail as possible. Including my inability to choose a suitable outfit and the teacher who decided it would be funny to slightly poke fun at my being adopted. He was an asshole and I’m fucked if I can’t keep my anger under control around him. If Andrew hadn’t been sitting next to me I probably would have gone off …I swear the teacher only poked at me in the hopes of getting under my skin. Maybe if I had though, people would have a better reason to stare at me, because my being adopted was a good enough one. I detailed how Andrew helped me through the day and basically deal with all the bitches at school. I also mentioned how girls looked at him…they looked at him like they were ready to fucking pounce and I felt the tiniest bit jealous when his gaze lingered on them for a little too long.
I ended the letter with they typical “hope you’re doing well” and “I miss you.” I ended them all like that. She would never see the letters and not realize I still somewhat care about her…but I did and the thought was comforting to me.
After I sealed the letter, I addressed the letter by just my sister’s name, the date and my current address. I put the letter behind the most recently written one and pulled put a random letter. I had the habit of reading my previous letters when I was finished writing another the one. It helped me relive the moment. I glanced at the date on the one I just pulled then began reading it.
August 7
Dear Carly, Hey, I know I haven’t written for the past few days so sorry for that. Hope you’re doing okay…things on my end have been pretty good. Senior year starts in a few weeks so Lindsey and Gerard have been trying to get me prepped. They’ve bought me a shit load of supplies…they went from having a 4 year old straight to a teen…so I think they’re a bit overwhelmed. They’ve never prepped this teenage “daughter” thing just like I’ve never prepped for this parent thing. We’re all trying our hardest to make the best out of everything though.
I still haven’t told Andrew about the adoption or the Way’s yet. He’s getting really curious though. Since the last letter we’ve hung out a lot more. He always picks me up so we can go out to the movies eat lunch or do something fun. It’s nothing romantic though just friends and I accept that. He doesn’t like me that way and even if he did I can’t handle a relationship. Not right now, I’m still trying to adjust to this new life but of course you know that because I tell you in every letter.
Anyways…whenever he picks me up I never invite him in. He somewhat understands but not really…he just thinks I’m not ready to introduce him to my parents which is partially correct. I know if I want to stay friends with him I’m going to have to tell him…and soon. I just have to think of the right way. It doesn’t really help that he’s a big fan of MCR, I told you about that right? Well if I didn’t I’ll tell you now
One day when we were in his car, he let me plug my phone in so we could listen to my music for once (he always insists we listen to the crap on the radio). While we were listening to it, Headfirst for Halos came on and he sang along…like super loud.
‘“I love this song! Shit...I love them, is this the only song of there’s you have? Please don’t tell me it is.”
“I never knew you liked MCR.” I commented as I looked through my music for another song.
“You never asked me if I did, but I do. A lot.” He replied. “You know Gerard’s done so much and helped me realize so much about myself. I honestly don’t think I’d be here without him.”
“Have you ever met them? Or seen them in concert?”
“Concert, yah once. Met? No never…I’d don’t know what I’d do if I ever did though. I mean what are you even supposed to say to the man who saved your life?”’
So that was how I found out he was a fan…it just made things harder on me. I have to time things perfectly when I finally decide to tell him. I have to make sure the friendship will actually last before I tell him. Lindsey and Gerard are eager to meet him. They understand perfectly why they haven’t met him yet though. They know I’m just being cautious about it all. I don’t want to ruin one of the only few good things I have going on right now. The Way’s and Andrew are all I have right now…I would have you but I don’t really know where you are.
It doesn’t really matter where you are though…in the end these letters are more for me than they are for you. Shit I even doubt you’ll ever read them let alone receive them….If for some major twist of fate you do though….how have the last 10 years of your life been?
Your still alive sister,
Charlotte Rose Hampton…(Way?)

Notes

So I just wanted to update you all on how my month has been so far because Shit, It's been the greatest month of my life so far.
I met Gerard at the signing at hot topic! It so surreal! Then last monday I went to the Concert in Hollywood! It was fantastic Gerard answer a few of the things I said, looked at me a few times and smiled. Then after the concert I met Mikey!
I can die a happy person now... Hope you all have been well!