Tears, Secrets, and a Razor Blade.

I slammed my fist hard against the alarm clock. Crap, first day of senior year.This is going to suck. It doesn’t help that this is a new school. Everyone already has their group of friends. Another year of lonely lunches and tear filled bus rides. I forced myself up and into the shower. Even in the shower, my tears feel hot. Immediately, lyrics popped into my head. “I’m crying underwater so you don’t hear a sound.” I got out and didn’t bother to dry my hair. I forgot my clothes, so I ran to my room naked. Oh, the things you can do as an only child of over-worked busy parents. I slipped on some underwear and a bra and went to pick a shirt from my closet. I settled for my grey Rolling Stones tee. After I put it on, I started to brush and dry -well, half dry- my hair. My hair is black, a side-part, and about mid-breast length. I take a hard look at myself. Everything about me is weird. My eyes are a deep sea-foamy green. I’m unusually tall, but not taller than most boys. Just taller than most girls. I have a double piercing on the right side of my bottom lip. And an eyebrow piercing on my left eyebrow. I have double pierced ears, and my left ear has a bar through the top. Crap. I lost track of time. I grabbed my darkest pair of non-black skinny jeans and put on my combat boots, mid-calf a maroonish purple. I grabbed my sports bag and ran out the door. I keep extra clothes in my sports bag in case I get paint splattered on my shirt or jeans. I have an after school art club. That’s how I met my only real two friends Mikey Way and Alexander Young. By “real friends”, I mean people who actually like me and who I actually like and don’t have to fake laugh at their pathetic jokes and their attempts to impress me. I am friends with Mikey’s brother, Gerard. But he no longer goes to school, so it’s not someone I can sit with at lunch and cry to in my desperate times.

Mikey’s in a long term relationship, and Alexander is crushing pretty hard on this girl. He refuses to tell us about her, though. Meanwhile, I’m single and crush-less. I don’t really pay attention to people in my school, so there isn’t really anyone for me to crush on. Like I said, Mikey is in a long term relationship and I wouldn’t dream of taking another woman’s man. Alexander is like a brother to me. Mutual friendzone, though.

I ran down stairs, grabbed some bread and pumpkin spice cream cheese and a nos (energy drink) and ran out the door. When I got to school, I was almost late. Let’s see, first period is world history. I ducked in just before the bell and ran to a seat in the back corner. Alexander was in the seat next to mine waiting for me. “Hey, Char” Alexander said. “And hello to you, Sir Xander” I replied sarcastically. Did I mention my name is Charlotte? Me and Alexander had a lot of nicknames for each other. My favorite is just calling him Xander. He usually calls me Char. We used to call Mikey “Milky Way” but he hates it now. Mikey is one of my only friends in school, even if we’re not that close. His brother Gerard graduated already. Mikey has other friends, and he’s in a band with his brother. I haven’t met any of them yet, though. I’m not good at first impressions. I know, I have to meet them eventually. But it doesn’t have to be right now, does it?


*Later in last period*

"Hey, Mikey." I smirked. "Hey, Have." he retorted. "Ugh, I hate when you guys call me by my middle name." I said in disgust. "What? Nah, you love it Haven.” he said sarcastically. “Uh huh, hey, can I copy your homework for Mr.Butler?” I asked, half demanding it. “Yeah sure, and speaking of homework, can you come over to my house to help me on my world history?” Mikey asked. “I-I guess.” I said sheepishly. I don’t really like going to Mikey’s and Gerard’s house. It makes me feel awkward. The whole house just smells and looks guy. It’s a little more than I’m used to. “Oh, but we have band practice first.” Mikey said. I felt my face flush. “U-uh, okay.” I blurted out. “Is it okay if I just stay upstairs?” I said a little nervously. Mikey gave me a weird look. “Umm, I guess?” he said. Oh great. This is going to be awkward.

*At the Way’s house*

"Hey, Char." Gerard said. He creeped up behind me, scaring me. "What the crap?! O-oh sorry, Gerard. Hey." I stuttered. Gerard giggled back at my embarrassing moment. Mikey could sense my unease. “Don’t worry about Gerard. He just likes messing with people.” He reassured me. They walked down to the basement, but I stayed up where I was. I don’t want to be stuck in a small, closed room while guys scream, sing, and play instruments. Not right now, at least. I have better things to worry about.
I sincerely hate my life. I’m not saying everything sucks. I have Xander and Mikey. But do I have anything else? Maybe. I don’t really know anymore. I never know why I’m sad. Just that I am. I know there are a lot of people “like me” who get bullied and that’s why they’re sad. I don’t get bullied, though. I get ignored, but that isn’t bullying…is it? I don’t have an abusive father or mother. They’re gone a lot though. Sometimes I wonder if they even remember I exist. I don’t talk to Mikey about this. I don’t tell Alexander much. I don’t think anyone would believe me if I told them. And why should they? I have no reason to be sad. I don’t think anyone would understand. No. No one will ever understand. People have made that perfectly clear. I am all alone in this world.

My eyes were watering when I heard the last crash of the drums. Crap, they’re done. I heard the footsteps coming up the stairs. In a panic, I ran into the kitchen. I heard a lot of laughing and some byes, then all I heard was the slam of a door. They all left. My shaking slowly started to leave. But then Mikey and Gerard came in. Ah, crap. Like an idiot, I just stood there, almost not blinking. They didn’t say anything. Mikey broke the awkward pause with a cough. Gerard had an unnervingly smug smile that said he knew something I didn’t. Gerard snickered before Mikey elbowed him in the stomach. “What?” was all I could muster. His smile was gone, but he said “Oh, nothing” very lazily. Did Mikey talk about me or something? “I’ll get you something to drink.” Mikey said, I’m assuming to me. Gerard went and helped him, and they started to walk back over. I had started to calm down, but then it happened. Like in slow motion, he tripped. Before I knew it, I was completely soaked. Mikey put his head down in embarrassment and blushed. Gerard just kind of stared. I could feel myself flush again. “Uh, I-I have extra clothes in my bag. I’m going to go, uh, change.” I stammered. “There’s a bathroom upstairs.” Mikey replied. I raced out of the kitchen clutching my bag. I ran up the stairs as fast as I could, and accidentally slammed the door behind me. I looked in the mirror. The stain would be easy to come out, but the embarrassment is going to be hard to live down. I stripped down to my bra and underwear and started to search through my bag, I was too busy to notice the footsteps coming up the stairs. I had the jeans about half way up my thighs when I heard the door click. I flung my head up and noticed a bright red face before the slammed the door shut. Crap.

~ Frank’s P. O. V ~

I had heard about Charlotte. I hadn’t met her yet. Mikey talks about her and her art and cooking all the time. He never described her much. If he had, I might have realized that I have her for science. I never heard him say anything about her self harming. I didn’t really expect it. Wait, does he even know? I feel really bad for her, even though I don’t actually know her. I didn’t know she was at the house, either. I opened the door and she only had on underwear and a bra. She was pulling up her jeans. I really hope she didn’t see me. I know she did though. I was completely red. But her body isn’t really what I noticed. It was her wrists. The harsh crimson lines against such a delicate canvas. I’m sorry.There was a look of pain on her face that made me want to just run over and hold her gently, stroke her hair, and tell her “Everything will be okay.” When I processed what was happening, I swung the door closed. I was leaning against the wall, my heart pounding. But I ran downstairs. Why don’t I confront her? Why don’t I comfort her? Because she probably thinks I’m a creep now.

Notes

My very first fanfic. I'm sorry if it's not very good. I won't update very often, either. So, you know... sorry. Just a note or two, bold and italicized words are thought, italicized words are emphasized, italicized lined-through words are song lyrics. Please leave some feedback!