The only Hope

Hope’s pov:

I ran outside, but I couldn’t see where I was going. My vision was blurred by my tears and my head was a mess. I was so confused!

I fell on my knees. It hurt, but I didn’t care. I started panting.

The Killjoys had betrayed me, they still didn’t trust me! The man I loved had betrayed me. I thought he felt the same way, goddammit! Then what was it what we had!?

And my father…

My father…

I clenched my fists and my teeth. Tears were falling from my eyes. Never had I been so angry!

At myself.

Suddenly I felt two arms being wrapped around me. I yelped.

“NO! Leave me alone!” I pushed the arms away from me. I heard Gerard’s voice.

“Shhhh, hey! It’s okay! Hope, look at me!” He sat in front of me now, but I didn’t look at his face. “Hope, you’re having a panic attack. Just calm down.”

He hugged me.

“NO!” I sobbed onto his jacket. Everything came back.

Korse, my father, everything that had happened to me, the Killjoys, my little girl…

“No! My father… Was… Always there for me! He trained me! I was supposed to be a Killjoy! And… And… I h… Hated him all this time!” I yelled between sobs.

Gerard patted my back. “I know it’s a shock, but if you don’t start breathing slower now you’re going to pass out.”

I ignored him. “Fucking Korse! He… Did a… All those things! I hate him! But my baby girl…” I started feeling faint. “My little girl… How could I have forgotten her…”

I felt Gerard’s grip tighten as I lowered my body. I supported my body with my arms, which were firmly placed on the ground. My hands were grabbing the sand.

“Little girl?” Oh God, of course… Gerard didn’t know. To be honest, I didn’t want to remember.

I started sobbing again. I didn’t want go on like this anymore… All those memories, the things that happened, no one being there for me except my father, who I had loathed the past year!

I screamed, clenching my fists again.

I just screamed. Everyone around me disappeared, Gerard disappeared, the desert was gone.

I opened my eyes again. They were still there, but for a second every emotion had flowed out of me. I fell in Gerard’s arms.

He whispered to me. I couldn’t exactly understand what he was saying, as my ears were rushing. But it was calming me down. His arms, his smell, his voice.

I sort of regained consciousness again when he lifted me up.

“Let’s go home, okay?” He whispered and wiped away my tears.

I didn’t say anything. He lifted me up and put me in the car. I felt like a puppet.

I heard them talk, but I couldn’t exactly hear what they were saying. I just wanted to go home… To my father… Then I felt Gerard move me. He took me on his lap as he sat in the car. I lay my head against his shoulder. As much as I hated him right now, I wanted to feel safe… And he was the only one who made me feel that way.

The car started running and we headed for the diner.

When we got there Gerard put me to bed. I was still feeling faint.

“Hope?” I heard Gerard ask.

I didn’t speak, I just stared at the ceiling.

“Hope, I just want you to know I’m so… So sorry.” He sighed. “I didn’t want to do the background check, believe me, but the others were still a bit suspicious about what you had told us and besides… We didn’t want to bother you with our questions anymore, remember the last time…”

I knew he was partially making this up, but I still appreciated him being here with me. I didn’t want to be alone now… I spoke up.

“I would give anything just to erase the past couple of hours.” He nodded.

“I guess you didn’t want to know that about your father.”

I remained silent. He got up and walked towards the door.

“Gerard.” I looked at him now, he saw the tears in my eyes and his face immediately showed empathy.

“Please stay…” I started sobbing again. I really wanted him here with me now.

He walked back and crawled into bed with me. He hugged me tightly as I cried into his chest and fell asleep.

Notes