Desolation Row

They left Patrick at the tube station and quickly made their way back to the flat. Once inside, Frank walked inside their bedroom and grabbed his laptop from the desk. Sitting down on their bed, he began to search for Jane, his eyes fixed on the bright screen as various articles flashed before his eyes. He found nothing. There was no trace of her; almost as though she had never existed. “What are you doing?” A voice asked. Frank turned his head and saw Gerard leaning in the doorway, his head tilted to the side in a confused, yet somewhat adorable, expression. Frank smiled at this, an overwhelming sense of love for this man suddenly washing over him. Gerard raised his eyebrows, watching him as he impatiently expected an answer. “I’m looking for Jane” Frank replied, drumming his fingers on the keys as he spoke.

Gerard rolled his eyes, sighing as he trudged off into the next room. Frank sat there for a moment, his smile fading as he left the laptop on the bed and slowly made his way over to his boyfriend. He was stood by the balcony of their flat, staring out onto the street as he pressed his phone against his ear; the dial tone ringing loudly in his ear. “You said we were going to stop her” Frank said, watching Gerard angrily hang up the phone. “I’m sorting it Frank, just leave things alone” He snapped, locking eyes with Frank as a scornful looks dashed in his eyes. They stood there in silence for a moment, Frank feeling an all too familiar fear rise from the dark depths of his mind. His eyes fell shamefully to the floor, not wishing to look at the frightening look that was forming on his boyfriends face as he stared him down. The phone in Gerard’s hand suddenly rang, echoing through the room. Frank looked up, his eyes focusing on the phone as Gerard remained frozen to the spot.

“You gonna answer that?” He asked, tilting his head towards the phone. Gerard’s hand grew tighter around the phone, his hands shaking as he struggled to control his temper. “Just leave it Frank” Gerard growled, slightly narrowing his eyes as the ringing finally stopped. Frank rubbed the back of his head, unsure of what to say. Why was he being like this? He had been acting so distant recently and he was starting to scare him. “Gee I... who’s even calling you? The police call us on the home phone and nobody apart from Pat knows your...”
He was quickly cut off as Gerard lunged at him, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and ramming him against the wall. “Shut up! Just leave this the fuck alone” He roared in Frank’s face, making him wince as he struggled in his boyfriends grip. “Gerard please...” He begged, locking eyes with him; his eyes were wild and dangerous, filled with something Frank thought he had lost so many years ago. Suddenly, his face softened and Gerard slowly let go of him, his eyes growing wide as he stared at Frank in shocked. Frank pushed him away; a tear crawled down his cheek as he stormed out of the flat. “Oh god... Frank I’m so sorry” Gerard called out as he ran after him only for Frank to shut the front door in his face. He closed his eyes, leaning his head against the cold wood of the door as his brain wracked with guilt.

******
Patrick wandered up the path, the gravel crunching underneath his converse as he shoved his hands deeper into the pocket of his jacket. The wind around him growing still as the cold air gently swayed the trees that overlooked the old, hospital graveyard.He picked up the pace; he needed to be sure that it was her grave, that it was her funeral he attended that day. Patrick shuddered, he really didn’t want to think about that funeral; she truly was alone that day. He pushed open a black, rusting gate which squeaked on its hinges as walked inside the cemetery. The world around him was eerily silent except for his footsteps a he quickly walked down a row of tombstones, his heart pounding as he got closer to an untended grave. Patrick stopped at the tombstone, hesitating for a moment.

This was it. This was the last place he ever saw her. He sighed, remembering the day of her funeral. There were no flowers, no family members to say goodbye or a beautiful coffin to lay her to rest, just him and a priest, standing in the cemetery saying their goodbyes before she was buried. This was the one time she needed family, the one time anyone could show that they cared for her, maybe even loved her and they forgot about her; left her to rot in the ground like she never existed. He wiped his teary eyes with his sleeve, kneeling down to pull away the weeds. Piece by piece, her name began to emerge from behind the undergrowth. Here Lies Jane Court. “I’m so sorry I didn’t come back Jane I just... I... I wish you could forgive me” He mumbled, tears streaming down his face as he gently ran his hand down the side of her tombstone.

“I knew you’d be here” A voice said softly from behind him. Patrick stumbled to his feet, quickly turning round only to find Frank leaning against a large angle statue. Frank smile, a sweet, sympathetic smile that turned up the corners of Patrick’s mouth. He wiped away the tears, laughing half heartedly. “Where else would I be? I can’t go home anymore” He sighed, his eyes dropping sheepishly to the floor. Frank put an arm round him, walking him through the cemetery. “Everything will be alright Pat; I know what you’re going through. He’ll be ok” Frank assured. A feeling began to rise in his chest, a feeling he couldn’t quite describe. His heart began to pound in his chest as Patrick’s voice faded into the background. This feeling was weird yet exciting, something he hadn’t felt before; what the hell was going on with him? “...Frank?” Patrick called out. Frank shook his head, ridding his mind of those thoughts before looking back at Patrick who had stopped at the edge of the path. “I said I was sorry for not believing you, about Gerard. I know how much of an idiot I was.” Frank smiled, his eyes studying his friends body; he never realised how good looking Patrick was before. It was his eyes, those dark, trusting eyes. Safe eyes. He bit his lip, this was all in his head, it had to be. He loved Gerard; they had been together for years. He wasn’t just going to throw that away over a crush...if that’s what he could call it.

Frank nodded, laughing nervously as he struggled to make eye contact with his friend. “It’s err... its fine, I probably would have done the same” He replied, folding his arms into his chest as his cheeks began to flush a bright red. Patrick smiled, his heart fluttered as he watch Frank turn and sit on a nearby bench. Don’t be stupid, he’s your friend! Try to remember Pete Patrick thought irritably to himself as he sat beside Frank, the sun emerging from behind the clouds, spotlighting them in a warm light.

“Mikey would have loved this” Frank sighed, rubbing the back of his neck as he looked out onto the sea of tombstones that looked somewhat peaceful to him. Patrick glanced over at him, confused as to what he meant. Ever since Mikey died, he had never once heard Frank speak about him without revealing a horrific encounter. “Really?” Patrick questioned, raising an eyebrow at him. Frank’s eyes remained fixed on the cemetery, his mind ordering him to keep away, to keep his eyes away from the temptation. He simply nodded, smirking at he remembered his friend. “Yeah, he was always a weird kid. Really into the whole gothic thing, always drawing skulls in the back of his text books” Frank replied, sniffing as he held back his emotions. He couldn’t cry here, now was not the time. “I remember he once bunked off school with this Goth girl, Audra I think her name was and they just hung out in the graveyard all afternoon just talking and laughing about stupid shit” Frank added, laughing at he glanced back at Patrick who was wide eyed and grinning back at him. “Oh my god you’re not serious” Patrick cried as he began to laugh.

They sat there for a while, laughing about their old friend, their problems simply evaporating from their minds as, for once in a long while, they genuinely felt happy. They didn’t fear the call of death or the possible presence of Jane; here were two boys, laughing and joking about Mikey as if he were still with them.

Patrick wiped his eyes, finally gaining control of himself as Frank covered his mouth to silence the laughter. Patrick sighed, looking over at Frank with loving eyes. Frank slumped back in the bench and stared back at him, a large grin painted upon his face, something Patrick found unbelievably attractive about him. “Gerard’s lucky to have you” Patrick said, watching as the smile quickly faded from his friends face. He sat up, sniffing as he guiltily thought of Gerard.He felt so wrong, like he was doing something terrible against him. He shrugged, gazing up at the sky as he remembered what happened before he left the apartment; he hadn’t changed. He was still the same old abusive Gerard that still thought he could get his own way, except this time was different. This time, he was lying to him. Making secret phone calls and disappearing during the night without telling him anything. He was sick of being treated like a doormat, like he was nothing.

Perhaps he had finally out grown him.

“He doesn’t care Pat, not really. I don’t think...I just feel awful” He moaned, his eyes filled with sadness as Patrick tried to catch his eye. He couldn’t bear to look at him. Not with these feelings and certainly not with the guilt that accompanied them. Suddenly, he felt a gentle hand touch his leg. He looked up and found himself gazing into Patrick’s murky green eyes, unable to stop the growing smile that was forming in the corners of his mouth. “You’re a good person Frank; it’s about time you realised that.” Patrick replied, his soft voice echoing through Frank’s mind as he felt the feeling tug away at him. He stared into his friends eyes, unable to look away. His heart pounding as his cheeks flushed a bright red.

Patrick closed his eyes as Frank stared longingly at his lips, the temptation was too strong. Patrick edged closer to him, his arm wrapping around his friends waist. Frank’s heart skipped a beat; he hadn’t felt this way in years. He knew this was wrong. He loved Gerard... and yet, those lips were all he wanted right now. He lifted a hand to Patrick’s chin, pulling him close as he pressed his lips firmly against his; running his fingers through his blonde hair as he kissed him harder, loving every moment of this.

The guilt vanishing from his mind as all memory of Gerard, for a while, ceased to exist.

Notes

Is this the end for Gerard and Frank? What is Gerard hiding from the rest of the group?
Find out soon! :) xxx

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