Struggling with more Ways than one
Chapter 56
~Fletcher's POV~
~ 2 months later ~
The rain falls heavily, quickly causing erosion on the green grass surrounding the chapel. The depression and sadness in the air is tangible, perceptible by everyone at the funeral. Gerard and I walk slowly around the graveyard, arm in arm, chatting quietly and mourning.
"I don't know how Panik is going to handle this..." I say softly. Gerard sighs.
"I don't know either, I'm still unsure why we brought him along today."
"He'll need the closure afterwards."
Gerard nods, then sighs again.
"I- I just don't know how this could have happened." he cries softly.
I take my husband into my embrace and stroke his back. "shh, it's okay, she was sick, we knew she wasn't going to make it."
I think back to seeing her crumpled face in the hospital bed, the countless IVs in her arms, It was just too much for me. I could never stay in her hospital room for long without getting overly emotional.
"I think, I think this is it." Gerard sniffles and points to a tombstone.
The name engraved is Bandit.
*
I scream aloud and frantically search for Gerard's body, it isn't until I realize that he's still on tour, and I'm still pregnant that it was all a dream, a horrifying dream.
I sob into my pillow alone, until Widow hears my cries and comes to comfort me. I stroke her black fur and she nuzzles close to me, I take her into a hug and kiss her snout.
"Good girl." I whisper, her black tail thumps softly on the mattress. I Slide slowly out of bed, which is getting harder now that I'm halfway through my pregnancy, and walk over to Gerard's easel. Strewn across it are album designs, comic book ideas, and countless doodles. One sketch in particular catches my eye, its of a skeleton with a walking stick dressed in a marching uniform and hat, scrawled across the top is the My Chemical Romance logo and underneath it is The Black Parade.
Curious I pull out the raw that Gerard always keeps locked, but this time it isn't. Inside it are my old razors, I completely forgot about them. I've been so happy I haven't felt the urge to cut in months. I cry and shove the door shut, there's a note attached to them though. It reads:
Dear Fletcher, the most beautiful woman I have ever known, if you ever find these again or feel the need to use them, please understand that you can hurt me instead. Never feel the need to say that you're ugly or unneeded, because I would certainly hope that the ring I fantasize about putting on your finger one day would make you beg to differ.
- Forever and always yours,
Gerard.
I sob, he would rather have me hurt him instead... I cant deal with how much compassion is contained in those few words. I run over to my nightstand and call my beloved husband.
~Gerard's POV~
"Hello?" I greet sleepily.
"I love you, I love you too goddamn much." Fletcher sobs.
"Wooah, baby, baby, calm down, what's wrong?" I ask alarmed at her sudden emotional outburst.
"I- you- razors-"
"Please don't tell me you cut again?!" I plead.
"No sweetheart," she sniffles, "no."
"Then what happened?"
"I found them."
She found them... Was she going to cut again?
"Were you?" I ask.
"No, nothing about cutting, I just went over to your desk and saw the drawer was unlocked and i- i read the note gee." she sobs again.
Damn I wish I was there to comfort her right now, it's really pulling at my heartstrings.
"I meant everything in there sugar." I smile weakly.
"I know," she laughs a little, "I know you did."
"Hey when will we find out the genders of the babies?" I ask, changing to a more positive subject.
"Soon." she teases.
I frown. "See Fletcher, this is why I tease you when we have sex." I whisper.
"Shut up." she laughs.
"Nope." I chuckle, popping the p.
"Alright, you'll find out during the next ultrasound, which is about 2 weeks from now."
I sigh, I'm still on warped tour then.
"I can't make it babe." I apologize.
"It's alright." she says, but I can tell that it isn't and she's disappointed.
"We're going to make this work I promise, we've made it work before." I smirk.
"I know," she giggles.
"Goodnight beautiful." I blow her a kiss through the phone.
"Goodnight handsome." she says, returning the kiss. I smile and end the call, then crawl out of bed and walk into the kitchen, surprised to find Frank in there as well.
"Evening." He mumbles, bringing a mug of what I suppose is coffee to his lips.
"Evening." I reply and flop onto the couch. "Couldn't sleep?"
"Yea." He announces sleepily.
"Why didn't you bunk with Mikey, I'm sure he would have enjoyed your company." Frankie looks down at his feet.
"I've been thinking is all."
"About what?"
"Relationships."
"Well I'm married and Mikey would be heartbroken if-"
"No not that." He scowls. "It's just, I think I really like your brother, like like like him." he blushes.
"So what are you saying?"
"I-I think I want to marry him."
The announcement kinda hits me like a bombshell, I have no problem with it, its just I'm not prepared for it.
"Are you sure?" I ask, seeing that frank could feel pressured to marry since I'm not available, he's in a relationship, an Fletcher and I just got married.
He nods.
"I give you my approval, but" Frankie looks at me hopefully.
"I think you guys need a few more years."
"Alright, I was just tossing the idea around."
"Mmmkay." I say standing up and going back to bed after I tell Frankie goodnight.
I snuggle underneath the covers, dreaming of my wife and our 2 children.
I can see their beautiful faces already.
I smile and fall soundly alseep,
~ 2 months later ~
The rain falls heavily, quickly causing erosion on the green grass surrounding the chapel. The depression and sadness in the air is tangible, perceptible by everyone at the funeral. Gerard and I walk slowly around the graveyard, arm in arm, chatting quietly and mourning.
"I don't know how Panik is going to handle this..." I say softly. Gerard sighs.
"I don't know either, I'm still unsure why we brought him along today."
"He'll need the closure afterwards."
Gerard nods, then sighs again.
"I- I just don't know how this could have happened." he cries softly.
I take my husband into my embrace and stroke his back. "shh, it's okay, she was sick, we knew she wasn't going to make it."
I think back to seeing her crumpled face in the hospital bed, the countless IVs in her arms, It was just too much for me. I could never stay in her hospital room for long without getting overly emotional.
"I think, I think this is it." Gerard sniffles and points to a tombstone.
The name engraved is Bandit.
*
I scream aloud and frantically search for Gerard's body, it isn't until I realize that he's still on tour, and I'm still pregnant that it was all a dream, a horrifying dream.
I sob into my pillow alone, until Widow hears my cries and comes to comfort me. I stroke her black fur and she nuzzles close to me, I take her into a hug and kiss her snout.
"Good girl." I whisper, her black tail thumps softly on the mattress. I Slide slowly out of bed, which is getting harder now that I'm halfway through my pregnancy, and walk over to Gerard's easel. Strewn across it are album designs, comic book ideas, and countless doodles. One sketch in particular catches my eye, its of a skeleton with a walking stick dressed in a marching uniform and hat, scrawled across the top is the My Chemical Romance logo and underneath it is The Black Parade.
Curious I pull out the raw that Gerard always keeps locked, but this time it isn't. Inside it are my old razors, I completely forgot about them. I've been so happy I haven't felt the urge to cut in months. I cry and shove the door shut, there's a note attached to them though. It reads:
Dear Fletcher, the most beautiful woman I have ever known, if you ever find these again or feel the need to use them, please understand that you can hurt me instead. Never feel the need to say that you're ugly or unneeded, because I would certainly hope that the ring I fantasize about putting on your finger one day would make you beg to differ.
- Forever and always yours,
Gerard.
I sob, he would rather have me hurt him instead... I cant deal with how much compassion is contained in those few words. I run over to my nightstand and call my beloved husband.
~Gerard's POV~
"Hello?" I greet sleepily.
"I love you, I love you too goddamn much." Fletcher sobs.
"Wooah, baby, baby, calm down, what's wrong?" I ask alarmed at her sudden emotional outburst.
"I- you- razors-"
"Please don't tell me you cut again?!" I plead.
"No sweetheart," she sniffles, "no."
"Then what happened?"
"I found them."
She found them... Was she going to cut again?
"Were you?" I ask.
"No, nothing about cutting, I just went over to your desk and saw the drawer was unlocked and i- i read the note gee." she sobs again.
Damn I wish I was there to comfort her right now, it's really pulling at my heartstrings.
"I meant everything in there sugar." I smile weakly.
"I know," she laughs a little, "I know you did."
"Hey when will we find out the genders of the babies?" I ask, changing to a more positive subject.
"Soon." she teases.
I frown. "See Fletcher, this is why I tease you when we have sex." I whisper.
"Shut up." she laughs.
"Nope." I chuckle, popping the p.
"Alright, you'll find out during the next ultrasound, which is about 2 weeks from now."
I sigh, I'm still on warped tour then.
"I can't make it babe." I apologize.
"It's alright." she says, but I can tell that it isn't and she's disappointed.
"We're going to make this work I promise, we've made it work before." I smirk.
"I know," she giggles.
"Goodnight beautiful." I blow her a kiss through the phone.
"Goodnight handsome." she says, returning the kiss. I smile and end the call, then crawl out of bed and walk into the kitchen, surprised to find Frank in there as well.
"Evening." He mumbles, bringing a mug of what I suppose is coffee to his lips.
"Evening." I reply and flop onto the couch. "Couldn't sleep?"
"Yea." He announces sleepily.
"Why didn't you bunk with Mikey, I'm sure he would have enjoyed your company." Frankie looks down at his feet.
"I've been thinking is all."
"About what?"
"Relationships."
"Well I'm married and Mikey would be heartbroken if-"
"No not that." He scowls. "It's just, I think I really like your brother, like like like him." he blushes.
"So what are you saying?"
"I-I think I want to marry him."
The announcement kinda hits me like a bombshell, I have no problem with it, its just I'm not prepared for it.
"Are you sure?" I ask, seeing that frank could feel pressured to marry since I'm not available, he's in a relationship, an Fletcher and I just got married.
He nods.
"I give you my approval, but" Frankie looks at me hopefully.
"I think you guys need a few more years."
"Alright, I was just tossing the idea around."
"Mmmkay." I say standing up and going back to bed after I tell Frankie goodnight.
I snuggle underneath the covers, dreaming of my wife and our 2 children.
I can see their beautiful faces already.
I smile and fall soundly alseep,
Notes
cute chapter :) and by the way this story has about 10-13 more chapters left in it so dont worry
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what The DICKETRY! That was less than a hundred words and it systematically ruined my life! I expect a formal apology in the form of a chapter within a few day!
11/27/14