We're not okay

"You always do that."Alice observed.
"Do what?" I asked snapping back to reality.
"In the middle of a conversation you get all quiet. You're face gets really sad and it looks like ,you're not really thinking, but more remembering something. I can't really put my finger on it. You've been doing that for as long as I can remember."
Alice and I were out shopping when she began talking about her cousins. One of them had been caught having sex with a minor. To ones surprise he was arrested. In the middle of her story I drifted off into my own. I
n mine, the main character was 7 and her parents weren't home. Something was happening to her but she didn't know what. All she knew was she didn't like what was happening and wanted it to stop. It did stop eventually. The 7 year old soon became 11 and learned what had really happened and after that was never the same.
See you're doing it again." Alice scolded as she threw a shirt at me. "Here try this on. It'll look great with the skirt you have."
Mechanically I walked to the dressing room and put on the shirt and skirt. I would have to find bracelets that went with the outfit. The ones I usually wore wouldn't cut it. Despite the fact my scars were noticeable, I looked nice. All I had to do was fix my hair and I'd look truly pin-up. Satisfied with the outfit, I got dressed in my normal clothes and joined Alice who was waiting for me.
"So how'd it look?" She asked.
"It looked great. I just have to ask my cousin to do my hair and makeup and I'll look amazing, as usual." I beamed.
I was a walking contradiction. I was highly insecure about my looks but somehow still managed to believe I looked great. As far as my friends were concerned I was vain, but they didn't mind. They just assumed I was confident about my looks and didn't care what people thought. They were only partially correct. I didn't care what people thought on some matters like my opinions and such, but my looks. That was a far different matter.
"I need bracelets for this." I called out as Alice began to walk towards the line.
She directed me to the jewelry and walked back to the line. A lot of the jewelry left me disappointed because it wouldn't cover enough of my wrist. The ones that did though didn't match the outfit. Finally I found a pack of three brackets. Individually they wouldn't cover my wrist but all of them would. Luckily it was only one wrist I needed to cover.
"Gerard's cute." Alice commented when I got in line.
"Don't forget strange."I pointed out.
"Everyone is. I did notice he kept staring at you though. In the morning and at lunch. You know, he went to middle school and elementary with us."
"I knew he went to middle school with us but not elementary. Either way, I don't remember him." I declared as I payed for my things. "Do you?"
"Not really, the name sounds familiar but that's about it. I'm sure once we get to know him better though, we'll remember him and his brother."Alice said. "Come on we need my costume now."
Shopping for Alice's costume was more difficult than I thought it'd be. Thankfully I brought my notebook. It was full of random sketches and short stories. It's what usually kept my mind occupied without having to really think.
As Alice tried on the costumes I began to draw. I drew the first thing that came to my mind, and it happened to be Gerard. I was trying to capture the look he had in his eyes when I first met him this morning. I wasn't doing a very good job to be honest. It looked like him, everything was right except his eyes.
"Wow that looks incredible"Alice complimented as she came up behind me."Did you do that all right now?"
"Yeh,"I nodded still looking at my drawing,"but it's not quite right."
"So you do think he's cute."Alice beamed as she payed for for her costume.
"Yes,"I admitted,"but that's not why I drew him. I don't know, there was something in his eyes this morning. I tried to capture it but couldn't."
Alice looked from me to the drawing then shook her head. The rest of our trip was done in silence. I felt as if she was silently judging me and rubbed my wrist again as we walked. It was something I always did when I felt insecure or frightened, which was most of the time. They served as a reminder to myself about what I went though.
---
"Are you guys doing anything for Halloween." My mom asked when I walked through the door.
"Trick-or-treating"I answered.
"Are you going to dress up?"
"We're doing this group thing. We're all partnered up and going as decades. I got the 40s." I explained.
"Oh so who's your partner?"
"This new guy, Gerard. He just joined the group today. All I know is his name and he has a brother who joined us too, Mikey. Oh and they went to elementary and middle school with us."
"Oh."
That's how conversations all went with my mom. I could talk to her but nothing was ever really said. It was the one thing I hated. I could never really talk to her, about anything personally anyway.
When I got to my room I looked through my previous year books for any clues of Gerard and Mikey. Sure enough, both of them were in there. As I continued looking, I didn't feel as bad for not remembering them. Mikey didn't look familiar but Gerard did. I knew his face but not his name, that's why when we were introduced I didn't remember him.
He and I used to be friends. Obviously not very good ones if I didn't remember though. I stopped talking to him when we got to middle school. The face always stood solid in my mind, but as time passed the name began to fade. To the point where I forgot it completely. Well, that was until today.
That night I dreamt of the little girl from earlier. This time she was older, around 13. It was apparent something was terrible wrong with her. Though no one else seemed to notice, she felt alone and disgusting. Every time someone looked at her she felt like they knew her secret and that they judged her for it. It killed her on the inside to the point she wanted to kill herself and she tried to. She had the belt wrapped around her neck ready to just let everything go...
I woke up drenched in sweat with tears rushing down my face. It was a dream I was used to because I'd had it so often. There was maybe only 4 nights every month it wasn't the same nightmare. Still the effect it had was the same.
I slowly sat up and grabbed the towel next to my bed I already had waiting. I wiped my the sweat from my forehead and the tears from my cheeks until they were dry. It was only 2:30 so I had around 4 hours before I had to get up for school. I laid back down and stared at my ceiling thinking. I tried to imagine what a night without a nightmare felt like but I couldn't. It wasn't long until sleep began to take over and I was fast asleep.

Notes

So the first three chapters are more for you,the reader, to kind of understand how Melanie thinks and who she is. I promise the 4 chapter is where things get good because that's with a lot of Gerard.