Guitar Picks and Paper Cartoons

Monday came as it usually did. Gerard decided to wait for my dad to pick me up. I was nervous, I had been all day. I had no idea what he was going to do or what he was going to say. I was terrified.

"It's going to be okay," Gerard said grabbing my hand that had been near my mouth as I had been bitting my nails. I hated waiting. It was the worst. I let out a deep sigh.

"I know," I said trying to convince myself.

"Are you sure you don't want to tell me what is going on?" Gerard asked while playing with my hand.

"Yeah I'm sure. It's fine. I'm fine. You're fine. It's fine," I repeated for the fourth time that day. Just then a black car pulled up and the figure waved from the driver seat. "That's him."

"I'll be home when you're done, call me okay?" Gerard asked rubbing my arm. I nodded and kissed his cheek. I walked to the car wishing once again that I already knew what was going on.

"Hey," I said opening the door and climbing into the car.

"Was that your boyfriend?" he asked watching Gerard walk away. I nodded.

"Yeah his name is Gerard, we're in the same grade." We began to drive away and silence fell in the car. In fact it was silent almost the entire way. That is of course until I broke the silence. "Where are we going?" I finally asked unsure what was going on. We had been in the car for almost twenty minutes.

"Oh we're going to a little dinner not much further. They have breakfast all day long and I know how much you love that," he said nervously. I eyed him up and down for a moment trying to gage the station.

"Will you just tell me what's going on?" I blurted out as he pulled into the drive.

"I just wanted to talk."

"You're lying, I know you are," I muttered as I climbed out of the car.

"How was school?" he asked as we sat down at a table.

"Fine, same boring stuff, got an A on my history paper, that's pretty cool," I said bored out of my mind as I read over the menu.

"You know Hannah used to love history, she always wanted to watch those documentaries about Greece and Rome," he said looking over the menu. I choked on my water at his words. He looked at me for a moment. I locked his eyes. He never came and picked me up to talk about Hannah. In fact every year it was me getting on a train and going into the city. We both gaged the other one long enough for the waitress to return.

"Can I take your order?" the slender waitress asked. My stepdad ordered while I just stared at him. "And you miss?"

"Pancakes, nothing else," I said not removing my eyes from him.

"I know you don't talk about her, " he said the moment the waitress walked away. "I know it's hard to but you have to start. That's the only way this is going to get any easier." At his words I quickly turned my head and starred into the distance. "An…"

"Do not call me that," I quickly said in a forceful manner.

"Anya, I can't change what happened. It wasn't your fault. It wasn't anyones fault."

"Yes it was," I said steadily looking down at my water. "She didn't have to get in that car. We didn't have to go anywhere that night. If she didn't make us, Hannah would still be here." He eyed me as we sat there for a moment until the food arrived.

"You can't keep holding this against her. You just can't."

"Why are you now pro my mother?" I asked cutting into my pancakes and taking a large bit.

"Because she is your family." As I heard the words come out of his mouth, I realized that he was suggesting I had to because I wouldn't have him. That was the seriousness in his voice, the worry, the nervousness.

"Fine," I said simply returning to my food.

"Promise you will try?" he asked taking another bit.

"Yes," I lied.

"So what's this boyfriend of yours like?"

"He's an artist and a kind person," I hated trying to describe someone. How do you sum them up in just a few words. "He's my best friend and someone I can always count on," I said after a moment.

"How does your Mom feel about him?"

"She's never met him, just knows his phone number and that he lives down the street," I said finishing my food and leaning back. We continued to do small talk until the bill came. He paid for the food and we exited the building. Shutting the car door I said,

"Are you going to tell me the real reason you are here. You would never drive this far to ask me about my boyfriend and tell me I need to get over what happened." He was silent. I swallowed hard and looked out the window as we began to drive back.

"I got a new position at the company. A really good one. One I've wanted for quite sometime," he finally said after silence had engulfed the car for quite some time.

"Congratulations," I said quickly followed by, "What does that mean?" I know deep down this is why he brought me here. He was telling me something I didn't want to hear. His voice was flowing with anxiety.

"I'm moving away." Three words, simple when you look at it, yet the rang through my ears with massive force that cut me to my core. The only thing I could count on to not change was changing faster than I could breathe. "Anya?" He asked since I had not responded. He knew something was wrong.

"Where are you going?" I asked in a steady voice that surprised even myself.

"Nevada. I leave in a few days," he said softly.

"And Hannah?" I asked without thinking.

"What do you mean?" Confusion written all over his face.

"What about Hannah, you're leaving, I'm in New Jersey, who is going to take care of the grave?" I asked as my voice became more demanding. The anger was rising all through my body.

"I'll visit when I come back. I'll be here from time to time." We pulled into the drive and he shut the car off.

"She deserves a lot more than time to time," I said to him with resentment in my voice.

"Anya, you're a forty five minute train ride away, it takes you longer to come into the city. If you are upset about who will take care of her grave then you and your mother go. It would probably do both of you some good," he said in a fatherly tone.

"Why did you even come here? Why didn't you just say it over the phone?" I yelled at him.

"Because I still care about you." I looked at him with hatred.

"Then go," I stated as I got out of the car. I slammed the door, only to hear the window roll down.

"I leave on Friday. If you want to talk I will be here until then. I love you Anya, even if you can't see that right now. You need to forgive your mother and you need to visit Hannah's grave. This is what you need." I listened to his words with my back to him. I stood for a moment and then walked into my house, not turning back.

I shut the door and leaned my head against the door. It's fine. I'm fine… I'm not fine.

Notes

~Nailsntacks