Heartbreaker Records

“I’ve missed you...”

Gerard turned to face me, his face showing no emotion as I stood there, my heart on my sleeve for all to see. “You’ve missed me?” He hissed. “Bit rich coming from a guy who left me for some chick.”
“Gerard, I can explain that, just…not now. Can we get this induction done. It means we won’t have to talk much afterwards.” I could feel my heart breaking again and I so desperately wanted to hide behind a sheen of ambien induced amnesia, then I could pretend that seeing his face didn’t rip my heart to shreds again.
“Fine.” He replied, turning away again and showing me how to use the cash register and showing me where everything was held in the store. We were walking through the racks of CDs before my eyes landed on a My Chem record.
“Remember making this?” I asked, holding it up for Gerard to see. I could feel the nostalgia as we both flicked through the little book of lyrics.
“Yeah, it was amazing. Do you remember that night on stage… oh what happened?” Gerard muttered as he tried to remember.
“When I lay on the floor, playing like a mad man and you came and straddled my hips?” I asked as I tried so hard not to remember the boner he had given me with one action.
“Arghh, it’s gonna annoy me if I can’t remember.” He chuckled as he put the CD back, his hand lingering slightly before he led me towards the older records. The best thing was, I knew exactly what moment he meant.

I jumped onto the drum kit, swinging pansy around and almost hitting Bob in the head as I strummed the chords to Teenagers, Gerard’s voice ringing out over the crowd. I smiled slightly as Bob swore at me and jumped off the bass drum, the shock jarring my ankles as I hit the stage, quickly recovering and running around again, my breath coming in quick pants as I aimed to get to the mic in time to do the backing vocals. “They say that teenagers scare the living shit out of me!” I sang, my voice joining Gerard’s and Ray’s in perfect harmony. “They couldn’t care less as long as someone’ll bleed, so darken your clothes or strike a violent pose, maybe they’ll leave you alone but not me!” I smirked as I wandered over to Gerard, shredding away. I sank slowly to my knees, winking seductively at him as I rested my head on his hip, his fingers tangling in my hair to pull me closer. I opened my mouth to pretend I was gonna give him a blow job, his mouth forming the perfect little O as I pulled myself away and climbed to my feet. “Sucker.” I whispered as we both walked to grab a quick drink before the next song.
“Asshole.” He replied with a smirk before walking away and talking to the audience.

“Frank?” Gerard said and I looked at him, my gaze clouded. “Dude, I’ve been calling you for like five minutes.”
“Sorry Gerard. I didn’t mean to zone out there.” I replied and skirted around him to pick up a record from the pile. I kept turning it over and over in my hands, anything to avoid looking into those beautiful eyes of his.
“It’s okay. I was just going to tell you that I’m gonna ring up that customers items then we can have coffee.” Gerard explained, his gaze conveying slight worry.
“Oh sure.” I replied absentmindedly, trying to pretend I was more interested in the record than the fact it would be so easy for me to close the distance between us and press my lips to his.

****

Me and Gerard sat side by side at the counter, neither of us wanting to break the comfortable silence we were sharing, but both of us knowing that there was so much to say. I looked over at him, my eyes taking in his pixie nose, the hazel eyes and the way his hair attempted to hide them but was at that awkward stage where it wouldn’t. He caught me looking and smiled softly, an emotion finally reaching his eyes. “I missed you too Frankie.” He muttered, making a fire burn its way up my cheeks.
“I’m sorry Gerard. There is so much I have to say, to apologise for but I just...I don’t know where to begin.” I murmured, looking down into my mug.
“You don’t have to Frankie, I have so much to apologise for too. Like that voice mail…”
“No.” I interrupted his train of thought. “If I hadn’t have called you in the first place, then you wouldn’t have had to leave a voicemail.”
“But still…” He kept trying to apologise. “I shouldn’t have told you to fuck off. There was a whole big speech that I had planned, but the second I heard your voice… It kinda vanished.”
“That’s because I interrupted your perfect little world Gerard. I get it.” I muttered, my heart hurting that he felt he needed to apologise to me. We sat there for another half hour with only a handful of customers coming in before Gerard announced that it was time to shut up shop for lunch and Billy would be back soon to open up for the afternoon.
“Tell Mikey thanks for the job.” I said as I walked out without saying goodbye.

****

I kicked my shoes behind my door and dropped my keys into the bowl, my eyes landing on an envelope printed with final notice laying on the mat. I slammed the door shut with my foot and grabbed it, tearing the paper with my fingers as I tried to pull the paper out. “Yay.” I groaned as I read the contents. I had a week to pay two months rent or I’m gone. I grabbed my phone and called my landlord, explaining the situation about just being fired and having just found another job and he seemed accepting and told me that he would let me pay a little extra each month until I had paid it off. “Thanks again.” I muttered before hanging up.

After drinking loads of water to help suppress my appetite, I dropped onto the couch, a nearly empty bottle of ambien in my hand. I cracked the lid and counted four pills, just enough to make me forget Gerard.
Do it.
“No. I can’t do it. I have work tomorrow.” I growled as I threw the bottle across the room, landing just behind the door into the hallways.
I’ll annoy you all night then idiot.
I groaned and climbed to my feet, wandering back over to my cupboard to pull out pansy. I aimlessly strummed, running my fingers up and down the fretboard until I was back at my Pencey Prep days, singing along to Attention Reader. I smiled slightly, remembering that I was singing it when Gerard found me and asked me to be in My Chem. On my dresser, my phone began playing Fear of the Dark as someone called me. I grabbed it, my hand shaking slightly when I saw the caller ID. “Gerard.” I said as I picked it up.
“Frank, look, I’m sorry for being rude earlier.” He said quickly before I could tell him not to apologise.
“Gerard, you don’t need to apologise. Don’t you think I’ve had enough time to sit and stew over this since me and Jamia split. I know that I left you hurting and I really regret it. It wasn’t just you that hurt though. When I left the studio that day, the last day I saw you in what, twelve years? I broke my own heart. I really did have your best interests at heart. I thought you would have kept the band going, I thought that everything would have worked out better. I really did.” I explained, my breathing getting heavier as I remembered the fatal argument.
“You and Jamia split?” He asked, shock clear in his voice. “I’m so sorry Frank, I didn’t know.”
“Stop fucking apologising.” I shouted as I dropped pansy onto my bed.
“Whoa Frank, look, I don’t care if you don’t want me to apologise, because that’s what I’m doing. I made a mistake too that day, I really did.” Gerard explained, his voice conveying honesty. “We should meet, you know, talk about this face to face.”
“What so I can sit there and imagine kissing you? So I can imagine laying in your arms again? So all those memories of our hidden love can be brought back to see the light?” I snapped, instantly regretting my tone. I dragged my hand over my eyes as I cooled my temper. “Look Gerard, seeing you at work hard is gonna be hard enough without meeting outside it as well.”
“I love you too you know.” He muttered.
“What?” I asked in disbelief.
“I heard what you said the other night before the call dropped and I just wanted you to know that I love you to.” Gerard explained.
“Gerard, not to break your heart or anything, but I was so high I can’t remember what I said.” The bold lie making me shudder, knowing I was probably hurting us both with that.
“Oh.” He paused. “Look Frank, I’ve got to got, I’ll see you at work tomorrow?”
“Where can we meet?” I asked before he dropped the call.
“What?” Gerard sounded shocked.
“Where can we meet? I need to see you.” I mumbled, hoping that he wouldn’t hear me but desperately wanting him to.
“I’m parked outside your apartment building, so we can go wherever you want to.” He said before he dropped the call.

I climbed into his car the smell of Gerard overwhelming all of my other senses. He smelled, sweet, musky. I couldn’t really place it but it was just so Gerard. “To the park?” He asked, his knuckles white as he gripped the steering wheel, pulling into the stream of traffic as I nodded. We drove there in silence, neither one of us wanting to say anything just in case. I could tell he was hurting from what I said, but I could also see him relaxing slightly as he got used to me being in the car with him. When he pulled to the side of the road, we both got out, my feet automatically leading me to the swings where I sat down, the crunch of Gerard’s shoes on the bark chips showing his arrival. He stood in front of me, the light hovering around his head like a halo. He’s my angel. I thought as a small smile crossed my lips. “We need to talk Frank.” Gerard stated.
“I know.” I replied, standing and hesitantly wrapping my arms around his waist. “I missed you so fucking much Gerard. I have wanted to hold you for so long, but whether you feel the same is just… I don’t even know.” Gerard placed his hands softly on my hips, his hazel eyes looking down at me.
“I told you I missed you Frankie, I meant it.” He muttered as he rested his chin on my head. I pulled my head back and looked up at him, admiring the perfects cupids bow of his lips, a blush spreading across my cheek as I saw the way he sucked his bottom lip between his teeth.
“I wanna kiss you so bad.” I muttered, taken aback by my words.

Notes

Killjoys :P

So nice of you to join us again on this adventure :P


I really do hope you like this as I stay up until the stupid hours of the morning writing for you guys :3 (this chapter being published at about 2 am)

You know the drill, rate, comment, subscribe, ask to see some of my artwork :P (Just kidding :P but really if you wanna see some frerard drawings, just ask)

Thankyou<33

~Sing it for me~