Heartbreaker Records

I stepped in through the back entrance of the store and into the employee bathroom. I needed to clean myself up. I splashed cold water on my face and looked into the mirror. My eyes were puffy and bloodshot. A deep frown had settled on my face. I couldn’t form a smile.

I wandered to the front door to unlock it. I flicked the lights on and sat at the register behind the counter. My face fell into my hands. Love was so exhausting. I wanted to curl up into a little ball and sleep. I let out a deep sigh.

I sat in silence, just drowning in thoughts of Frank. He spread throughout every corner of my mind like a rotting disease. It didn’t matter what the weather was. The morning sunshine just made me think about him. When the sky clouded over it made me think of him. When I put on a Breeders record to try and suffocate the thoughts of him it just made me think about him.

His beautiful eyes. His pale flesh. His laugh. All the places we had been together. Holding his hand. Kissing him on stage in front of thousands of people. Staying out all night. It was all too much. I felt the tears brimming in my sore eyes.

“God dammit.” I moaned loudly. A thin, heavily tattooed man flipping through the metal records looked up at me. I buried my face in my hands.

I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. My heart stopped as I realized it could be Frank calling me. I almost couldn’t look. I pulled the device out of my pocket. Relief washed over me as the record store owner’s name, Billy, flashed across the screen.

“Hey Bill, what’s up?”
“Good Afternoon Gerard. I have an interview scheduled with a potential new hire tomorrow. I was wondering if you would mind opening a little earlier tomorrow so we can show the guy around?”
“Not a problem.” I told him indifferently.
“Great! If he seems like a good fit maybe you could spend a little time training him on some of the things you used to do when you started out.” Exactly what I needed - a new employee would mean a few solid hours of frank-free thinking.
“Sure thing! What time should I be in?”
“The interview is at 10:00 at the coffee spot around the corner so if you could be in at 10:30 that would be really ideal.”
“Ok. Sounds like a plan, Bill.”
“Thanks Gerard.” he hung up.

The rest of the work day dragged as I was buried deeper and deeper in a pile of memories. My heart sank every couple of minutes. I love yous. Secret meetings. Cuddling.

I locked up the store and walked the long way home to stop by the liquor store. Once safely inside my apartment I poured amber-colored whiskey over a glass of ice. I put a record on the turntable - The Smiths seemed appropriate. At this point I’d given up on not thinking about Frank. My fingers absentmindedly kept pushing buttons in my phone. I was a few neuron-fires away from calling him, my thumb massaging the “Call” key. I tossed my phone across the room and took a giant gulp of whiskey.

MCR was on the last leg of a long summer tour. We had just finished playing “I’m Not OK (I Promise)”. I’d been staring out into the crowd at all the sweaty, screaming fans. Frank stepped in front of me, blocking my view. He was drenched in sweat, he pulled his t-shirt off.
“Wanna give em something to really scream about?” He mumbled seductively against my cheek.
Before I could even answer he grabbed my face and shoved his tongue in my mouth. The crowd went insane as he pushed into me. I almost fell backwards from the force of his passionate kisses. His hand slid down and grabbed my ass, squeezing gently.
He pulled away, there was a huge smirk on his face.
I was almost too dazed to speak. We had just made out in front of thousands of people and… they seemed to be cool with it?
It took me a moment to catch my breath. “I uh… this next song goes out to my best friend, Frank! It’s called Demolition Lovers….”

I poured myself another glass of whiskey and collapsed on the couch. I stared at the ceiling. Why hadn’t he called me back? I guess I had basically told him to fuck off but what did he really expect me to say? He fucking broke my heart and he knew it.

~~~~~~~~~~~

I don’t remember falling asleep. I woke up on the couch at sunrise with a fucking headache.
I wanted to crawl over to my bed and collapse for a few more hours, but I knew it was a lost cause. My head was swimming with heartbroken thoughts.

I didn’t feel as heavy as I had yesterday. One day at a time. It would get easier to forget him all over again. The patterns of excessive drinking and sleepless nights would go away eventually. I changed into a fresh t-shirt and made coffee. I poured what was left in a thermos to take to work. I decided to head to work early, I could draw until Bill and the new guy got there.

Once I got to the record store I sat at the counter and started to sketch. After a little while I put on a record. It took awhile to pick out, since I wanted impress the new employee. I opted for the crowd-pleaser, Wu-Tang Clan. I got out my thermos of coffee and reviewed what I had been drawing. God fucking dammit. I drew Frank without even realizing it.

I heard the front door unlock and jingle as it squeaked open.
“This is the store...” Billy said. I took a big gulp of coffee and looked up.

My heart fucking leapt out of my chest and got on the first bus to Mexico.

The sight before me forced me to spit out every drop of coffee in my mouth. All over the counter, all over my sketchbook. I ripped the sketchbook off the counter and threw it into the small trash can at my feet.
Bill shot me a confused glance. “Ahaha, Good Morning! Gerard, meet our newest employee, Frank!”
I wiped the coffee off my chin. “Hi ….Frank? Nice to meet you.” I choked. My voice sounded shaky and high-pitched.

Time hadn’t touched him at all. He was still just as beautiful as the day he left me standing in the studio, brokenhearted. He was paler and thinner. He looked like he hadn’t slept well in days.

“Nice to meet you, too, Gerard.” he said nervously, eyes wide.
I couldn’t speak. I was grateful that Billy had more to say:
“Frank, Gerard agreed to show you around and maybe go over a few things we’ll be having you do around the store.” He turned to face me. “Gerard, I have to go run some errands. Mind if I leave Frank with you for a few hours?”

Fuck. What the fuck was I going to do? Since when did Frankie live in fucking LA? I had moved here years ago to avoid running into him. How the fuck did this happen?

“Sure, that would be fine.” I lied flatly.
“Great! Thanks again, Gerard.” He turned back to Frank. “You’re in good hands.” He slapped Frank on the shoulder and disappeared out the door.

I was frozen in my seat. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the beautiful man before me. He sighed heavily.
“Gerard….. I’m so sorry. I had no idea you-”
I cut him off, “Frank you really can’t be here. I need you to leave.”
“I’ll start looking for other jobs, I promise. But I need this one…. I’ll loose my apartment.” he pleaded.
“That’s not my fucking problem.” I spat.
“Please Gerard, just give me a week or two.”
“Frankie,” he cringed as his brain registered the term of endearment, “if you had any idea what you did to me….” I whispered sadly.
He opened his mouth to speak but the front door jingled. A customer wandered in.
“Hello!” I said weakly, waving at the young girl. She smiled at us and made her way over to the indie section and began flipping through the titles.
I got up and grabbed his arm, pulling him behind the counter. “OK.... One fucking week.” I muttered under my breath. “But I want you gone.”

It wasn’t true in the slightest. I wanted him to stay forever. I wanted to hold him tightly. Kiss his pale, cracked lips. Tell him I loved him over and over until I lost my voice.

“OK Gee.” He said somberly. His eyes fell.
“What the fuck am I going to do with you?” I groaned, staring out into the store. We were quiet for a moment. This had to be a bad dream. A nightmare. I wanted to wake up. Or run to the airport and catch a one-way flight to anywhere that wasn't here.

“Gerard?” He whispered. I turned my gaze back to him. Our eyes met. He leaned forward slightly and smiled weakly. “I’ve missed you...”

Notes

hello everyone,

i spent my rainy sunday inside writing, just for you~~~~~~~~
hope you like it.

please rate/subscribe/tell your friends/tell me i'm pretty/whatever!

thanks for reading.

-saaaaaaaaaaaaad girl