Heartbreaker Records

"Where have you been?" I asked sleepily when Gerard slid back into bed, his fingers icy as they brushed over the skin of my stomach.
"Smoking." He whispered as his lips brushed the sensitive skin on my neck.
"Mhmm." I muttered as I snuggled against his chest, my hands pulling him closer. "I got cold." I whispered.
"I'll keep you warm baby, now sleep." Gerard chuckled, his chest warm against my back. "I have to be up early for work tomorrow, promise me you'll be okay?"
"I promise." I yawned, my eyes growing heavy again.

****

I woke up to an empty house, the smell of coffee filling the room. I followed to my nose, grinning when I saw the note Gerard had taped to the coffee pot.

I'll miss you all day baby<3 Don't get too lonely.

I poured myself a cup of coffee and dropped onto the couch, my feet on the table in front of me whilst I waited for the TV to load, my eyes drifting to my jacket, hung over a different chair to the one I placed it on.

I managed to shrug off my paranoia and lost myself in reruns of The Munsters, laughing along to the humor I so desperately missed. The coffee scalded my tongue the first time I took a sip, burning its way down my throat as I fought off the urge spit it all over the room.

Three hours passed in this way, the mindless watching of TV mixed with the burning of my tongue on coffee after coffee.

You know you want me it called from somewhere in the back of my mind. He won't love you if you don't.
"Fuck off!" I yelled, infuriated that I could go little more than three waking hours without taking anything.
You know I'm right. It teased. My gaze darted towards my jacket, to the noticeable bulge in the left pocket.
"No you're not right." I muttered, my hands over my ears. "You're never going to be right."
Just a couple. The voice pleaded, my hand reaching into my jacket pocket before I could stop it. You know he will love you more. Just keep taking them.
"I'm going to." I whispered as I chucked a couple of small pills into the back of my mouth, cringing as I swallowed them down. "Happy?" I asked the air, sighing when no reply came.

I groaned and dropped the bottle in the pocket before climbing to my feet, my hands shaking as I carried the mug to the kitchen, dropping it on the tiles as I walked into the corner of the sideboard. The shattering of the ceramic took seconds to reach my ears, the still warm coffee dripping down my torso. "Shit." I hissed as I bent down and began picking up the larger shards, scribbling a note on a piece of paper to warn Gerard of the danger he risked facing when he came into the kitchen.

I held my hand under the steady stream of water as I waited for it to heat up, goosepimples appearing on the flesh not covered by the water. When it was warm enough, I stripped and stepped underneath, my eyes scanning my body as I washed my hair, my back cracking as I stretched.

Images of Gerard flashed into my head, what I wanted him to do to me right at this moment in time. His hands roamed my body, my own mirroring his actions. When he took hold of me, I began stroking myself, leaning my forehead against the tiles as I picked up pace, my breathing becoming rapid as I increased the rhythm, moans leaving my lips as I came.

****

I stared at the orange bottle on the counter as I made a late lunch, daring myself to take more, my resolve fighting against it. The sandwich went down in moments, barely touching the sides before I reached for the bottle, twisting it round and round in my fingers, the rattle of the pills inside teasing my ears. "Just a couple won't hurt." I whispered as I tipped them into my palm, counting out three before putting the rest away and slipping the bottle into my jacket pocket.
Good boy. The voice teased, fingers of cold brushing my spine as I swallowed them down.

Looking around the apartment, I sighed. Nothing I could see made me want to do anything other than sleep. The TV was still playing shows in the background, the noise making my head hurt. I flicked it off and walked slowly to the bedroom, tugging the curtains closed and curling up on the bed.

****

"Another one!" Yelled Mikey, whoever was with him clearly obliging as he started laughing, a deep throaty laugh, one that showed genuine enjoyment.
"You're turn." Slurred Gerard, his voice slightly more confused than normal.

I sighed as I climbed from the bed and looked at the clock, the tiny red numbers telling me it was just after eight. My feet led me out of the room and towards the kitchen, my stomach rumbling dramatically. "Frankie!" Mikey yelled as I turned the corner, throwing a smile my way as he cracked the lid on a bottle of whisky. "Want some?" He asked, offering me the bottle, holding it out towards me as I shook my head.

"Aww, don't be a spoil sport." Slurred Gerard as he turned towards me, his eyes already beginning to become bloodshot.
"Gee?" I asked, my jaw dropping. "What are you doing?"
"Drinking, partying, what does it look like?" He laughed as he held the neck of the bottle up to his lips. "Join us Frankie, baby, let it go."
"No thanks. I think I'll just go back to bed." I whispered as I turned on my heels.

"Oh, come on Frankie." Gerard teased as he placed a sloppy kiss on my lips, the taste of alcohol on his tongue making me gag. "Play nice."
"No!" I pushed Gerard away, flinching as his hip collided with the sideboard. "I thought you'd stopped. I thought you were clean?" I shouted. "I thought you were gonna help me by staying clean?"
"Like it would have helped anyway you lying twat." Gerard sneered, a scowl stretching across his lips.
"What the hell do you mean?" I muttered in shock.
"I said you lied. You aren't any cleaner than I am Frank. Don't you try to deny it."
"What the fuck Gerard? Why the hell are you accusing me when you are clearly drunk?"
"And you're probably high but I wouldn't be able to tell because you're so good at hiding things from me aren't you?" Gerard hissed, disgust on his face.

"Whoa." I muttered. "You can't... I mean...Gee, you don't understand."
"Really? I understand that you don't love me enough to stay clean. If you won't try then I won't." Gerard laughed.
"I am trying though. I'll always try. You don't understand." I pleaded. "If I didn't take them, you wouldn't love me Gee, I know you wouldn't."
"That's the issue. I love you too goddamn much to see that you don't care. I can't believe you'd do this!" Gerard yelled, holding his hand up when Mikey tried to speak.

I felt a tear slide down my face as I saw the look of utter contempt on his face. "Please." I sobbed, my words catching in my throat. "Please Gerard, I love you."
"I don't care." He hissed as he raised his fist, my world going fuzzy as it collided with my face.
"What the hell?" I asked through the tears leaking down my face, the numbness radiating out from my left eye.
"Frankie..." Gerard whispered, reaching his hand out.
"Don't touch me!" I yelled as I turned and ran,, grabbing my jacket and stopping just long enough to slip on some shoes before leaving the apartment, tears streaming from my eyes as I let the door slam shut behind me.

****

The world was silent as I ran, a blanket of fresh snow crunching under my feet. My vision was blurred, my jaw going numb as I ran, my feet taking me wherever they wished, dark spots landing in the snow at my feet as blood dripped from my nose.

A sob broke free as I dropped to the ground by the children's play park, my heart thudding as I changed positions, the rattling in my pocket alerting me to the bottle of pills within. "Make it go away?" I pleaded as I twisted the cap off, pouring as many as I could take into my mouth and swallowing, gagging as they hit the back of my throat.

"Make it go away." I sobbed as I wrapped my arms around my shaking body, trying to control my breathing as the cold air soothed the numbness spreading across my face, the blood trailing down my chin dying into a painful layer as I fought back the sobs.

My phone rang in my pocket, Gerard's number flashing across the screen as I pulled it out. "Fuck off." I snapped into the receiver before I hung up and placed my phone in my jacket.

A shudder ripped through my body as a gust of wind tore through the play park, the chains on the swings clanging, the seesaw creaking like a child was playing on it. "I'll always love you." I muttered into the night, drawing a heart in the snow at my feet.

Notes

So, uh... hope you like it..... <3