Heartbreaker Records

Frank had been in the hospital for almost two weeks now. At first I’d figured they would just keep him through the withdrawals. Then I thought they’d just keep him to make sure he was stable and wouldn’t try to hurt himself again. Maybe this was just par for the course. I’m not a doctor, after all.

I shuffled along the hallways towards his hospital room, passing doctors, and nurses pushing patients around in wheelchairs. I carried a small, potted, succulent plant in one hand. I’d bought it on a whim when I was wandering the streets on a walk the night before. I figured his room could use some green to break up all the whites, creams, and industrial greys.

I quietly knocked on the open door. He looked up and smiled weakly when he saw me. He got up and crossed the room to give me a welcoming hug. He let out a deep sigh as I slid my arm around him.

“Hey you.” I mumbled sweetly.
“What the fuck is this?” He asked, poking at the plant.
“I figured you could use a little green.” I said, smiling.

The color and life seemed to return to his face more and more each day I came to see him. He had always been pale but after the overdose he’d been ghostly white. It was a relief to see him slowly becoming himself again.

“Thanks.” He said softly, pecking me on the cheek.
He set it on the bedside table.
I pulled him back into my arms and sighed into his hair. He seemed different today. Low-energy. Uncomfortable. Tense.
“Is everything alright, Frank?”
“This place is making me crazy...” he whispered.
“It’s supposed to be making you better.”
“I swear it’s making me worse. I need to get out of here.”
“You will, soon. I have some surprises for you when they let you come home…” I said, trying to cheer him up. It didn’t appear to work, he still looked gloomy.
“Gee… they know about… my dad.”
A cold sensation spread through me, my heart stopped pumping blood. I couldn’t believe he actually said it out loud.
“What?” I breathed.
“The psychologist doesn’t want to release me until I talk about… everything that happened.”
“Do they fucking think that’s what your overdose was about?”
“I…. I don’t know.” He said, burying his face in my chest.
“Frank, you already got help for what happened. Like, a long fucking time ago.”
“I know.” He mumbled.
I wanted to fucking break something. How dare they remind him of his past when he’s so fragile? How dare they?
“Frank, let me talk to them. They clearly don’t understand what’s going on with you. You were going through a lot. I would have probably done the same fucking thing...”
A sound between a whine and sob escaped his lips and muffled into my shirt.
“But things are going to be different when they let you out. You have a stable place to go with someone who loves you and people who know you and want to see you get better.”
“I know. I know.” he sobbed.
I pressed my lips delicately to his forehead.

We spent the rest of visiting hours laying in his hospital bed talking. It was nice to be so close to him but I still wished we could lay around like this in my apartment. Our apartment. I hadn’t told him about what I’d been doing outside of my hospital visits.

I’d spent the last couple of days finding places for his things. I’d hung his guitars and old show posters in my drawing room. His clothes now occupied previously empty drawers in the bedroom. His recording equipment fit nicely in the living room beside my sound system and record collection. When I was done putting everything in it’s place I was surprised how much sense it all made. It was like his things belonged with my things. It looked right, it looked complete. I’d had to sit there for a long time taking it in.

It was sort of sad, in a way. Moving in together was supposed to be fun. It was supposed to be this milestone in your relationship. When I’d moved in with friends or girlfriends before it was always celebrated with pizza and beer.

I couldn’t stop telling myself it was only circumstantial. I knew he loved me in whatever way he was capable of. I tried to pretend his words of true love and forever weren’t just the hospital drugs talking, but some part of me still hesitated. I’d never tell him I had reservations but I just couldn’t bring myself to believe him completely. I wanted Frank, forever. In this profound and beautiful way. I didn’t care if it ripped me apart, I would do whatever it took to be with him.

“Gerard?” He mumbled. I realized I had disappeared inside my own head.
“Sorry. What were you saying?”
“Nothing important.” He whispered, leaning in to press his lips against mine.
“I’m sorry. I just have a lot on my mind.” I said, trying to be honest without alluding to much.
“It’s fine. I’m just happy you’re here.”
“There’s nowhere I’d rather be, Frankie.”
He’d finally started smiling a little. He seemed much more alive than when I’d first gotten there. I glanced over at the clock on the wall, visiting hours would be over soon.
“Hey, how about I bring Ray with me tomorrow?”
“I’d like that but… then we can’t make out.” he said, frowning like a little kid.
“Well... I’ll kiss you til they drag me out of here.”
“Deal.” he smirked.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


It was finally the day I could bring him home.
My shift at the record store seemed to drag endlessly. I busied myself writing an article for the store’s blog. “3 New Ways to Organize Your CD Collection” It was a soul-less little piece of writing, but it kept my mind busy and it was certainly a topic I knew a lot about. I spoke with Bill a little about Frank’s work schedule for the rest of the week. I hadn’t told Bill that Frank had overdosed, just that he’d been hospitalized. Bill told me to let him know he could take the week off to relax and get situated.
“I tried to send him some paperwork in the mail but it got returned to me. Did Frank move or something?” Bill asked.
Shit. I also hadn’t told Bill that Frank and I were ex-lovers. Seeing eachother again. He was moving in with me. Engaged or soon to be? (That was still a grey area.) Etc. etc. etc.
“Uhhh… you know what? I’m not sure. Just have his paychecks and stuff sent to the store until you find out.”
It was a nice save but my opportunity to explain the situation easily had just been thrown out the window.
“Hey, that’s a good idea!” Bill said cheerily. “Maybe once Frank gets the swing of things I’ll have you managing that kind of stuff. I’m terrible at it.” He chuckled.

I locked up the shop and all but ran to my car. I picked up thai food and a bouquet on the way. Frank had many complaints about the hospital food and requested I bring him something normal when I came to get him.

I didn’t realize there was going to be all this paperwork he had to sign. He seemed excited, but there was a darkness in his expression. I couldn’t ask him how things had gone with the psychologist in front of the hospital staff. It could wait til we were safely locked in the apartment.
He smiled widely when they finally handed him his bag. He held the potted plant closely as we walked to my car. He threw his bag into the trunk and placed the plant on the roof of the car.
“I think your takeout might have gotten cold but we can ju-”
He leaned into me, kissing me hard and passionate. I kissed back, wrapping my arms around him tightly. Cold wind whipped around us us, his hair tickled my face.
He pulled back slightly.
“Gerard, I love you. I love you so much. I’m never going to hurt you again, I promise.” He said, all in a rush.
“I love you, too, Frank.” I said, a smile spreading across my face. I wondered if I could just pull him into the back seat and take him right then and there. Fucking in a hospital parking lot seemed a little… inappropriate. But I’d be alright with it if he was.
“Let’s get you home.” I mumbled. He reached for the plant and got in the front seat, resting it on his lap.

“I didn’t know you’d wanna keep that thing so much.” I told him after pulling onto the road.
“Reallly? I love her! I’m gonna put her in your kitchen window so she gets lots of sun.”
“Her?” I asked, incredulous.
“I’ve uh… decided it’s a girl. I’ve named her Candy.”
“Candy?” I laughed.
“Yeah… I thought it… suited her. I dunno.” He said, staring out the window.

We were mostly quiet for the rest of the drive. He seemed happy to be somewhere different. He stared out the window as we passed through quiet neighborhoods.

I parked in my usual spot on the street. I pulled his bag out of the trunk and started up the stairs. Once inside he headed to the kitchen to put the plant down. I sighed and shook my head.
“Frankie? Come in here, I wanna show you something.” I called, heading for the living room.
I flicked the light on as he passed over the threshold.
He looked over to his amps and pedals and recording equipment all spread out, mixed in with mine. He grinned at me widely.
“I uh… sort of moved you in.” I said.
“Gee…” he whispered.
He disappeared down the hall into my drawing room. Then the bedroom shortly after that.
“Gerard… this is… this is… this is perfect.” He sighed.
“I’m glad you like it. I hope you feel at home.”
“Well…” he said smirking. “A lot of assholes in the world say that home is where the heart is… Now I’m starting to think they’ve got a point...”
He leaned into me kissing me hard. I slid my hands over his soft hips under his t-shirt. My tongue slid across his bottom lip and his fingers tangled in my hair. I started to pull his shirt up over his shoulders. I stopped when I heard his stomach growling. I’d completely forgotten he’d been surviving on hospital food for a good two weeks.
“Shit uhhh…” he started to laugh.
I tried to ignore the overwhelming need in my jeans.
“You should probably eat something…” I said wearily.
“It can wait til later.” He said, seductively. Pressing his lips to my neck.
I pushed him off gently.
“You’re uh… gonna need a lot of energy for what I’ve got in mind.” I told him devilishly. “So you should definitely eat something.”
He sighed frustratedly but seemed to agree.
“Well when you put it that way.” He mumbled.
I took his hand and headed for the kitchen. No one said anything about having to make it back to the bedroom. The kitchen had a floor. Countertops. Then there was always the living room. The shower. I stopped myself from thinking exploring all the possibilities as it was making me want to push him back into the bedroom and... then we’d both starve to death.

Notes

hi everyone.

sorry about that part about candy. i think it's cute when people name their houseplants. haha.

ok. l8r.

-sad girl