Heartbreaker Records

I lay with my eyes closed and my hands folded on my chest when the door slammed open, startling me from my daydreams. "I need to talk to you Frank." I heard Jamia snap as the door clicked closed. "Miles thinks you don't love him and the girls are busy hanging out with the wrong crowd. What the hell have you said to them?" I kept my mouth closed, knowing that whatever I said would be wrong. A slap rang out as Jamia's hand connected with the side of my face, forcing my eyes open as I glared at her. "Well?" She asked impatiently.
"Nothing. I haven't said anything to them." I muttered, sitting up as the sting in my cheek relaxed to a dull throb.
"Why do they think that then huh? Why does the last person called on Cherry's cell haveyourname? Tell me that Frank?"
"I have no idea Jamia." I replied as I tried to keep my cool. "You haven't let me speak to them or see them and I had no idea that Cherry had a cell phone."
"Well, you're not going to see them again Frank. Ever." Jamia turned to walk away, my arm snaking out to grab her hand
"One last time. Please? That's all I ask. Let me see them one last time." I pleaded, my heart breaking into tiny pieces. Jamia turned around, her face red with anger.
"1, don't fucking touch me you gay prick and 2, I do not wantmychildren anywhere near a fag." She hissed, her voice filled with venom.
"Jam, please, just one last time. It's all I ask. They aren't just your children. I'm their dad and nothing can change that. Please?" I felt a tear roll down my face and angrily wiped it away, furious at myself for letting her get to me.
"I don't want them around you. I don't want them growing up knowing that being gay or taking drugs is okay when it isn't." She paused. "If you can prove to me that you aren't actually in love with Gerard and you are getting over the drugs, then you can see them. Until then, I'm sorry Frank, but you have no chance of seeing them." Jamia turned to leave, hovering for a second before turning back to me. "Also Frank, you might want to sign those papers, I have someone I love and we want a future together, until you sign the papers, we can't." My mind raced through the possibilities, a devious smile crossing my lips as I opened my mouth to speak.
"Let me see Cherry, Lily and Miles one last time, alone, and I'll sign them. It'll work in your favor, trust me Jamia." I could see her mind working out a counter argument, her face falling when she saw there wasn't one.
"Fine. Tomorrow's visiting hours, I'll bring them along. I don't want you to see them alone though."
"Alone or I don't sign. Simple as that Jamia." After a moment's hesitation, she nodded before leaving the room.

I stepped from my room, the floor cold against my bare feet, and walked towards the telephone on the wall opposite. As if by memory, I dialled Gerard's number, holding the receiver to my ear and listened to the familiar dial tone before it began to ring. "Gee." I whispered when I heard breathing on the other end.
"Nope, Mikey. I'll get him though. Give me a second." I nodded, even though Mikey couldn't see me, holding my breath until I heard Gerard's voice on the other end of the line.
"Hey baby, how's things going?" He asked, sounding a little out of breath.
"Good Gee. I miss you."
"Oh, I miss you too honey. I can't wait to see you tomorrow." He said gleefully.
"Me either." I replied as I stifled a yawn. "Jamia's letting me see the kids tomorrow. What do you think to meeting them?" I asked. The line went quiet, the only sound being Gerard's heavy breathing. "Gee?"
"You want me to meet them?" He squeaked. "What are you gonna tell them about us?"
"Of course I want you to meet them and I'm going to tell them the truth Gee. Just because Jamia can't cope, doesn't mean they won't."
"I love you so goddamn much Frankie."
"I love you too Gee." I felt a doctor tap my shoulder, placing my hand over the receiver as I listened to what he had to say. "Look, baby, I've gotta go. They want me to talk to someone about something. I'll see you tomorrow?"
"Of course Frankie. Of course you will." He paused. "I miss your cuddles baby."
"Bye Gee." I muttered, placing the receiver back into its cradle.

****

I sank back into the small leather couch and folded my hands into my lap, my eyes focused on the painting behind the old man in front of me. He waited patiently, tapping his pen against the note book on his lap, for me to begin. After a deep breath, I opened my mouth, ready to tell him I didn't need to talk, but something stopped me, something made me want to open up to him. "Mr. Iero, do you mind if I call you Frank?" I shook my head. "Frank, you've been here three days and you are already recovering a lot faster than we thought you would. If this meeting goes well, your stay could be over by the end of the day tomorrow." I smiled slightly as I imagined walking out of this building, hand in hand with Gerard when he left. "What we should talk about is your past. Now, I can understand how this could be a sensitive topic but it could further help us understand what happened." I nodded slightly and began speaking.

~flashback~

"Come on Frank. We need to get you to the doctors." My mom protested, her face red with anger as I stood at the top of the stairs shaking my head. "You get down here right now you little bugger. Don't you want to get better?" I hesitated before shaking my head again. "I swear Frank, don't make me come and get you!" She shouted, causing me to stumble before falling down a couple of steps, grabbing the banister as I regained my balance. "Idiot, you could have hurt yourself." she snapped as she climbed the stairs and grabbed the top of my arm causing me to wince in pain.
"Mommy, you're hurting me." I cried, tears falling down my cheeks.
"Tough. You've gotta go to the doctors so you can get better, now get in the car!" My mom shouted, her face inches from my own. With a meek nod, I left the house, tripping slightly down the steps as I ran to the driveway and into the car. I buckled myself in, doubling over as I started coughing, my chest heaving as I tried to catch my breath.

~present~

"So I was ill for most of my childhood and I guess my mom got a little bored with it. She stopped being as caring and started being more violent when I refused to go to the doctors to get stuck with more needles." I took a deep breath and reached for the bottle of water on the table in front of me.
"So, your marriage? If you don't mind me asking, what happened there?" The doctor asked, his pen scrawling across the page as he noted down what I said.
"Uh, to cut a long story short, I was in love with the singer of the band I was in but I still got married to Jamia. She noticed one day and, uh... told me that she didn't want to be with me if I wasn't truly in it."
"If I have this right, the person you are quote, unquote, in love with, is a male? Do you think this has any bearing on how your wife treated you when you broke up?" I shook my head. "Well Frank, thank you for talking to me today. I need some time to go over what was discussed, but everything looks good." We both stood, reaching our hands out to shake as he led me from the room. "Now, I want you to understand that I am always here for you, even if you do get discharged tomorrow or the day after."
"Thanks doc." I replied as I started to walk down the cold corridor towards the recreation room.

****

I curled up on the uncomfortable bed, tears streaking down my face as I remembered the dream I had just woken from. "Shhh." I whispered to myself as my sobs subsided. "He loves you Frank. He won't make you choose." I nodded softly as I spoke, taking in all the words I was speaking to myself, making my mind believe they were real. My heart slowed down and my world slowly went black as I fell asleep again.

****

"But I don't want breakfast." I muttered as the doctor tried to convince me to leave the room.
"You need it Frank. You have lots of visitors today and you can't pass out on them." He cooed, speaking to me like a child.
"Gerard will keep me awake." I whispered as I was lead to the dining room, left at the back of the slowly growing queue to grab a bowl of soggy cereal and a spoon. I sat at a table, poking the spoon around the small plastic bowl, hoping to find something with a little crunch but I kept coming up empty handed. Eventually, I resigned to my fate of eating soggy cereal, chasing it down with lukewarm orange juice. "I'm finished." I muttered, passing my bowl to one of the orderlies.
"You want anything else to eat honey? Maybe some toast or something?" I shook my head and climbed to my feet, eager to go back to my room.

The white walls felt like they were closing in as I waited for Gerard to turn up, my pacing wearing matt patches in the otherwise shiny floor. A soft click behind me caused me to turn, joy filling my tiny frame as Gee walked through the door. I threw myself into his open arms, sobbing softly as he held me close. "What's up Frankie?" He asked as he pulled back slightly.
"I missed you so much Gee. I really did." I whispered as I led him to the bed, sitting down and resting my head on his lap.
"Oh Frankie." Gerard sighed as he wrapped his arms around my shivering form.
"Kiss me." I murmured. I felt Gerard shift slightly as he lay down, tugging me on top of him before pressing his lips to mine. I moaned softly as he nipped my bottom lip, chuckling softly as I jumped. I kissed back, moaning slightly as I ground my hips into his. There was a knock at the door which caused the both of us to jump apart, grinning softly when an orderly walked in.
"Frank, your wife wants to talk to you." I nodded, placed a kiss on Gerard's lips before leaving the room.

"Dad!" Shouted Lily as I walked into the reception area.
"Hey honey, how are you?" I asked, embracing first her than Lily and Miles.
"I'm good dad." She said before whispering too low for Jamia to hear. "Mom didn't want us to come, but she said it means she gets alone time with her boyfriend." Lily chuckled before rolling her eyes. I shook my head slightly before looking at Jamia.
"I'll be back to pick them up in an hour." She explained before getting up and walking away.
"Right, let's go back to my room." I muttered, my heart pounding as I stepped through the door. Lily and Cherry stood staring at Gerard like he had the plague, Miles started to grin, trying to find words to speak.
"He's in all those pictures dad!" He laughed as he walked over to Gee and held out his hand.
"Yeah, that's Gerard, he sang in the band I was in." I explained before dropping onto the bed. "Gerard, that's Cherry, that one is Lily and this little dude here is Miles." They all went to shake his hand before getting comfortable on the floor around my bed. Miles pulled a pack of cards out of his back pocket and dealt them out, his eyes on me and Gee as our hands brushed together.
"Dad..." He began, hesitating before finishing his question. "What's happening between you and Gerard?"
"Uhh...Well, you know when me and your mom split up? It was because I'm in love with Gerard... Uh, me and Gerard are dating Miles." I stopped suddenly, looking at my children as I waited for their reactions. Cherry and Lily laughed, looked at each other and laughed again before standing up.
"Nice one dad." Cherry chuckled.
"Yeah, like you're gay." Lily responded before she walked from the room, already on the phone to her mother.
"That's amazing dad! I always knew there was something going on there."
"How?" Gee asked, leaning his elbows on his knees.
"Oh, you know, all those YouTube videos of you kissing." Miles chuckled, handing Gerard his pile of cards.

****

I sat in my doctors office as he looked through my notes, my mind wandering over the final kiss me and Gerard shared before he was shooed out of my room. "Doc, what's wrong? Why didn't you let me go home?" I asked, a tear landing on my pants.
"I found something in your notes Frank. Something that has created a cause for concern. Now, it will not delay your going home by much longer, but it is something I feel you need to talk about before you go home." I nodded, inclining my head slightly to ask what he meant. "Well, it says here that your mother hurt you?" I nodded. "That isn't the only thing that happened though is it?"
"No." I whispered, looking down at the floor.
"Do you want to talk about it Frank? Now?" I shook my head.
"I can't." I muttered, my voice hoarse.
"Frank, I'm here to help but I can't if you don't open up. Please, talk to me."
"My dad... he... I... Uh..." I stopped, tears filling my vision.
"It's okay. You can tell me Frank." He said as he rested his hand on my shoulder.
"H...h...he uh, I can't say it." I said, lowering my head.
"Do you want me to say it? Would that make it easier to talk about?" I nodded my head slightly.
"Your dad beat you. Technically, he killed you for ten minutes. He raped you and he told you that you were worthless before walking out on you and your mother." He paused. "Frank, I can understand that this is hard for you to remember, but anything you can tell me will help you recover. It could help you become a happier person."

Notes

Heya Killjoys

Sorry I haven't updated in a while, I've been down with exhaustion and have been sleeping when I haven't been doing school work.

Anywhore, I hope you enjoyed the chapter and all managed to get the greatest hits CD :3

~Elise- Iero~