Heartbreaker Records

I looked at the pills in my hand, the almost imperceptible shakes showing my pain. Mikey told me that he didn’t want me near Gerard if I didn’t clean up my act, but I had been trying so hard to. The pills almost seemed to be calling to me, their tiny voices calling out for me to take them, to just end my suffering. I knew my kids would probably miss me, Cherry and Lily wouldn’t have a dad to walk them down the aisle and I would never be able to teach Miles everything he should know, but I wouldn’t be hurting anymore. One side of me was begging me to take them, the other side, small as it may be, was begging me to put them down, to take the opportunity with Gerard that I had dreamt about for so long. Just take them. It said, the nagging voice that never left me alone. They will stop your suffering. I mean, you know that Gerard doesn’t actually want you, he just wants to feel better.
“NO!” I shouted into the empty apartment. “He missed me. He told me he did!”
He was lying. All he wants is to forget his pain over Lindsey. We know he misses Bandit.
“Go away.” I sobbed. “Can’t you just leave me the fuck alone for once? It was you that got me into this mess in the first place and I just wanna get out of it.”
That will never happen, especially whilst Mikey is in the picture. It’s a choice. You or Mikey. With Mikey in the picture, you’ll never get to be with Gerard, if he even wants you, but if you take these, then you never have to worry again.
“I know. I just...I can’t ruin that chance, I can’t fuck up the one chance to be with him, can I?” I asked myself as I stood in front of the mirror. “Fuck it, I love him, I can’t be with him, but I can’t be without him.” I tipped the pills into my mouth, throwing my head back as I swallowed them, forcing the remaining capsules down with glass after glass of water.

I grabbed a blanket off of my bed, my movements sluggish as I walked to the couch, curling up and throwing the blanket over me as my eyes grew heavy. My heart beat was thudding everywhere, my arms shaking as I tried to force me to keep my eyes open. “I love you Gerard.” I muttered into the pillow as I started to cough, my body trembling as I tried to hold back vomit. I started getting colder, shivers racking my body as I curled up smaller desperate to keep warm. I felt my eyes slide closed, my breathing deep and laboured as the pills started taking hold. My body was shaking, my nerves burning as I lost myself to the drugs.

****

I strummed along to attention reader, my mind going over the vocals before I nodded at Tim to get a steady beat before we started playing, the usual euphoria taking over as I sang. The set went past pretty quick, the audience screaming for an encore, begging us to play attention reader again, so we did, just this time it was acoustically. “Thank you all for coming out to see us tonight. We hope you loved the show!” I shouted into the microphone before stepping off the stage and grabbing a glass of water, Shaun dragging me over to see some dude who apparently had a proposal for me.
“Hi, I’m Gerard Way, and this may be a little blunt, but you wanna join my band?” He asked, holding his hand out for me to shake.
“I’m Frank and i might just take you up on that offer.” I replied, my heart pounding as I took in his smile and the way he held himself, proud, confident.
“Sweet, uh...you wanna hang for a bit?” He asked, dragging me to the bar before I could resist.

****

“Frank.” Gerard whispered in my ear, his arms tightening around my waist. “We have to get going.”
“I don’t want to go though.” I complained as I pressed my lips to his neck, sucking slightly on his sweet spot.
“I know baby, and neither do I but people are going to start wondering where we are.” I tightened my grip on his waist, staring out at the sunset.
“I wanna stay here forever, with you.” I whispered. “Always and forever.”
“For infinity.” Gerard whispered back before letting go and dragging me back to the van.

****

A loud cry woke me from my sleep, disorientating me as I looked into the darkness. I climbed out of bed, my gaze lingering on Jamia as she slept. I padded out of the room and flicked on the landing light so I could make my way to Miles’ room without tripping over any of the girls toys. When I stepped through the door, he was sat up in the cot, his little face screwed up as he cried, his little wails breaking my heart. “It’s okay little man. Daddy’s got you.” I whispered as I picked him up from the cot, his heart pounding as I cradled him against my chest. I rocked slowly from side to side, my breathing slow as I sang to him. “Go back to sleep Miles.” I muttered as I walked slowly down the stairs to make up a bottle, hoping it was hunger making him cry. I rocked him with one arm as I boiled the kettle, the noise the only sound in the dead of night. He screamed louder, his little cries scaring me as I hunted through the cupboard for a thermometer, placing it in his ear as I waited for the little beep, a sigh of relief escaping me when it came back normal. I put Miles in his travel cot so I could make up the bottle, placing it in the sink to cool as I changed his diaper, his cries softening down until they were just whimpers.

I stepped slowly up the stairs, Miles in one arm, the bottle clasped in my other hand. Just inside his room was a little chair, one that was put there for nightly excursions such as this. I sat down and placed the teat in his mouth, chuckling softly as he drank the whole bottle in minutes. “Guess someone was hungry.” I muttered before placing the already sleeping baby in his crib.

****

My eyes drifted open as I looked around the living room, my face wet with tears. I coughed, my body shaking as I lay there, my mind fuzzy, my heart beat sluggish. “Just die already.” I muttered to myself, willing my body to give up. “Just do it already.” I sobbed, my eyes drifting closed again, my cheeks stained with tears as I lay there.

****

I slammed my hands against the steering wheel, tears falling freely down my face as I thought over the argument that had just happened. I had tried to prove to Gerard that I cared about him, that I actually loved him and I was thinking about him, but he was hung up on the fact I was married. He could drop it to understand why I did what I did. He couldn’t understand that being married didn’t change how I felt about him.

There was a knock on my window, Mikey hovering outside with a couple of coffees. I unlocked the doors and let him climb into the passenger seat, accepting the coffee he passed me. “What happened?” He asked.
“It doesn’t matter Mikey.” I muttered as I drank the scalding liquid.
“What doesn’t matter? That my brother is up there crying or that my best friend is down here crying and it clearly has something to do with each other.” Mikey pushed.
“What am I supposed to say? That I’m in love with Gerard but I still married Jamia? That I did what I did to protect his career and he just threw it all down the drain?” I shouted, the anger running through my veins causing me to snap at Mikey. “I can’t help what happened, I can’t help what I feel, I just feel it and I can’t change that.”
“You’re in love with my brother?” Mikey asked, his hand raising to cover his mouth.
“Yes! But that’s not the point Mikey. The point is he just threw everything he cared about away because I got married and that’s what I didn’t want to happen. Look.” I paused. “I’m sorry for shouting at you, this just hurts, a lot.”
“I bet it does Frank, but whatever happens, I’m here for you, remember that.” Mikey muttered before leaving the car.

****

I heard someone call my name, a hand resting on my shoulder. I tried to force my eyes open, struggling against the bite of the drugs. “Come on Frankie, open them eyes.” They said, their voice filled with some form of urgency. I tried to open my mouth to tell them I was okay, but I couldn’t, my mind getting fuzzier and fuzzier as I tried to grab onto something, anything to make me feel alright again.
“Can’t.” I slurred, my head pounding as I shied away from the touch.
“Frankie, please open your eyes, show me everything is okay.” The person paused. “I didn’t think you were this bad. I mean Mikey told me but…” He trailed off, his hands running over my body as I shivered.
“Ima die.” I muttered as my heart quite literally skipped a beat.
“You can’t Frankie, I love you and I can’t lose you.” My mind struggled to put a name to the voice, my eyes fluttering open to see Gerard’s hazel eyes staring down at me. “What have you done?” He sobbed, his face filled with agony.
“Taken away the pain Gee.” My face contorted as a stabbing pain worked its way up my back. “Now you can be happy.”
“Frankie, please don’t do this to me. You have to fight it. You have to just open those eyes up and we can get through this.” Gerard cried, cradling me in his arms as he carried me to the bathroom, placing me on the toilet seat as he ran a really cold bath. “Come on Frank.” He muttered as he placed me in the water, sitting behind me and resting my head on his chest. “Please don’t leave me Frankie. I can’t do it again.” I shivered, the water shocking my system. A low cough started in my chest, bursting forwards until I couldn’t breath. “Come on.” Gerard urged, his arms wrapped around me as he cried.
“I’m sorry Gee.” I muttered as my eyes drifted closed again.
“No! Frankie, please don’t do this to me!” Gerard sobbed as everything went dark.

Notes

Heya Killjoys

Don't really have much to say except I have the flu://

you know the drill, rate, comment and subscribe<33

~Elise-Iero~
(Previously went by sing it for me)