The Screaming Hope
they can hurt so much.
Maybe I will not be just punished by my mother if I show myself.
Maybe I will be punished by those “sickos” too.
And punished… forever.
Just like my mom may be.
I choke noiselessly, feeling a load of snot twining in my throat and preventing me from breathing properly.
I just can’t. I was so scared of being caught by my mom, and now I’m scared by every single element that is around me, both human beings and objects. I just can’t. I feel myself nearly vibrating by dint of shaking. I just can’t. I feel like having a thin layer of oil on me because of sweat watering from my skin in cascades. I just can’t. My vision goes white in strobe lights at each blink.
I just can’t… breathe!
I just can’t… show myself, they are going to kill me!
I just can't die!
I’m too young. I just can’t.
I’m too dumb. I just can’t.
I’m also too selfish. I just can’t help my mother. I may be killed otherwise. So I just can’t, I’m too self-serving.
I just can’t breathe, die, think, interpose, react, stay still, and blink properly.
Although one more blink, and it’s too late.
My mother also have a thin layer of liquid on her, but it’s not only sweat, it is also mixed with alcohol.
I remember her recount me stories where the wicked used that technique to kill people.
It’s too late.
It’s too much.
That little too much hurts her and me so much.
“Taluu moved forward, putting carefully his right foot in the empty spaces between the sleeping bodies. That’s not the time for being caught, he thought. With this motivating sentence he gained ground to the other side of the room, exiting it by the door nearby. And then that was it. One more step, one more run and he would be free. Well, temporary free, as far as his legs could carry him. But nothing could prevent him from running. He’s not locked in this cage anymore, and now he can eventually fight; his strength seemed to reveal itself again, and better than even. “Run” was the only information stocked in his brain at the moment. Run and you may see Carloona again, and Peteor, and Radic, and Madicson and those awesome persons who helped me so much, he thought, this thought louder than the previous one. Taluu would fight with them against the wicked, and live an adventurous life he would recount to… maybe the kids he would have with… Carloona? Don’t dream too big, he chuckled. He was still running, and he knew if he got into the Librish Library he would be able to see Paroda in the basement; she told him that’s when she will hide during the Vinus Revolution via her INFEST, and he trusted her because that’s their secret way of communication. Maybe not like top secret but that would do. He sighed of relief at the sight of the Librish Library’s blazon, 100 meters away from him. He rushed towards it, never looking back. Once he passed the door, he hurtled the stairs down, in the direction of the basement. A surprise was waiting for him. No Ricken, that wasn’t a good surprise! The wicked were here, and they got Paroda bounded to a chair. “That’s no really fair of you, making us wait this long… oh come on, you really thought Paroda sent you this message? That’s underestimating us.” Four strong men tackled Taluu and he was also bounded to a chair, next to Paroda. “You shouldn’t have obeyed to your accomplice, Taluu. Now she’s going to pay for you.” They soaked Paroda in alcohol, and this liquid being flammable, she didn’t take long to burn, screaming and dying. That’s entirely my fault, thought Taluu, crying, shouting, hyperventilating and sobbing. Why did I not react? I’m too selfish and scared to interpose myself… I should have took her place and let her live… The world doesn’t deserve me anymore…”
“I know this is sad and hard to hear for a story, but it’s reality.”
“When you’ll grow up you’ll understand.”
Oh yes, I fucking understand, Mom.
I understand every single one of your words.
But I can’t tell you that, because you’re burning, screaming and dying.
And I can’t do a thing to change that.
I’m too selfish.
It’s too late.
That little too much hurt us so much.
Maybe I will be punished by those “sickos” too.
And punished… forever.
Just like my mom may be.
I choke noiselessly, feeling a load of snot twining in my throat and preventing me from breathing properly.
I just can’t. I was so scared of being caught by my mom, and now I’m scared by every single element that is around me, both human beings and objects. I just can’t. I feel myself nearly vibrating by dint of shaking. I just can’t. I feel like having a thin layer of oil on me because of sweat watering from my skin in cascades. I just can’t. My vision goes white in strobe lights at each blink.
I just can’t… breathe!
I just can’t… show myself, they are going to kill me!
I just can't die!
I’m too young. I just can’t.
I’m too dumb. I just can’t.
I’m also too selfish. I just can’t help my mother. I may be killed otherwise. So I just can’t, I’m too self-serving.
I just can’t breathe, die, think, interpose, react, stay still, and blink properly.
Although one more blink, and it’s too late.
My mother also have a thin layer of liquid on her, but it’s not only sweat, it is also mixed with alcohol.
I remember her recount me stories where the wicked used that technique to kill people.
It’s too late.
It’s too much.
That little too much hurts her and me so much.
“Taluu moved forward, putting carefully his right foot in the empty spaces between the sleeping bodies. That’s not the time for being caught, he thought. With this motivating sentence he gained ground to the other side of the room, exiting it by the door nearby. And then that was it. One more step, one more run and he would be free. Well, temporary free, as far as his legs could carry him. But nothing could prevent him from running. He’s not locked in this cage anymore, and now he can eventually fight; his strength seemed to reveal itself again, and better than even. “Run” was the only information stocked in his brain at the moment. Run and you may see Carloona again, and Peteor, and Radic, and Madicson and those awesome persons who helped me so much, he thought, this thought louder than the previous one. Taluu would fight with them against the wicked, and live an adventurous life he would recount to… maybe the kids he would have with… Carloona? Don’t dream too big, he chuckled. He was still running, and he knew if he got into the Librish Library he would be able to see Paroda in the basement; she told him that’s when she will hide during the Vinus Revolution via her INFEST, and he trusted her because that’s their secret way of communication. Maybe not like top secret but that would do. He sighed of relief at the sight of the Librish Library’s blazon, 100 meters away from him. He rushed towards it, never looking back. Once he passed the door, he hurtled the stairs down, in the direction of the basement. A surprise was waiting for him. No Ricken, that wasn’t a good surprise! The wicked were here, and they got Paroda bounded to a chair. “That’s no really fair of you, making us wait this long… oh come on, you really thought Paroda sent you this message? That’s underestimating us.” Four strong men tackled Taluu and he was also bounded to a chair, next to Paroda. “You shouldn’t have obeyed to your accomplice, Taluu. Now she’s going to pay for you.” They soaked Paroda in alcohol, and this liquid being flammable, she didn’t take long to burn, screaming and dying. That’s entirely my fault, thought Taluu, crying, shouting, hyperventilating and sobbing. Why did I not react? I’m too selfish and scared to interpose myself… I should have took her place and let her live… The world doesn’t deserve me anymore…”
“I know this is sad and hard to hear for a story, but it’s reality.”
“When you’ll grow up you’ll understand.”
Oh yes, I fucking understand, Mom.
I understand every single one of your words.
But I can’t tell you that, because you’re burning, screaming and dying.
And I can’t do a thing to change that.
I’m too selfish.
It’s too late.
That little too much hurt us so much.
Notes
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@nuclearcloud
I'm not fantabulous, silly... But awww thank you ;)
3/7/14