You're Never Gonna Fit In Much

So we get to the parlor and I’m on cloud 5 because he’s still holding my hand and he keeps smiling up at me and my heart’s fucking palpitating ‘cause he’s so goddamn close and I never win like this. I’m always the one who gets rejected and smiles anyway even when it hurts like fuck, but this is… this feels like winning and I like it. I like him. Well I think I do. I barely know him. I think I do though.

His philosophy seems to be everything’s fine even when people fall all around. I like that. I like that when everything in this world reminds him not to feel happy or content or loved, he goes on with his happiness and being content and feeling unconditionally loved because even if he isn’t he wants everyone else to be.

Simultaneously, we enter and he shakes me off.
I turn to him.
He ignores me.
I obviously don’t get it.
He shoves his hands in his pockets.
I sit in my usual booth and turn to look out the window.
He follows and looks around until he decides to just check his phone.
Gigi comes over and I order a cheese pizza.
Frank asks for water with lemon.
I just try to get it.

How stupid was I to assume he liked me. I’m broke with a little brother to support and no chance of getting out by way of college scholarship because I’ve flunked everything but English and Art and even those are Cs by the nonexistent hair on my chinny-chin-chin because I skip class to work half the time and what the fuck was I thinking?

So Gigi comes back with the water and her too-low-cut top and I hadn’t realized just how much make-up she had on today and it wasn’t well applied, so I find great difficulty in understanding just why she thought it best to come on to me. Sure, we slept together one time and sure I had no real reason not to fuck her again, but she’s acting like we’ve established some kind of open door policy. Which, mind you, we have not and will never.

“What’s wrong G-baby?” And she has the divine calling to show me her cleavage. Frank’s looking back and forth between us and jesus his neck is going to feel that tomorrow.

“Nothin, Gigi,” I turn back to the window and rest my head in my hand and my elbow on the table. “, just grabbin a bite with a friend.” I swear I do all I can not to stress the word ‘friend’, but Frank looks like he’s been punched in the gut. Yeah, I think he deserves that feeling for leading me on and yes, it’s been a maximum of 15 minutes, but I feel like shit. Why shouldn’t he?
"Just a cheese thanks." I can't actually tell if his anger is directed towards me or her.

“Well, honey, I’ll be right back with the food for you and your friend.” She prances away and hikes up her waitress skirt in what she must think is a subtle manner.

“Who was that and why was she-?” He he halts at the beginning of what I could feel was a very angry rant,looks down at his phone again and shakes his head.

“That was Gigi. Read a damn name tag every now and then.” Okay, that came out harsher than I meant it to because he visibly shrinks and looks at me with humungous puppy dog eyes. This pizza parlor is tearing us apart! Yeah, yeah, we were never together and blah-blah-blah, but this place is tearing me apart. It’s actually making me think and I’m actually very aware that I’ll be stuck here and I’m actually way cool with that as long as Mikey isn’t stuck. Ray can’t be stuck either because those two are like one person for fucks sake.

I look out the window since I can’t look at Frank and revel in the silence of my thought parlor because I’m a dick and I take time to self evaluate when people all over the world don’t have time to see their kids because they have to work to feed said kids, when people all over this selfish goddamn planet don’t have the time to worry about tomorrow because they could die today, when people everywhere in so many different fucking situations ran out of time because they did die, are silently dying, or wish they were dead. That’s mentally and physically. I still take my time as useless as it has always been and think of what to say.

“Sorry.” Frank says and it’s so genuine I believe him. I don’t know what for, but I’m not mad and I feel like a prick for being upset before because when he shook me off, I doubt he meant any harm.

“Don’t be. What were you asking about Gigi?”

“Why was she acting all- what’s your history with her?”

“Well, she… she gives me pizza.” I shrug because that’s literally her occupation. Giving me pizza. “I always sit here and this is her section so I guess-“

“I call BS on that shit because that was not employee/costumer custom. She fucking threw her self at you! I legitimately thought she might ask you to fuck on the goddamn table, G-baby!” That may have been the angriest whisper rant I’ve ever had to dishonor of having directed towards me.

“Why are you so upset?” I feel like I’m going to cry because I liked him. I still like him and I thought I’d felt potential love before, but this was- compared to all those other instances which have become a rarity seeing as Mikey and I were ditched in all our youth and ignorance...

“Just shut up, Gerard. Just stop- stop fucking talking.”He cups his face in his hands and I reach out to rub his shoulder in comforting circles because holy shit he’s upset and it hurt to know he hurt.

He looked up at me with a blank face and mouth slightly ajar and by golly I couldn’t retract my arm fast enough. “Sorry.” I return my gaze to window and I couldn’t figure out for the life of me why I kept looking outside because I just evaluate tree roots until I zone the fuck out.

He’s lacing our fingers, but I flinch away and I immediately curse my reflexes because he’s retracting his hand and looking down some more. I lace them myself and turn his chin up.
“Sorry.” He croaks his voice suddenly hoarse as he jerks his chin away only to look down. I repeat the process of getting him to look up and peck him on the forehead because he kissed my cheek earlier and I’m sure he’s fine with it.

“For what?”

“Nothin”

“Okay…” I laugh a little because pizza with Frank turned out to be a rollercoaster.

“Here you are.” Gigi gingerly set down our piping hot pizza on the little stand next to our laced hands on the table. She knows I’m bi so it’s not like she was shocked, but I was when she said what she said because I was totally having a moment with Frank and although I wasn’t technically taken because we weren’t like dating, she didn’t know that.
She said it anyways she said the most obvious, indirect rendition of ‘let’s go fuck’.

“Why don’t we head out back when you’re done here? I got something to show you and I learned some new tricks since last time.” Well, if that wasn’t on a goddamn platter, then her hiking up her skirt with her finger and leaning down so her boobs were ,once again, all up in my face (and the pizza...that shit aint sanitary) should make it really quite clear.

“Yeah?” I egg her on and as much as I have no intention to following through, I’m selfish and always want to be wanted.

“MmmmHmmm.” She dragged it out and I guess she thought it was seductive to bite her lip, so I bit mine too.

“We’ll just have to see about those tricks then. Won’t we?” I half smile because I’m pretty good at flirting, if I do say so myself.

“Only one way to prove it.” She drawled some more and I almost bust up laughing.

“Well, I wouldn’t say it could be done one way…but I’d love for you to prove it to me.”

“I hope you enjoy it.” On that note she straightens up. “The pizza here really is good.” Then, she’s prances away and starts flirting with another customer, but in a different way like
cutesy and she has him wrapped around her finger.

“You like the pizza?” Frank asks as he starts to bite.
I shrug and say “Yeah, you can tell a lot of skill and care goes into it, you know?”

I thought I described the cooks here pretty well. Apparently though, that was the wrong answer because Frank’s slapping his slice of heaven down and crossing his arms, before I can blink.

“I’m not hungry.” He huffs.

So I get it to go and Gigi looks disappointed, but I just leave.

Frank’s not holding my hand on the walk back.

Notes

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with the sloppiestof X's and tightest of O's
one of the sure to be many girls who want the band back togetther