You're Never Gonna Fit In Much

We set off towards the house and my head is swimming. Mikey- my Mikey- a drug dealer? No, I won’t believe it. Why now? Now when he’s basically half way to his diploma. Now when he’s still innocent.

He isn’t innocent. He’s seen more than any one could possibly want to. He’s wiser than most 60 yr olds.

Why resort to this? This of all things when I know he’s so much smarter. Smart enough not to get caught, sure, but this is a new territory. People die every day in this line of work.

Mikey could die any day in this line of work.
After everything we’ve done to survive –literally just to survive-, he could be gone.
Gone in a way where he’ll never come back…because of one mistake.

What made him decide to start this? How can he get out of it? All of this. Too many of our closest friends tried to do the same thing. None of them are living and well.

When we reach our place, I tell Frank to head in and acquaint himself with Ray.
Mikey and I need to talk.

“Why?” My voice is dry, but my eyes are burning with sparks of water. “Why now? Why when you’ve seen what this line of work does?”

He looks taken aback after all the silence and he keeps fidgeting… with his hands, sleeves, the tree we’re standing under. “I just- It’s not that big a deal. Just some money to help because we both know we need it-”

“What?! For you to get shot like a dog in the street?! For you to become a pawn in something you didn’t know you were even being counted as part of?!” His face contorts with I have no clue what. “I know I don’t need that. I hope you know you don’t either.”

“It’s not that big a deal!” I just let my gaze set on the streetlight behind him and think about where I went wrong when I was instilling morals in him. “We need the money, Gerard! We just do -”

“I’m aware we’re short on cash, okay!” I take the time to tame myself. “Painfully so, but I can- Mikey, just…not like this.” All I’m thinking is ‘how bad was my substitute parenting that he’s trying to justify drug dealing right now?’

Mikey’s voice got softer because of the massive turn in the tone of the conversation. He looks like a scolded 5 yr old. Well, the average 5 yr old. Not the kind that was terrified because their dad threw chairs at them if they ate the peas before the mashed potatoes. “Gerard, I know you lost your job. I just want to help. You shouldn’t have to pay everything by yourself anyway.” he sighs, “ I mean, I know it’s not legal, but-”

“Everyone was just another casualty to greed, Mikey… Even Bob.” It hurts to think of him, but I have to say it. He has to get it.

“ Gerard, come on. That’s different and h-he only did it because-” He’s heaving in breaths between tears and choppy exhales. I knew he’d cry. Bob’s involved. You can’t say his name with out Mikey refusing to eat and sobbing for weeks. The wound’s too fresh. But he has to get it.

“Why’d he do it, Mikey?” I grab him by the shoulders and give him a hug.

“He just w-wanted to help.” He whispered. He didn’t need to be any louder, though. I heard him just fine.

I rest my chin in the crook of his neck and tug his hair in the way that calms him. “You should stop pushing drugs, Mikey. This has got to stop.”

He jerks away and looks at me like I was crazy, but his eyes read a little relieved.

“Wait, you thought I was a drug dealer?!” He lightheartedly chuckles.

Notes

It's pretty short. Sorry.

I've been dealing with some stuff recently, but I'm tired of being I hypocrite and I really miss writing this, sooo...

WITH THE SLOPPIEST OF X'S AND THE TIGHEST OF O'S

xoxo that lying bitch who said she'd update soon, but ended up taking months.