Forever is a Long Time . . .

Monday mornings always sucked. Nobody in their right mind could possibly be happy with the notion of waking up at fucking six am after a long-ass weekend of homework and party planning. Who am I kidding? I didn’t do my homework.

I forced myself out of bed knowing that ‘five more minutes’ could easily turn into twenty, or the whole rest of the day if I wasn’t careful. The cold from the hardwood floor sent chills through my body and I had to resist the now almost overpowering urge to just jump right back into bed. I took my still warm blanket with me, wrapping it tight around my body in an effort to conserve what little heat I had left.

I quickly padded my way to my bathroom, eager to take a hot shower. I turned on the water and twisted the knob to the left until I saw steam billowing from the stream of hot water. I quickly stripped and hopped in the shower, letting the burning water warm my frozen fingers and toes.

As nice as it was and as much as I felt like I could have spent all day in that shower, I didn’t have all day. Reluctantly cutting off the wonderfully hot water after only five, too-short minutes was difficult, but I managed to muddle through it. I was instantly hit with the frigid air once more, urging me to get dressed that much quicker.

Too lazy and unwilling to properly tame my hair, I dried the majority of it before twisting it into one long braid going down my back. I tossed on an ugly but warm sweater and some jeans along with my trusty, worn out converse sneakers. Checking my room over once more for the things I’d need for school, I threw on my jacket and grabbed my backpack before going downstairs to wait for Frank.

Just as I cleared the last step, I heard a car horn outside, signaling that Frank was there. I took my keys off the rack and was about to exit the front door when I felt a hand on my wrist. I turned to see Josh, ready to ask me something.

“Hey, want a ride in?” he asked. I declined seeing as Frank was already outside waiting for me. I thanked him anyway and turned to leave but he didn’t let go of my arm, forcing me to turn back to him.

“Why don’t you like me?” That question hit me like a ton of bricks. How could he think I didn’t like him, my own twin brother? “What? Josh, why would you say something like that?” I was fully aware that Frank was still outside waiting but this was important, so he’d have to be patient.

“I’m your brother, your twin, yet we talk like we’re total strangers. Why?” I didn’t know what to say, I just looked at him with a pained expression painted on his face. I didn’t like making him feel bad, but it’s not like I tried to. “I don’t know,” I began. “I guess we’re just too . . . different.”

It wasn’t a lie; Josh and I were polar opposites, that’s how it’d always been. We’d tried to get closer in the past but there was just no common ground. He’d always pushed for a better relationship but for some reason I just wasn’t willing enough to try. It was just too late now.

Next year we’d graduate and he’d be off in Ohio on his full football scholarship while I would be god knows where doing god knows what. It was sad to think of not seeing him as often but it’s not like we talked much now.

“We’ll always be twins and I’ll always love you as such, but it just seems as though we were never meant to be friends, I’m sorry.”

And with that, I left him, not wanting to see the hurt look on his face as I told him that all we’d ever be is siblings.

I got to Frank’s car knowing how long I’d made him wait, but still slipped in as if nothing was wrong. I just wasn’t in the mood to talk about Josh, which was a possibility considering how Frank’s talking-while-driving skills had been improving. I tried to hide my expression with a smile as I greeted Frank good morning, but he knew better.

Frank could see right through me. That’s the thing I both loved most yet hated most about Frank; the fact that you didn’t need to say anything, yet he’d still know that something wasn’t right.

“You okay?” he said almost immediately upon my entrance. I hadn’t even said anything yet, I had barely even looked at him, but he already knew that something was bothering me. Still, I tried to play it off as nothing to avoid the inevitable exchange of feelings. “Yeah, just Josh.”

Frank knew about the ‘relationship’ I had with my brother and knew that I didn’t like to talk about it. It was one of the biggest reasons I wanted to keep Frank in the dark about my love for him as more than my best friend. If he knew, the feelings wouldn’t be requited and I’d end up losing him, the closest person to a brother I’d ever had; not even Josh, my real brother, could ever make up for that loss. Not only would I lose my best friend, I felt as though I would lose the other half of me.

“Don’t worry,” Frank reassured me. “I’m sure he understands.” He continued to talk as he pulled away from the curb, carefully driving while keeping the discussion going. “Maybe you two should talk it out.”

“We’ve tried, we just don’t have enough in common to hold a friendship. I mean, sure, I love him to death but only as my brother, nothing more.” Frank let out a sigh at this. He hated to think that someone wouldn’t get along with their own twin brother considering he was an only child and had always wanted siblings, but I guess that’s what I was for. It’s not that Josh and I didn’t get along, we just didn’t share the same interests.

It was becoming clear to Frank that I didn’t want to continue the conversation with Joshua being the main topic. We sat without speaking for a moment as the radio, which I hadn’t even noticed had been on before, softly played out a tune.

After what had felt like a solid two minutes later, Frank spoke up suddenly, a notably more upbeat tone in his voice now. “So, just between us friends . . .” he nudged my arm as I wondered where he was going with this.

“What’s your costume?” I rolled my eyes and sighed at this while still letting a defeated smile over take my expression. Frank was not one to handle not knowing something very well, and as the date drew nearer to the day my ‘secret’ would finally be revealed, he grew more and more antsy to know it.

“Kissing up will get you nowhere,” I teased Frank, loving the satisfaction I received from the simple fact that I knew something that he didn’t, though that was nothing new . . .

“Oh come on,” he pleaded. “I won’t tell anyone else, I swear.” I knew that was a lie. I knew that the moment I told Frank what my costume was, he’d go off and tell the other guys, who wanted to know just as badly as he did. So I kept my lips sealed. “It’s a surprise,” I tantalized in a sing-song voice, letting Frank know that, no matter how much he pled, I wasn’t going to crack.

He was too curious though and tried again and again to get me to ‘at least give him a hint,’ but I wouldn’t go down that easily. “Nope,” I said, popping the ‘p’ as I did. “Sorry, but I don’t care how hard it is, I will resist your pleading and make you suffer until Halloween.” I crossed my arms over my chest to emphasize my sternness, but let a smile laze across my lips to let Frank know that I wasn’t being a total killjoy.

Frank jokingly gave me his pouty face before lightening up, surrendering the fight and settling for defeat, at least until Halloween. We got to school and walked up the front steps into the building together. He made one final, less serious, attempt to get me to spill, but instead of an answer I waved to him and said, “See you later,” as I waltzed into my first period class, leaving him wondering.

Notes

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