Forever is a Long Time . . .

After band practice that day, the guys and I all went on our usual, Saturday afternoon outing to the coffee shop. We were all practically caffeine addicts, though Gerard seemed to be more in need of the drug than any one of us most of the time. This was a need that I shared with him, though mine wasn’t nearly as urgent as his ever was.

Out of all of the guys, besides Frank, Gerard and I had the most in common. Though they were all practically my brothers, Gerard and I seemed to click a little differently in our friendship puzzle. If Frank, god forbid, ever wasn’t around to talk, Gerard was generally my first alternative, not that I wouldn’t normally talk with him if Frank was around. He knew some personal stuff; more than the other guys but not quite as much as Frank. Still, no matter how close I was to Gerard, he didn’t even know the secret.

He, just like all the other guys, had no clue about how I felt about Frank, though, if I was to tell anyone, it would definitely be Gerard. He was trustworthy and was generally pretty good at keeping secrets. He was most understanding out of the members of the group, not that the others weren’t, but they were all pretty keen on teasing. He was probably least likely to poke any fun at my dilemma and, in all honestly, would probably have some pretty good advice to offer on the subject, but still, I wasn’t sure how he’d react to news of this scope. Learning that someone was in love with their best friend wasn’t information anyone was expected to take lightly.

I sat in the coffee shop thinking of this as I looked out the window at my usual spot. I liked my window seat and that I could be looking at the same scene outside the same window, yet every time it was slightly different from when I’d last looked. I’d watch the seasons change. The golden leaves falling to the ground one time and having it be covered in snow the next. Puddles of rain growing larger as drops of water trickled from a sky that would be clear and blue upon my next visit.

Now, as I looked out and saw the leaves changing color from bright and vibrant green to crimson and deep orange, I felt a sense of warmth and comfort, despite the crisp air, as my favorite season approached. Autumn.

I’m not quite sure what it was about the fall that made me love it so much. Drinking warm tea and wearing ugly, yet super comfy, sweaters gave me a cozy feeling that I looked forward to every year. And not only had that, but the best holiday that ever was came around each fall.
Sure, Thanksgiving was great and all, but it wouldn’t surprise most people to learn that my favorite holiday was Halloween; and yes, I consider it to be a holiday. Not only did you get to dress up and eat grossly huge amounts of sugar and candy, Halloween for me marked one of the best days in history. Frank’s birthday.

It now being October, Frank’s birthday was coming fast and we had to celebrate. Ray, being the genius of the group was quick to bring up the topic for discussion and begin planning the party for Frank’s eighteenth birthday. I almost couldn’t believe it; it seemed like only yesterday he was that weird, little toddler I’d met in preschool.

“So,” Ray began after taking a sip of his coffee. “Halloween is coming up, and we all know what that means.” He nudged Franks arm, earning him a diffident smile. Frank was always a little uneasy about being the center of attention and he didn’t quite liked to be fussed over, so planning a party for him brought out his modest side.

“Guys, really. You don’t have to-“

“Uh, yes we do,” I cut him off. He was going to have a birthday party damn it, whether he wanted one or not; but once we were done planning it, he’d be glad we did. “You’re turning eighteen; you need a party.”

Frank just shook his head and smiled at this. Though he’d deny it till the day he died, Frank loved his Halloween birthday and I knew he didn’t hate the idea of a party.

“Yeah,” Ray backed me up. “We’ll do it at my house. It’ll be us guys and our girls.”
“So, what? You’re all just gonna leave me girlfriendless?” Frank, much to my contentment, was in fact ‘girlfriendless.’ All the other guys had been dating someone for a while, even Mikey had Alicia.

Gerard and Barbara had been going steady since sophomore year, Bob and Kaitlin got together after our awkward kiss, and Ray had just asked out this girl named Christa about a month back. This left Frank and I in the singles’ world; alone together. It was frustrating really; sometimes I felt like I was Frank’s obvious choice, but then the sad thought would dawn on me: oh yeah, he’s my best friend.

“Well, you’ll have Paige,” Gerard said, trying to bring ease to a crestfallen Frank. Both looked to me as he said this, followed by the gaze of the others. I looked to Frank at this to gauge his expression and hopefully be able to bring relief to the awkwardness that inevitably followed.

Surly Gerard meant that Frank would have me there to talk to, to hang out with while the others were off with their girlfriends. Right? Because there was no was Gerard knew, right? Though Gerard would have been the most reliable person to know about my feelings for Frank, I still didn’t particularly want him to know.

The awkwardness at the table became denser and denser with no one saying a word until, much to my relief, Frank finally spoke up. “As great as Paige is,” he began as he shifted his gaze to the rest of the group. “She’s not my girlfriend. No offense, Paigie.” He brought his eyes back to mine as he said this last part.

I knew I wasn’t his girlfriend, but I still hated to hear it. I didn’t like being reminded of what could be yet was likely to never happen. Frank had no idea how much I wished he could sit there and say that I was his girlfriend. I had to hide from him any sign that I’d longed to hear those words come out of his mouth, saying that I was his and he was mine. Instead, I turned on my sarcasm to hide my true emotion and with a fair amount of joking undertone, I answered, “No shit.”

The discussion of birthday plans went on for another good hour or so. The guys all decided what the theme of the costumes would be this year, Frank settling on superheroes and the rest of us agreeing to his idea. We took some time to ponder which character to portray and the list was set: Gerard and Mikey would go as Batman and Robin, not surprisingly.Ray settled on the Hulk which left Bob as Superman. Even though he was his least favorite superhero of all time, Frank decided to go as Spiderman, for what reason I’d probably never know.

“What about you, Paige? Who do you want to be?” asked Gerard as everyone was sharing their costume ideas with each other. “It’s a surprise.” I liked messing with the guys and I knew that this itty bitty little secret would drive them crazy until Halloween.

“No, Paige just tell us.” Mikey begged to know the answer, relieving himself the wonder of what it could be for the next three weeks. “Please.” He turned on his boyish charm and gave me the puppy dog eyes in an effort to get me to budge, but it was no use. I’d never tell; it was much more fun to make them suffer. “Nope, you’ll just have to wait and see.”

Notes