When You & I Were Forever Wild

'Okay so what are we voting on?' I asked and he seemed to think about it for a moment.

'Fluffiness. Taste, obviously. Not necessarily looks but overall presentation, I'd say. I mean, they don't have to be perfect but they definitely have to look appetizing.'

'Agreed.'

'Pancake to topping ratio. It matters.'

'Definitely. If that shit's soaked it's nasty.'

'Yup. And the butter has to be perfect.'

'Whipped only.'

'Whipped only! Most important criteria: are they better than mine? Extra point if they are.'

'Right.' I added it to the list.

We had now compiled the perfect voting system for pancakes and not only that, we were also ready to rate the first ones. After all, we had to be professional about this, especially because we had decided to add it to our official road trip diary. I watched Gerard as he took another bite, chewing slowly and carefully with a concentrated look on his face. As serious as the quest for the 'Best Pancakes in America' was, I couldn't help but be completely smitten by my adorable husband. It was also fascinating to compare 16 year old Gerard and 26 year old Gerard and find that he actually hadn't changed at all. I did that a lot. Whenever I got sad thinking about the fact that we had been apart for so long, that's what made me feel better.

It was still early and we wanted to make it to Vegas before it got too hot, with one stop planned along the way. We weren't sure if we would stay and party in Vegas or just make a quick visit, to take a few pictures. I had only been to LV once and hadn't liked it very much and I knew that Gerard felt the same way but maybe this time, going there together, would be different.

I decided to drive since Gerard had eaten too many pancakes (surprise!) and wanted to take a nap but I wouldn't let him, going on and on about how he had to be awake once we reached the summit of Towne Pass at 4956ft. The view from up there as well as the drive down into Death Valley were absolutely worth it though and he didn't even want to sleep after I handed him my camera.

'How many rattlesnakes do you think live here?' he said, looking at the passing scenery.

'Babe, we had an agreement. We don't talk about rattlesnakes. Or any other snakes. Or any other creepy deadly animals. Or anything else I'm scared of.' I said and he gave me an apologetic look.

'I know, sorry. But there must be thousands. Can you imagine? It's basically Downtown Rattlesnake. Rattlesnake City. Rattlesnake stomping ground. We're on their turf. We have to play by their rules.'

'Gerard...please shut up.'

'Do you think they have a rattlesnake police?'

He enjoyed this. And obviously I would have done the same, teasing him just as much. I had done in the past and I made a mental note to get him back for it as soon as I had the opportunity. For now, I boxed his leg and he squealed, promising to shut up when I threatened to throw him out of the car so he could meet Sheriff Rattlesnake in person.

*

Even though the drive was beautiful, I had to admit that what I enjoyed the most was our teasing and bickering. It was fun and set the mood for hot sex later. But come to think of it, everything did. There wasn't a time when I didn't want her and the constant banter between us just made it obvious that she felt the same way. I could barely remember how my life had been like just two months ago even though it was the life I had lived for ten years. It was separate from who I was today, almost like I really hadn't been myself during that time. Maybe repudiating these year was wrong, after all I had learned valuable lessons and collected important experiences. I was proud of what I had achieved and I hadn't been entirely unhappy. I knew that 'everything happened for a reason'. And the reason that I wanted to forget wasn't so much that it had been painful. Of course, looking back now, I was a different person, a happier person. But I wanted to forget for Finn's sake. Even though she didn't like to talk about it, I knew what she had been through. I knew that she had tried to end her life, more than once. I knew she hadn't been able to be with someone else like I had. I knew she still had nightmares about the abortion from time to time even though she didn't like to talk about it and assured me she was okay and not upset by it anymore since I was back in her life. There was nothing I wanted more than to make her happy. I lived to make her happy, see her smile, hear her laugh, feel her delighted sighs when she snuggled against me. At the same time though, I knew there were things she still had to deal with if she ever wanted to get rid of these demons from the past. Things we had to talk about. I could only do so much to help her, the rest she had to do herself whenever she felt ready to. We had taken a big step already but it wasn't enough. We were together, we were unbelievably happy and I wasn't scared of not being happy, I wasn't scared of the dark times because I was certain we could get through them, possibly needed to go through them in order to grow up. For now, we didn't want to and that was fine, as long as the demons from the past didn't come too close to our present.

Once we reached the enticing neon lights of Las Vegas it became obvious that we would in fact let it lure us in and make us do exactly what one was supposed to do in this city: drink, party and fuck.

We had lunch and then checked into the Hard Rock Hotel to recuperate from our drive and I fell asleep straight away while Finn was working on her photos and texting Daniel, undoubtedly telling him about honeymoon cabins and rattlesnake sheriffs.

When I woke up, she was in bed with me, so close that our noses were almost touching.

'You talked in your sleep.' she said with an amused smile and I blushed immediately.

'What did I say?' I asked, curious and scared of the answer.

'Something about balloons.'

'I hate balloons.' I replied absentmindedly, trying hard to think of the dream I'd had.

'You're weird. But you're hot so your weirdness is cute.' she winked and I pulled her against me.

'You can only appreciate my weirdness because you're weird too.'

'Whatever. I wanna make out.' Finn just said, already kissing my neck and I decided to shut up.

*

It was already close to midnight when we finally made it into the club, having wasted time getting ready, finding a nice restaurant to have dinner at and then, after hailing a cab to 'Tryst', waiting in line outside. Needless to say it wasn't really 'our kind of crowd' but then again, we probably wouldn't have been able to find our kind of crowd anywhere in Las Vegas, let alone without knowing the local scene. We were already tipsy enough not to care anymore though and even the girls and guys giving us the 'it's obvious you don't belong here' look couldn't bother me. I was full of yummy sushi and love, nestling up to Gerard with my face buried in his neck, soaking up his intoxicating scent; none of the things happening around us was any concern to me. Keeping his arm firmly wrapped around my shoulder, we got our wristbands and entered, immediately being welcomed by the heavy bass of the track that was playing and the sticky, smokey air that was filling the room. I steered us toward the bar and we ordered drinks that we knew would get us from more tipsy to drunk in no time.

We hadn't gotten drunk together since we had done it illegally back in Belleville ten years ago and I was oddly excited about finally doing it again after all this time. It had always been fun and it had always led to getting into the good kind of trouble which we both still enjoyed. Gerard took a sip of his vodka tonic while he looked around the club, raising his brows at something I didn't care to look at because I was looking at him. Sometimes I wondered if it was normal to love someone as much as I loved him or if there was a catch to it. This way of thinking was most likely due to the bad times and the fear of losing him again. Even though I knew the fear was close to irrational, it was still there and I couldn't do anything about it other than hold on to our happiness.

He caught me staring and smiled, stealing a quick kiss from me before he took my hand and pulled me toward one of the seating areas where we found a free spot. There was room for both of us to sit but I sat on his lap instead, not willing to give up this closeness between us, especially now that we were in this place, where everyone around us was getting touchy-feely. I wanted people to know he was mine and I was his.

'Have I told you how fucking hot you look?' he shouted in my ear and I leaned against him.

'Only about 57 times.' I replied, flashing a smile.

'Not enough! You know...it's almost midnight! And tomorrow's our one week anniversary!'

Of course I hadn't forgotten. Although this past week had gone by in a loved up daze, I remembered everything, every little detail. The fact that despite everything that had happened, we were together now not only made me feel happy but also grateful and proud. I had him. I had someone who loved me unconditionally even though I still wasn't over hating myself completely. It gave me hope and strength. And right now it also made me feel utterly sexy. I could tell he wanted me. More importantly, I could tell he didn't want anyone else but me.

'We better celebrate.' I got up and emptied my drink in one go, then grabbed his hand and pulled him with me.

'If you wanna dance, I need a shot first.' Gerard laughed and we headed to the bar again, downing some tequila before taking to the dance floor.

I knew he normally hated dancing, in fact, I had never danced with him except for the slow dance at our wedding. But people weren't even really 'dancing' per se, it was more like sex with clothes on and we were both good at that and I dragged him right into the middle of it. The alcohol had put me in exactly the right state of ecstasy that I knew would only increase once I started moving. And I was right. At first it was the typical crazy 'I don't give a fuck' jumping around but then the music changed to Beyonce's 'Drunk in love' and the silliness turned into a challenge that could only be described as 'how quickly can I get Gerard off just by grinding against him'. I could tell he was flustered and I loved it and as always, knowing I was turning him on was turning me on even more. His hands were wandering over my body while I rubbed myself up on him like a cat.

'You like getting me all hot and bothered, don't you?' he said, pushing the hair out of my face before kissing me and I cupped the back of his neck with my hands, pressing closer to him.

'You wanna pretend you're innocent?' I giggled and he shook his head.

'Not at all. But I don't think it'd be as sexy if I rubbed my ass against your crotch.'

I imagined that for a second, grinning like an idiot. 'But you could try?!'

'No amount of alcohol is gonna make me.' he ensured me but we decided to get more tequila nonetheless.

*

I was thankful for the dim lights in the club and the fact that everyone was so lost in their own world, basically getting it on just as much as we were. I was thankful for the tequila, making me not care about something that I would have normal been paranoid about. No one was paying attention to what my pretty little wife and I were doing on the dance floor and I could have kept going if it hadn't been for the raging boner in my pants. She toyed with me, running her hands down my chest, her nails scratching lightly over my ribs through the thin fabric of my shirt while her hips were moving against mine. Finn was completely caught up in the moment, looking at me with a sexy smile on her parted lips, her eyelids heavy. Every now and then she would kiss me or press her lips against my neck and feeling her hot breath on my skin, I didn't know how much longer I could hold back before I had to drag her out of this club and into a cab so we could just go back to our hotel room and fuck our brains out.

And just when I thought I couldn't take anymore, she stopped moving and looked at me, her eyes wide and glowing with mischief. I knew she was ready to get into trouble.

Within seconds we had left the dance floor and were headed toward the stairs, leading up to the balcony and a separate upper level. Next thing I knew, we were climbing up another staircase, the music from the club getting quieter. Then, Finn pushed me into what turned out to be a luxurious ladies room and locked the door behind us. Damn.

She tasted like salt and lime when she kissed me while her hand grabbed my junk through my jeans, making me groan in frustration. I wanted her and I wanted her badly. I didn't care where we were or that someone could find us, that we could possibly get arrested; I had to have her, right here and right now. Her tongue found mine when she unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans, freeing me of the restraint at last. I reached for her, my hand sneaking under her dress but she slapped it away, smiling into the kiss while I was confused.

'Happy Anniversary, baby.' she whispered, giving me that look.

And then she got down on her knees, pulling down my underwear as she did.

Holy fucking shit. Holy.fucking.shit.

I quivered before she even touched me and I had to close my eyes, knowing I wouldn't be able to watch and see that wicked look on her face without exploding right away. It was still almost too much when I felt her tongue licking up the full length of my cock, so slowly, making this torture even sweeter. I was just about to tell her to stop, fearing that I wouldn't last one second longer but then her mouth wrapped around me and I couldn't even speak anymore. My hands were reaching for something to hold on to and I grabbed the door, my fingers digging into the wood.

'Finn....oh shit!' I moaned, finally opening my eyes again to look at her because I just wasn't able not to.

She let go of me for a brief moment and smiled. 'You like that?'

Holy fuck, do I! I nodded, maybe a bit to enthusiastically and her smile got bigger. I could tell she was pleased with herself and I was happy letting her be in charge of me like that. It was obvious how much she enjoyed handling me when she took me into her mouth again, her tongue and lips doing things to me that I didn't think were possible. I was too close too soon but even though my increased moaning gave it away, she didn't stop. On the contrary, she picked up the pace even more, reaching down to cup my balls and I could tell she wanted me to finish just as badly as I wanted it. I shuddered and rested my head back against the wall, my fingers entangled in her hair, so eager to touch and taste her too. I came hard, thinking about it, moaning her name, my legs almost giving out from under me.

'Fucking hell.' I breathed, watching as she licked her lips as she stood which almost made me cum again.

'You have the cab ride back to our hotel to catch your breath. Then I want all of you.' Finn smiled and I kissed her hard, tasting myself on her lips.

Notes

Oops, what's that? Some more smut! I DON'T KNOW HOW THAT HAPPENED, I swear I wanted to make this whole chapter about pancakes! ;)