When You & I Were Forever Wild

'What the fuck?!' I gasped as the doorbell woke me.

I looked at the clock. 3.12am. Ugh, probably just some bored drunk kids. They would eventually move on if I ignored them. I pressed my head back into the soft pillows, closing my eyes again.

Some loud knocking followed and I cursed under my breath as I finally sat up. I grabbed my phone, expecting missed calls from Daniel that would explain a visit at this hour but nothing. I got up, almost falling over Linus who had decided that the middle of the hallway was a good place to settle for the night. The doorbell went off again and the knocking intensified.

'I'm coming, alright! Calm down!' I shouted, sighing in frustration.

This better be a real emergency, like a drunk and disorderly Daniel or a fire. I looked through the peephole and my heart almost stopped.

Gerard.

Holy shit.

GERARD.

What was he doing here?! HOLY FUCKING FUCK. How did he even know where I lived? How? What? Why? No. No no no. This could not be happening. Not now. I've been doing so well. Why did he have to show up here and ruin all my hard work? WHY WAS HE HERE? And in the middle of the night? What the fuck?

'Finn?' I heard him outside the door. Shit. I would have preferred a fire.

Fuck. NO! Go away! You can't be here. Why are you doing this to me? Holy shit, maybe I was dreaming? Yes, that must be it. I was dreaming. This was just a very realistic, very cruel dream. Or maybe I was hallucinating. Maybe it was just some dude that kind of looked like him? I had been asleep just a few minutes ago, my vision must have been a bit blurry, still. Yup. For sure. I rubbed my eyes and looked through the peephole again to confirm my error but to my horror, it was really Gerard, there was absolutely no doubt. SHIT.

'Please open the door.' he pleaded, sounding desperate. Ugh.

There was nothing I could do. Telling him to go away would have been childish and I couldn't pretend I wasn't home anymore either. I was out of options and as shocked as I was, I was also curious to know the reason why he had decided to pay me a visit at almost 3.30 in the morning, especially after what had happened just two weeks ago. So I took a deep breath in an attempt to steady my nerves, and opened the door.

'Gerard...' I stared at him, not even caring about how confused and disheveled I must have looked because he looked just the same. 'What...are you doing here?'

I didn't want to sound rude but it was a justified question. I couldn't believe he was here. What did this mean?

'Can I come in?' he muttered and the nervousness in his voice made me tense up.

I stepped aside, letting him into my apartment and he sneezed immediately.

'Linus. My cat. Sorry.' I apologized, remembering his allergy. He blinked a few times, scrunching up his nose in order to get rid of another urge to sneeze and I couldn't help but smile. Right now he looked exactly like the cute 16-year old boy I used to know so well.

'S'okay.' he followed me into the kitchen and I felt slightly exposed, wearing only my shorts and a tank top. 'I'm sorry I woke you up at this hour. But the long drive made me too anxious and I just couldn't wait any longer.'

Couldn't wait any longer for what? The long drive? What? Oh my God. Oh shit oh no oh fuck. What was going on? The panic and unease I was already feeling grew even stronger, making me feel nauseated.

'You drove here from Portland? How did you even know my address?' I asked, my eyes widening as he nodded.

'Umm...I found out where you worked and called your office? Spoke to this guy called Daniel and he gave it to me.'

'Of course.' I muttered. I should have known that Daniel had something to do with this and as much as I wanted to be mad at him, I couldn't. GERARD WAS HERE! It was scary but there would always be a part of me that longed to see him, longed to be with him.

'And yeah...I took the car. At first it seemed like a good idea. You know, to give me time to think about what I would say and how I would say it and...well...'

My heart started beating even faster. Not only had he spent 14 hours in the car to see me, there was something important he wanted to tell me. I could feel a flicker of hope even though I couldn't 100% tell what I was hoping for.

'I thought we already talked about everything...' I said, unable to hide the anxiety in my voice.

'Not quite.'

I shifted from one foot to the other as I watched him, doing his best to avoid my gaze. His eyes wandered around the room in order to find something he could look at so he didn't have to look at me. He was biting his lip and I could tell that he was clenching his fingers inside the pockets of his jacket. I didn't want to say anything else, I wanted to give him time to say what he came to tell me while I hoped it would be what I wanted to hear. Finally, he pulled his hands out of his pockets, opening his fist to reveal a ring. I noticed it right away. The promise ring I had given him the day we had found out I was pregnant.

My heart shattered all over again. Was he giving it back? Was it the last token he had to return, the last token he had to get rid of in order to finally be able to let me fade out of his life for good? I didn't want to take it back. I rather he just threw it away. Why was he here?

*

'I wanted to give you this, back in New York. But for some reason I couldn't. And then I realized why. I guess...I didn't want to give it back. You know, it takes the people who made the promise to break it, not anyone else.'

'What does that mean?' she whispered, her eyes fixated on the ring in my shaking hand.

'It means that we never broke it. I know that now. And you have to know that even when I wasn't thinking about you I still loved you because there was just no way I couldn't. I could never not love you, Finn.'

She looked at me in shock and I held my breath. I had said it. Finally. After denying it for so long, after trying everything in my power to not feel like this, I had finally told her.

At first, I had been confused. I questioned myself over and over again. How did I know for sure it wasn't just the memories? How did I know it wasn't just what I used to feel? As I stepped closer, I could tell Finn was asking herself the same questions, so I answered out loud.

'It feels like you never left. It feels like I'm 16 again.' I whispered, reaching out to touch her cheek and she shivered, closing her eyes.

'I thought you were happy...with someone else...' Finn said, her voice trembling just like the rest of her.

I could tell how hard it was for her to say this. The pain pierced through my heart, knowing how much it hurt her to admit that she knew about Jen, that she knew I had been happy with someone else, or had at least tried to be, so desperately. I felt her agony and mine at the same time and it seemed like someone was grabbing me by the throat, squeezing so hard I couldn't breathe. There was all that sadness, still. Why had we waited so long? Why had we given up on each other instead of fighting, trying to be together again? Was it too late now? I had to let her know how I truly felt, I had to somehow make her see that I never really gave up on us, despite everything that had happened, despite all the years that had passed.

'I tried to be. I failed. I guess I wanted to fail. And I realized that I couldn't be the one for her because I'm already the one for someone else. I always have been.' my thumb softly stroked her skin, triggering a craving that was so strong, it ached. It felt so good to touch her and I never wanted to stop again.

'Me?' she asked carefully, looking doubtful. Oh Finn.

'You.' I gave her a reassuring smile.

She seemed to take it all in, trying to figure out whether this was real or not. I knew because I was doing exactly the same thing. Neither of us dared to move, just taking in each other's presence. I could feel her silent sobs as they shook her and I felt anxious, knowing how to end this, knowing what I had to do to make all this pain go away but still so afraid of doing it because I had anticipated it for so long. Her eyes were wide and filled with tears as she looked at me, just as scared as I was, full of the same doubts but at the same time, full of the same hopes.

I was about to do it when she did.

Closing the distance between us and throwing her arms around my neck, she pressed her lips on mine. Although the feeling was still familiar after all these years, it overwhelmed me completely. In the last ten years there was absolutely nothing I had experienced that could come even close to this. I realized instantly that not only had I never stopped loving her, I had never stopped wanting her either. I kissed her back without hesitation and my arms wrapped around her waist, holding her as close to me as possible. My mind, body and soul were immediately infatuated by her, and I felt like myself again. I wasn't lost anymore.

All the pain, uncertainty, confusion, doubt, sadness - it all disappeared. Gone. Like it never existed. It was wiped out by the happiness I was feeling, being with Finn again.

*

Was this really happening? Was he really here? Was he really kissing me? Holding me? Loving me? It felt real enough but I just couldn't wrap my mind around it. To say that I had given up hope would be wrong because there had been absolutely no reason to even have hope to begin with. From the moment I had left Belleville, I hadn't dared to hope for anything. I hadn't even considered the possibility that he could still love me. That he wanted to be with me again. Then again, if I could feel like this after all this time why had I ever doubted that he could feel the same way? Maybe it didn't need to make sense. Or maybe it made perfect sense the way it was. This was bigger than us and I knew that I would fail trying to explain it.

All I knew for certain was that I was desperate. Desperate to make him mine again. Desperate to fill the void I had felt so long, all at once. The urge I felt was almost too much to handle but he seemed to feel it too. His tongue slipped into my mouth as I deepened the kiss and I could feel him tugging at the fabric of my shirt, moaning softly as I pressed my body against his. It was a feeling I remembered but never thought I would experience again. The heat rushing through my body, the need to have him as close as possible, my brain shutting off and my instincts taking over, letting go of all fear and insecurity. I was still the same Finn and he was still the same Gerard and I knew how amazing we were together, I knew that couldn't have changed over the years we spent apart. He was right. It felt like I had never left.

Slightly frustrated by the fact that he was still fully dressed while I was only in my pj’s, I didn’t even give him a chance to undress me. Instead, my hands pushed the jacket off his shoulders before wandering down to open his belt while he took off his shirt. But of course, Gerard really hadn’t changed at all, because he stopped me before picking me up.

'Where's your bedroom?' he asked, his voice low.

Holy shit. I could have devoured him right here, right now. The way he was looking at me with that cheeky smile on his face, a look I knew only too well. A look that let me know how much he wanted and needed me, that no one else would ever make him feel the way I could; everything I needed to know. It seemed like only yesterday we had been together like this.

'Down the hall on the left.' I smiled, kissing him again, while he carried me, my legs locked around his waist, my hands in his hair.

Even though we were in a hurry, everything seemed to happen in slow motion. He put me down on the bed, crawling on top of me, and I tried to take in the sensation of being so close to him again while anticipating having him even closer. I wanted to feel everything of him at the same time, absorb his taste and scent, so intoxicated by it. How many times had I imagined this? How many times had I wished I didn't know how amazing it felt just so I didn't have to deal with the pain of missing it. Of missing him?

Somehow we managed to take off each other's remaining clothes. I had no time to prepare myself but I also didn't have to. I knew him so well, and that gave me the confidence I had been lacking all these years. And from the way he looked at me, in admiration and wonder, also knowing that there were no questions to be asked, no cautions to be taken, I knew he felt just the same. We wanted to get lost in the moment of being with each other again and that's exactly what we did.

'Oh God, I've missed you so much.' Gerard breathed as he finally entered me.

I was on the verge of exploding within seconds. The way we fit together perfectly, just like we used to; the fact that he still knew exactly how to touch me, the feeling of his skin against mine and then his eyes, staring into mine. Yes, he was my Gerard again, he always had been.

*

It was the perfect mix of making love and fucking. It was passionate, neither of us holding back, due to all the emotions that had built up over ten years of being apart. For the same reason, it was also intense and I felt like something was revived inside of me, something I had searched for ever since she had left. The butterflies were back with full force, it almost seemed like they had grown into gigantic Hulk butterflies and multiplied to an infinite number. The world could have gone down in flames around us and we would not have noticed.

'I'll never let you go again, you know that, right? Not even for a day. Not even for a few hours. I need to be with you.' I said, pulling her close and she buried her face in my neck, kissing me there.

It felt like I had been very very ill for years and was now recovering from a life-saving surgery. I needed to stay right here, with Finn, having her as close as possible while my strength and happiness was coming back with every kiss and touch we shared. Paying a therapist seemed so silly in retrospect when the cure had been so obvious.

'Promise?' she asked and I shivered again as I felt her warm breath on my skin.

'Promise.' I answered right away.

She sat up with a jolt, wrapping the sheets around her before climbing out of bed and running over to her dresser and opening the bottom drawer. I watched as she pulled out a box and from the way she looked at it while carrying it over as though it was her most prized possession I knew instantly what the contents were.

'We have to make it official.' she smiled and I nodded, grabbing my jeans from the floor.

Finn opened the box and my heart skipped a beat as I looked inside. She had kept everything, just like me. Pictures, letters, gifts, sketches. The mixtape. All the wonderful memories of the summer we had spent together, kept safe and treasured. After rummaging around for a moment, she pulled out her ring and handed it to me and I grabbed her hand, sliding it onto her ring finger; then giving her mine, I let her do the same. And just like we used to do when we were 16, we entwined our pinky fingers.

'So you still wanna marry me one day?' Finn asked, blushing and biting her lips.

'I'd marry you right now, silly. But you're naked and beautiful and I don't wanna leave this bed just yet.' I said and her cheeks got even redder before she leaped into my arms.

'I really really really love you.' she whispered with a smile. Oh my. She remembered.

'I really really really love you too.' I replied, kissing her freckled nose.

Ten years is a long time. But nothing compared to the rest of our lives.


*~*~*~*

Notes

I WANTED TO WAIT TIL TOMORROW TO POST THIS LAST CHAPTER BUT I COULDN'T! Also I kept editing it and I just thought ENOUGH! Just post it already!
So here it is.....what do you think? Are you happy with the ending? Please let me know!!

And yes, I'm STILL thinking of maybe continuing this story or writing a sequel....but right now, the only ideas I have so far are

-Gerard and Finn set out to find and kill Finn's bitch mother
-Gerard and Finn have a double-wedding with Beyonce and Jay-Z in Hawaii
-10 more chapters of just Gerard and Finn having hot sex
-Gerard meets Stewie Griffin while he is traveling alternate universes and saves his life. As a thank you, Stewie then offers Gerard to let him use his time machine. Gerard and Finn travel back in time. All the bad shit never happened.
-Gerard and Finn have a double-wedding with Beyonce and Jay-Z in Hawaii but on their way back their plane crashes on an island and there is a polar bear for some reason
-Finn finds out that the abortion went wrong and she's actually been pregnant for 10 years, then gives birth to a healthy baby
-Cameron comes back to seek revenge for the water pistol incident. For some reason he has an atomic bomb. Gerard and Finn summon The Avengers to save the planet.

?????????? Can you tell I'm really desperate to continue this story ?????????????

But as I said before in the comments, I worry that if I keep writing, you will become bored. Just in case though, if you subscribed to this story, keep your subscription active....you never know!

Eeeeek. Anyway. Thank you everyone for reading...being able to share this story with you meant the world to me <3 Also let me know whether you think the story should end here or if you'd like more...(although I can't promise yet that there will be more but your opinion matters!!!)

<3 <3 <3 <3 Finn & Gerard 4eva <3 <3 <3 <3