When You & I Were Forever Wild

My breathing was rapid and my sides were stinging as I jumped into the back of the car, followed by Gerard who slammed the door. 'Go go go!' he yelled and Ray hit the gas, making the car bolt forward in an almost nervous motion.

Holy shit. That was close. I leaned back, still shaking like a leaf. We had only just been able to escape but the panic and anger didn't allow me to feel relieved.

'Are you okay?' Gerard asked, scooting over to me and taking my hand which I shook off.

'Don't!' I hissed at him and he swallowed hard, his face pale. I could tell he was hurt but I didn't care right now.

'Fi, calm down!' Suki narrowed her eyes at me in the mirror but I ignored her.

'You and your stupid ideas! Ugh! You almost got us arrested!' I yelled at Gerard, not able to contain my fury.

'Wouldn't be the first time.' Ray muttered from the driver's seat and Gerard snorted angrily at his comment.

I crossed my arms, trying to steady my nerves. I didn't like being angry or upset with Gerard but I was and it was his own fault. Why did he have to go in there? First of all, he had known it was a) illegal and b) something I didn't want to do. Yes, of course it had been my own decision to agree to come but still, it had been HIS stupid idea. Why had I listened? Why had I let him talk me into this?

'I'm sorry, Finn. I thought it would be fun. And interesting.' I rolled my eyes at him but he moved closer again, putting his arm around my shoulder, this time I didn't shrug him off. 'I knew you were scared but I thought...'

'No, you didn't THINK at all. That's the problem!'

'Ugh guys, please don't fight. You are perfect and in love and you can't fight.' Suki had turned around and looked at us with a frown. 'You're Finn and Gerard. You have to make up, now!'

I glanced at Gerard who pouted and as annoyed as I was with him, he looked adorable. Guilty but adorable. And after all, I knew his curiosity and fascination for all things weird and creepy, that was one of the things that fascinated me about him. I couldn't be mad at him. I was crazy about him! I was crazy about everything about him! Suki had a point. We couldn't fight over something so silly. Especially since I had to admit that it had been a mad rush. Gerard would have never led me in there if there had been any serious danger since he would never let anything happen to me.

Against my will, I started laughing. A crazy, high-pitched laugh. I could feel everyone's eyes on me, surprised at my outburst but then I could hear Gerard's giggle and a moment later, we were all cracking up. Before we even left Cedar Grove behind us, I was curled up in Gerard's arms and showered with his kisses.

'I love you and I'm really sorry. Forgive me?' he cooed into my ear.

'You're gonna have to make it up to me.' I said, giving him a flirtatious look at which he blushed. Yes, he knew exactly what I was talking about.

'Tonight?'

'Tonight.'

*

I was standing in the middle of Finn's bedroom, nervously looking around. I had never been in here before, thanks to her parents' strict rules but now I couldn't even take it all in. The only thing I could concentrate on was Finn, sitting on her bed, waiting for me to join her. My painting of her was hanging on the wall right above it and it made me smile that she had chosen such a special place for it.

'Gerard...' her voice was low and the way she said my name was enough to make me lose it.

Still biting my nails, I walked over to her, sitting down. There's no need to panic, dude. Absolutely no need. This is the girl of your dreams. You want this and she wants this and we have been over this a hundred times, there is nothing to worry about. My subconscious was a lot cooler than me. But which part of me was being rational and which irrational?

Her hands reached out to touch my cheeks and then her lips were on mine, making me forget everything. Nothing bad would happen. And even if, as long as we were together, we could work it all out. I kissed her back, slowly, softly, gently, enjoying her taste and feel, the sensation of it shooting sparks through my body. Oh my. My arms wrapped around her, pulling her closer as my tongue slipped into her mouth, meeting hers. Sweet, so sweet. I could forever just kiss her, holding her just like that but right now, we both wanted something more.

In the last few weeks and whenever we had talked about it, Finn had always seemed so confident, at least compared to me, but now, as her fingers wandered down to the buttons of my shirt, she was shaking. Was this excitement or fear? Hopefully not doubt. I looked into her eyes, blinking nervously before kissing her again and she let go of my shirt, grabbing my shoulders again and before I even knew what was happening, she climbed onto my lap, moaning quietly as she felt my erection. My lips left her mouth, starting their travels down her neck, lingering there for a while as my tongue snuck out to trace her delicate skin.

'Mmmm...Gee...' I felt like fainting at the sound of her enjoying what I was doing so much. This was all I wanted, this was all I needed.

As my lips continued to her collarbone, she lifted her arms, inviting me to take off her shirt and I obliged, pulling it off and sending it flying to the floor. She giggled, her unsteady hands now reaching for my buttons again, fumbling impatiently until I did it myself, my shirt following hers a few moments later. I couldn't help but kiss down to her breasts, my lips tracing along the edge of her bra. Wow. Her skin was so soft and she smelled divine, it made me dizzy. What a lucky bastard I was, having this girl all to myself, being able to touch and kiss her like that.

I reached back to unclasp her bra, letting her know my intentions in order to get her permission and she nodded, helping me pull it off. Wow. Her breasts. Wow. This was actually the first time I was seeing them, although I had touched them before but always under her shirt. And they were perfect like the rest of her.

'You're beautiful.' I whispered and she giggled, taking one of my hands to guide it there and that was all it took. In one swift movement, I grabbed her and turned her around, pinning her down on the bed as I covered her body with mine.

Still giggling, her lips welcomed mine once more while my hand gently squeezed, hers reaching down and wrapping around my hips, pulling me down on her. Fuck, this was hot. So hot. Finn nibbled on my bottom lip, her eyes staring up into mine with an expression I had never seen before. A mixture of everything I was sure she could find in mine. Want. Need. Excitement. Wonder. Curiosity. Mischief. And most of all, love. Everything I had always wanted this to be.

*

My back arched as his mouth closed over one of my nipples, my fingers running through his hair as I felt his tongue teasing me. This was sweet torture. I'd had no idea that something could feel this good and this was only foreplay. I wanted all of him and my impatience was growing. How long would I have to endure this?

'Please...' I shuddered as he moved his lips to my other breast, taking care of it just as wonderfully as he ignored my plea but I could feel him smiling against my skin.

I moved my hands down his back, his hot skin burning under my touch. Or was it me who was burning? I didn't know anymore. I didn't know anything anymore except that I wanted him. I wanted him with every fibre of my being because that's what he deserved. He deserved to be loved like that. It wasn't about 'doing it' anymore, it was about knowing him. Knowing how he tasted and how he felt, how we felt together.

'Finn?' he looked up at me, his look questioningly. All I could do was nod, hoping he would still want it as much as I did.

And then, I watched as he opened the button of my shorts before unzipping them and pulling them off, doing the same with this jeans. Wow. We were really doing this. I pulled him close once more, feeling his skin on mine, unable to comprehend just how thrilling it all felt. Suddenly, my hands were everywhere, gliding over his body, causing him to giggle as my fingertips moved along his spine, down to his butt, grabbing him.

'I love you.' I muttered as he nudged my nose with his, smiling his brightest smile at me.

'I love you.' he replied, his voice croaky. Sexy.

My mind was racing but I couldn't make sense of any of the thoughts. As he slipped his hand inside my panties, making me moan in both surprise and delight, I realized that it wasn't important. Nothing was. Nothing but him. Nothing but Gerard. His fingers moved just the way I liked it, just the way he had discovered I liked it. I could feel his hardness pressing against me and I was eager to touch him, eager to feel him. Raising my hips, I met him, making him pant even more. He kept touching me as he reached for his jeans, pulling out a condom. My heart started beating even faster, something I thought was impossible up until now. Kissing me again before withdrawing his hands, he sat up.

Holy fuck, hurry! I was desperate.

'You're really sure?' he asked and I nodded, unable to speak.

Again, he settled on top of me, parting my legs with his. I was holding my breath, waiting, anticipating. He looked concentrated, almost worried, kissing me once more. I tried to relax but couldn't, so I wrapped my arms around him, gasping as I felt him brushing against me.

He was careful and gentle as he lowered himself into me but it still hurt, making me wince. For a second I hoped he wouldn't realize but he stopped immediately, looking at me with a horrified expression.

'Shit, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.' he pulled back but I tightened my arms around him.

'No! Don't stop. It's okay.' I whispered, although I wasn't so sure.

'It's not okay, I'm hurting you. I don't wanna hurt you, Finn.' the look on his face made my heart lurch and twist.

'You're not hurting me! Please. Keep going.' I did my best to sound reassuring but I could tell he didn't believe me. 'I just...have to get used to the feeling, that's all. Don't stop now.'

Gerard frowned, not moving, not doing anything. How could I let him know I was okay? My lips found his again, trying to show him that I really wanted him to continue. After some hesitation, he kissed me back, chastely, almost as though it was our first kiss. I could feel him relax and I did too, and finally, he kept going, filling me cautiously. It still felt uncomfortable but the pain was almost gone, replaced by the overwhelming realization that he was inside me, that we were together, in the most intimate, most special way possible.

*

'I'm sorry.' I whispered, placing my arm over my face in order to hide my embarrassment.

It had been over way too quickly. For me. Not for her. And now I felt awful even though I knew this was gonna happen. Shit. I'd wanted this to be special. I'd wanted her to enjoy it. Ugh stupid, stupid over-excited body. Ruining everything.

'What for?' she whispered back and I could feel her shifting, undoubtedly to look at me.

'Everything I did wrong.' I could hardly breathe.

'What are you talking about? You didn't do anything wrong!' Finn grasped my arm, pulling it away from my face, our eyes meeting for the first time since my premature ejaculation.

Of course I did! First I hurt you and then I lasted like, what? A minute?

'Yes I did.' my face was burning and I felt like crying. All I had wanted was to make her happy! For fuck's sake why did I have to fuck it up?

'No you didn't! Stop it! Gerard...it was...wonderful.' ha, was she joking?

I looked at her, searching for any sign of dishonesty in her eyes but to my surprise, I couldn't find any. On the contrary, she looked happy. She looked...deliriously happy. How was that possible?

'Really?' I asked, my eyes widening.

'Really.' she sighed, settling next to me, so that our naked bodies were touching under the sheets. Wow.

Her arm wrapped around my waist and I shivered, her touch affecting me even more now that we had been so close just a few moments ago. All things that had gone wrong aside, it had been incredible. I hadn't expected it to be so intense, so earth-shatteringly intense. I felt different now but I didn't know if it was temporary or permanent, either way, it was a good feeling. It affirmed me that we had done it for all the right reasons.

'Don't think that's all I got though.' I joked, turning to face her and kissing her forehead, making her giggle. Oh that sound. So precious.

'You'll have plenty of opportunities to show me everything you've got.' she smiled, pressing her cheek against my chest with a sigh.

What? She wanted to do it again? Seriously? But what if it sucked again? And again? It hadn't sucked when I had just touched her. Why was that? Of course I knew that girls worked differently than guys, I wasn't stupid. So maybe I needed to touch her while we were doing it? Hmm. She was right though, we had to do it again. And again. And eventually it wouldn't suck anymore. And then it would be spectacular! Yes.

'Finn?' I whispered, stroking her hair but she was already fast asleep. 'I really really really love you.'

Maybe she could still hear me.

Notes

THEY FINALLY DID IT WOOHOOOO!

I'm excited, are you excited?
;)