This heart only beats for you.

"Um. Are you okay?" I feel Bob's hands on my shoulders as he helps me to keep my balance as my body cripples with memories.

"Yeah I'm fine." I lied. But I catch myself and lead Bob into my house, brushing off the scene that just happened. "My room's upstairs and the first door on the left. I'll meet you there in a little bit." Bob just looks at me one last time before heading up my stairs. I study his eyes, I could easily tell he was really freaked out.

I carry one with roaming around the house, looking for Picket. I spot her on the couch, sleeping on the couch. I can't help but smile at the way she's curled up in a ball. Just like when she was a puppy. I guess I can let her out later.

A loud sigh escapes from my lips as I turn back around and collapse on the barstool in my kitchen. I prop my elbows up on the black counter top and drop my head in my hands.
"Oh god why is this happening?" Tears bleed from my eyes as his words repeat in my head. Over and over like a broken record player.

My thumb hides between my teeth as I bite down on it to hold back crippling screams. I don't even feel the pain of my teeth sinking in my skin. I just taste a warm metallic liquid. I pull my hand away and notice that my incisors broke through skin.
"Well, I'll be dammed." I rub my dry hand across my face, whipping away tears before I march back upstairs to catch up with Bob.

I find him sitting on my bed with his eyes glued to his phone. "Hey." I wipe the blood off my thumb on my pants before meeting up with Bob on my bed.

"Sup." he sets his phone down between us. "You never really explained that dude outside. You know him?"

Fuck. "Um.. well." My fingers swim through my hair as I find the quickest way to say this. "We used to be friends for.. almost my whole life... " I stop when my heart bounces in my throat.

"Well, what happened?" Bob leans himself back on my bed. My pulse slows down more and more by the second. I can't help myself but hopp off my bed and get to my feet. My feet shuffle to my window as I stare out it. Past the tree right outside my window, I can see their house.

"Well, one day he decided he didn't want anything to do with me.. I never saw it coming and when it did come.. I didn't want to believe it.." My words just crawl out my mouth.

"Oh." I hear the mattress shift, I twirl myself around and see Bob sitting back up on the corner of my bed. "I'm sorry to bring that up dude.." His teeth bite down on his lip ring as I study his blue eyes. The guilt is as visible as the sun.

"Don't be.. I need to get over it." My eyes are just pinned at his house, I watch their door crack open and Gerard and his family pour out on their drive way. I notice a suitcase following Gerard. I guess it's a boarding school.

"I wont bring him up anymore, I promise.." His foot steps echo in my ear as he walks towards me. "I've been through a lot of shit too, so I'm here for you man." I fell his warm hands pat my shoulders, bringing me comfort.

"Thanks, I really appreciate it." I turn to him and smile. But it's not fake. I'm serious about it. It's nice to have someone care about me again. Seconds later I turn back around and face my window. I find Mikey out there too. His arms wrap around his brother, hugging him goodbye. My teeth grind on my lip just watching them. How I should be out there too. Half of me tells me to dart out my door and hug him. But the other begs me to stay where I am.

I rip myself away from my window, out of sight out of mind. Right?
"So, Frank. Whattchu wanna do?" I see Bob plop down on my bed from the corner of my eye.

"How about we get to know each other?" I'm second to climb on my bed. I drop myself in front of Bob.

"Hmm. Sounds fair. So, do we just ask each other random questions?" He flipps his blonde hair across his face.

"Yep." I pull my legs up and cross them. "Favorite song?"

"Damn, Um.. Little things by Good Charlotte ."

"Ooo good band." I wink at him. It's great to feel good again.

"What about you?" he raises his eyebrow at me.

"Depression by Black Flag. Uh, Favorite movie?" A smile rips along my cheeks as enjoyment soaks through my body.

"Dammit Frank, all the hard questions." I hear him laugh before answering. "It's gotta be Insidious." Bob smile along with me.

I tilt my head a few degrees, "never seen it but I fucking love horror movies." My smile breaks open a little wider.

"Dude they freak me out sometimes. But usually I can live through them... almost."

"Oh wow dude." Laughter spills out my cheeks as I think about my love of horror movies.

"Converse or Vans." he asks before running his finger though his hair.

"Vans dude." I pull my leg up to show off my red Vans.. thaat are really chewed up.

"How tall are you?" His head tilts a few degrees as he studies me.

"4'9. Grew two inches over the summer." I wink at him as I smack my lips.

"Dude, you're like a little care bear. " Laughter climbs out of him .

"Oh really now?" I smirk at him. "How so?"

"You're short and adorable. and cuddable." I can't help but giggle along.

"I'm adorable?" I raise my eyebrow. "How am I adorable?"

"Like, just imagine you crowd surfing." he nods his head.

"Oh, so it wasn't cause my face?" I whine sarcastically.

"No, you're face is pretty nice." His bright blue eyes study me before smiling.

"Ooo why thank youu." I wink at him.

"Okay, don't freak out but, are you gay?" Again, his teeth wrap around his lip ring as he waits for my reaction.

Am I gay? I made out with a guy and liked it, but does that make me fully gay? "To be honest.. I don't even know man. Like I made out with a guy and enjoyed it but I never kissed a girl. Sooo yeah." My arm stretches behind my back as I think about the question even harder. "What about you?"

A light sigh sneaks out of him. "Well it's kinda the reason why I'm living with my dad. My mom didn't.. ummm.. allow it in her house.."

"Oh shit dude, I'm sorry for bringing that up." My teeth clamp down on my lip. I immediately regret this decision.

"No, dude it's fine." A smile's on his face but I can see through him as he forces it on his face. "Um, you said you kissed a dude, was it Gerard?"

I breathe deeply, "Gold star for you." I sigh before carrying on. "it's kinds the reason why he walked out on me.. No, I don't even know why. It's all just all a ton of bull shit." I throw myself on my back.

"I know what you mean." Bob's eyes are glued to my floor.

"People fuck us over my friend." I think out loud.

"Words of wisdom." Bob adds, his voice is flat.

"Hallelujah." I smirk at him. "So when did you find out for sure?"

"Wait, what?" He goes to lay on his stomach besides me.

"Like when did you find out you were gay?" I correct myself as I look him. Studying him.

"Damn.. well. I never liked girls and I had the biggest school girl crush on this one dude all through junior high. We dated in eight grade, but my mom found a note he'd written me.." bob looks back at me as he finishes.

"My mom doesn't know." I blurt out, not even thinking.

"My advice, keep it that way, until you're ready to come out. No harm in staying in the closet.. Just always be careful and wear condoms." He brightens up the mood a little.

"Yeah." I laugh a little. "I guess you're right..."

Notes

long update? Yeah I'm sorry if it's too long but it'd be stupid to break it off in sections. So yeah. Happy reading (: OH YEAH. Yesterday I was with my girlfriend and another friend from my old school and out of no where these two dudes from my new school meet up with us. They end up stealing a ton of shit and a pair of Vans. I just thought of that when I was writting about Frank and his shoes.