CHOKE IN TRAGEDY

5.

Gerard lingers with me throughout lunch. He's always by my side, always stalking my shadow. For a good majority of the time, his hand is clutched delicatly at my sleeve, but at any sudden movements, his grip will tighten instantly and I'll be pulled towards him. I keep telling myself that he is just being the protective big brother that he is, but he makes me feel nervous. When he touches me it does strange things to my body. My breathing will become more ragged and heavy. My heart beat will quicken and I'll hear my pulse thudding in my ears. I also start to sweat really badly, which makes me feel uncomfotable and gross.
He introduces me to Bob. He's a chill guy the same age as Gerard. Blonde, blue eyes, rather large build. He's a drummer too. He's in my brother's still unnamed band, which I'm confused as to whether or not I am a part of. We're heading down to the music room, where Gerard says I'll be meeting their lead guitarist. "This is Ray," Gerard is beaming proudly as we walk in, and I spot a fuzzy haired man sat a desk.
"That's Mr Toro to you," Ray says, shaking his head. His crazy hair bounces around at the miniscule movement.
"Ah, fuck you, Ray," Frank snickers, jumping onto the desk that the older man is sat at, browing through something on his laptop. "Go on, go snitch on me to good old Schetcher, I fucking dare you,"
I'm pretty sure than no student is supposed to speak to their teacher like this.
"We bring you a gift," Bob says, gesturing towards me as he looks at Ray. Nausia settles inside of my stomach. Being a 'gift' feels weird. "New bassist. Way says he's great, so he's gonna give us a little demo," Ray is nodding approvingly, and I frown as I take into consideration just who the frontman of this band is.
Frank jumps down from the desk, nearly crashing into Bob as he lands on his knees, playing air guitar pretty convincingly. He looks up and grins. "I heard him play last week and holy shit... the kid's a natural, don't worry," he explains, and Ray the teacher ends up with a sloppy grin on his face.
"Sweet," he says, before pointing to a bass on the other side of the room. "Know any Misfits?" he asks me. I snort in amusement. He gets the hint. "Okay, well Astro Zombies it is, then," he gets up and picks up a guitar that is already plugged into an amp. My eyes flicker over to Frank who is also holding a guitar, and I spot Bob getting comfy at an electronic drum kit. Gerard is stood right beside me as I pick up a simple black bass from the small collection.
"Oh for fuck's sake, Gerard..." Frank groans, whining slightly. "He's not gonna just dissolve into the fucking ground if you let go of him for one second. Go plug the fucking mic in,"
I marvel at how often Frank lets curses roll off his tongue, not even slightly bothered that a teacher is in the room, listening to everything. I have to say though, Ray barely looks older than Gerard or Bob. He can't be over twenty two. The initial impression I am getting from him is that he's pretty much just best friends with these guys and my brother. He probably goes out drinking with them every Friday night.
We play the song, Gerard just a few feet away from me as he alternates from singing and screaming into the microphone. Frank is insane, all over the place as he jumps around with his Les Paul. Bob does his best to ignore the hyper active midget who jumps up onto a part of his drum kit, somehow managing to balance as he runs his fingers frantically up and down his guitar's fretboard. Ray doesn't move much, just plays his part and headbangs.
"That..." Frank collapses onto the ground after leaping from another desk, finishing up the song. "Was fuck awesome,"
I smile awkwardly, feeling kind of happy to have just taken part in that. We sounded good. "Dude, you're in our band," Ray announces, patting me on the shoulder. Gerard approaches us and then steals me away from Ray. He does it discreetly, slapping me on the shoulder while telling me how talented I am. "I think you just need to be a little more careful with which strings you're picking. You messed up a few of the lines, but you did awesome," Ray goes on to explain, comfirming my suspicions of him being the music teacher. "How long have you been playing?"
Gerard is running his fingers through my hair absentmindedly. "Um, about two weeks now," I tell him, feeling glad that I had spent a few hours the other night learning Astro Zombies.
"Fuck..." Frank nods. "You're really not bad for two weeks. Hey, Gerard?"
My brother looks over at his boyfriend. "Sup?"
"Did you finish that song? The one about vampires?"
His voice is weary, and he yawns before saying: "Yeah, I got the lyrics done. I'll bring them in tomorrow,"

xo

Me and Gerard are nearly home. We both clamber off the bus, and start heading up our street. Alcohol is the first thing I can smell once we arrive at the front door. The smell is familiar, mainly because of Doctor Pedicone who used to come into work drunk. He got fired of course, but for stealing. He was never even questioned about the vodka he used to bring in every day. "Mikey, wait a minute," Gerard murmers, and then we both fall silent. I hear a loud crashing noise from inside. Things are suddenly taking a turn for the worst.
"I can't fucking deal with it, Dee!" Dad is shouting. I cringe away, feeling tears stabbing at my eyes already. "That kid is a fucking mess! I don't know why the fuck you've brought him home, he's only gonna get us into more fucking trouble. Don't you remember why we fucking sent him away in the first place?"
Mom is quick to reply, her voice a wretched sob. "He's just a little boy, leave him alone," she defends me, but sounds pathetic and scared.
"It's okay, Mikes," Gerard hushes me, before we slip into the house. We avoid the living room, and head straight down to our bedroom. Luckily the door is nice and thick, so once Gerard has locked it up, the angry voices are much harder to hear. I'm stood in the middle of the room, trying not to let any tears spill over as I ball my fists up. Gerard turns to look at me, and his face instantly turns sympathetic. "Baby, don't cry," he reasurres me, and I'm suddenly glad he's here. "Look, he doesn't know what he's talking about. He's a jerk. Me and Mom still love you, though. Please, Mikey don't cry,"
I'm wrapped up into his arms and we both fall to the floor. He cradles me, holding me close as soft whispers fall from his tongue. "I just want it to go away," I murmer, squeezing my eyes shut.
I hear Gerard gulp. "You want it to go... away?" he asks me, his voice tender. I nod. "I... Mikey, I can help with that," his tone is doubtful, as if he's propsing something he's scared of. "One minute," he leaves, and I'm left feeling cold and abandoned, my mind racing yet numb at the same time. Just when I feel more tears threaten to appear, he returns with a small object in his hand.
"What are you doing?" I ask, scared as I flinch slightly. He drops to the ground beside me and takes my arm.
"Roll your sleeve up, okay?" he smiles, encouraging me to do as I'm told. I unbutton my cuff, and then peel back the black material. "It might hurt a little, just a quick pinch," he lifts what appears to be a needle into view. I swallow a small amount of saliva. It scrapes down my throat painfully.
"Wh-what's in it?" I ask, my voice trembling. I stretch my arm, my wrist clutched in his hand. The crease of my elbow is straightened out, a large bulging blue vien jutting up through my skin. It throbs slightly as my heart starts beating slightly faster.
"Nothing bad, I promise," he's still smiling, convincing me that he's doing the right thing. Upstairs, I hear screaming. "All it's gonna do is help you relax. It'll help you get to sleep and forget about Mom and Dad," Gerard strokes a finger over my tingling flesh, holding the needle just milimetres away from it.
"Do it," I tell him, wanting to feel nothing but blackness.
He looks as if he's about to reconsider, before his lips curl up. Gently, he inserts the pointed object into my skin. I don't react, and it doesn't hurt because of how used I am to undergoing medical examinations. When he pushes down on the needle, forcing a mysterious liquid into my blood stream, I close my eyes and try to let me body relax. "Do you do this a lot?" I ask once he's wrapped the empty drug container in an old shirt and hidden it in his wardrobe. He picks me up carefully, before we curl up on his bed together.
"I have to," he mumbles, stroking my hair. "And now you do too,"
Shivers run down my spine at his choice of words. I start to feel myself slipping away, before empty sleep consumes me. His voice echoes in my head.

"And now you do too."

Notes