CHOKE IN TRAGEDY

CHOKE ON TRAGEDY

WELL I THOUGHT I HEARD YOU
SAY I LIKE YOU
WE COULD GET OUT
WE DON'T HAVE TO STAY
STAY INSIDE THIS PLACE
ONE DAY THIS DAY
WE KEPT FALLING DOWN
ONE DAY THIS DAY SET THE FERRIS WHEEL A BLAZE
YOU LEFT MY HEART AN OPEN WOUND
AND I LOVE YOU FOR

-THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER. I BROUGHT YOU MY BULLETS, YOU BROUGHT ME YOUR LOVE. MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE. 2001-2013.

1.

My pulse flutters beneath Gerard's touch as his fingers glide over my wrist. Flames burn my flesh, and I gulp nervously. His eyes are vacant as they stare at nothing, before they focus and snap upwards to meet my gaze. It sends shivers down my spine. "You've been hurting yourself again," he murmers, his lips barely moving. His eyes return to my hand which is clutched delicatly in his. The blood has dried, crusted on my pale skin. "Mikey, you're not supposed to hurt yourself,"
I'm confused, unsure of how to respond. The white walls around me are caving in. I'm suffocating. "I..." is all I manage to choke out. I have to avoid his dissapointed gaze, feeling guilt fill my stomach. My eyes settle on his own wrist. He's wearing three bracelets today. Yesterday, he only wore two.
He strokes a finger along the tainted red marks, his lips puckered slightly. His face is tender, his eyes filled with something I've never seen in another human being. Quickly, I drop my gaze, scared. "Look at me," he orders.
I can't. I'm staring at the ground again. I can feel anger spilling into the room.
"Mikey, look at me,"
My eyes jitter upwards. They meet his.
"Don't do that again," he tells me, gesturing to the exposed flesh of my white skin. It glimmers beneath the overhead light.
I decide not to question him. It's always easier if I stay quiet. "Okay," I mumble, closing my eyes.
"Promise?" His tone is lighter, more welcoming that usual. I nod, biting my lip. He always makes me keep my promises.
Quietly, he shuffles on the bed. Our bodies are closer together than they should be, and my heart is thumping as he leans forwards. It's nothing but innocent; the stroke of a cheek and his hand ghosting my chest without any particular meaning. My eyes are still closed, but I squeeze them shut even harder, grimacing as he rubs my hip. I can't help but let my breathing hitch as he cups my face. He touches me; soft and lovingly. It should make me feel safe, but it doesn't. I want to ask if Mom and Dad are here to take me home yet, but my ability to speak has shut down. It daoes that automatically. A side effect of the medication. My body can't cope very well under stress, according to Lindsey.
"I mean it, Mikes. I don't want to see you hurting yourself, it hurts me too," my heart throbs slightly as he says this, and I open my eyes to see his dark hazel orbs staring into mine."Say something, please. Tell me you won't do it again. Tell me you love me too much to do that,"
"I won't do it again, I swear," I promise frantically, my breathing ragged. I can feel it bouncing off his face and landing back on my lips. "For you," I add.
"Good boy," he murmers, before we hear a knock at the door. As usual, he moves away, putting as much distance as he can between us as the small room allows as Mom walks in. Lindsey is with her, and I can see Dad lingering outside uncomfortably. Suddenly, Gerard jerks forward and pulls my sleeve down to cover my wrist before dissapearing to the other side of the bed again. We exchange a simple look of few words.
"Hello, Mikey," Lindsey greets me with a smile. "Excited to go back home, eh?" her smile fills me with confusion, but I ignore it and give her one back in return. It's shy, and clearly forced, but I know that it will please Mom to at least be making an effort.
Gerard has to prompt me. "Uh, yeah," I nod after he kicks me in the shin. I'm sat up at the edge of the bed, my legs dangling over the side. My body is slouched and my hands are clasped together. Gerard is the complete opposite; he's sprawled out carelessly, his head propped up on the institutional white pillow. Mom scowls slightly at his scruffy appearence, not wanting to be embarrased in front of Lindsey.
"Come here, baby," Mom cooes, before holding her arms out in demand for a hug. Hesitaintly, I stand up and let myself sink into her loving embrace, before she pulls away and smiles at me. Her eyes are lit up with hope, sparkling with happiness. "We've missed you so much, it's been too long this time. We're keeping you at home permenantly now. No more letting you get stolen away by all of these doctors and having injections, I promise,"
It's Gerard who hates injections. "Can we get coffee on the way home?" I ask, trying to at least appear slightly normal. Maybe if I act like there is nothing wrong with me, Dad will finally stop being so weird.
Gerard pulls himself to his feet at my mention of coffee. "Please, yes. Coffee," he says, his voice lit up with a bright enthusiasm. We all stand there for a moment, waiting to see what will happen next. Dad is pacing, his eyebrows furrowed together as he blanks me out. Mom is forcing smiles and keeps rubbing my arm as if to check that I am still here. Gerard flicks a greasy strand of black hair from his face, before he chews one of his painted nails. We trail out, and after the paper work has been dealt with, we're lead down a large corridor. Me and Gerard are at the back. He keeps a hand loosly clutched to my sleeve, keeping me close to him. I feel his breath on the back of my neck before we get into the car.

Notes