I am afraid to keep on living

(Gerard's pov)

Cassie walked outside the room and I didn’t follow her, I just stared at her walking away. I wanted to follow her and try to convince her that she’s wrong, Dean will never change, I don’t know why she thinks that after all that cunt did to her. But something stopped me, my feet didn’t move, maybe a part of me knew that she needed some time alone to think of it, maybe she would realize the truth…

I heard the door closing and went next to the window. I saw Cassie walking away from the house with her look lost in nowhere, thinking. That’s right, come on, Cassie think. Think of what I’ve said. Don’t you think is weird that he randomly changes his way of acting? Cassie, don’t trust that guy, please.

I kept looking through the window until I couldn’t see her. I walked to the living room and sat down on the sofa. I needed to get Cassie out of my head until she comes back. If I keep thinking of her and what have happened I would go crazy.

I looked at the TV turned off. Maybe I could watch TV… No. I don’t want to. Maybe listening to some music and singing it would distract my thoughts from Cassie. I turned on my music on shuffle and sat down again on the sofa.

Alone together by Fall Out Boy started playing. I sang along with Patrick’s voice. Let’s be alone together, we could stay young forever. That reminded me of Mikey’s boyfriend, Nathan.

Nathan told us when I met him that when he was younger he lived in an orphanage where he only had a friend called Patrick and that they both liked to stay away from other kids that were there too, in other words, that they liked to be alone together…

That made me think… What if Patrick Stump was Nathan’s friend? No… It would be cool, but I don’t think so. Suddenly someone knocked at the door. I stood up quickly wishing it was Cassie. I opened the door and saw Vic.

“Hey, Gerard. Mikey told me that you guys live here.” Vic said. “Hey, Vic. Well, if you are here to see Cassie, she isn’t here.” I said to him. “Oh… And where is she?” He asked. “I don’t really know, she just went for a walk.” I explained. “And where is he coming back?” He asked. “Well… I don’t know that neither…” I said.

“Is something wrong? Did you have an argue?” Vic asked. “Well, kind of.” I said. “What happened?” He asked. Vic looks nice and he’s also Cassie’s brother, so I decided to tell him all what happened with Dean.

“Oh my god… I didn’t know that Cassie’s life had been that bad… But anyway, did you just let her go outside?” Vic said. “I thought that she needed time to think about it.” I said. “Maybe this has changed now, but when she was little, a boy used to take advantage of her and when I told her, she just ran to that boy. I’m afraid she has gone to Dean…” Vic said. Fuck no. That was bad, really bad. “We need to find her.” I said and went outside the house followed by Vic.

We walked down the street looking for Cassie. But she was nowhere. Suddenly I saw Frank. I wonder how he escaped from Dean’s house, but that wasn’t the point now, all that mattered in that moment was Cassie.

Maybe he saw Cassie somewhere. I ran towards Frank. “Hey, Frank! Have you seen Cassie?” I asked. “No, sorry. Why?” Frank said. But there wasn’t time to explain all the story to him. “If you see her, tell her to don’t go near Dean.” I said and went away from Frank. Then Vic and I continued looking for her. Fuck. Where could she have gone?

Notes