Our Lady of Sorrows
Prologue
I want you to know that I’m writing this for you, Gerard. Wherever you maybe, I wish to inform you that I loved you. I might not now, but I did.
You put me through hell, and you knew it too. I could see the happiness and relief in your eyes every time I called you “baby” when you were in pain. I couldn’t take that away from you, and at the time I was too conflicted to. I loved you, Gee. I was painfully, irrevocably in fucking love with you, but you ripped my heart out, threw it on the ground, and watched it beat for you and only you. I was so twisted in denial, yet caught in realization. My love for you was crumbling, and you could feel it every time I absently said “I love you”.
I never once thought of abandoning you. I couldn’t. You were my best friend. I felt betrayed, but I couldn’t voice this because of the agony you were going through and the death you were facing. I was facing it too, sweetie. I could feel the same agony of your symptoms. I was with every goddamn time you cried. Trust me, I wish I could’ve left you. I was just too in love and stupid to avoid even more pain and betrayal.
You lied. You told me I would always be yours, and you would always be mine, Gee. Not only is our always gone, but at some point you weren’t only mine. There were no excuses to give me. You had known about your illness months before it got that terrible, but you wouldn’t just confess. You still haven’t and never can, and that’s what hurts the most. Gee, you were always so insecure. You always doubted my love for you, which I never understood. I was the one that wasn’t good enough for you. I thanked god every single fucking day that you were in my life and loved me enough for everyone that never did. I guess you were having your doubts, but that doesn’t justify how you hurt me.
I’m writing this for you. I’m writing this to tell you how I coped with what you put me through. I’m writing this to show how much my love for you hurt me, and yet I’m so happy. I would never take the time we spent together back.
I will supply you, my love, with my accounts of the most prominent days of your final year, starting from the last time I saw you. My love, my life, my heart, I want you to know how I miss you.
Notes
I just wanted to start this story because I'm very overenthusiastic about this very unenthusiastic story. This gonna be a very sad fic with only about one or two smut scenes in the very end. So ah yeah very different from my other story, except for the sad thing.
I won't be starting this one completely until I have finished with Invest Yourself.
You all have beautiful minds.
-Alex:)
@Hopeless Ruby
Well one of my future plans is to possibly become an English teacher, so that makes me happy. Also I'm totally down with the house idea. Although I'm way too young for the house. Maybe just the band merch and artwork. Anyway looking forward to the next chapter.
9/10/14