Lana's treatment started five days later and although she was nervous, her attitude had changed completely. I didn't want to give myself credit for it but it seemed like finally, she had accepted the challenge, eager to win it.

It still felt like a bad deja-vu, sitting in this room with her again, an IV in her arm with the fluid that I knew would make her feel sick in a couple of hours but hopefully better in a few weeks, dripping into her. Between us on the table, we had laid out our MTG cards, something we hadn't stopped playing ever since the night I had unpacked the game.

'Where did you even learn how to play?' I asked, considering my next move.

'Noah taught me. He actually wanted to teach Célia but she didn't have the patience.'

'Bless Noah.' I smiled.

'Lana! Honey!' a woman's voice interrupted us and I turned around to see Lana's mother.

'Hey mom, what are you doing here?' Lana asked and I could tell she was trying her best not to sound rude.

'Greg told me you had your first treatment today so I thought I'd surprise you. Hello Gerard. I like the new hair!' she addressed me, extending her hand, which I shook.

It was slightly awkward, considering the last time we had met I had been butt-naked in her daughter's bed and then I had flirted myself out of trouble. I also didn't know what Lana had told her about me and the reasons she had left New York. Anyway, she seemed friendly now so I smiled back at her before she sat down next to Lana, opening her bag.

'I brought you all your favorite things. See? Even the Diptyque candle you love so much.' she handed Lana the candle and continued pulling out more stuff.

Lana seemed stunned as she looked at me, obviously trying to figure out what was going on.

'Umm, I can't light a candle in here, mom.' she said and her mother laughed.

'I know that, silly. It's for your apartment. Do you like the scent of honeysuckle, Gerard?'

'I guess so...' Lana and I exchanged another confused look.

'How do you like living together? By the way, I meant to give you your key back. I don't think I should have one, now that you're living with your boyfriend.' Marie started rummaging in her bag again.

'Mom, you can keep the key. Just promise me you won't just show up and burst into my bedroom when I don't answer the phone right away.'

Her mother blushed, making both Lana and I aware of the fact that it had been most awkward for her, not us. Also, I could tell that something had changed. She wasn't as cold anymore, not as dramatic, or only focused on herself. I could also feel Lana softening up to her mother, something that surprised me more than anything since in the past, she had always been rather indifferent about her.

'Only if you promise to actually call me once in a while.' Marie said and Lana nodded.

*

'That was weird.' I muttered after my mother had left again.

'She seems like she's seen the light.' Gerard replied, smelling the candle she had given us.

Greg must have talked to her, I thought. She'd probably had a nervous breakdown when I told her about the cancer being back and maybe then he had finally had enough of her behavior. That was the only explanation I had. To be honest, I didn't quite buy it yet. Although the change in attitude was sudden, I doubted the longevity of it. Either way, it wasn't like I expected anything from her. Too much had happened or rather not happened between us. As undeniably touched as I was by her attempt to be a better mother, maybe it was simply too late for it.

Half an hour later, I was done with my first round of chemo. Knowing that I would most likely start feeling sick in a few hours, Gerard took me home right away so I could rest. He brought me tea, wrapped me in several blankets until I felt like a caterpillar in a cocoon and even offered to get me soup although a snowstorm was raging outside.

'Stop fussing! I feel fine. Just come into bed with me and tolerate shitty afternoon television.' I said, turning on the TV.

'I live for shitty afternoon television.' he smiled and jumped into bed, settling next to me.

I managed to break out of my cocoon with one hand, grabbing his and he started playing with my fingers while we tried to figure out which soap opera the opening credits belonged to.

'I'm glad you're here. I'm glad I have you.' I said and he sighed, resting his head on my chest.

'You'll always have me.' he muttered and his comforting words lulled me into a deep sleep.

When I woke up, I felt incredibly sick. Luckily, Gerard had placed a bucket next to my side of the bed because I wasn't even able to make it to the bathroom before the vomiting started.

'Oh no.' he ran over to me, helping me out of bed while holding the bucket and walked me to the toilet.

I felt horrible that he had to see this again, that he had to take care of me like that again but also unbelievably grateful for his presence. After about 20 minutes, my stomach calmed down and he brought me back to bed. At least it wasn't quite as bad as last time, well, for now. He even successfully talked me into having a couple of spoons full of soup.

'This is your life now.' I said, half joking, half serious, when he took the bowl away, placing it on the nightstand.

'My life is also, falling asleep and waking up next to you every day, kissing you whenever I feel like it, seeing you naked, playing Magic with you, taking walks in the park with you...don't think a few bad things can scare me away when I have all I ever wanted with you.'

Sometimes he seemed too good to be true.

*

'No, of course, I completely understand. I mean, we can get a studio in New York, it's short-notice but I'm sure Warner can arrange something.' Brian said.

I had just called him to tell him that I had to postpone any shows, appearances and other obligations, including recording the new album. Naturally, I hadn't told Lana and even now that I was talking to Brian, I made sure that she didn't find out about it, using a trip to get groceries as an opportunity to call him.

'To be honest, I don't think I can do it. Even if we get a studio nearby. Lana's getting another couple rounds of chemo and then they're gonna start her on some other stuff, ugh, I don't remember what it's called. But I don't want to leave her alone at the apartment. I wanna be there for her, you know. I'm sorry, I'm aware of the position I put you in but there's just no way I can record this album right now.' I replied, rubbing my forehead. Please, I thought, don't make this even more difficult for me.

'I'm gonna talk to Craig right away. He'll understand and he'll make sure that the label will too.' Brian answered.

'I hope so. Thanks, bro.'

'Don't worry about it. We're gonna put out a statement when you're ready.'

'A statement? Is that necessary?' I didn't want any of this in the press.

'Well, it's the most sensible thing to do. Before people make up rumors. Plus, we have dates for March and April. The DVD is coming out. All of that.'

'Fuck.' I sighed, wishing there was an easier way to do this. I loved this band, I loved touring and I had been looking forward to releasing Life on the Murder Scene. But I loved Lana more. My commitment was to her.

'Everyone will understand.'

'The kids are gonna be disappointed.' I said.

'You'll make up for it when you're ready. Just imagine what they'd think of you if you left your sick girlfriend at home and toured the world instead. You're being a decent guy and the fans will appreciate that, even if they're disappointed at first.'

He had a point. Our fans were amazing and supportive and if anyone turned their back on us then so be it. I didn't and couldn't care about this right now.

'Okay. But let me write the statement myself.'

*

As touched as I was that he had cancelled all the plans with the band for the next few months, I couldn't help but feel bad about it. I could have gotten someone else to take care of me for a while, I didn't rely entirely on Gerard. He had been so excited about the new album, going on tour again and finishing the comic. Now me and my stupid cancer were hindering him from doing all of that.

'I can still work on the comic from home! Actually, they do have an office in New York so I could even go to the meetings. And the DVD comes out soon which means the kids will have something to enjoy until we can finish the new album.' he told me, realizing how guilty I felt.

'But-'

'Lana, I'm not gonna argue about this. That's why I haven't told you until now.'

'I wish you would have.' I said, sitting down. I knew that I couldn't change his mind.

'So you could go on and on about how much you are putting me through and how you are ruining my happiness and how you are a burden? Yeah right. I didn't even have to think twice about it!'

Maybe he was doing this because he felt guilty. Guilty because he hadn't canceled any shows when Elena had been sick. Guilty because he hadn't been with her when she passed away. I didn't dare to say it out loud. And I didn't have the right to talk about guilt anyway. The only reason I couldn't accept the fact that Gerard was staying with me was because I had left him when he was struggling. Yes, I still blamed myself for it.

'I thought twice about it.' I mumbled, more to myself than to him.

'What?'

'When you were sick.'

'Oh not this again. Lana please. How many times do I have to tell you? That was a whole different situation. Would it make you feel better if I left? Do you think it would be fair then?' he was annoyed and obviously hurt.

'Maybe.'

'Well I guess you have to live with the fact that I'm not being fair. Because you're full of shit.'

I raised my brows at him and he seemed to taunt me, pursing his lips.

'You're an asshole.'

'Awww.' he got up and grabbed me.

'I hate you.' I hissed.

'Yeah? How much?' he gave me a sly smile and picked me up, throwing me over his shoulder on the way to the bedroom.

'Much.' I smacked his ass but he didn't seem to care.

'Show me.' he dumped me on the bed, pinning me down with his body immediately.

I bit his neck, making him jump and loosen his grip on me slightly, giving me a chance to escape from under him. But he was quick, grabbing me by my leg and pulling me towards him again.

'Do that again and I'll punish you.' he threatened, causing me to smile provocatively before biting him again.

Maybe, just maybe, I wanted to be punished.

Notes

who doesn't want to be 'punished' by Gerard, right? ;)

hope you enjoyed - thanks once again for all the feedback <3