New life same thoughts
Feels like I'm falling
We arrived at my house and before gerard could stop me I sprinted upstairs and into my bedroom. I grabbed all the blades and bloody towels and threw them into a random drawer just barely hiding the last ones when he came marching upstairs looking pissed.
"Trying to run away from me?"
"N-no I just had to do something." I stuttered. God I sounded like such an idiot. I quickly shoved the journal underneath my bed pillows and prayed that he hadn't seen.
He he shut the door to my room and just came over and sat on my bed. He was about to speak my phone started buzzing in my pocket. I pulled it out and saw it was from my only friend back home alex.
"Hey Alex listen nows not a good time."
"and why would that be? Frank I haven't talked to you since last week! How are things going? Make any friends, boyfriends? How are you feeling like.....mood wise?"
"Alex listen I will call you back later ok? Dude listen I really have to go-"
"frank what's going on? Why do you have to go are you...frank your not going to-"
"no! Just I'll call you later!" I yelled at him before hanging up and falling onto my bed.
I put put my head in my hands and began shaking. Shit I was about to have an anexity attack. I swear the smallest things can set me off. Gerard had to fucking be here and I yelled at Alex and now he probably thinks I'm going to kill myself. I felt like crying but couldn't because I was shaking so violently.
"Faggot what's wrong with you? Why are you shaking?" Gerard asked acting like his usual bully self but I could hear the get in his voice.
I stood up and made my way to the bathroom attached to my room trying to get to my pills. I made it into the bathroom and eventually found the pills. I ended up spilling them everywhere because I was shaking so much but managed pick two up off the floor and swallow them. I collapsed to the floor and sat there crying waiting for the pills to kick in.
I calmed myself down after almost give minutes and stood back up with the help of the sink. I walked out of the bathroom and almost had a heart attack when I saw gerard on my bed. I had forgotten he was even here.
His face though. he looked absolutely terrified about what had just happened. He was just staring at me in total shock and disbelief. "What just happened?!" He asked his voice shaky.
"Listen don't worry it just happens sometimes." I said casually.
"What was that!?!" He asked again still scared.
"I told you It happens sometimes. it was just an anxiety attack I'm fine." I said staring to get annoyed with him. He picks on me constantly and when I'm having a fucking attack right in front if him he just sits there watching me the whole time.
"w-what?"
"Are you fucking deaf?" I said mocking him from earlier. "I had an anxiety attack. It. Happens. Calm down."
"you mean you get those a lot?"
"Haven't you ever heard of anexity disorders or panic attacks?"
He shook his head. I honestly couldn't believe he'd never heard of them before.
"It's just something that happens when someone panics or starts becoming anxious and having anxiety. It's just something you deal with." I said not looking at him. We were both sitting on the bed and we were sitting across from each other. He was making me uncomfortable I didn't like people to see me have an attack.
"What happens...like when you have one?"
"Well obviously I shake, or cry, and I can black out but the pills stop it...."
"Are you okay?" He asked.
This is time I looked at him. "Are you fucking serious!" i said with complete hatred in my voice. "Why the hell do you care!? Your just a fucking stuck up dick who has already my new life in Belleville a living hell withing twenty four hours of me moving here and it takes you seeing me have an anxiety attack before you realize that I'm hurting!?"
"Frankie I-"
"fucking leave!"
"But frank-"
"FUCKING LEAVE! LEAVE ME ALONE AND STAY AS FAR AWAY FROM ME AS POSSIBLE! I HOPE YOU FUCKING DIE IN A HOLE YOU PRICK!"
"Trying to run away from me?"
"N-no I just had to do something." I stuttered. God I sounded like such an idiot. I quickly shoved the journal underneath my bed pillows and prayed that he hadn't seen.
He he shut the door to my room and just came over and sat on my bed. He was about to speak my phone started buzzing in my pocket. I pulled it out and saw it was from my only friend back home alex.
"Hey Alex listen nows not a good time."
"and why would that be? Frank I haven't talked to you since last week! How are things going? Make any friends, boyfriends? How are you feeling like.....mood wise?"
"Alex listen I will call you back later ok? Dude listen I really have to go-"
"frank what's going on? Why do you have to go are you...frank your not going to-"
"no! Just I'll call you later!" I yelled at him before hanging up and falling onto my bed.
I put put my head in my hands and began shaking. Shit I was about to have an anexity attack. I swear the smallest things can set me off. Gerard had to fucking be here and I yelled at Alex and now he probably thinks I'm going to kill myself. I felt like crying but couldn't because I was shaking so violently.
"Faggot what's wrong with you? Why are you shaking?" Gerard asked acting like his usual bully self but I could hear the get in his voice.
I stood up and made my way to the bathroom attached to my room trying to get to my pills. I made it into the bathroom and eventually found the pills. I ended up spilling them everywhere because I was shaking so much but managed pick two up off the floor and swallow them. I collapsed to the floor and sat there crying waiting for the pills to kick in.
I calmed myself down after almost give minutes and stood back up with the help of the sink. I walked out of the bathroom and almost had a heart attack when I saw gerard on my bed. I had forgotten he was even here.
His face though. he looked absolutely terrified about what had just happened. He was just staring at me in total shock and disbelief. "What just happened?!" He asked his voice shaky.
"Listen don't worry it just happens sometimes." I said casually.
"What was that!?!" He asked again still scared.
"I told you It happens sometimes. it was just an anxiety attack I'm fine." I said staring to get annoyed with him. He picks on me constantly and when I'm having a fucking attack right in front if him he just sits there watching me the whole time.
"w-what?"
"Are you fucking deaf?" I said mocking him from earlier. "I had an anxiety attack. It. Happens. Calm down."
"you mean you get those a lot?"
"Haven't you ever heard of anexity disorders or panic attacks?"
He shook his head. I honestly couldn't believe he'd never heard of them before.
"It's just something that happens when someone panics or starts becoming anxious and having anxiety. It's just something you deal with." I said not looking at him. We were both sitting on the bed and we were sitting across from each other. He was making me uncomfortable I didn't like people to see me have an attack.
"What happens...like when you have one?"
"Well obviously I shake, or cry, and I can black out but the pills stop it...."
"Are you okay?" He asked.
This is time I looked at him. "Are you fucking serious!" i said with complete hatred in my voice. "Why the hell do you care!? Your just a fucking stuck up dick who has already my new life in Belleville a living hell withing twenty four hours of me moving here and it takes you seeing me have an anxiety attack before you realize that I'm hurting!?"
"Frankie I-"
"fucking leave!"
"But frank-"
"FUCKING LEAVE! LEAVE ME ALONE AND STAY AS FAR AWAY FROM ME AS POSSIBLE! I HOPE YOU FUCKING DIE IN A HOLE YOU PRICK!"
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2/8/16