"Ok thank you frank jr. Now frank sr. I have some questions for you." Judge mason said.
"ok shoot." My dad said sounding confident.

I could feel Gerard's eyes burning holes into my skin. He hadn't taken his eyes off me after I had said I had been raped.
i didn't dare look at him so I forced myself to watch my dad.

"Frank is you biological son?"
"yes."
"He was thirteen when you began making him uncomfortable?"

My my dad took a minute to respond.
"Yes."
"you were physically attracted to your own son?"
"yes..."
"did you ever make him do things sexually that he didn't want to?"
"Yes."
"You raped your son?"
"yes but-"
"no buts, and don't interrupt me. now are you still attracted to your son in any way physically?"
"No."

the judge wrote something down before standing. "I will make my final decision about whether or not to let you two spend his birthday together. While I'm deciding you two talk to each other. We'll be monitoring you three but we want you to prove that you can be left together." He said in his 'I'm a judge so I'm better than you' tone and then left the room waving just me my dad and gerard.

I stared at the ground not wanting to talk and just leave but my dad spoke up.

"You've changed a lot frank, I mean look at you." He said in what sounded like awe. Even though he hurt me if I was in his place I'd still care about my son.

"Yea." Was all I said.

"So when did you get the tattoos?" He said pointing to my hands which had a fair amount of ink on them.

"I don't know I have a lot..." I said awkwardly. Most people never see my tattoos because I like to wear baggy clothes and sweatshirts almost all the time.

"And the piercings?"

"I don't know but I only have the three. My gauges my nose ring and lip ring...."

"Uhm I don't mean to come off as rude but is this your boyfriend?"" He said pointing at gerard.

"No he's just a friend and he's my neighbor..."

"Frank I've been wanting to ask you one question for a while and haven't really gotten the chance but....how are your thoughts?"

I was was surprised that he even remembered my suicidal thoughts. Mom was always at work so dad dealt with my depression before our relationship went down hill.

"uh there probably the same.....I mean I guess since there not getting worse that's good...right?"

"yea it is....frank I really hope you'll consider spending your birthday with me. I know how much you always loved your birthday I see the tattoo." He said pointing to the Halloween inked across my knuckles.

"What other tattoos do you have?"

"Uhh...here." I said taking off my hoodie so he could see my sleeves.

"These are really cool frank." He said giving me a genuine smile. "What's this one mean?" He said quietly. He was pointing at the heart with swords through it on my upper arm that said I miss you terribly around it.

"It stands for someone I miss."

"Who?" He said and I could tell he hoped it was him.

"Alex....."

"What happened with him?"

"He's still alive it just sucks not seeing him."

"Oh..."


***************************************

it was official I had to spend my birthday with my dad.

We left the courtroom And gerard was silent the whole way to my house. I had called my mom and told her we'd just walk it was only twenty minutes and I needed time to think.

"Are you ok?" I said poking gerard in the arm. He looked almost sick.

"God I should be asking you that......frank I had no idea."

"No one knows about my dad-"

"I meant about you being suicidal."

"Well the cuts may have given that away....."

"No I never pieced it together. I just thought it was a way to cope not an exit out of the world."

I didnt really get a chance to respond because gerard pulled me into a hug "I'm so fucking sorry. I never should've treated you like that."

"Gerard I accept your apology but I don't want any of your pity." I said being honest.

"What...."

"I mean lets be honest if you didn't happen to get dragged into this and go with me you'd still be calling me an emo faggot."

he looked shocked for a moment. "I know....I just fuck....I'm a dick."

****************

we walked down out street just talking about normal things nothing that amazing.
"Hey frank do you wanna hang out? Or like spend the night at one of our houses? I feel like shit and I kinda wanna make it up."

I thought for for a moment before deciding. "ya how about I spend the night at yours?"

"Yea awesome." He said smiling at me.

"I'll be over soon I kinda want a minute to talk to my mom and get my things."

"Ok cya soon." He sods and walked next door to his house.