Cemetery Drive

The rest of Christmas and New Years had passed by with nothing overly eventful taking place, Frank and I had gone to a friend’s house for New Years and gotten into a fight which resulted in me drinking too much and passing out in the cab on the way home. Nothing was said about the fight as the days went on; it was just another thing we kept ignoring, setting it on the backburner and trying to forget about it.

My birthday, which is January 9th, was too be celebrated amongst friends and family; that day Frank and I got along for the most part; we had to keep appearances up. My parents took Frank and I out for a fancy dinner in New York, which we were mostly silent through; so silent that my Dad pulled me aside as we were leaving.

“Is everything okay with you two? You both seemed kind of quite through dinner.”

I sighed and straightened my black jacket.

“Honestly Dad I don’t know, Frank and I have been kind of distance lately, but we have also been really busy. It’ll pass I’m sure, once things have settled down.”

My Dad just ‘hmmed’ and put his arm around my shoulder before leading me to the car. The drive back to Belleville was even quieter than dinner, which was making me extremely uncomfortable. Upon being dropped off Frank and I both thanked my parents for dinner and went up to the apartment to change before our friends arrived to celebrate my birthday further. There was a silver wrapped package sitting on the coffee table when I came out from the bedroom; I turned to find Frank sitting on the couch, wringing his hands and looking bored.

“What’s this?”

I asked pointing to the box, forcing him to look up at me.

“Your present.”

He said before adding.

“You look beautiful by the way.”

His comment made me blush as I stepped forward to sit beside him; I had chosen to wear a black dress that resembled a tutu that came to mid-thigh, pairing it with dramatic eye make-up, my signature red lipstick and a pair of gold stiletto heels.

“Thank you, for the gift and the compliment.”

I smiled at him, and got a half smile in return; if it hadn’t been my birthday I would have made a comment about how distant he was being, but not wanting to sour the mood right before the party I leaned forward and unwrapped the box. Inside was a small boom box, I looked over at him with a confused look on my face.

“Thanks, but Frank you know we have one already.”

He laughed at me then.

“No I know, plug it in Nicole you’ll see.”

I went over and plugged the cord into the wall and attached it to the boom box sitting on the coffee table; it turned on and Frank leaned forward and pressed play. A single acoustic guitar came over the speakers, joined by another soon after and Frank’s unmistakable voice singing in a melancholy tone.

“No matter how hard I try,
To break all the ties,
Heartbreak is forever.

The land of the lost,
I found myself in nothing,
This time,
Promises broken find me,
Clutching to you for something,
Something that you’re not,
Believing,
Believing what you say,
Makes me lie awake at night,
The truth, the truth is not what scares me,
It’s why you have to lie,
All the time.

I can’t close my eyes,
I can’t shut my eyes to you,
I can’t close my eyes,
I won’t shed a tear for you,
I can’t close my eyes
I can’t shut my eyes to you,
I can’t close my eyes,
I won’t shed a tear.”

The song had another verse and chorus before ending; I looked over at Frank with tears streaming down my face.

“I wrote it for you; about you actually, about us. I want things to go back the way they were, but I know they can’t. I am hoping that they can get better though, I love you.”

Frank reached over and wiped the tears from my face, wrapping me in his arms.

“It’s beautiful Frank, I love it.”

He kissed the top of my head before speaking.

“Happy birthday baby.”

I just smiled and snuggled closer to him, craving him like a drug.

The sound of the buzzer brought us out of our thoughts; Frank went to the speaker and asked who it was. Kyle’s voice sounded over the intercom as he screamed a happy birthday to me, I smiled and grabbed the boom box, unplugging to from the wall and putting it in the bedroom for safe keeping.

The apartment was soon crowded with people, how many I didn’t know. At that current time I was looking for Frank amongst the people, not having any luck; I bumped into someone during my search and spilled my drink down the front of them.

“Shit sorry, I didn’t see you.”

I screamed over the music and people talking; I looked up to find a young guy looking down at me through his glasses, which sat on the very end of his nose.

“No worries, it wouldn’t be a party without spilled drinks.”

He shrugged his shoulders sheepishly and extended his hand.

“Mikey.”

I took his hand a shook it, smiling up at him.

“Nicole, the birthday girl.”

He returned my smile.

“Oh you’re the birthday girl, well happy birthday then.”

“Thank you.”

We both fell silent after that, Mikey took a sip from his drink and look nervously around the room.

“I should ah go, don’t have too much fun Mikey.”

I waved at him over my shoulder and wondered into the kitchen; still trying to find Frank.
After a while I had found Kyle, and he persuaded me into having a couple more drinks; not a very good idea on my part, for after I stumbled around the apartment looking for Frank, yet again and having no luck.

People had slowly started to leave the party as it was getting quite late, I had perched myself on the couch, sipping from a bottle of wine and chain smoking when a commotion started in the kitchen. I pulled myself up and stumbled over to find out what was going on.

I turned the corner into the kitchen and saw about six or seven people including that guy, Mikey from earlier, standing over top of someone wearing scuffed up, dirty sneakers. Mikey gave me a worried look as I pushed a girl out of my way and gasped when I saw who was sitting on the floor. I found Frank propped up against the cupboards; pale, sweating and shaking. He looked up at me and I saw that his lips were chapped and bleeding; I knelt down beside him and placed my hands on his shoulders.

“Baby what’s wrong?”

He licked his lips and cast his gaze to the floor.

“I’m fine, just give me a minute.”

He said, pushing my hands off of him, by then Kyle had joined us and was kneeling beside me, a comforting hand placed on my back. I turned to him with pleading eyes.

“Get everyone out of here now.”

He nodded and started to navigate people out of the apartment. I turned back to Frank and ran my fingers through his hair, his eyes were closed and he had his head resting on the cupboard behind him.

“Here let me get you to bed.”

I said as I stood up and grabbed his hand that had been resting on his knee; He opened his eyes and got up off the floor following me into the bedroom down the hall, both of us stumbling the whole way there.

We made it into the room and I watched Frank as he stripped off his clothes and climbed into bed, lying his head on the pillow and within moments falling asleep. I made my way back out to the living room and found Kyle sitting on the couch, smoking a cigarette and sipping on the wine I had been earlier.

He looked up at me when I entered the room and patted the spot next to him; I sat down beside him as he passed me the wine.

“Is he okay?”

I nodded and lit a smoke, wiping my bangs out of my face.

“He’s asleep now. I guess he just drank too much.”

I said with a shrug of my shoulders.

“Bull-fucking-shit Nicole! You and I both know he’s fucking high on something. Don’t lie to me, and don’t lie to yourself; you said you guys have been having problems and this would explain it.”

I looked over at him and let my tears fall down my face, knowing full well that Kyle was right. Frank had been indulging in other substances, and I had ignored that fact all along; the late nights, the irritability, the silence between us. It all made sense now, but I still couldn’t admit to myself that Frank would do such a thing.

To himself, and to us.

Kyle pulled me into a one-armed hug as I cried.

“What should I do?”

I sobbed, all of the emotion I had been suppressing these past few months spilling out.

“I don’t know Nicole, I really don’t.”

In that moment I only knew one thing; I would not let Frank destroy himself, whatever the cost.

Notes