Cemetery Drive

I had been on the couch most for the day, watching TV and falling in and out of sleep; Frank was still in bed, the door still locked keeping me out. I had been trying to determine what exactly had gone wrong but kept coming up with no answers or explanations for his behaviour; other than the fact that he had had some mind altering substance running through his body, whether it was intentional or not I guess I would find out when he woke.

I had gotten up to grab another cup of coffee from the kitchen, when I heard the bedroom door open and shortly following that retching coming from the bathroom; I put down my mug and went into the hallway going down to the bathroom, I lightly knocked on the door that was slightly ajar.

“You okay?”

I asked, my eyes cast to the floor as the smell of vomit seeped into the hall. After a while with no response from Frank I went back into the kitchen to grab my much need coffee and took my place back on the couch. He came walking into the room a few minutes later; his hair plastered to his forehead, pale skin and a shaking body; he took a seat on the couch, reaching for a smoke and lighting it with trembling hands. The whole time not looking in my direction; I got up to get him a glass of water and placed it before him on the coffee table.

“Drink this, it’ll make you feel better.”

I said in a hushed, clipped tone. He gave me a curt nod and sipped slowing at the liquid before finally looking over at me; the moment his hazel eyes met mine my heart melted, almost forgetting the words we spoke just hours before.

“Nicole I…”

“Frank you need to tell me what’s going on, I can’t help you unless you talk to me.”

He sighed and reached for my hand that I quickly pulled back and grabbed for the pack of cigarettes.

“I don’t even really remember what happened last night. I remember being at the garage drinking beer with the guys and then I remember I was mad, at you I think, but I don’t know the reason. Then I remember slamming the bedroom door and locking it, but… I don’t know anything else that happened. I’m sorry.”

I looked away from him trying not to cry; if he thought an excuse was going to work for the way he treated me he was sorely mistaken. I didn’t respond and concentrated on smoking my cigarette, watching as the smoke danced around the room in the evening light before being sucked out of the open patio door.

“I am so fucking sorry Nicole.”

I looked up at him then; the tears in my eyes threatening to spill down my face.

“You acted like a completely different person last night, and you hurt me in more ways than one.”

I got up from the couch and made my way over to the patio door, staring off into the distance not caring how sorry he was, the pain from this morning too strong and fresh.

I turned around when I heard him choke back tears; his head in his hands and his shoulders shaking, I wanted so badly to be cold and heartless in that moment, telling myself to let him wallow in the misery he created. But when he looked up at me; tears running down his perfect face, a hopeless look in his eyes I caved, going to him and placing myself beside him before wrapping my arms around him, holding his quaking body to mine.

I held him for a while, until his tears subsided and his shaking dulled; even after he was still hanging onto me, his head resting on my chest, rising and falling with my breathing. Neither of us spoke; all of the damage had been done and I in a way had forgiven him for his actions and words, we both knew that, so there was nothing to be said.

When he did speak his voice was a pleading whisper.

“Don’t leave me Nicole, I couldn’t…just please don’t leave me.”

I stroked his sweat soaked hair and said nothing.

“Nicole say something, please.”

I shook the hair out of my eyes and thought of what I could say before opening my mouth.

“I really don’t have anything to say Frank, I’m not going to leave but I’m also not going to forget about what happened. I’ll let it go but that is the best I can do right now.”

He lifted his head from my chest and stared into my eyes, no doubt seeing the pain that was in them.

“I know that.”

I nodded my head and looked out the window; I couldn’t bear to look at him; his eyes begging for forgiveness, his pale face and chapped lips, the tear stains that were etched into his face, it was too much for me at that time.

He moved away from me slightly, feeling the tension rise in my body and placed his hands in his lap, I pushed past him and stood up.

“I’m going to take a bath… I need some space. We’ll talk when I get out…if you want that is.”

His face fell even more if that was possible and he nodded his head, understanding why I need the space. I went into the bathroom and turned on the faucet for the tub, filling it with scalding hot water; I stripped myself of my clothes and climbed into the water.

I let myself soak for the better part of an hour, letting the heat relax my body and mind; pushing
all the thoughts for the day to the back of mind, willing them to vanish.

It was of no use as I kept picturing Frank’s face in my head when he had come home, fury dancing in his eyes.

I got out of the bath and wrapped a towel around my body, freeing my hair from the ponytail it had been in and exited the bathroom going down the hall to the bedroom.

I went to the closet and got out fresh clothes before laying them on top of the bed, I was drying off when I head Frank come into the room. He came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my torso, pulling me into him and placing his lips on my collarbone.

“Frank maybe…”

“Shhh.”

I closed my lips and let him lead me over to the bed, laying me down on top of the sheet and
pushing the blankets onto the floor; he got on the bed and placed himself over me, running his fingers through my hair and placing his lips on my neck. I clung to the towel covering me with one hand and with the other I brought it up to the side of his face. He moved up my neck to my jaw before stopping and gazing to me.

“You know I love you right?”

“I know; I love you too.”

I brought my lips to his and kissed him slowly, savoring the moment, trying to hold onto it before anything else happened. He grabbed for the towel and with a tug it was on the floor, leaving me lying under him completely exposed. I placed my hands under his shirt on his waist making him hiss at the contact of my hands.

He sat up abruptly and removed his clothes, leaving them in a heap on the carpet before lying down on his side, facing me on the mattress. His hands cradled my face as he leaned in and tenderly placed his lips on mine. His kisses soon became more demanding, his fingers travelling my body with an urgency that was never there in times before. I grabbed for his hands trying to slow his actions, but it was short lived as he untwined his fingers from mine to travel my body once again.

Of all the times we had had sex he had never acted like this, and that thought was eating at my mind.

“What’s the rush?”

I asked in between rough bruising kisses; he groaned into the kiss before speaking.

“I can’t help it.”

That satisfied me enough to push away the worrying thoughts and focus more in the moment; Frank placed himself over me and rubbed himself against me, making me sigh and moan out.
I grabbed his shoulders as he quickly entered me, startled as the force grew behind each thrust of his hips; he had long since detached his lips from mine and had his head resting in the crook of my neck, the heat from his breath burning my skin as the perspiration from our bodies mixed making our bodies slick.

He removed his head from my neck and roughly grabbed my hips, digging his nails into my skin, I opened my eyes and looked up at him; his face was dripping with sweat, and his eyes clenched shut, the expression of fury had returned to his face.

He finished some time later, lowering his head to rest on my chest as he spew profanities from his lips; he stayed that way a minute until rolling off of me continuing until his back was to me.
I lay there trying to contemplate what had just happened; our love making had always been gentle and passionate, and yet this time had been rough and demanding, there had been no love behind what we just did.

To put it simply I had just been fucked.

I rolled onto my side facing Frank’s back and moved over so I was directly behind him, letting my arm rest on his side and placing my hand on his chest.

“I love you.”

I whispered into the darkening room; he reached up and grabbed my hand that was resting just over his slowing heart, bringing it up to his lips.

“I love you too baby, I really do.”

I rested my cheek against his shoulder; letting myself cry silently, feeling the tears running over my face onto the pillow below me.

What was happening to us?

Notes