Fallyn's POV

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I couldn't see anything, make out shapes, see a blurry face, there was nothing but whiteness to the point of almost being blinding but I couldn't close my eyes either.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do, I can't hear anything and I don't even feel like I've got a body, let alone am able to speak so I just continued staring, hoping for something to come from the whiteness and explain what was going on.

What happened to me? I can't remember anything after falling off a roof and then everything went black, no pain just the sound of a thump and darkness, nothing afterwards except for the glowing white that hadn't let up since it started. I don't know how long I've been here for, maybe a couple of days or a couple of hours, I can't think of any time comparisons other than that I feel like I've been here for too long and want to leave, I don't like this.

Am I dead?
Did I fall and die?

Is this what the afterlife's like? Just blinding white and nothing else, no sound, nothing to look at, no way to say anything. If that's what it is then I'd have to make the guess I'm in hell because I can't imagine heaven being cruel enough to do something like this to someone, it's like a punishment where you spend the rest of eternity in nothing.

I'm scared, I don't want to die right now. I've just decided that I want to live, that I have something worth living for and if I'm lucky they guys should be on their way here, this isn't fair, I can't die just yet, especially when I have so many things to say and do first.

I need to tell Frank that I love him, I need to hug Gerard and Mikey, I need to meet my real parents and see what they're like, if they're as good as I think they could be. I need to leave this damn town because I refuse to be a victim of it, I'm not going to spend over half my life here and die here, I can do much better with my existence than dying because some asshole decided they wanted to play murderer and push me off a building.

It's still sinking in the Jules was able to do that, cold heartedly murder someone because she wanted to, I knew she was a bitch and wouldn't care less if I died but I'd have never guessed she'd happily have a hand in my death.

There's no fucking way I'm letting her get away with this.

Somehow, I don't know just yet since I'm still trying to figure out whether or not I'm alive but once I do I'm going to find Jules and wring her fucking neck, I'm going to fucking kill her for what she's done, she doesn't get to get away with this.

Shit, what if they guys do show up and it turns out I'm dead, they'll fine my body and there's no doubt everyone in the town will tell them that I've killed myself, nobody would guess that Jules was a murderer. I can't even imagine what it'd do to the band, Gerard and Mikey would freak the fuck out, Frank would be devastated and I'm not sure how Ray and Bob would react but I can't picture them being too happy either.

This is unfair, I want to kiss Frank again, tell him how much I really like him and enjoy being around him but now I'm probably dead or really fucking close to this and this sucks, it's like life's out to get me and won't be happy until I'm in the ground.

Frank, I'm so sorry.
I'm most upset for him, he's saved me from dying twice so he obviously doesn't want to see me buried.

"Fallyn?" I heard a voice coming from the distance, sounding like an echo but it meant that someone was around and I tried to call something out but couldn't find my lips or my voice.

All of a sudden everything around me began shaking, like being in the middle of an earthquake, the whiteness slowly darkening to a pale grey as the world shook even harder, the area around me getting darker and darker with each tremor.

"Fallyn?" The voice was too warped for me to recognize it, I couldn't tell if it belonged to a man or a woman, a boy or a girl but at the moment of me being worried and thinking my entire existence was over made me feel like I'd just heard heaven.

Everything shook even harder then I was taken over by the sensation of falling, like I'd jumped off the bridge again, it was an endless and almost floaty feeling that made my stomach go to my throat and my vision blur. There was the sound of a thump then everything went black, just like I'd fallen from the building again except this darkness wasn't like my eyes were closed, it was life I was standing in a void of nothing.

There were no walls, ceiling or floor and I was confused why I wasn't falling anymore but I was grateful to have something other than the white, it made me feel like I was in a hospital and I wanted to get as far away from it as humanly possible.

A whooshing sound went past my ears as If I were sticking my head out a car window and I tried to flinch, feeling surprised when I was able to move. I could feel my body again, my hands, my arms, my legs, my mouth, I looked down and my feet were there but at the same time it looked like I was suspended in the darkness.

"Hello? Hello, is anyone there?" I called out, never enjoying the sound of my own voice as much as I had at that moment, I was grateful to be making any sound at all.

There was nothing but silence and finally after waiting for what felt like forever I saw something flickering, it was the shape of a person, a white shape in it looked like a light struggling to come on, appearing and disappear too quickly to be able to tell what it was.

"Hello, who are you?" I tried walking towards the shape and found that my feet were willing to move and I walked across the blackness towards the flicker, getting closer and closer while the flicking slowed, the person or thing taking shape for longer amounts of time.

The first thing to materialize was a dress, seeming to hang in the air from nothing then slowly expanding as it was filled by a body, arms, legs, a neck and head perched atop small shoulders with the face fading in, first framed by long brown hair then detailed with a mouth, nose and eyes. All together taking the form of my best friend.

"Fallyn? What are you doing here?" Katelyn sounded confused and had a puzzled expression on her face, obviously not expecting to see me and I wondered why she'd have that problem when she was an angel, shouldn't she know if I was dead?

"I don't know, I think I might have died," I said, staring at her and trying to figure out what was wrong, there was something strange about her and she didn't look the same as I was used to, her hair was closer to black, her eyes that used to be a light shade of blue had darkened and her skin seemed paler than I remember.

"No, that can't be right. You're not supposed to be dead." There's one thing we could agree on but she knew the real answer, she was the one who said she was my guardian angel after all, shouldn't she have stopped me from dying?

"Tell that to Jules, she was the one who pushed me off a five-story building." I almost disturbed myself with how casual I was being while talking to her but then again I always felt calm around Kat, she just gave off this soothing vibe.

"What?" Her eyes had darkened to black, not a single ounce of the former color in them and her hair seemed to take on a life of its own, lifting up slightly from her shoulders as if she were underwater.

"Jules tried to kill me, she succeeded I think." I looked around the area, actually feeling a little intimidated by my friend and not wanting to make eye contact with her.

"No, she's not going to kill you. Not now, not ever. She's ended one life and she's not ending another. I'm going to see the angels, you're not dying, you'll be fine." I looked back when she started to flicker again, putting my hand on her shoulder to stop her from disappearing when I still had more to ask, I wanted to know what was going on about my death.

"Katelyn, am I dead or not?" I asked, wanting a straight up answer, I'd never gone well with not knowing what's going on and I wasn't going to tolerate it now, especially when I had a person in front of me with an answer.

"I-I don't know, you're kind of sandwiched. Where you are now, it's an in-between. You either go up to heaven or down to hell and you're supposed to be in your body and alive. They never said anything about cutting off your time." I wonder who 'they' are, is Katelyn talking about some mystical beings who are able to control the balance of life and death or fortune tellers that know when you're going to die, is this what's happening to me?

She flickered in and out again, this time faster, suggesting she were about disappear and in between the last few second of her standing with me in that dark space and vanishing I asked one question, my hand landing on her shoulder, "what do you mean Jules' ended one life?"

~~~

I turned around a couple of times, not understanding where I was. Well I knew but I didn't understand how it'd happened, I'd been standing in absolute darkness and I was suddenly standing on the staircase of the Sommers family house.

I'd been standing next to my friend and now she was gone and no one was around with the small exception of someone knocking on the front door, the knocks becoming louder and louder as of whoever was on the other side was angry about something or other.

There was a noise that overtook the knocking and I turned to see Katelyn running down the stairs, a long sleeved shirt with the sleeves pushed up to her elbows and a pair of floral pajama pants, meaning she'd just woken up and if her outfit didn't say it then her expression did because she looked like she was still asleep and trying to wake up enough to be able to talk to someone.

What I wasn't expecting was how alive she looked, as an angel she had this usual air about her but now she was the same as she used to be when we hung out all the time, like she wasn't dead or at least some kind of supernatural creature. She was the regular old Katelyn who looked like a zombie as she stood up on her toes, peering out the peephole to see who was standing on the other side of the door.

I felt my eyes get wider when she opened the door, yawning then muttering 'what the hell do you want?'

Jules was standing on the doormat, arms crossed and an annoyed expression on her face, she'd been waiting and hadn't enjoyed it and by looking at the color of the sky it was early in the morning so she couldn't have been too happy about that either.

"What have you been doing with Ian?" One of my eyebrows went up when I heard the name Ian, he was one of the things that started the hate between Katelyn and Jules.

It'd kicked off just before first school camp of the year when we were about thirteen, what used to be a rather geeky kid called Ian who'd gone away on a trip with his parents came back, much cuter than when he left. Katelyn immediately like him and so did Jules but he didn't like either of them and kept to himself but it didn't keep them from still having fights over him.

"He comes over and we listen to music. What, isn't taking Cain and getting up in my face at school enough for you? Do you now want to stick your nose into my private life and get involved in what I do with my friends too?" It was a definite that Katelyn had just woken up but it didn't stop her from being cranky, she hated Jules when she was in the best of moods so there was no way she was going to be nice to her after being woken up by her knocking.

"He's mine and I think you should back the hell off." Kat snorted and I almost did the same thing, it was pretty stupid for Jules to want something like that, she had every boy she layer her eyes on, not getting just one wouldn't kill her.

"We're not even doing anything, we're just friends," Katelyn told her, turning around and walking up the stairs with Jules following, only stopping to close the door, wait a second, Kat decided to let Jules into her house?

"I don't believe that for a fucking second." I knew for a while that Kat was hanging out with Ian but it was just to listen to music and work on history projects together since I couldn't help her, I'm not even sure if they were friends, just study buddies but I don't think she'd mind if they were something more.

"Well believe it, do you want me to call him up and ask him to tell you that nothing's going on?" Katelyn went into her room and put her hands on her hips, adopting the same stance as Jules and looking annoyed, making it obvious how much she didn't want to be in a conversation with her straight after waking up.

"No, I want you to stop fucking seeing him, period!" Jules gave Kat a shove on the shoulders but she didn't move, not even an inch.

"I can see whoever the hell I want. You don't own me and you don't own him, it's like you think that just because you fuck every single guy you're better than other people, it's fucking bullshit!" What at first had been a conversation was on the verge of breaking into a flat out fight and I knew neither of them would have a problem with it.

"As far as I'm concerned I do own you, I am better than you and you're nothing but a trashy abomination. You shouldn't have even been born and you better stop seeing him or else!" I got the feeling I was going to see them fight but knew Katelyn could win because despite being taller Jules wasn't more skilled or stronger.

"Or else what?" Kat's hands balled into fists and Jules looked around the room then snatching a letter opener up from the ground, Kat used it all the time for a bunch of things, mainly taking out staples from magazines so she could put posters up, the band magazines on the floor of her bed acting as proof of it, "what, you're going to stab me? Is this what's gonna happen?"

"God, you're such an idiot. Why can't you ever do anything that I say? I might fucking like you if you actually listened!"

She sounded like she was yelling at an animal, not a person and I opened my mouth, wanting to say something then realizing that if Katelyn hadn't seen me when she was running down the stairs then she won't be able to see or hear me one, the thing obviously counts for Jules since she'd be yelling at me as well if she knew I was in here.

"And I might like you if you weren't such an asshole! All you do is boss people around, you never want to hear what anyone has to say and if the try to give you any opinion you make sure that their lives are hell! Is it so fucking bad to not have everyone sucking up to you all the time? You realize you have no friends right? The only reason anyone ever hangs out with you is because they don't want to be a victim of you!" I'd seen a couple of fights between the two before but it's never been anything like this, they were flat out yelling at the top of their lungs, not just flinging a bunch of insults at each other.

"I'm not an asshole, people do like me and so what if I'm bossy? Nobody nice ever gets anything, I don't see you getting fucking anything and at the end of the day you just wish you were as popular as me, your friend's the same. That's why the only people you'll have is each other, a sad pair of fucking lesbos," Jules said, her face pulled into an ugly snarl that Katelyn returned, she wasn't happy and was more than ready to fight the blonde.

"I'll give you one chance and one chance only. Get the fuck out of my house!" Katelyn yelled, walking past Jules and turning the music already playing on her stereo up, meaning that she'd finished listening to Jules and wasn't going to say anymore.

"How are you gonna make me?" Jules brought her hand down as if to hit Katelyn and at the same time Kat threw up her arm up to protect herself while I stood there, realizing what was happening in front of my very eyes.

The hand Jules used, was the same one clutching the letter opener and as Kat brought her arm up the sharp edge and tip of the blade caught her arm and I watched in horror as a trail of red made it's way up to her skin, from wrist to elbow. She looked up at Jules, her mouth open as she looked down at her arm and the letter opener clattered to the ground, a heavy layer of blood sticking to the edge.

Jules did it.
Katelyn didn't commit suicide.
She was murdered by that fucking bitch!

"Katelyn!" I tried to call out her name but didn't hear me as she dropped onto her bed, staring at the cut on her arm that was starting to leak blood, red pouring down her skin, dripping onto the floor and forming small patches on her clothes.

Jules put a hand over her mouth and backed away as I walked over to her, trying to do something but not being able to touch her or the bed, my hand passing through as if I was made up of only air, it still didn't stop me from trying to help her.

"Kat, Kat it's gonna be alright. You're gonna be fine, I'll get you to the hospital or something. You'll be okay, you're not gonna die, I'll try to get something to bandage you up." I ran over to her dresser, trying to pull the draws open and growing frustrated when my hand passed through again, still not being able to touch anything.

Jules continued to stand in the room, her hand over her mouth, staring at Katelyn who was still in shock and doing nothing but look her arm as it became even more coated in blood, her face slowly growing paler. She continued to stare as I ran around the room, trying to find something I could touch and use to help her, only bolting from the room when Katelyn collapsed on her side, no longer able to sit up by herself.

"Katelyn, please hold on. I'll do something okay?" I wasn't looking at Kat, I knew what was going to happen to her and I couldn't face seeing it happen, I was just focusing on looking for something I could tie off the wound with.

I kept running around, going downstairs, checking the bathroom cabinet, trying to call 911, anything I could possibly do only finding myself to unable to touch or move a thing, crying because I knew my best friend was upstairs dying and I couldn't do anything except watch so instead of doing what I should I stayed downstairs. I stood by the staircase, waiting for this all to be over so I could go back to either the black void or the blinding whiteness, I preferred either of them over this, I already knew how this ended and didn't need to see the journey from point A to point B.

My arms were crossed as I stared at the ground, crying and wishing I could go back to the tour bus, wishing I'd killed Jules when I saw her after finding Kat dead and almost wishing I hadn't found out the truth in the first place.

This is what Kat meant when I asked her why she killed herself, Jules was the one who did it and she just couldn't tell me. I can't believe that it was even possible for someone that stupid and self obsessed to be responsible for one of the loss important people I'm my life, how fucking dare she do that to anybody.

She makes someone hate who they are, she's them want to die because of how bad they feel and when they're back to normal, when they have an actual chance of getting better and being genuinely happy she goes and fucking kills them?
I don't care if it was by accident, I hope she burns to death in hell.

Jules, I'm going to make sure you get what you deserve.

Notes