I'm really not okay.
Chapter 7- What's your fucking deal?
Today has been pretty uneventful.
Me and Izzy were on time and then talked throughout tutor period and ICT (Which we had a double of this morning). At break I met Mikey and Ray, who I didn’t even know smoked, by the container and told Mikey that I was sorry for being cold yesterday. I really fucking overreacted, he was just looking out for me for fucks sake. And now I am sat in Science with Ray and Izzy. Our teacher, Ms. Fax, is a complete fucking weirdo. She has what can only be described as a squashed blueberry for a toenail yet is constantly wearing sandals and apparently she ran over her cat like three times… Yeah, like a said, she is a complete weirdo.
“Okay, class. Get out your books!” she yells and Me, Izzy and Ray burst into laughter because, seriously she doesn’t say ‘books’, she says ‘bewks’. Like what the fuck is that shit? “Is there something amusing?” She snaps toward our group. “Hmm, Franklin, is there something funny that the whole class would like to hear?”
“Umm, no, Miss, we were just,”
“DON’T BACK-CHAT ME! GET OUT OF MY CLASSROOM NOW! I DON’T NEED SOMEONE DISRESPECTING ME IN MY OWN WORKPLACE!” she yells out of nowhere. What. The. Fuck. She is such a crazy bitch. I leave her classroom and take my ‘bewk’ out and place it on the troublesome kids table… this is fucking ridiculous for fucks sake. I didn’t even do anything wrong. I swear that if Satan and Samara, from the ring, had a child it would be Ms. Fax. I fucking hate her. She is the bane of my existence!
“Oh, Mr. Iero, sent out again, I see?” I look up to find Miss. Gillies looking at me. She is a teaching assistant with a full sleeve and is just really fucking awesome.
“Miss. Gillies, you scared me! For a second, just one second, I thought that you were being serious,” I joke with her and we both laugh lightly.
“Of course not, Franks. I heard what happened as well…” I look at her with confusion set across my features. “I was walking into the block and the classroom windows were open,” she explains and I nod, allowing her to continue what she was saying. “Anyway, I really don’t understand why you were sent out, it’s pretty stupid,” I nod in agreement and look down, taking notes on the current work topic seeing as I wasn’t given work and the old hag of a teacher has probably already forgot that she sent me out… seriously, it happens all of the time. “Alright, darling, I’ll let you get on,” Miss. Gillies says. We smile at each other and she walks away. She is so lovely.
The bell rings after I spend the best part of an hour taking shitty notes about energy efficiency. Ray and Izzy meet me where I’m stood outside of the science block and immediately erupt into laughter. “Oh… my… fucking… God!” Ray wheezes. “What the fuck… is her deal?” he asks through his fit of laughter to which I diva-stomp away.
“Hey, wait up!” Izzy screams through her laughter. Reluctantly, I stop my tantrum.
“I’m going for a smoke,” I tell the guys and they agree to come with me, Ray because he needs a cancer stick too and Izzy because… well just because she loves me.
We meet Mikey by the container and he and Ray instantly smile and hug… Not like a bro hug but a legit hug… Like me and Izzy have… “What the fuck?” Izzy speaks my mind for me.
They laugh awkwardly. “W-We g-got you, guys, a-admit it!” Mikey stammers. What is even going on? What the fuck ever, I just want to smoke and sit down then to get to ma… oh HOLY SHIT! I HAVE A DOUBLE WITH GERARD! FUCK ME! “What’s up, Frankie?” Mikey asks, noticing my newly found discomfort and clearly desperately changing the topic, sneaky fucker.
“I have double tutor next..” I say staring wide-eyed at Mikey. He is the only fucker who knows what happened before. He stares at me, clearly nervous as fuck and it doesn’t even really affect him!
“Why is that a pro…” Izzy begins before she remembers that I am hopelessly and endlessly in love with Gerard Way… even though he is a fucking abusive homophobic prick. “Oh, right… what even happened last time?” she asks. I can see that Mikey is about to explain so I pitch in.
“Nothing, just being around him makes me act real dumb and stuff. Plus he did this, as you guys probably guessed, so I’m nervous is all…” I rush out, hoping that she’ll believe me.
“Guys, what the fuck?” Ray asks. Why is he confused? That lie made perfect sen… oh wait, Ray doesn’t know that I am gay and love Gerard.
“I’m gay and in love with Gerard Way who, yes, is Mikey’s brother. This is the fifth year that he has bullied me yet I find myself falling more and more with him. He is adorable and hot and just perfect and I don’t know…” I trail off looking down. “But if you have a problem with any of that then, with all due respect, you can fuck off. I don’t care how awesome you are, which you are, but I will not associate with a homoph…”
“Shut the fuck up, Frank,” Ray laughs, confusing me. “I’m not exactly going to be a homophobe if I’m gay now, am I?” Frank laughs and I ease up noticeably.
We all smoke a fag, except for Izzy, really slowly and by the time we are done it is time for fourth period… Shit… Me, Izzy and Ray walk to maths, all going our separate ways once we reach the maths block as we don’t share the same maths class… well me and Izzy did but yeah, I tutor the most perfect specimen instead now.
I walk into my form tutor’s office and Gerard is already there, sitting back in his seat with his feet on the desk. My fuck, he is wearing REALLY tight skinny jeans and let’s just say that, unless he has shoved a sock down there, Izzy couldn’t have been more wrong when she called him ‘small dicked’. Fucking wow. I gulp. “Hello, Gerard,” I inwardly slap myself. What the fuck was that. That was overly formal. I’m going to die alone. Gerard turns around with a smirk set on his perfect face.
“Heya, Frankie,” he whispers as he rises from his seat. Oh fuck, it’s going to be like his again? “I’m so sorry about yesterday, baby,” he says still smirking as he makes his way over to me. He places his left hand on my left jaw, which is horribly bruised. “Shit, I did this?” he asks, seemingly concerned. No, I’m imagining it. Why would he be concerned about a fat, ugly, emo, fag like me? I nod and he tilts my head up, caressing my cheek and jaw before he kisses along my bruised jaw. And, for some fucking reason, it comforts me so fucking much. “I really didn’t mean to hurt you so badly,” he whispers looking into my eyes. He places a kiss on my forehead and turns around, making his way back to the seats.
Hold the fuck up. NO! He can’t just fucking turn me on, call me a fag, beat me up, send me a – porbably mockingly – flirtatious message on Facebook, tease me when I walk into the room, tell me he didn’t mean to hurt me, soothe my pain, kiss my forehead and then turn away like it didn’t happen. Who the fuck does that? “What’s your fucking deal?” I yell at him, he stops and turns around looking quite pissed but I really don’t fucking care.
“Excuse me?” he growls, yeah he’s pissed but I don’t give two shits. I’m not a fucking toy; he can’t just play with my emotions for his personal entertainment!
“So yesterday you make me hard, nearly kiss me then call me a fag and leave. Then you do this to me,” I gesture to my face. “then send me that fucking message, like what the fuck was that shit, then you mock me when I come in only to then apologise because ‘you really didn’t mean to hurt me so badly’ then you kiss the bruises you made and my forehead…” I finish looking at him, he still seems to not know what my point is.
“Well, in the past thirty hours you have demonstrated like every fucking emotion to me so what the fuck? Do you actually fucking care about me or are you just taking the piss because if you are then you can go fuck yourself! You torment me enough physically, I don’t need to deal with this emotional shit as well!” I scream. Wow, I didn’t even know that I felt that way until I actually said it. I have successfully got myself worked up and now I am fucking livid!
“Frankie, I…” Gerard begins. I take two strides forward and we are like ten centimetres apart.
“You what, Gerard?” I push. Gerard doesn’t say anything. He looks into my eyes and I can see a tear make its way down his cheek. What? Does he care? This means he cares right? Oh my fucking God? – Damn it Frank, focus on being pissed.
“Frankie,” Gerard says, placing a hand on my right – and bruise free – cheek. “I really am sorry, for everything. And I really do care. I…” Gerard trails off and I don’t know what has gotten into me because the next thing I know I have my hands cupping his perfect face and I have my lips moulded on his, kissing him hard. And, to my surprise, he is kissing back. Gerard Way is kissing me! And I’m actually fucking conscious… I think. I throw my arms around his neck, pulling him closer as he puts his hands on my hips, pulling our bodies together. I run my tongue across his lower lip, praying that it won’t snap him out of some weird kiss-Frank-daze and that he’ll continue to kiss me, and oh my fucking God, he does; he opens his mouth, allowing my tongue to find his and massage it gently then he moans. He fucking moans! I just made Gerard Way moan!
And it was the most perfect thing I have ever heard.
Me and Izzy were on time and then talked throughout tutor period and ICT (Which we had a double of this morning). At break I met Mikey and Ray, who I didn’t even know smoked, by the container and told Mikey that I was sorry for being cold yesterday. I really fucking overreacted, he was just looking out for me for fucks sake. And now I am sat in Science with Ray and Izzy. Our teacher, Ms. Fax, is a complete fucking weirdo. She has what can only be described as a squashed blueberry for a toenail yet is constantly wearing sandals and apparently she ran over her cat like three times… Yeah, like a said, she is a complete weirdo.
“Okay, class. Get out your books!” she yells and Me, Izzy and Ray burst into laughter because, seriously she doesn’t say ‘books’, she says ‘bewks’. Like what the fuck is that shit? “Is there something amusing?” She snaps toward our group. “Hmm, Franklin, is there something funny that the whole class would like to hear?”
“Umm, no, Miss, we were just,”
“DON’T BACK-CHAT ME! GET OUT OF MY CLASSROOM NOW! I DON’T NEED SOMEONE DISRESPECTING ME IN MY OWN WORKPLACE!” she yells out of nowhere. What. The. Fuck. She is such a crazy bitch. I leave her classroom and take my ‘bewk’ out and place it on the troublesome kids table… this is fucking ridiculous for fucks sake. I didn’t even do anything wrong. I swear that if Satan and Samara, from the ring, had a child it would be Ms. Fax. I fucking hate her. She is the bane of my existence!
“Oh, Mr. Iero, sent out again, I see?” I look up to find Miss. Gillies looking at me. She is a teaching assistant with a full sleeve and is just really fucking awesome.
“Miss. Gillies, you scared me! For a second, just one second, I thought that you were being serious,” I joke with her and we both laugh lightly.
“Of course not, Franks. I heard what happened as well…” I look at her with confusion set across my features. “I was walking into the block and the classroom windows were open,” she explains and I nod, allowing her to continue what she was saying. “Anyway, I really don’t understand why you were sent out, it’s pretty stupid,” I nod in agreement and look down, taking notes on the current work topic seeing as I wasn’t given work and the old hag of a teacher has probably already forgot that she sent me out… seriously, it happens all of the time. “Alright, darling, I’ll let you get on,” Miss. Gillies says. We smile at each other and she walks away. She is so lovely.
The bell rings after I spend the best part of an hour taking shitty notes about energy efficiency. Ray and Izzy meet me where I’m stood outside of the science block and immediately erupt into laughter. “Oh… my… fucking… God!” Ray wheezes. “What the fuck… is her deal?” he asks through his fit of laughter to which I diva-stomp away.
“Hey, wait up!” Izzy screams through her laughter. Reluctantly, I stop my tantrum.
“I’m going for a smoke,” I tell the guys and they agree to come with me, Ray because he needs a cancer stick too and Izzy because… well just because she loves me.
We meet Mikey by the container and he and Ray instantly smile and hug… Not like a bro hug but a legit hug… Like me and Izzy have… “What the fuck?” Izzy speaks my mind for me.
They laugh awkwardly. “W-We g-got you, guys, a-admit it!” Mikey stammers. What is even going on? What the fuck ever, I just want to smoke and sit down then to get to ma… oh HOLY SHIT! I HAVE A DOUBLE WITH GERARD! FUCK ME! “What’s up, Frankie?” Mikey asks, noticing my newly found discomfort and clearly desperately changing the topic, sneaky fucker.
“I have double tutor next..” I say staring wide-eyed at Mikey. He is the only fucker who knows what happened before. He stares at me, clearly nervous as fuck and it doesn’t even really affect him!
“Why is that a pro…” Izzy begins before she remembers that I am hopelessly and endlessly in love with Gerard Way… even though he is a fucking abusive homophobic prick. “Oh, right… what even happened last time?” she asks. I can see that Mikey is about to explain so I pitch in.
“Nothing, just being around him makes me act real dumb and stuff. Plus he did this, as you guys probably guessed, so I’m nervous is all…” I rush out, hoping that she’ll believe me.
“Guys, what the fuck?” Ray asks. Why is he confused? That lie made perfect sen… oh wait, Ray doesn’t know that I am gay and love Gerard.
“I’m gay and in love with Gerard Way who, yes, is Mikey’s brother. This is the fifth year that he has bullied me yet I find myself falling more and more with him. He is adorable and hot and just perfect and I don’t know…” I trail off looking down. “But if you have a problem with any of that then, with all due respect, you can fuck off. I don’t care how awesome you are, which you are, but I will not associate with a homoph…”
“Shut the fuck up, Frank,” Ray laughs, confusing me. “I’m not exactly going to be a homophobe if I’m gay now, am I?” Frank laughs and I ease up noticeably.
We all smoke a fag, except for Izzy, really slowly and by the time we are done it is time for fourth period… Shit… Me, Izzy and Ray walk to maths, all going our separate ways once we reach the maths block as we don’t share the same maths class… well me and Izzy did but yeah, I tutor the most perfect specimen instead now.
I walk into my form tutor’s office and Gerard is already there, sitting back in his seat with his feet on the desk. My fuck, he is wearing REALLY tight skinny jeans and let’s just say that, unless he has shoved a sock down there, Izzy couldn’t have been more wrong when she called him ‘small dicked’. Fucking wow. I gulp. “Hello, Gerard,” I inwardly slap myself. What the fuck was that. That was overly formal. I’m going to die alone. Gerard turns around with a smirk set on his perfect face.
“Heya, Frankie,” he whispers as he rises from his seat. Oh fuck, it’s going to be like his again? “I’m so sorry about yesterday, baby,” he says still smirking as he makes his way over to me. He places his left hand on my left jaw, which is horribly bruised. “Shit, I did this?” he asks, seemingly concerned. No, I’m imagining it. Why would he be concerned about a fat, ugly, emo, fag like me? I nod and he tilts my head up, caressing my cheek and jaw before he kisses along my bruised jaw. And, for some fucking reason, it comforts me so fucking much. “I really didn’t mean to hurt you so badly,” he whispers looking into my eyes. He places a kiss on my forehead and turns around, making his way back to the seats.
Hold the fuck up. NO! He can’t just fucking turn me on, call me a fag, beat me up, send me a – porbably mockingly – flirtatious message on Facebook, tease me when I walk into the room, tell me he didn’t mean to hurt me, soothe my pain, kiss my forehead and then turn away like it didn’t happen. Who the fuck does that? “What’s your fucking deal?” I yell at him, he stops and turns around looking quite pissed but I really don’t fucking care.
“Excuse me?” he growls, yeah he’s pissed but I don’t give two shits. I’m not a fucking toy; he can’t just play with my emotions for his personal entertainment!
“So yesterday you make me hard, nearly kiss me then call me a fag and leave. Then you do this to me,” I gesture to my face. “then send me that fucking message, like what the fuck was that shit, then you mock me when I come in only to then apologise because ‘you really didn’t mean to hurt me so badly’ then you kiss the bruises you made and my forehead…” I finish looking at him, he still seems to not know what my point is.
“Well, in the past thirty hours you have demonstrated like every fucking emotion to me so what the fuck? Do you actually fucking care about me or are you just taking the piss because if you are then you can go fuck yourself! You torment me enough physically, I don’t need to deal with this emotional shit as well!” I scream. Wow, I didn’t even know that I felt that way until I actually said it. I have successfully got myself worked up and now I am fucking livid!
“Frankie, I…” Gerard begins. I take two strides forward and we are like ten centimetres apart.
“You what, Gerard?” I push. Gerard doesn’t say anything. He looks into my eyes and I can see a tear make its way down his cheek. What? Does he care? This means he cares right? Oh my fucking God? – Damn it Frank, focus on being pissed.
“Frankie,” Gerard says, placing a hand on my right – and bruise free – cheek. “I really am sorry, for everything. And I really do care. I…” Gerard trails off and I don’t know what has gotten into me because the next thing I know I have my hands cupping his perfect face and I have my lips moulded on his, kissing him hard. And, to my surprise, he is kissing back. Gerard Way is kissing me! And I’m actually fucking conscious… I think. I throw my arms around his neck, pulling him closer as he puts his hands on my hips, pulling our bodies together. I run my tongue across his lower lip, praying that it won’t snap him out of some weird kiss-Frank-daze and that he’ll continue to kiss me, and oh my fucking God, he does; he opens his mouth, allowing my tongue to find his and massage it gently then he moans. He fucking moans! I just made Gerard Way moan!
And it was the most perfect thing I have ever heard.
Notes
WTF AM I DOING!?WHY AM I NOT SLEEPING!?
I NEED TO STOP UPDATING SO MUCH! THE CHAPTERS ARE JUST GETTING WORSE! OMG!
BUT YEY BECAUSE FRERARD WHILST FRANK IS AWAKE!
Yeah, apparently this story has zero view... Don't know how that works when you guys clearly view it to appreciate and comment but okay then.......
I don't know what time it is wherever you are but here it is like 1AM so night, guys!!
And as always, thanks for reading!
Charley <3
@Thatonefriend
Well it might not have tied up all the ends, but I read the last chapter & it seems like an ending, although the author said "no more than four more chapters" so yeah p much the end.
12/22/18