I'm really not okay.
Chapter 4- Cigarette break to calm me down
Okay so I am hard… Not even awkward… Sat in my form tutor’s office with a throbbing erection… Average Monday morning…
FUCK!!!
It is 9:58. I have two minutes to get rid of… it… and I am certainly not going to jerk off at school. I’m going to have to will it away with careful concentration. Okay, here we go…
Boobs.
Lesbians.
Naked grandmas.
Naked grandpas.
Old hobo sex.
OH MY GOD! ALL OF THE GROSS! OH MY GOD! MY MIND! HELP ME!
I glance toward my crotch… At least the gross fixed my problem... even if I have just emotionally scarred myself… FOREVER!
The bell rings, I grab my bag and run out of that office. These tutor session, I can tell, will become the bane of my existence. Ah well… better go and find Izzy so that we can head to food tech together.
“Hey, Oreo!” she beckons me. I hate it when she calls me that, it is as embarrassing as your mum still picking out your clothes… Seriously, take a moment to appreciate my humiliation!
“Shut up, Brownie! You know I hate when you call me that! I’m no fucking biscuit and I’m not full of cream… yet” I wink at Izzy and she scrunches her face up in disgust. Mwahahaha, I clearly just won!
“That… is…” she wretches for added drama, what a diva. “…Fucking gross, Franks. Why the fuck would you say that, oh my god! YOU ARE DISGUSTING! I DON’T WANT TO BE THINKING ABOUT SOMEONE…” she trails off heaving dramatically again whilst I just laugh. Ugh, I know she’s a lesbian and all but c’mon, she is REALLY over-reacting, when I tell her that however she just shoves me. “C’mon, you putrid child, time for us to get to food tech or Ms. Winchester will give me yet another detention, urgh, she is such an annoying cow. C’mon,” she drags me outside to the other side of school, where the kitchens are. “So, who is this Hell-hole do you mentor?” Iz asks casually. Oh fuck. I don’t want to talk about this.
“Ger…” I start but decide to just mumble the rest incoherently.
“Ger…?” Izzy pushes, confused, before she realizes – because, c’mon, how many student’s, in a year of 200 people, name could start with ‘Ger’ – exactly who I’m talking about. “No way, that fuck-face, small-dicked, idiot who just happens to fucking torment you?” she asks. I just stare at the ground as we walk into class and take our seats. We aren’t even cooking today, literally just learning about e-coli… yey… my favourite? “So what hap…” Izzy begins to question me before the bell cuts her off and Ms. Winchester asks for silence.
I have never been so grateful for a class to begin!
The bell rings and Ms. Witchester… I mean Winchester… dismisses us. “Okay, get out of my room and don’t forget that on Thursday you need to bring ingredients for a chicken stir fry, and before you ask – Yes, you can use a chicken substitute, Franklin, bye guys and I’ll see you Thursday,” Urgh, Franklin. Why does she have to call me that? She is surely the spawn of Satan! I have said, time and time again, that my name is FRANK! She is such a peasant!
Anyhow, now is break time, thank fuck, so I run out of the classroom, to the field.
When I get behind the container – this big metal box with sports equipment at the edge of the field, AKA the smoking area – I see that Mikey is there. He has become a friend of sorts; he is in year 9, two years below me. “Heya, Mikes,” I greet and he turn his head looking at me.
“Heya, Franks,” he smiles awkwardly, I may have only known him since the beginning of the term – as I only started smoking over Christmas break -, but I knew what that smile meant. He forgot to bring cigarettes again and I bet you anything he is about to ask for twos! “So, umm… How many smokes you got?”… Does he realise that he is so predictable, poor Mikey. “Because… Uhh… I possibly forgot mine and wanted to know if we could… Ummm… Share…” he looks hopefully at me.
“Mikey,” he hums a ‘yes’. “Are you asking me for twos?” he looks at me hopefully and nods. See, I told you guys, this kid is like an open book. “Sure, but I left my lighter at home, you got one?” I ask as I retrieve my B&H gold’s from my blazer pocket because, yeah I don’t have much money but, I only smoke the best of the best – regardless of their price! Mikey smiles and grabs a little Pikachu lighter handing it to me and, damn, it’s really cute!
I spark up, hand the cute little lighter back, and start smoking whilst Mikey stares at my cancer stick, I bet he hasn’t had one all day because he is looking really fucking longingly at it. Damn he is a weird kid, but that’s okay because the weird ones are the best ones. Once I reach half-way I take one extra-long-drag and hand the cigarette to Mikey. He takes one toke and sighs in contentment before slouching onto the container. “First fag of the day?” I question Mikey. He nods and smiles, taking long, fast drags – aware that we have about two minutes until the bell goes for third period. “What has your morning been like?” I ask Mikey, genuinely interested in what the skinny boy had to say.
“Well, I was caught smoking last Friday so, I have been in isolation,” I wince; empathising with him because, yeah, isolation is so fucking boring! “Yeah,” he confirms his boredom. “What about you, anything interesting happen?” he questioned and I tense up, thinking of this morning and whether I should tell him. I mean he knows that I am gay and in love with a guy in my year – of course he has no idea that it’s Gerard – so why not tell him?
“Okay, so I was late so instead of detentions I have to mentor this kid in my year, right,” Mikey nods as he finishes the fag and chips it out, nodding and beginning to walk towards school. “So I go into the room feeling happy because I get out of maths to tutor him in maths,” Mikey raises an eyebrow for some reason, unbeknownst to me, but then he nods for me to continue. “I go into the room and who is it, ONLY THE GUY WHO I AM HOPELESSLY IN LOVE WITH!” I hiss through gritted teeth. Mikey’s eyes go as wide as saucers, I mean I know it’s surprising but why such a strong reaction? I just ignore it and continue telling the story. “Anyway, we work and I help him understand binomials and he is so cute when he is pleased…” I trail off smiling at the memory of his reaction. “But then once we pack up and I’m about to leave, he puts his hand on my thigh and begins massaging it whilst whispering in a seductive tone and his breath is running over my skin and oh God…” Mikey stops walking, clearly shocked. Why the fuck is he overreacting so much to all of this? Then I cringe at the memory of what comes next. “So he starts kissing my neck and biting it and he reaches my sweet spot and I moan and his hand gets higher up my thigh massaging closer to my crotch and oh God then he kisses along my jaw and his lips are right above mine and I can feel how close he is because his breath is touching my lips then I look into his eyes pleadingly then he pulls away laughing and punches me in the jaw and gets up and leaves saying he knew I was a fag and leaving me with an aching jaw and cock and oh my God it was the worst thing and I’m so embarrassed shit!” I rush out before inhaling deeply in an attempt to refamiliarise my body with Oxygen.
Mikey takes a moment to process all of the information and when he does he gasps, covers his mouth and his eyes are like fully fucking open, as in almost falling out of his skull. “Fuck, Frank…”
“What, Mikey, Why are you reacting so much? This didn’t happen to you for Christ sake!”
“Frankie… Yunno, the guy is he um…” Mikey looks down then back up at my eyes. “Is it Gerard Way?” HOW THE FUCK!?!?
“HOW THE FUCK DID YOU FUCKING KNOW!? DID YOU SEE OR DID I SAY HIS NAME OR…” I trail off, panicing, not caring about the bell which I didn’t hear but knew must have gone because the field was deserted.
“Frank, I’m Mikey Way, Gerard’s little brother…” Mikey explains whilst looking worriedly at me. Oh holy mother of fuck, he’s definitely going to tell Gerard that I love him. FUCK!
I am well and truly screwed.
FUCK!!!
It is 9:58. I have two minutes to get rid of… it… and I am certainly not going to jerk off at school. I’m going to have to will it away with careful concentration. Okay, here we go…
Boobs.
Lesbians.
Naked grandmas.
Naked grandpas.
Old hobo sex.
OH MY GOD! ALL OF THE GROSS! OH MY GOD! MY MIND! HELP ME!
I glance toward my crotch… At least the gross fixed my problem... even if I have just emotionally scarred myself… FOREVER!
The bell rings, I grab my bag and run out of that office. These tutor session, I can tell, will become the bane of my existence. Ah well… better go and find Izzy so that we can head to food tech together.
“Hey, Oreo!” she beckons me. I hate it when she calls me that, it is as embarrassing as your mum still picking out your clothes… Seriously, take a moment to appreciate my humiliation!
“Shut up, Brownie! You know I hate when you call me that! I’m no fucking biscuit and I’m not full of cream… yet” I wink at Izzy and she scrunches her face up in disgust. Mwahahaha, I clearly just won!
“That… is…” she wretches for added drama, what a diva. “…Fucking gross, Franks. Why the fuck would you say that, oh my god! YOU ARE DISGUSTING! I DON’T WANT TO BE THINKING ABOUT SOMEONE…” she trails off heaving dramatically again whilst I just laugh. Ugh, I know she’s a lesbian and all but c’mon, she is REALLY over-reacting, when I tell her that however she just shoves me. “C’mon, you putrid child, time for us to get to food tech or Ms. Winchester will give me yet another detention, urgh, she is such an annoying cow. C’mon,” she drags me outside to the other side of school, where the kitchens are. “So, who is this Hell-hole do you mentor?” Iz asks casually. Oh fuck. I don’t want to talk about this.
“Ger…” I start but decide to just mumble the rest incoherently.
“Ger…?” Izzy pushes, confused, before she realizes – because, c’mon, how many student’s, in a year of 200 people, name could start with ‘Ger’ – exactly who I’m talking about. “No way, that fuck-face, small-dicked, idiot who just happens to fucking torment you?” she asks. I just stare at the ground as we walk into class and take our seats. We aren’t even cooking today, literally just learning about e-coli… yey… my favourite? “So what hap…” Izzy begins to question me before the bell cuts her off and Ms. Winchester asks for silence.
I have never been so grateful for a class to begin!
The bell rings and Ms. Witchester… I mean Winchester… dismisses us. “Okay, get out of my room and don’t forget that on Thursday you need to bring ingredients for a chicken stir fry, and before you ask – Yes, you can use a chicken substitute, Franklin, bye guys and I’ll see you Thursday,” Urgh, Franklin. Why does she have to call me that? She is surely the spawn of Satan! I have said, time and time again, that my name is FRANK! She is such a peasant!
Anyhow, now is break time, thank fuck, so I run out of the classroom, to the field.
When I get behind the container – this big metal box with sports equipment at the edge of the field, AKA the smoking area – I see that Mikey is there. He has become a friend of sorts; he is in year 9, two years below me. “Heya, Mikes,” I greet and he turn his head looking at me.
“Heya, Franks,” he smiles awkwardly, I may have only known him since the beginning of the term – as I only started smoking over Christmas break -, but I knew what that smile meant. He forgot to bring cigarettes again and I bet you anything he is about to ask for twos! “So, umm… How many smokes you got?”… Does he realise that he is so predictable, poor Mikey. “Because… Uhh… I possibly forgot mine and wanted to know if we could… Ummm… Share…” he looks hopefully at me.
“Mikey,” he hums a ‘yes’. “Are you asking me for twos?” he looks at me hopefully and nods. See, I told you guys, this kid is like an open book. “Sure, but I left my lighter at home, you got one?” I ask as I retrieve my B&H gold’s from my blazer pocket because, yeah I don’t have much money but, I only smoke the best of the best – regardless of their price! Mikey smiles and grabs a little Pikachu lighter handing it to me and, damn, it’s really cute!
I spark up, hand the cute little lighter back, and start smoking whilst Mikey stares at my cancer stick, I bet he hasn’t had one all day because he is looking really fucking longingly at it. Damn he is a weird kid, but that’s okay because the weird ones are the best ones. Once I reach half-way I take one extra-long-drag and hand the cigarette to Mikey. He takes one toke and sighs in contentment before slouching onto the container. “First fag of the day?” I question Mikey. He nods and smiles, taking long, fast drags – aware that we have about two minutes until the bell goes for third period. “What has your morning been like?” I ask Mikey, genuinely interested in what the skinny boy had to say.
“Well, I was caught smoking last Friday so, I have been in isolation,” I wince; empathising with him because, yeah, isolation is so fucking boring! “Yeah,” he confirms his boredom. “What about you, anything interesting happen?” he questioned and I tense up, thinking of this morning and whether I should tell him. I mean he knows that I am gay and in love with a guy in my year – of course he has no idea that it’s Gerard – so why not tell him?
“Okay, so I was late so instead of detentions I have to mentor this kid in my year, right,” Mikey nods as he finishes the fag and chips it out, nodding and beginning to walk towards school. “So I go into the room feeling happy because I get out of maths to tutor him in maths,” Mikey raises an eyebrow for some reason, unbeknownst to me, but then he nods for me to continue. “I go into the room and who is it, ONLY THE GUY WHO I AM HOPELESSLY IN LOVE WITH!” I hiss through gritted teeth. Mikey’s eyes go as wide as saucers, I mean I know it’s surprising but why such a strong reaction? I just ignore it and continue telling the story. “Anyway, we work and I help him understand binomials and he is so cute when he is pleased…” I trail off smiling at the memory of his reaction. “But then once we pack up and I’m about to leave, he puts his hand on my thigh and begins massaging it whilst whispering in a seductive tone and his breath is running over my skin and oh God…” Mikey stops walking, clearly shocked. Why the fuck is he overreacting so much to all of this? Then I cringe at the memory of what comes next. “So he starts kissing my neck and biting it and he reaches my sweet spot and I moan and his hand gets higher up my thigh massaging closer to my crotch and oh God then he kisses along my jaw and his lips are right above mine and I can feel how close he is because his breath is touching my lips then I look into his eyes pleadingly then he pulls away laughing and punches me in the jaw and gets up and leaves saying he knew I was a fag and leaving me with an aching jaw and cock and oh my God it was the worst thing and I’m so embarrassed shit!” I rush out before inhaling deeply in an attempt to refamiliarise my body with Oxygen.
Mikey takes a moment to process all of the information and when he does he gasps, covers his mouth and his eyes are like fully fucking open, as in almost falling out of his skull. “Fuck, Frank…”
“What, Mikey, Why are you reacting so much? This didn’t happen to you for Christ sake!”
“Frankie… Yunno, the guy is he um…” Mikey looks down then back up at my eyes. “Is it Gerard Way?” HOW THE FUCK!?!?
“HOW THE FUCK DID YOU FUCKING KNOW!? DID YOU SEE OR DID I SAY HIS NAME OR…” I trail off, panicing, not caring about the bell which I didn’t hear but knew must have gone because the field was deserted.
“Frank, I’m Mikey Way, Gerard’s little brother…” Mikey explains whilst looking worriedly at me. Oh holy mother of fuck, he’s definitely going to tell Gerard that I love him. FUCK!
I am well and truly screwed.
Notes
< The pikachu lighter(I made it! :P).This is so shit. I don't even know how to apologise...
Fuck...
I promise that it will get better...
/:
I'm thinking of doing some/all of the next chapter from Gerard's point of view but Idk...
Anyway, thanks for reading this awful chapter.
Charley <3
@Thatonefriend
Well it might not have tied up all the ends, but I read the last chapter & it seems like an ending, although the author said "no more than four more chapters" so yeah p much the end.
12/22/18