
I'm really not okay.
Chapter 16- Let me explain
When we got to mine we put music on and were slowly drinking, me and Frankie cuddling.
Then we started drinking faster.
Before I knew it we are all up and dancing after two bottles of vodka and five bottles of beer. Everyone is having a great fucking time but with all of the booze in our systems we all get pretty fucking exhausted.
By 11PM Frank was straddling me and kissing me perfectly, although I'd like to take it to more but everyone is here so I refrain. That is when I remembered that letter I wrote for Frank on Saturday when it got painful how much I missed him. I placed Frankie beside me on the sofa and ran up to get the letter. It took me a while to find it but when I finally did I ran back downstairs. Franks was talking to Bob, rubbing his back. I wondered why Bob was upset but decided to ask him when Frank went to read the letter. I sat myself on Franks lap and placed kisses all over his beautiful face. Franks asked me where I went so I told him I went to get something, I handed the letter to him asking him to read it in private. He agreed, kissing my temple, I shuffled off of him and he went off to read the letter. That is when I confronted Bob about why he looked so shitty.
"Dude," I slurred. "What is wrong, man. You look fucking miserable as shit," I continued, explaining where my concern came from.
"There is a thing," Bob started then he sighed. "That I really need to tell you," he sighed again.
"Bob, you are my best motherfucking friend, man. Like seriously. Tell me fucking anything dude. I tell you all the shit I think and shit," I 'explained'. Drunk people should just have their mouths sewn shut. If they did then none of this shit would have happened.
"Really?" Bob quirked an eyebrow at me. "I can tell you anything and you won't freak out?" he asked in a mockingly sceptical tone.
"Exactly, man. You totally get it!" I smiled at him.
"Fine," Bob agreed, scooting really close to me, I assumed to whisper the secret.
"I want you, Gerard," Bob whispered. I was so shocked that I didn't move or tell him that he couldn't have me and his drunk-person logic clearly told him that was an invitation to take me. Bob leaned into me. He kissed me, throwing his arms around my neck. He bit my bottom lip, trying desperately to deepen the kiss and taste me. Of course I kept my mouth shut. But, with drunken reaction time, Bob was kissing me for about ten seconds before I pushed him away and when I did I saw Frank behind him, on hand over his mouth and the other clutching at his chest.
"Frankie!" I shouted, finally attracting the rest of the drunkards to the situation. I threw Bob's arms away from me and went to talk to Frank.
"No, Gerard, save it! I knew this was too good to be true, you loving me. I knew it! But if this was all a joke why did you have to drag my friends into it? To humiliate me more? To hurt me further? And why save my life and write this fucking letter to just blow my heart up? Why the fuck would you do that?" Frank hissed. I was stunned still and unable to process filly what he was saying so I was silently staring at him. "I know why, because you Gerard Way are a fucking cunt!" he screamed before he bolted upstairs and out of the house.
I looked around to everyone's stunned faces. "Shit, I'm... fuck... Gee..." Bob said attempting to apologise.
"Not now, Bob. Just go the fuck to sleep and we'll talk tomorrow!" I shouted at him and he did as I said. Izzy got up, switching the music off. She walked over to me.
"What the fuck?" she hissed, protective over Frank and understandably so.
"It isn't what it seemed!" I said. "Bob kissed me and I didn't kiss back and the only reason I took so long to push him away is because I was stunned and being so pissed my reaction time has gone to shit!"
"Bob," Izzy called. "Is he telling the truth?" she glared at me as she addressed him. Bob managed a small 'yes' through his tears. Izzy's features softened instantly. "Fuck, Gerard, go after him and explain. He didn't mean when he called you... that," she said, clearly not wanting to repeat the word and understandably so... it is a pretty nasty word. "He was just hurting. He loves you so much and he is always so paranoid and when he saw that his paranoia mixed with the booze, he just jumped to conclusions!" Izzy stook up for Franks, fucking hell... she is a fucking awesome friend to my Baby. I nod and instantly ran upstairs and outside - the whole situation having sobered me up incredibly. I ran around in search for Frankie when I saw a small boy sat at the end of the street, head in his hands.
Which bring us to now.
"Frankie!" I scream as I run to him. "Frankie, it wasn't what it..."
"Fucking save it, you piece of shit!" Frank hisses through tears.
"No! I won't lose you over this Frank! Please just let me explain! Please!" I beg. Frank looks up and nods. "Okay so you went into the toilet and then I asked Bob why he was sad and he said it was because he wanted me and then he assaulted my mouth and threw his arms around me, I think so that I would stay still. I was so drunk and stunned that I didn't move but I didn't kiss him back either. Once I realised what was happening I pushed him away and then you were stood there looking fucking destroyed!" I explain, Frank still looks sceptical. "And I didn't deny your allegations because my reaction time is like non existent after I drink so much and I was so shocked by everything that had happened, not because they were true! I fucking love you Frankie!" I continue. Frank stands up, his eyes showing belief now. "I fucking love you," I repeat, this time in a whisper.
"I fucking love you too," Frankie replies before he leans up and kisses me deeply. He fists his hands in my hair and I can feel a cornucopia of emotions, mainly guilt and love. I snake my hands around his hips and hold him tight. Frankie pulls away, resting his forehead against mine. "I'm so sorry that I jumped to conclusions it's just that..." I silence him with a quick kiss.
"Shh, it's okay, Baby," I whisper. "Izzy explained after she almost killed me and I then explained to her..." I trail off chuckling. "She is an awesome chick!" I joke. "She is a great friend and I'm glad that I can rely on her to protect you if I'm not there," I smile and so does Frank. "Ready to head back?" I ask him and he nods, grabbing my hand.
We walk back home and down into my room, where the lights are dimmed very low. I only hear Bob's snoring and something that I can't quite name. We walk down and I'm about to take Frank to lie in bed with me so we can cuddle to sleep when something takes me by surprise and I'm stunned yet again. Mikey and Ray are sat in front of the TV, which had been muted before I left to find Frankie. Mikey is straddling Ray, Ray's hands on Mikey's arse and Mikey's up Franks shirt splayed on his chest, as they grind their hips together in a heated make out session. They are practically dry fucking on my bedroom floor and that is really not something I have ever wanted to see my brother do. Fucking eww. I am still unable to form any sort of noise so I instead look over at Frank who is grinning.
"I FUCKING KNEW SOMETHING WAS UP!" he shouted, startling the couple. Mikey turns his head and Ray opens his eyes. When they catch Frank's grin and my horrified expression they both blush furiously. Mikey burries his head in Ray's neck, moving his hands to cover his face whilst Ray moves his to the top of Mikey's back - hugging him close - and he starts laughing.
Ray and Frank are both laughing now and us Ways look mortified, me at catching my brother dry fucking someone on my bedroom floor and him at getting caught doing so by his big brother. "I, holy shit, umm..." I mutter. "You guys umm..." I continue.
"How did this happen?" Frankie asks, still grinning.
"Well, we clicked that first day at Izzy's and then when we went to walk home we talked more and exchanged numbers..." Ray paused to smile at the memory. "Well by the time we reached here I couldn't get one simple thought off of my mind - kissing Mikey - so as I went to walk in I grabbed his wrist to stop him. When Mikey turned around to look at me his smile was so perfect that I couldn't resist pulling him closer to me, just to look at how beautiful it was from up close. When we were chest-to-chest Mikey's smile got shy but he was still smiling. I grabbed his chin in my left hand and tilted it up so that our eyes met perfectly and I whispered 'I really want to kiss you,' which caused Mikey to chuckle. When he stopped chuckling he whispered 'What's stopping you?' so with a smile I leant down, pressing our foreheads together, looking into his eyes to check that he was really okay with this. Mikey responded by placing his hands on my neck so I closed my eyes and pressed my lips to his beautiful soft ones. It was fucking amazing. You know that bullshit they spew about fireworks?" Ray asks and I nod slowly whilst Frankie is nodding like a mad man. "Well it isn't fucking bullshit! That is what happens. It instantly felt so right and perfect!" Ray chirps. Me and Frankie look at eachother, clearly trying to relay to one another that we felt that cliche feeling when we first kissed. Ray continues with his and Mikey's romantic tale. "I wrapped my arms around his waist and kissed him a little bit more passionately, still keeping it innocent though. After a couple of minutes I pulled away, resting my forehead on his, and looking deep into his eyes, both of us smiling. After a minute of just smiling at eachother I asked him to be mine and he answered with a quick kiss and a yes. I kissed him again and pulled away, saying that I had to head home. We kissed eachother goodbye and as soon as I got home we texted eachother all night until I passed out," Ray chuckles. "And ever since then we have been secretly dating," Ray smirks.
"Not so secret anymore..." Mikey mutters with a chuckle. Me and Frank look at eachother with the same adortation. Fucking hell, these guys were so cute as was that entire fucking story.
"Guys, that is cute as fuck!" Frankie says and I smile and nod in confirmation. Mikey looks up at us, confused.
"You aren't mad that we lied?" he asks.
"No, Mikes," I chuckle. "I don't care that you lied just as long as you're happy which clearly you are," I smile at him. He nods and mouths a thank you before cuddling even tighter into Ray. "Now fuck off upstairs because I need to cleanse my mind!" I say. "I just saw my brother dry humping someone and my mind needs time to recover!" I joke. Ray and Mikes stand up and, hand-in-hand, walk to the stairs. They are about to leave when Frank stops them.
"Where is Izzy?" he asks.
"Shit, yeah... Izzy is in my room asleep," Mikey answers. "Is it okay if we sleep at Ray's seeing as he lives just down the street?"
"Sure! Just leave on time for school to get here so that Ray's parents don't get suspicious!" I laugh. Mikey agrees and him and Ray run off into the night.
I look over at Bob and confirm that he has actually slept through the last few minutes that we've been back. I look over at Frank who is smiling at me I kiss my Fairy on the nose before I lead him to my soft bed. I climb in and make grabby hands for him. Frank chuckles.
"Gerard, you're still wearing your shoes and all of your clothes," he laughs. I look down and he is of course right. I guess I was too drunk and tired to notice. I giggle at my stupidity before taking off my shoes, socks, trousers and shirt, leaving me in just my boxers. I turn around to see Frankie standing in just his boxers too. I have to bite my lip to keep from moaning at the site, Frankie has got a gorgeous lean body. Every inch of his skin in a flawless milky white. All of his bruising, aside from the ones by his broken ribs and my love bites, are completely gone. I guess I was staring because Frank starts blushing. "Stop, Gee," he whispers.
"I'm sorry, Baby. You're just so fucking hot," I mutter. Frank's blush just fucking quadrupled.
"Gee!" he whisper-yells.
"Sorry," I chuckle, climbing under the covers. "Come and cuddle me to sleep, Sugar," I yawn to Frankie. Frank wastes no time climbing under the quilt. He lies his head in the crook of my neck, arms across my chest and mine around his waist. Frank sighs in contentment which makes me smile. Frank leans up on his elbow after about ten minutes of cuddling. I smile at him and he leans in, kissing me. It is a sweet kiss. Our lips moving in unison, his tongue exploring my mouth slowly as mine massages his. We keep the kiss innocent enough and stop after about five minutes, Frankie pulls away smiling.
"I love you, Gerard,"
"I love you too, Frank," I smile. "Night, Baby. Sleep well," I whisper. Frank leans forward and pecks my lips softly. He turns in my arms so that his back is against my chest and I am spooning him.
"Goodnight and sweet dreams, Babe," Frank murmurs and he pulls my arms tight around him, weaving the fingers of his left hand with that of my right. I kiss the back of his neck and he sighs happily. This night, disregarding the Bob hiccup (which I still need to confront him about), has been perfect and I never want it to end.
I smile with pure content and fall into a sleep full of my perfect little Fairy.
Then we started drinking faster.
Before I knew it we are all up and dancing after two bottles of vodka and five bottles of beer. Everyone is having a great fucking time but with all of the booze in our systems we all get pretty fucking exhausted.
By 11PM Frank was straddling me and kissing me perfectly, although I'd like to take it to more but everyone is here so I refrain. That is when I remembered that letter I wrote for Frank on Saturday when it got painful how much I missed him. I placed Frankie beside me on the sofa and ran up to get the letter. It took me a while to find it but when I finally did I ran back downstairs. Franks was talking to Bob, rubbing his back. I wondered why Bob was upset but decided to ask him when Frank went to read the letter. I sat myself on Franks lap and placed kisses all over his beautiful face. Franks asked me where I went so I told him I went to get something, I handed the letter to him asking him to read it in private. He agreed, kissing my temple, I shuffled off of him and he went off to read the letter. That is when I confronted Bob about why he looked so shitty.
"Dude," I slurred. "What is wrong, man. You look fucking miserable as shit," I continued, explaining where my concern came from.
"There is a thing," Bob started then he sighed. "That I really need to tell you," he sighed again.
"Bob, you are my best motherfucking friend, man. Like seriously. Tell me fucking anything dude. I tell you all the shit I think and shit," I 'explained'. Drunk people should just have their mouths sewn shut. If they did then none of this shit would have happened.
"Really?" Bob quirked an eyebrow at me. "I can tell you anything and you won't freak out?" he asked in a mockingly sceptical tone.
"Exactly, man. You totally get it!" I smiled at him.
"Fine," Bob agreed, scooting really close to me, I assumed to whisper the secret.
"I want you, Gerard," Bob whispered. I was so shocked that I didn't move or tell him that he couldn't have me and his drunk-person logic clearly told him that was an invitation to take me. Bob leaned into me. He kissed me, throwing his arms around my neck. He bit my bottom lip, trying desperately to deepen the kiss and taste me. Of course I kept my mouth shut. But, with drunken reaction time, Bob was kissing me for about ten seconds before I pushed him away and when I did I saw Frank behind him, on hand over his mouth and the other clutching at his chest.
"Frankie!" I shouted, finally attracting the rest of the drunkards to the situation. I threw Bob's arms away from me and went to talk to Frank.
"No, Gerard, save it! I knew this was too good to be true, you loving me. I knew it! But if this was all a joke why did you have to drag my friends into it? To humiliate me more? To hurt me further? And why save my life and write this fucking letter to just blow my heart up? Why the fuck would you do that?" Frank hissed. I was stunned still and unable to process filly what he was saying so I was silently staring at him. "I know why, because you Gerard Way are a fucking cunt!" he screamed before he bolted upstairs and out of the house.
I looked around to everyone's stunned faces. "Shit, I'm... fuck... Gee..." Bob said attempting to apologise.
"Not now, Bob. Just go the fuck to sleep and we'll talk tomorrow!" I shouted at him and he did as I said. Izzy got up, switching the music off. She walked over to me.
"What the fuck?" she hissed, protective over Frank and understandably so.
"It isn't what it seemed!" I said. "Bob kissed me and I didn't kiss back and the only reason I took so long to push him away is because I was stunned and being so pissed my reaction time has gone to shit!"
"Bob," Izzy called. "Is he telling the truth?" she glared at me as she addressed him. Bob managed a small 'yes' through his tears. Izzy's features softened instantly. "Fuck, Gerard, go after him and explain. He didn't mean when he called you... that," she said, clearly not wanting to repeat the word and understandably so... it is a pretty nasty word. "He was just hurting. He loves you so much and he is always so paranoid and when he saw that his paranoia mixed with the booze, he just jumped to conclusions!" Izzy stook up for Franks, fucking hell... she is a fucking awesome friend to my Baby. I nod and instantly ran upstairs and outside - the whole situation having sobered me up incredibly. I ran around in search for Frankie when I saw a small boy sat at the end of the street, head in his hands.
Which bring us to now.
"Frankie!" I scream as I run to him. "Frankie, it wasn't what it..."
"Fucking save it, you piece of shit!" Frank hisses through tears.
"No! I won't lose you over this Frank! Please just let me explain! Please!" I beg. Frank looks up and nods. "Okay so you went into the toilet and then I asked Bob why he was sad and he said it was because he wanted me and then he assaulted my mouth and threw his arms around me, I think so that I would stay still. I was so drunk and stunned that I didn't move but I didn't kiss him back either. Once I realised what was happening I pushed him away and then you were stood there looking fucking destroyed!" I explain, Frank still looks sceptical. "And I didn't deny your allegations because my reaction time is like non existent after I drink so much and I was so shocked by everything that had happened, not because they were true! I fucking love you Frankie!" I continue. Frank stands up, his eyes showing belief now. "I fucking love you," I repeat, this time in a whisper.
"I fucking love you too," Frankie replies before he leans up and kisses me deeply. He fists his hands in my hair and I can feel a cornucopia of emotions, mainly guilt and love. I snake my hands around his hips and hold him tight. Frankie pulls away, resting his forehead against mine. "I'm so sorry that I jumped to conclusions it's just that..." I silence him with a quick kiss.
"Shh, it's okay, Baby," I whisper. "Izzy explained after she almost killed me and I then explained to her..." I trail off chuckling. "She is an awesome chick!" I joke. "She is a great friend and I'm glad that I can rely on her to protect you if I'm not there," I smile and so does Frank. "Ready to head back?" I ask him and he nods, grabbing my hand.
We walk back home and down into my room, where the lights are dimmed very low. I only hear Bob's snoring and something that I can't quite name. We walk down and I'm about to take Frank to lie in bed with me so we can cuddle to sleep when something takes me by surprise and I'm stunned yet again. Mikey and Ray are sat in front of the TV, which had been muted before I left to find Frankie. Mikey is straddling Ray, Ray's hands on Mikey's arse and Mikey's up Franks shirt splayed on his chest, as they grind their hips together in a heated make out session. They are practically dry fucking on my bedroom floor and that is really not something I have ever wanted to see my brother do. Fucking eww. I am still unable to form any sort of noise so I instead look over at Frank who is grinning.
"I FUCKING KNEW SOMETHING WAS UP!" he shouted, startling the couple. Mikey turns his head and Ray opens his eyes. When they catch Frank's grin and my horrified expression they both blush furiously. Mikey burries his head in Ray's neck, moving his hands to cover his face whilst Ray moves his to the top of Mikey's back - hugging him close - and he starts laughing.
Ray and Frank are both laughing now and us Ways look mortified, me at catching my brother dry fucking someone on my bedroom floor and him at getting caught doing so by his big brother. "I, holy shit, umm..." I mutter. "You guys umm..." I continue.
"How did this happen?" Frankie asks, still grinning.
"Well, we clicked that first day at Izzy's and then when we went to walk home we talked more and exchanged numbers..." Ray paused to smile at the memory. "Well by the time we reached here I couldn't get one simple thought off of my mind - kissing Mikey - so as I went to walk in I grabbed his wrist to stop him. When Mikey turned around to look at me his smile was so perfect that I couldn't resist pulling him closer to me, just to look at how beautiful it was from up close. When we were chest-to-chest Mikey's smile got shy but he was still smiling. I grabbed his chin in my left hand and tilted it up so that our eyes met perfectly and I whispered 'I really want to kiss you,' which caused Mikey to chuckle. When he stopped chuckling he whispered 'What's stopping you?' so with a smile I leant down, pressing our foreheads together, looking into his eyes to check that he was really okay with this. Mikey responded by placing his hands on my neck so I closed my eyes and pressed my lips to his beautiful soft ones. It was fucking amazing. You know that bullshit they spew about fireworks?" Ray asks and I nod slowly whilst Frankie is nodding like a mad man. "Well it isn't fucking bullshit! That is what happens. It instantly felt so right and perfect!" Ray chirps. Me and Frankie look at eachother, clearly trying to relay to one another that we felt that cliche feeling when we first kissed. Ray continues with his and Mikey's romantic tale. "I wrapped my arms around his waist and kissed him a little bit more passionately, still keeping it innocent though. After a couple of minutes I pulled away, resting my forehead on his, and looking deep into his eyes, both of us smiling. After a minute of just smiling at eachother I asked him to be mine and he answered with a quick kiss and a yes. I kissed him again and pulled away, saying that I had to head home. We kissed eachother goodbye and as soon as I got home we texted eachother all night until I passed out," Ray chuckles. "And ever since then we have been secretly dating," Ray smirks.
"Not so secret anymore..." Mikey mutters with a chuckle. Me and Frank look at eachother with the same adortation. Fucking hell, these guys were so cute as was that entire fucking story.
"Guys, that is cute as fuck!" Frankie says and I smile and nod in confirmation. Mikey looks up at us, confused.
"You aren't mad that we lied?" he asks.
"No, Mikes," I chuckle. "I don't care that you lied just as long as you're happy which clearly you are," I smile at him. He nods and mouths a thank you before cuddling even tighter into Ray. "Now fuck off upstairs because I need to cleanse my mind!" I say. "I just saw my brother dry humping someone and my mind needs time to recover!" I joke. Ray and Mikes stand up and, hand-in-hand, walk to the stairs. They are about to leave when Frank stops them.
"Where is Izzy?" he asks.
"Shit, yeah... Izzy is in my room asleep," Mikey answers. "Is it okay if we sleep at Ray's seeing as he lives just down the street?"
"Sure! Just leave on time for school to get here so that Ray's parents don't get suspicious!" I laugh. Mikey agrees and him and Ray run off into the night.
I look over at Bob and confirm that he has actually slept through the last few minutes that we've been back. I look over at Frank who is smiling at me I kiss my Fairy on the nose before I lead him to my soft bed. I climb in and make grabby hands for him. Frank chuckles.
"Gerard, you're still wearing your shoes and all of your clothes," he laughs. I look down and he is of course right. I guess I was too drunk and tired to notice. I giggle at my stupidity before taking off my shoes, socks, trousers and shirt, leaving me in just my boxers. I turn around to see Frankie standing in just his boxers too. I have to bite my lip to keep from moaning at the site, Frankie has got a gorgeous lean body. Every inch of his skin in a flawless milky white. All of his bruising, aside from the ones by his broken ribs and my love bites, are completely gone. I guess I was staring because Frank starts blushing. "Stop, Gee," he whispers.
"I'm sorry, Baby. You're just so fucking hot," I mutter. Frank's blush just fucking quadrupled.
"Gee!" he whisper-yells.
"Sorry," I chuckle, climbing under the covers. "Come and cuddle me to sleep, Sugar," I yawn to Frankie. Frank wastes no time climbing under the quilt. He lies his head in the crook of my neck, arms across my chest and mine around his waist. Frank sighs in contentment which makes me smile. Frank leans up on his elbow after about ten minutes of cuddling. I smile at him and he leans in, kissing me. It is a sweet kiss. Our lips moving in unison, his tongue exploring my mouth slowly as mine massages his. We keep the kiss innocent enough and stop after about five minutes, Frankie pulls away smiling.
"I love you, Gerard,"
"I love you too, Frank," I smile. "Night, Baby. Sleep well," I whisper. Frank leans forward and pecks my lips softly. He turns in my arms so that his back is against my chest and I am spooning him.
"Goodnight and sweet dreams, Babe," Frank murmurs and he pulls my arms tight around him, weaving the fingers of his left hand with that of my right. I kiss the back of his neck and he sighs happily. This night, disregarding the Bob hiccup (which I still need to confront him about), has been perfect and I never want it to end.
I smile with pure content and fall into a sleep full of my perfect little Fairy.
Notes
So yeah, this was a huge update but I owe you guys for missing a whole day!Yey! I fixed Frerard!
Whoop!
I don't really have much else to say!
Sorry about this update taking longer than I planned... I am not ashamed to say that I got distracted looking up the 'Frerard' tag on Tumblr. I ain't even sorry! ;P
And I fucking love your comments, they are so awesome! :D
I am hoping to update again tonight! :3
Thanks for reading, you guys are the best!!! :D
Charley <3
@Thatonefriend
Well it might not have tied up all the ends, but I read the last chapter & it seems like an ending, although the author said "no more than four more chapters" so yeah p much the end.
12/22/18