I'm really not okay.
Chapter 12- Bitch-tits
All of the lovely things that Gerard had said when he thought I was asleep have only fueled my vast love for him. And then he said that one thing which I’ve desired to hear for years, the thing that he never got to say in my dreams, Gerard Way said that he loves me.
Right now we’re in the middle of a heated-kiss. I can feel his hard beating fast from how his chest is pressed firmly against mine and he – his taste, his smell, his touch, his moans – is making me forget the pain. I feel like I’m invincible, eternal. No, fuck that. I feel like we’re invincible. I feel like we’re eternal.
“Mr. Ier… oh…” I hear someone behind Gerard say.
For. Fucks. Sake.
I open my eyes to see my nurse and I instantly conclude that I fucking hate this bitch for interrupting! Gerard pulls away from me and stands up but as he pulled away I whine. I fucking whine! Shit, I just fucking whined in front of my nurse. Kill me! NO WAIT! Don’t kill me because then I wouldn’t get to make out with Gerard. And I know Gee heard because he smirks and winks at me. Fucker. And I know the nurse heard because she scoffed. Yep, definitely hating this bitch! I hear bitch-tits, AKA my nurse, clear her throat before she says whatever she interrupted mine and Gerard’s second ever kiss for.
“Mr. Iero,” she starts. “I have come to give you your medication,” she continues before walking over and handing me like nine fucking pills. She didn’t bring water, how the fuck does she expect me to fucking ingest these motherfucking pills? I think Gerard noticed the lack of water, and my resentment toward the interrupting bitch, because he asked her if she could get some and she left to retrieve me a bottle of water.
“Calm down, Franks,” Gee chuckles. “We have plenty of time for making out but you need to take these pills now to manage your pain, okay, Sugar?” I was scowling up until he said Sugar because whenever Gee uses pet names I get butterflies because he is really fucking cute. I smile softly at Gerard and he beams at me, placing a soft kiss to my lips. But his lips are so soft that I’m not content with the soft touch so as he pulls away I lean up to capture his lips again but he pulls back too fast for me. “Wow, someone’s keen,” Gerard jokes, also sending me a hot as fuck wink. “Don’t worry, Baby, I promise that I’ll give you what you want soon,” Gerard purrs. Oh. My. Fuck. His voice, it is always beautiful but when he speaks in that seductive tone. I just can’t. Fuck me, Gerard. Like literally. I don’t trust anything I say not to release the moan that his voice created so I simply nod whilst staring into his lust-filled eyes. I swear that if we were in my room then I would have him naked by now. Shit, I need to calm down because if I don’t then I’m going to get a not-so-little problem just like that tutor session and I don’t trust myself to simply ‘will it away’ right now.
Right then that nurse chick comes in with my bottle of water. “Here you are, Mr. Iero,” the nurse smiles, handing me the bottle. She winks at Gerard who smiles in return and then walks away. What the fuck was that?
“Nothing,” Gerard states. Shit… did I just think aloud?
“Huh?” I play coy.
“Nothing, that was nothing, honestly. I love you, okay, Fairy?” Gee says with a soft smile. I can’t help but smile at the oh-so-perfect curve of his oh-so-perfect lips.
“Okay, Babe, I believe you,” Gerard smiles wide at that, but was he smiling because I believe him or because I called him babe? I’ll test babe again in a few minutes.
“Take your pain medication, Franks,” Gee reminds me. I do as he says and swallow down the pills one-by-one, also finishing the entire bottle of water. Gerard chuckles lightly. He then leans down, placing his full-lips against my cheek, kissing the bruise, literally trying to kiss me better.
Gerard proceeds to kiss all of the bruises on my face before he places one last kiss on my unprepared lips. Gerard pulls away with a sad smile. “What’s wrong, Gee?” I ask, obviously concerned.
“We need to talk,”
FUCK.
Gerard changed his mind.
He kissed me and realised that he doesn’t love me.
Not that I blame him, look at me, I’m disgusting; who could possibly love me?
I must have started crying because Gerard sweeps his thumbs under my eyes gently and kisses my eyes. “Why are you crying, Sugar?” Gee soothes.
“B-b-because, y-you real-ised th-at you don’t l-love m-e,” I blub out and erupt into a fucking tear volcano.
“Oh, Frankie,” Gerard coos, fitting his arms around my back and pulling my face into his chest where I nuzzle into him, gripping onto his shirt, not letting him leave me. “I could never think for even a second that I don’t love you. I mean it when I said that I love with all that I am,” he continues, calming me down greatly. “Every single fucking particle that is Gerard Way craves you. I promise, baby,” Gerard assures me, kissing the top of my head, pulling me back to look in my eyes. I could get lost in those eyes of his, little flakes of a beautiful gold dotted about in his iris. Gerard leans in and kisses me, long and slow. It is completely perfect for such a sentimental moment so I don’t try to deepen the kiss, I just move my lips in sync with his. He pulls away and kisses my nose. Then he pulls his chair as close to the bed as it can get before sitting down.
Once I feel as though I can form words without constantly blubbing I look back into his eyes. “What do we need to talk about, Gee?” I whisper, fearing that anything above that would break the caring atmosphere that Gerard has built.
“Frankie,” Gerard sighs. “Your hip,” he continues and I gulp because that isn’t exactly something I’m proud of. “The nurse told me about it and you have to stay the night because of the blood loss,” he continues with a pained expression. “And tomorrow you’ll have a meeting with a psychologist and if he thinks you’re a danger to anyone, yourself included, then you’ll be put into a psychiatric unit,” Gerard finishes and I see a tear begin to stream down the soft porcelain skin on his cheek before he catches it.
“It’s okay, Gee, I’ll never do it again. If I just tell the psychologist that then I can’t go to that ward, right?” I say knowing that it wouldn’t be so simply.
“Okay, Frank. I believe you,” Gerard smiles at me. His smile just makes me feel alive and happier than I have been for years.
“Hey, Gee,”
“Yeah, Frankie,” Gee smiles at me.
“I love you,” I whisper. Gerard leans forward and presses our lips together in yet another kiss which makes the butterflies in my stomach fucking lose the plot just like every time Gerard kisses me.
“I love you too, Franks,” he mumbles against my lip as he continues to kiss me and I of course move my lips in time with his.
We spent the rest of the evening listening to music on Gee’s phone and kissing. Gee also texted Mikey telling him where he was so that Mr. and Mrs. Way didn’t freak out. We didn’t really talk because Gee says that we’ve both had such emotional days that we just need to relax and I don’t argue with him because he is right. Plus we were making better use of our mouths.
Right now Gerard is straddling my hips. I have my hands firmly grasping his arse, causing him to moan, and his are in my hair because he is scared of hurting my ribs. I’m kissing Gee’s neck, occasionally biting and sucking – marking him as mine so that all of those sluts at school know that he is mine. Gee pulls on my hair, pulling my head back and making me moan. He forces our lips together in a heated kiss with plenty of tongue and I don’t think that I will ever get use to the way his tongue dances against mine or how his mouth feels to my exploring tongue.
“Mr. Iero,” bitch-tits calls as she enters the room. I huff because, seriously, I don’t want to talk to her, I want to make out with Gerard. Gerard pulls away and moves off of me, standing by my bed.
I take in how his eyes are dripping with lust, how his cherry-red hair is dishevelled – from where I had pulled on it earlier – how his lips are swollen and bright, how his cheeks are flushed red, how his neck is painted with my mark and how his clothes are scrunched. I caused all of this with our make out session and fuck do I feel proud because he looks impossibly hot. Like, even hotter than he normally does which, until I took in his sight, I wouldn't have thought possible.
“Frank…” Gerard calls. Shit, I was staring for like five minutes.
“Yeah, Babe?” I ask Gee and he smiles slightly. So it was me calling him Babe that made him smile earlier, awesome.
“Rachel just said that it’s 10:28. I should have left almost half an hour ago,” Gerard informs. “I have to leave, Baby. But don’t worry I’ll be back tomorrow at 9:00AM when visitation starts, okay?” Gee offers.
“But, Gee. That is in ten and a half hours! I can’t be apart from you for that long!” I whine.
“Frankie, we are normally apart for like twenty hours between seeing eachother at school on one day to the next…”
“Shut up, Gerard! You know that it’s different now!” I sulk.
“I know, Sugar. Now that you’re my boyfriend you don’t want us to be apart. But I don’t want to leave, I have to. I’m sorry, Fairy. I promise that I’ll be here as early as possible, okay?”
Oh my fuck.
Gee just called me his boyfriend.
That makes it official, bitches!
I AM DATING GERARD WAY!
I was too busy inwardly fangirling and smiling like a fool to answer until I hear him huff, realising that I again zoned out… Oopsies…
“Okay then, be here at…” I stop. “Fuck, Gee, you have to go to school tomorrow!” I whine.
“No I don’t, Baby. I’m going to explain to my folks that you’re still in the hospital and that I can’t go to school with you in here,” Gerard smiles.
“Gee, your parents don’t know who I…”
“Yes, the do. I told Mikes to tell them that you are my boyfriend!” Gee beams.
“Won’t they be angry that you’re gay?” I panic because… well you know what my mum did because I am ‘a disgusting faggot’…
“What? Nah, my parents are atheist like me and they totally support homosexuality and all of that shit,” Gerard explains.
Why can’t his parent be my parents? Wait a second… that would make Gee my brother… yeah, let’s not go there.
“Okay well, I suppose that you should leave and shit,” I sigh.
“I’m sorry, Sugar. I’ll be in this very fucking room by 9:00AM, I promise.”
“Okay, Babe. Have a safe trip home,”
“Thanks, Baby, sleep well and call me if you need me, okay?” I nod. Gerard leans in and plants a soft, tantalising kiss on my lips and of course I instantly respond with just as much force as Gerard. Gerard pulls away, grabs his phone from the bedside – shutting the quiet music off – and smiles at me. “I love you, Frank Iero,” Gerard says before placing one last kiss on my lips and turning to leave.
“I love you too, Gerard Way,” I call after him. Gerard turns around and winks at me before turning the corner and leaving my sight and the ward. I turn to the side, feeling incredibly drowsy from the drugs the nurse has given me. I fall into a calm sleep with just one thing on my mind…
my boyfriend, Gerard Way.
Right now we’re in the middle of a heated-kiss. I can feel his hard beating fast from how his chest is pressed firmly against mine and he – his taste, his smell, his touch, his moans – is making me forget the pain. I feel like I’m invincible, eternal. No, fuck that. I feel like we’re invincible. I feel like we’re eternal.
“Mr. Ier… oh…” I hear someone behind Gerard say.
For. Fucks. Sake.
I open my eyes to see my nurse and I instantly conclude that I fucking hate this bitch for interrupting! Gerard pulls away from me and stands up but as he pulled away I whine. I fucking whine! Shit, I just fucking whined in front of my nurse. Kill me! NO WAIT! Don’t kill me because then I wouldn’t get to make out with Gerard. And I know Gee heard because he smirks and winks at me. Fucker. And I know the nurse heard because she scoffed. Yep, definitely hating this bitch! I hear bitch-tits, AKA my nurse, clear her throat before she says whatever she interrupted mine and Gerard’s second ever kiss for.
“Mr. Iero,” she starts. “I have come to give you your medication,” she continues before walking over and handing me like nine fucking pills. She didn’t bring water, how the fuck does she expect me to fucking ingest these motherfucking pills? I think Gerard noticed the lack of water, and my resentment toward the interrupting bitch, because he asked her if she could get some and she left to retrieve me a bottle of water.
“Calm down, Franks,” Gee chuckles. “We have plenty of time for making out but you need to take these pills now to manage your pain, okay, Sugar?” I was scowling up until he said Sugar because whenever Gee uses pet names I get butterflies because he is really fucking cute. I smile softly at Gerard and he beams at me, placing a soft kiss to my lips. But his lips are so soft that I’m not content with the soft touch so as he pulls away I lean up to capture his lips again but he pulls back too fast for me. “Wow, someone’s keen,” Gerard jokes, also sending me a hot as fuck wink. “Don’t worry, Baby, I promise that I’ll give you what you want soon,” Gerard purrs. Oh. My. Fuck. His voice, it is always beautiful but when he speaks in that seductive tone. I just can’t. Fuck me, Gerard. Like literally. I don’t trust anything I say not to release the moan that his voice created so I simply nod whilst staring into his lust-filled eyes. I swear that if we were in my room then I would have him naked by now. Shit, I need to calm down because if I don’t then I’m going to get a not-so-little problem just like that tutor session and I don’t trust myself to simply ‘will it away’ right now.
Right then that nurse chick comes in with my bottle of water. “Here you are, Mr. Iero,” the nurse smiles, handing me the bottle. She winks at Gerard who smiles in return and then walks away. What the fuck was that?
“Nothing,” Gerard states. Shit… did I just think aloud?
“Huh?” I play coy.
“Nothing, that was nothing, honestly. I love you, okay, Fairy?” Gee says with a soft smile. I can’t help but smile at the oh-so-perfect curve of his oh-so-perfect lips.
“Okay, Babe, I believe you,” Gerard smiles wide at that, but was he smiling because I believe him or because I called him babe? I’ll test babe again in a few minutes.
“Take your pain medication, Franks,” Gee reminds me. I do as he says and swallow down the pills one-by-one, also finishing the entire bottle of water. Gerard chuckles lightly. He then leans down, placing his full-lips against my cheek, kissing the bruise, literally trying to kiss me better.
Gerard proceeds to kiss all of the bruises on my face before he places one last kiss on my unprepared lips. Gerard pulls away with a sad smile. “What’s wrong, Gee?” I ask, obviously concerned.
“We need to talk,”
FUCK.
Gerard changed his mind.
He kissed me and realised that he doesn’t love me.
Not that I blame him, look at me, I’m disgusting; who could possibly love me?
I must have started crying because Gerard sweeps his thumbs under my eyes gently and kisses my eyes. “Why are you crying, Sugar?” Gee soothes.
“B-b-because, y-you real-ised th-at you don’t l-love m-e,” I blub out and erupt into a fucking tear volcano.
“Oh, Frankie,” Gerard coos, fitting his arms around my back and pulling my face into his chest where I nuzzle into him, gripping onto his shirt, not letting him leave me. “I could never think for even a second that I don’t love you. I mean it when I said that I love with all that I am,” he continues, calming me down greatly. “Every single fucking particle that is Gerard Way craves you. I promise, baby,” Gerard assures me, kissing the top of my head, pulling me back to look in my eyes. I could get lost in those eyes of his, little flakes of a beautiful gold dotted about in his iris. Gerard leans in and kisses me, long and slow. It is completely perfect for such a sentimental moment so I don’t try to deepen the kiss, I just move my lips in sync with his. He pulls away and kisses my nose. Then he pulls his chair as close to the bed as it can get before sitting down.
Once I feel as though I can form words without constantly blubbing I look back into his eyes. “What do we need to talk about, Gee?” I whisper, fearing that anything above that would break the caring atmosphere that Gerard has built.
“Frankie,” Gerard sighs. “Your hip,” he continues and I gulp because that isn’t exactly something I’m proud of. “The nurse told me about it and you have to stay the night because of the blood loss,” he continues with a pained expression. “And tomorrow you’ll have a meeting with a psychologist and if he thinks you’re a danger to anyone, yourself included, then you’ll be put into a psychiatric unit,” Gerard finishes and I see a tear begin to stream down the soft porcelain skin on his cheek before he catches it.
“It’s okay, Gee, I’ll never do it again. If I just tell the psychologist that then I can’t go to that ward, right?” I say knowing that it wouldn’t be so simply.
“Okay, Frank. I believe you,” Gerard smiles at me. His smile just makes me feel alive and happier than I have been for years.
“Hey, Gee,”
“Yeah, Frankie,” Gee smiles at me.
“I love you,” I whisper. Gerard leans forward and presses our lips together in yet another kiss which makes the butterflies in my stomach fucking lose the plot just like every time Gerard kisses me.
“I love you too, Franks,” he mumbles against my lip as he continues to kiss me and I of course move my lips in time with his.
We spent the rest of the evening listening to music on Gee’s phone and kissing. Gee also texted Mikey telling him where he was so that Mr. and Mrs. Way didn’t freak out. We didn’t really talk because Gee says that we’ve both had such emotional days that we just need to relax and I don’t argue with him because he is right. Plus we were making better use of our mouths.
Right now Gerard is straddling my hips. I have my hands firmly grasping his arse, causing him to moan, and his are in my hair because he is scared of hurting my ribs. I’m kissing Gee’s neck, occasionally biting and sucking – marking him as mine so that all of those sluts at school know that he is mine. Gee pulls on my hair, pulling my head back and making me moan. He forces our lips together in a heated kiss with plenty of tongue and I don’t think that I will ever get use to the way his tongue dances against mine or how his mouth feels to my exploring tongue.
“Mr. Iero,” bitch-tits calls as she enters the room. I huff because, seriously, I don’t want to talk to her, I want to make out with Gerard. Gerard pulls away and moves off of me, standing by my bed.
I take in how his eyes are dripping with lust, how his cherry-red hair is dishevelled – from where I had pulled on it earlier – how his lips are swollen and bright, how his cheeks are flushed red, how his neck is painted with my mark and how his clothes are scrunched. I caused all of this with our make out session and fuck do I feel proud because he looks impossibly hot. Like, even hotter than he normally does which, until I took in his sight, I wouldn't have thought possible.
“Frank…” Gerard calls. Shit, I was staring for like five minutes.
“Yeah, Babe?” I ask Gee and he smiles slightly. So it was me calling him Babe that made him smile earlier, awesome.
“Rachel just said that it’s 10:28. I should have left almost half an hour ago,” Gerard informs. “I have to leave, Baby. But don’t worry I’ll be back tomorrow at 9:00AM when visitation starts, okay?” Gee offers.
“But, Gee. That is in ten and a half hours! I can’t be apart from you for that long!” I whine.
“Frankie, we are normally apart for like twenty hours between seeing eachother at school on one day to the next…”
“Shut up, Gerard! You know that it’s different now!” I sulk.
“I know, Sugar. Now that you’re my boyfriend you don’t want us to be apart. But I don’t want to leave, I have to. I’m sorry, Fairy. I promise that I’ll be here as early as possible, okay?”
Oh my fuck.
Gee just called me his boyfriend.
That makes it official, bitches!
I AM DATING GERARD WAY!
I was too busy inwardly fangirling and smiling like a fool to answer until I hear him huff, realising that I again zoned out… Oopsies…
“Okay then, be here at…” I stop. “Fuck, Gee, you have to go to school tomorrow!” I whine.
“No I don’t, Baby. I’m going to explain to my folks that you’re still in the hospital and that I can’t go to school with you in here,” Gerard smiles.
“Gee, your parents don’t know who I…”
“Yes, the do. I told Mikes to tell them that you are my boyfriend!” Gee beams.
“Won’t they be angry that you’re gay?” I panic because… well you know what my mum did because I am ‘a disgusting faggot’…
“What? Nah, my parents are atheist like me and they totally support homosexuality and all of that shit,” Gerard explains.
Why can’t his parent be my parents? Wait a second… that would make Gee my brother… yeah, let’s not go there.
“Okay well, I suppose that you should leave and shit,” I sigh.
“I’m sorry, Sugar. I’ll be in this very fucking room by 9:00AM, I promise.”
“Okay, Babe. Have a safe trip home,”
“Thanks, Baby, sleep well and call me if you need me, okay?” I nod. Gerard leans in and plants a soft, tantalising kiss on my lips and of course I instantly respond with just as much force as Gerard. Gerard pulls away, grabs his phone from the bedside – shutting the quiet music off – and smiles at me. “I love you, Frank Iero,” Gerard says before placing one last kiss on my lips and turning to leave.
“I love you too, Gerard Way,” I call after him. Gerard turns around and winks at me before turning the corner and leaving my sight and the ward. I turn to the side, feeling incredibly drowsy from the drugs the nurse has given me. I fall into a calm sleep with just one thing on my mind…
my boyfriend, Gerard Way.
Notes
WOOOW! LONGEST CHAPTER AS OF YET!So yeah, this was back to Frank.
This chapter lacks substance but meh.
Sorry that Frank hates Rachel but she is a nurse who I had when I was in HDU and she was really fake and irritating and I hated her... so I make Frank hate her. I mean I know she isn't a proper character but I did make Frank look really bitchy. Meh.
Guys... in England as of this update it is 3:32AM... I have school at 8:30 tomorrow... Oops...
Umm, I don't even know what to say now.
Yunno when you get SO tired that you get fucking tired but so sleep so you do something else and end up being super hyper and energetic and you know that you're going to pass out as soon as you relax????????????
Yeah, that pretty much describes me right now.
OMFG GUYS! THIS STORY WAS NUMBER TWO WHEN I CLICKED ON POPULAR STORIES! LIKE HOLY SHIZ! AND IT'S LIKE 80 HOURS OF AGE! OMFG!
Okay, I got overly excited there but fuck it, I was legitimately excited when I saw it so don't judge me!!! :P
Anyhow, thanks as always for reading my little tale.
Charley <3
@Thatonefriend
Well it might not have tied up all the ends, but I read the last chapter & it seems like an ending, although the author said "no more than four more chapters" so yeah p much the end.
12/22/18