I'm really not okay.
Chapter 11- Everthing Frank Iero
We arrive at the hospital and Frank is rushed through lion ward, because he is under eighteen he has to be put in a child’s ward, into HDU, the high dependency unit. Doctors fleet around him and push me away and I’m screaming for them to let me through and see him but to no avail. I am pushed out into the lion ward’s A&E (Accident and emergency) room and without the code to the door I can’t get in to check on my Fairy. I decide to take a seat and I pray. I’m not even religious but just in case I’m wrong then please, God save my Frankie! I know that you think two guys shouldn’t be together but I don’t fucking dare if you disapprove of how I feel about him just don’t let him die! He doesn’t deserve to die! Please!
“Excuse me, sir,” a nurse says to me, waking me up. Wait, shit, when did I fall asleep? I had a nap whilst Frank is in HDU! What the fuck is wrong with me!?
“Yes?” I ask, voice gloomy from sleep.
“You came in with the young boy who fell down the stairs?” she states but the way she says it makes it sound like a question. I nod furiously and she beckons me forward to the doors. Oh my God! I’m getting to see Frankie! “So, I’ll tell you anything you’d like to know,” the nurse begins. “But first there is something that we need to know first,” the nurse continues.
“Okay, what do you need to know?” I ask, impatient to actually see Frank.
“How long?” she asks with a sad expression.
“How long what?”
“How long has Frank, your…”
“Friend, we’re just friends,” I interrupt her because until I’ve spoken to Frank I won’t take one kiss to mean that we are an official couple.
“Right, friend,” she continues. “How long has he been self-harming?” well that got my attention.
“WHAT!?” I shout, stopping my progression through the lion ward.
“I… I thought you knew, your reaction made it look like you two are very close… shit…” she said, whispering the last part. “Well know that I’ve told you I may as well explain that all of the blood came from the cuts on his hip. That is why he was in such a bad state. Frank has lost a lot of blood. He will need to stay for the night under observation and tomorrow he is having an assessment from one of our psychologists and if we feel that he isn’t going to be any harm to himself or others then he is free to go tomorrow afternoon,” she explains. At least that explains his hip and, even though it hurts to know that he resorted to hurting himself, I’m glad that it wasn’t me who cut him like that.
“What if he is a danger to himself or others?” I ask.
“Well in that case then he will be moved into an-under-eighteens psychiatric ward and we will take it from there,” she informs me, looking at me with a sympathetic look, as if she was apologizing for even the possibility that my Fairy might be on a psych ward. I can’t let that happen. “Anyway, let’s get to him before visitation hours are over…”
“What’s the time?” I interrupt.
“3:30, you were in the waiting room for about two hours. Apologies for the wait but we had to give him multiple stitches and we had to reset four of his ribs which must have broken in the fall. Frank has been asleep for about an hour but before that he was responding fine and we concluded that he didn’t have a concussion…” she trails off, smirking. “He kept asking for you before he fell asleep,” she says staring at me and I can feel that the biggest smile I’ve ever had spreads across my face.
We arrive at Frank’s bed and, just as the nurse had told me, he is sleeping. “Miss…”
“Call me Rachel,” she interrupts with a soft smile.
“Okay, Rachel, what time do visitation hours end?” I ask.
“10PM. Don’t worry you do have a good six and a half hours until you need to leave. I’m sure that he’ll be awake for at least some of it,” she jokes. I smile and nod and she walks away, leaving me with my sleeping Fairy. He has the most beautiful face that I’ve ever seen, even with bruises covering it.
I put a seat by Frankie’s head and sit in it. I grab a hold of his hand and lace our fingers together. “I’m so sorry this happened to you, Baby. You deserve so much better,” I sigh and reach my free hand up to stroke Franks cheek ever so lightly. “And I’m so sorry that I ever hurt you, physically and emotionally,” I pause , pull my hand away from his delicate face to bite my nails – a terrible habit of mine, and look down at our hands, stroking the back of his with my thumb.
“I only ever hurt you because I was angry at how beautiful you were. I would be mean to make you frown because your smile is so beautiful and I found myself building an attraction and I’m fucking straight. But it didn’t work. Even without smiling I found you to be insanely gorgeous, because well… you just fucking are. And I decided that if you were constantly bruised up then you wouldn’t be beautiful so I’d hit you. The problem is that you still looked so amazing, even with bruises tainting your porcelain skin, so I hit you more because I was angry and confused and I found myself freaking out because I started getting feelings towards you, Frank…” I choke up and pause for a moment to calm down before I continue.
“And that first tutor session I really was going to kiss you but I chickened out and punched you instead because I am a fucking coward. And I beat you up later that day because I was pissed off that you made me slip up and almost kiss you.” tears begin rushing from my eyes and completely blurring my vision so I close my eyes.
“That was so fucking stupid of me, I should have been angry at me but I was angry at you because you are so perfect and that day you looked so fucking hot and I just couldn’t control myself. I shouldn’t have ever fucking hurt you. I’m such a dick. But then yesterday when you kissed me I could see that you felt the same, fuck. I was so fucking happy and then you ran off and I was confused again because I just showed you my feelings and you left and I thought you regretted it and hated me and urgh, I’m so stupid. I’m so stupid for denying my feelings for so long because then maybe I wouldn’t have made you hurt yourself. I’m so fucking sorry, Fairy and… I love you. I love you with all that I am, Frankie. Now if only I could say that when you were awa…”
“I love you too, Gee,” a raspy voice comes from Frank’s bed. Surely I imagined it, Frank’s asleep. I snap my head up and my eyes meet Franks beautiful hazel ones. The colour is nearly identically to that of mine but his hold more depth, more experience, more innocence, more beauty, more Frank.
“Frank!” I blurt. “How long have you been awake?” I question, my tone confused.
“Since you took my hand, I was going to say something but the things you were saying were so beautiful. I never hurt myself because of you, Gee. I promise,” he says, tears forming in his perfect eyes. I stand up and take Frank’s head in my hands, kissing the tears away.
“Okay, Frankie,” I soothe, pulling away to look in his eyes, tears still slowly streaming from mine. “I love you so much, Frankie,” I whisper, leaning my forehead on his.
“I love you too, Gee. I love you with all of my heart,” Frankie cries. I close my eyes and press my lips gently to his. Frank’s hands find my neck, holding me in place as if I was about to pull away. Frank deepens the kiss by putting more pressure to my lips. He softly bites my bottom lip and I moan. He takes that as an invitation and pushes his tongue into my mouth, making our tongues dance together in perfect synchronization. Frankie moans against my mouth and even hearing him moan make a moan erupt from my own lips.
Every single nerve in my body is going haywire and I can feel my heart racing, and I know that Frankie’s is too because I can hear it on the heart monitor that he’s hooked to which I can faintly hear over the blood rushing through my body. I am so light headed and dizzy and all I can focus on is everything Frankie. How his lips feel on mine. How his tongue feels dancing in my mouth. How soft his hair is under my hands. How he smells like coconuts. How he tastes like… I don’t even know if there is anything else that tastes so perfect, it is just Frank. And how perfect every single little moan that he makes is to my ears. I am completely immersed in Frank Iero and his perfection.
And this is what love feels like.
“Excuse me, sir,” a nurse says to me, waking me up. Wait, shit, when did I fall asleep? I had a nap whilst Frank is in HDU! What the fuck is wrong with me!?
“Yes?” I ask, voice gloomy from sleep.
“You came in with the young boy who fell down the stairs?” she states but the way she says it makes it sound like a question. I nod furiously and she beckons me forward to the doors. Oh my God! I’m getting to see Frankie! “So, I’ll tell you anything you’d like to know,” the nurse begins. “But first there is something that we need to know first,” the nurse continues.
“Okay, what do you need to know?” I ask, impatient to actually see Frank.
“How long?” she asks with a sad expression.
“How long what?”
“How long has Frank, your…”
“Friend, we’re just friends,” I interrupt her because until I’ve spoken to Frank I won’t take one kiss to mean that we are an official couple.
“Right, friend,” she continues. “How long has he been self-harming?” well that got my attention.
“WHAT!?” I shout, stopping my progression through the lion ward.
“I… I thought you knew, your reaction made it look like you two are very close… shit…” she said, whispering the last part. “Well know that I’ve told you I may as well explain that all of the blood came from the cuts on his hip. That is why he was in such a bad state. Frank has lost a lot of blood. He will need to stay for the night under observation and tomorrow he is having an assessment from one of our psychologists and if we feel that he isn’t going to be any harm to himself or others then he is free to go tomorrow afternoon,” she explains. At least that explains his hip and, even though it hurts to know that he resorted to hurting himself, I’m glad that it wasn’t me who cut him like that.
“What if he is a danger to himself or others?” I ask.
“Well in that case then he will be moved into an-under-eighteens psychiatric ward and we will take it from there,” she informs me, looking at me with a sympathetic look, as if she was apologizing for even the possibility that my Fairy might be on a psych ward. I can’t let that happen. “Anyway, let’s get to him before visitation hours are over…”
“What’s the time?” I interrupt.
“3:30, you were in the waiting room for about two hours. Apologies for the wait but we had to give him multiple stitches and we had to reset four of his ribs which must have broken in the fall. Frank has been asleep for about an hour but before that he was responding fine and we concluded that he didn’t have a concussion…” she trails off, smirking. “He kept asking for you before he fell asleep,” she says staring at me and I can feel that the biggest smile I’ve ever had spreads across my face.
We arrive at Frank’s bed and, just as the nurse had told me, he is sleeping. “Miss…”
“Call me Rachel,” she interrupts with a soft smile.
“Okay, Rachel, what time do visitation hours end?” I ask.
“10PM. Don’t worry you do have a good six and a half hours until you need to leave. I’m sure that he’ll be awake for at least some of it,” she jokes. I smile and nod and she walks away, leaving me with my sleeping Fairy. He has the most beautiful face that I’ve ever seen, even with bruises covering it.
I put a seat by Frankie’s head and sit in it. I grab a hold of his hand and lace our fingers together. “I’m so sorry this happened to you, Baby. You deserve so much better,” I sigh and reach my free hand up to stroke Franks cheek ever so lightly. “And I’m so sorry that I ever hurt you, physically and emotionally,” I pause , pull my hand away from his delicate face to bite my nails – a terrible habit of mine, and look down at our hands, stroking the back of his with my thumb.
“I only ever hurt you because I was angry at how beautiful you were. I would be mean to make you frown because your smile is so beautiful and I found myself building an attraction and I’m fucking straight. But it didn’t work. Even without smiling I found you to be insanely gorgeous, because well… you just fucking are. And I decided that if you were constantly bruised up then you wouldn’t be beautiful so I’d hit you. The problem is that you still looked so amazing, even with bruises tainting your porcelain skin, so I hit you more because I was angry and confused and I found myself freaking out because I started getting feelings towards you, Frank…” I choke up and pause for a moment to calm down before I continue.
“And that first tutor session I really was going to kiss you but I chickened out and punched you instead because I am a fucking coward. And I beat you up later that day because I was pissed off that you made me slip up and almost kiss you.” tears begin rushing from my eyes and completely blurring my vision so I close my eyes.
“That was so fucking stupid of me, I should have been angry at me but I was angry at you because you are so perfect and that day you looked so fucking hot and I just couldn’t control myself. I shouldn’t have ever fucking hurt you. I’m such a dick. But then yesterday when you kissed me I could see that you felt the same, fuck. I was so fucking happy and then you ran off and I was confused again because I just showed you my feelings and you left and I thought you regretted it and hated me and urgh, I’m so stupid. I’m so stupid for denying my feelings for so long because then maybe I wouldn’t have made you hurt yourself. I’m so fucking sorry, Fairy and… I love you. I love you with all that I am, Frankie. Now if only I could say that when you were awa…”
“I love you too, Gee,” a raspy voice comes from Frank’s bed. Surely I imagined it, Frank’s asleep. I snap my head up and my eyes meet Franks beautiful hazel ones. The colour is nearly identically to that of mine but his hold more depth, more experience, more innocence, more beauty, more Frank.
“Frank!” I blurt. “How long have you been awake?” I question, my tone confused.
“Since you took my hand, I was going to say something but the things you were saying were so beautiful. I never hurt myself because of you, Gee. I promise,” he says, tears forming in his perfect eyes. I stand up and take Frank’s head in my hands, kissing the tears away.
“Okay, Frankie,” I soothe, pulling away to look in his eyes, tears still slowly streaming from mine. “I love you so much, Frankie,” I whisper, leaning my forehead on his.
“I love you too, Gee. I love you with all of my heart,” Frankie cries. I close my eyes and press my lips gently to his. Frank’s hands find my neck, holding me in place as if I was about to pull away. Frank deepens the kiss by putting more pressure to my lips. He softly bites my bottom lip and I moan. He takes that as an invitation and pushes his tongue into my mouth, making our tongues dance together in perfect synchronization. Frankie moans against my mouth and even hearing him moan make a moan erupt from my own lips.
Every single nerve in my body is going haywire and I can feel my heart racing, and I know that Frankie’s is too because I can hear it on the heart monitor that he’s hooked to which I can faintly hear over the blood rushing through my body. I am so light headed and dizzy and all I can focus on is everything Frankie. How his lips feel on mine. How his tongue feels dancing in my mouth. How soft his hair is under my hands. How he smells like coconuts. How he tastes like… I don’t even know if there is anything else that tastes so perfect, it is just Frank. And how perfect every single little moan that he makes is to my ears. I am completely immersed in Frank Iero and his perfection.
And this is what love feels like.
Notes
ERHMEHGEWRD!DID YOU READ THAT?
THEY LOVE EACHOTHER!
I decided that I should give Frankie a break so yeah.
LOVE HAS ENSUED JUST LIKE I PROMISED!!!
I hope this update was satisfactory.
Next chapter is back in Frank's POV.
Thank you for reading, perfect people.
Charley <3
@Thatonefriend
Well it might not have tied up all the ends, but I read the last chapter & it seems like an ending, although the author said "no more than four more chapters" so yeah p much the end.
12/22/18