Save Me From My Self Destruction
You Are Beautiful and I Love You
***Gerard's POV***
Its been 5 days and I still haven't left her side except to go to the bathroom and eat. Alice and
Erik have visited her at least twice a day. When they heard about her suicide attempt, they were completely heart broken. I don't think they've slept at all these past 5 days.
I miss her so fucking much I can't cope any longer. I need her in my life. Just watching her cold, pale body laying lifelessly in that hospital bed is tearing me apart. I've barley gotten any sleep either in these past few days because I don't want to miss her waking up.
I held her small, soft hand in mine, looking at the needle that was going into her vein. I started to cry again...
"If you can hear me sugar, I want you to know that I love you with everything I have. I know I haven't known you all my life, but it feels like I have. Please baby, please try to wake up. Please I-I need you. I miss you. Please...." I said while trying to swallow my tears. I had to be strong for her. She needs me.
****4 Hours later****
Mikey had come by with some food for me, so I ate it in the hospital cafeteria as fast as I could praying that she wouldn't wake up before I got back to the room. I had Mikey stay in there with her just in case. I need to be there the moment she opens her eyes.
***MIkey's POV***
I sat in the chair next to her hospital bed. She looked so peaceful just laying there. I looked at her pale body which was covered in needles and wires. I felt horrible. Chrissi is probably one of the nicest people I've ever met, and I couldn't see why someone as sweet as her would want to end it all.
"Please wake up Chrissi. For Gerard.. He needs you, you know? He's been so broken inside for the past 5 days. Please Chrissi." I whispered
About 5 minutes later, Gerard walked into the room with another bouquet of roses. Everyday he buys her a bouquet of different flowers, and balloons. The room was now covered in 'Get Well Soon' decorations.
I got up and let him sit in the chair. He stroked her hair away from her face, and kissed her cheek whispering 'I love you, sugar' in her ear.
He looked at me with tears in his eyes. I sat on the arm of the chair and hugged him. He looked like he needed a good hug, even though I know I'm not the one he wants one from.
He didn't say anything. He just hugged me back and silently cried.
"Shh come on Gerard. She'll wake up in no time. Don't worry." I said trying my best to comfort him.
"I need to know that she's going to be okay, Mikey." he said while wiping his tears
Before I could respond, I got a text from Alicia telling me dinner was ready. She and I always liked to have dinner together.
"Hey Gerard? I gotta go. Alicia has dinner ready."
"A-Alright"
"I'll be back tomorrow. Call me if she wakes up or anything." I said while walking out the door.
"Okay. Bye." he whispered not taking his eyes off Chrissi.
****3 Hours later (11:00pm)****
***Gerard's POV***
I rested my head on the arm of the hospital bed with her hand in mine. I hold her hand whenever I'm with her. Holding it gives me a sense of comfort knowing that I still have her.
I was so tired I couldn't bare to keep my eyes open any longer. I kissed her cheek, and whispered 'Goodnight baby, sweet dreams, I'll see you in the morning.. I love you." in her ear and put my head back on the arm of the bed., with her hand in mine. I truly did love her. She was the only girlfriend that i ever had that I actually felt close to. All the other girlfriends I've had didn't make me feel like I could just be me around them. I feel like me with Chrissi.
It must've been about 11:30 by now when I felt something move from underneath my head. What the fuck?! I opened my eyes and shot my head up. Chrissi's hand was moving.
My heart started racing so fast it felt as if my it was going to jump right out of my skin. Her eyelids started to flicker. She was waking up.
I cupped her cheek in my hand and began to stoke it with my thumb. Her eyes slowly opened revealing her big blue eyes.
"G-Gee?" her voice was barley over a whisper
"Y-Y-Yes baby, It's me." I said while tears of joy were pouring down my face onto her neck
She just stared at me for a few seconds before bursting into tears.
"Oh my god Gee I'm so fucking sorry!' she said while gripping onto my shirt
"Shh shh shh baby. Why are you sorry?"
She just sobbed for about 3 minutes before talking
"I-I'm so sorry for putting you through this!"
"Sugar, don't be sorry." I said while stroking her back
"Baby?"
"Mhm?" she said while wiping her tears
"Tell me what happened, sugar. Please."
***Chrissi's POV***
"Tell me what happened, sugar. Please." he said
Should I really tell him about my parents? I mean he'll probably find out anyway. He deserves to know..
I take a deep breath and begin..
"W-Well, ever since I was born, my parents never accepted me. They always told me how useless and stupid I was. You see, ever since Alice was born, they figured having another kid would be too much for them. They told each other that that was it. No more. 6 years later, the mistake happened. That mistake being me. I never felt loved, or part of the family, even as a young kid. I always felt like an outcast. I was bullied a lot in school, so I never really had a happy place. When 8th grade started, things got bad. Thats when the beating happened and they've been happening ever since. Every night my dad beats the shit out of me and theres absolutely nothing I can do to stop him. 8th grade is when the self harm started. Gerard, I've tried countless times to stop cutting, but I just can't. It's become this horrible addiction thats just taken over me. Alice and Erik have tried so many times to get me to stop and move in with them but i can't. I don't want my dad to go crazy and end up hurting them. Things got even worse when i was 15. Thats when I had my first suicide attempt . That broke Alice and Erik's hearts, but i couldn't take it anymore. I had absolutely no friends and no one to turn to. I felt completely lost. My mom didn't give a shit about me because she's too busy getting high every fucking night. The night I met you, my dad really did a number on me. I cut for about an hour that night. The next day, he did the same thing. Thats when I decided life wasn't worth living anymore. Gee, I have nothing to live for! I'm worthless!"
At this point I broke down and couldn't go on. Gerard was already crying, and holding me in his arms as if protecting me from my abusive father.
"Chrissi Jones, you listen to me right now." Gerard said in a stern voice which kinda scared me
"Don't you ever feel like you are worthless and have nothing to live for. Chrissi, you are fucking perfect. You are the most beautiful, kind, and talented girl I have EVER layed eyes on. Your parents can go burn in hell for the rest of eternity for the shit that they've done to you. You don't deserve any of it. And those fuckups who bullied you can go with them. Baby, I love you. I love you with everything I have. Please Chrissi, I don't want you to hurt yourself anymore. Please! Sugar, you have so much to live for! You have me! I can promise you, Chrissi, I will always be here for you. I will always love you no matter what." Tears where rushing down both of our faces as we just sat there holding each other.
We sat in silence for about 15 minutes just embracing each other.
"Chrissi?" Gee said breaking the silence
"Yeah babe?"
"Run away with me?"
Its been 5 days and I still haven't left her side except to go to the bathroom and eat. Alice and
Erik have visited her at least twice a day. When they heard about her suicide attempt, they were completely heart broken. I don't think they've slept at all these past 5 days.
I miss her so fucking much I can't cope any longer. I need her in my life. Just watching her cold, pale body laying lifelessly in that hospital bed is tearing me apart. I've barley gotten any sleep either in these past few days because I don't want to miss her waking up.
I held her small, soft hand in mine, looking at the needle that was going into her vein. I started to cry again...
"If you can hear me sugar, I want you to know that I love you with everything I have. I know I haven't known you all my life, but it feels like I have. Please baby, please try to wake up. Please I-I need you. I miss you. Please...." I said while trying to swallow my tears. I had to be strong for her. She needs me.
****4 Hours later****
Mikey had come by with some food for me, so I ate it in the hospital cafeteria as fast as I could praying that she wouldn't wake up before I got back to the room. I had Mikey stay in there with her just in case. I need to be there the moment she opens her eyes.
***MIkey's POV***
I sat in the chair next to her hospital bed. She looked so peaceful just laying there. I looked at her pale body which was covered in needles and wires. I felt horrible. Chrissi is probably one of the nicest people I've ever met, and I couldn't see why someone as sweet as her would want to end it all.
"Please wake up Chrissi. For Gerard.. He needs you, you know? He's been so broken inside for the past 5 days. Please Chrissi." I whispered
About 5 minutes later, Gerard walked into the room with another bouquet of roses. Everyday he buys her a bouquet of different flowers, and balloons. The room was now covered in 'Get Well Soon' decorations.
I got up and let him sit in the chair. He stroked her hair away from her face, and kissed her cheek whispering 'I love you, sugar' in her ear.
He looked at me with tears in his eyes. I sat on the arm of the chair and hugged him. He looked like he needed a good hug, even though I know I'm not the one he wants one from.
He didn't say anything. He just hugged me back and silently cried.
"Shh come on Gerard. She'll wake up in no time. Don't worry." I said trying my best to comfort him.
"I need to know that she's going to be okay, Mikey." he said while wiping his tears
Before I could respond, I got a text from Alicia telling me dinner was ready. She and I always liked to have dinner together.
"Hey Gerard? I gotta go. Alicia has dinner ready."
"A-Alright"
"I'll be back tomorrow. Call me if she wakes up or anything." I said while walking out the door.
"Okay. Bye." he whispered not taking his eyes off Chrissi.
****3 Hours later (11:00pm)****
***Gerard's POV***
I rested my head on the arm of the hospital bed with her hand in mine. I hold her hand whenever I'm with her. Holding it gives me a sense of comfort knowing that I still have her.
I was so tired I couldn't bare to keep my eyes open any longer. I kissed her cheek, and whispered 'Goodnight baby, sweet dreams, I'll see you in the morning.. I love you." in her ear and put my head back on the arm of the bed., with her hand in mine. I truly did love her. She was the only girlfriend that i ever had that I actually felt close to. All the other girlfriends I've had didn't make me feel like I could just be me around them. I feel like me with Chrissi.
It must've been about 11:30 by now when I felt something move from underneath my head. What the fuck?! I opened my eyes and shot my head up. Chrissi's hand was moving.
My heart started racing so fast it felt as if my it was going to jump right out of my skin. Her eyelids started to flicker. She was waking up.
I cupped her cheek in my hand and began to stoke it with my thumb. Her eyes slowly opened revealing her big blue eyes.
"G-Gee?" her voice was barley over a whisper
"Y-Y-Yes baby, It's me." I said while tears of joy were pouring down my face onto her neck
She just stared at me for a few seconds before bursting into tears.
"Oh my god Gee I'm so fucking sorry!' she said while gripping onto my shirt
"Shh shh shh baby. Why are you sorry?"
She just sobbed for about 3 minutes before talking
"I-I'm so sorry for putting you through this!"
"Sugar, don't be sorry." I said while stroking her back
"Baby?"
"Mhm?" she said while wiping her tears
"Tell me what happened, sugar. Please."
***Chrissi's POV***
"Tell me what happened, sugar. Please." he said
Should I really tell him about my parents? I mean he'll probably find out anyway. He deserves to know..
I take a deep breath and begin..
"W-Well, ever since I was born, my parents never accepted me. They always told me how useless and stupid I was. You see, ever since Alice was born, they figured having another kid would be too much for them. They told each other that that was it. No more. 6 years later, the mistake happened. That mistake being me. I never felt loved, or part of the family, even as a young kid. I always felt like an outcast. I was bullied a lot in school, so I never really had a happy place. When 8th grade started, things got bad. Thats when the beating happened and they've been happening ever since. Every night my dad beats the shit out of me and theres absolutely nothing I can do to stop him. 8th grade is when the self harm started. Gerard, I've tried countless times to stop cutting, but I just can't. It's become this horrible addiction thats just taken over me. Alice and Erik have tried so many times to get me to stop and move in with them but i can't. I don't want my dad to go crazy and end up hurting them. Things got even worse when i was 15. Thats when I had my first suicide attempt . That broke Alice and Erik's hearts, but i couldn't take it anymore. I had absolutely no friends and no one to turn to. I felt completely lost. My mom didn't give a shit about me because she's too busy getting high every fucking night. The night I met you, my dad really did a number on me. I cut for about an hour that night. The next day, he did the same thing. Thats when I decided life wasn't worth living anymore. Gee, I have nothing to live for! I'm worthless!"
At this point I broke down and couldn't go on. Gerard was already crying, and holding me in his arms as if protecting me from my abusive father.
"Chrissi Jones, you listen to me right now." Gerard said in a stern voice which kinda scared me
"Don't you ever feel like you are worthless and have nothing to live for. Chrissi, you are fucking perfect. You are the most beautiful, kind, and talented girl I have EVER layed eyes on. Your parents can go burn in hell for the rest of eternity for the shit that they've done to you. You don't deserve any of it. And those fuckups who bullied you can go with them. Baby, I love you. I love you with everything I have. Please Chrissi, I don't want you to hurt yourself anymore. Please! Sugar, you have so much to live for! You have me! I can promise you, Chrissi, I will always be here for you. I will always love you no matter what." Tears where rushing down both of our faces as we just sat there holding each other.
We sat in silence for about 15 minutes just embracing each other.
"Chrissi?" Gee said breaking the silence
"Yeah babe?"
"Run away with me?"
OMG that was so sad when Gerard was begging for forgiveness :'(
1/11/14