Save Me From My Self Destruction
I Don't Love You Like I Did Yesterday
***Chrissi's POV***
I ran. I ran as fast as I possibly could. I saw a line of cabs outside the hotel, and got into one. I didn't know where to go, but I had to get away from him. I decided to just go to a park. I made sure I had all my razors with me, cause I'm defietly going to use them. I sat in the cab, trying to keep myself calm. We finally arrived at the park, I paid, and ran out of the car. I sat under a large tree, and examined the area to make sure no one was near. I took out my razors, and did the one thing I was good at. Cut. I looked down at my hand, and looked at the area where my wedding ring was. The tears came pouring down my face. I sobbed uncontrolably. I look down at my arms, and see they're covered in blood and tears. But I don't care. I just keep crying. When Gerard slapped me, I instantly remembered my father. Gerard looked just like him at that moment. The same look of hatred in his eyes. That's what scared me the most. I curled myself in a ball, and cried. I didn't know what to do. I guess I must've fallen asleep, cause I feel a cold hand on my shoulder, waking me up. I look u, and see Gerard. His face is red covered in tears.
"N-No! Get away from me!" I yelled as I got up, and slowly began backing away from him
"Please Chris, Please! I'm so fucking sorry! Baby, I would never try to hurt you!"
"Well you fucking did! Now get the fuck away from me."
"Please, baby forgive me! I didn't mean it. I swear. I love you. Oh my god, Chris I love you with all my heart, please! I'll die without you." He dropped to his knees, holding the wedding ring in front of me.
"No... You're a monster, Gerard." I said coldly.
And then he sobbed louder than I've ever heard anyone sob.
"Please! I'll do anything. Anything! I swear. Please don't leave me. I need you. I fucking need you!" he screamed in between sobs.
"If you love and need me so god damn much, why the fuck did you slap me. You always told me from the beginning, that you would never EVER hurt me. You always said how I didn't deserve that. And now look what's happened. You broke your promise, Gerard."
His eyes trailed down to my arms, which were covered in blood.
"No, baby. Please don't do that to yourself." he said, trying to hold my arm, but I pulled away.
"I said, don't touch me."
He put his head in his hands, and let out more sobs. I've never seen him this way. He looks so broken. He looks completely destroyed. No. Don't feel sorry for him.
I looked down at him while he quietly sobbed into his hands.
"Chrissi, I'm so sorry for fucking up our honeymoon." he said quietly "Please forgive me, sugar. I'll never hurt you again. I never even meant to hurt you. My emotions just took over me."
"How can I trust you, Gerard. How am I supposed to know this will never happen again? My sister always told me, if a man ever hurts you, run. Cause if he did it once, he'll do it again." I spoke softly.
"Please believe me! It will never happen again. I swear, baby."
I knelt down in front of him, and looked into his tear stained eyes.
"I'm sorry, Gerard. But I don't trust you. What makes you think your emotions won't get the best of you again? I already spent more than half my life getting slapped. I don't want to spend the rest that way, too." I tried to swallow my tears. I had to remain strong. "For the rest of this trip, I'll sleep on the couch or something. Maybe we can manage to get tickets to go back to New Jersey early. "
"No, please! Just give me a chance." he cried
"I'm sorry, but I can't. At least not right now."
"Please......"
"I'm sorry." I slowly turned around, and walked away.
I ran. I ran as fast as I possibly could. I saw a line of cabs outside the hotel, and got into one. I didn't know where to go, but I had to get away from him. I decided to just go to a park. I made sure I had all my razors with me, cause I'm defietly going to use them. I sat in the cab, trying to keep myself calm. We finally arrived at the park, I paid, and ran out of the car. I sat under a large tree, and examined the area to make sure no one was near. I took out my razors, and did the one thing I was good at. Cut. I looked down at my hand, and looked at the area where my wedding ring was. The tears came pouring down my face. I sobbed uncontrolably. I look down at my arms, and see they're covered in blood and tears. But I don't care. I just keep crying. When Gerard slapped me, I instantly remembered my father. Gerard looked just like him at that moment. The same look of hatred in his eyes. That's what scared me the most. I curled myself in a ball, and cried. I didn't know what to do. I guess I must've fallen asleep, cause I feel a cold hand on my shoulder, waking me up. I look u, and see Gerard. His face is red covered in tears.
"N-No! Get away from me!" I yelled as I got up, and slowly began backing away from him
"Please Chris, Please! I'm so fucking sorry! Baby, I would never try to hurt you!"
"Well you fucking did! Now get the fuck away from me."
"Please, baby forgive me! I didn't mean it. I swear. I love you. Oh my god, Chris I love you with all my heart, please! I'll die without you." He dropped to his knees, holding the wedding ring in front of me.
"No... You're a monster, Gerard." I said coldly.
And then he sobbed louder than I've ever heard anyone sob.
"Please! I'll do anything. Anything! I swear. Please don't leave me. I need you. I fucking need you!" he screamed in between sobs.
"If you love and need me so god damn much, why the fuck did you slap me. You always told me from the beginning, that you would never EVER hurt me. You always said how I didn't deserve that. And now look what's happened. You broke your promise, Gerard."
His eyes trailed down to my arms, which were covered in blood.
"No, baby. Please don't do that to yourself." he said, trying to hold my arm, but I pulled away.
"I said, don't touch me."
He put his head in his hands, and let out more sobs. I've never seen him this way. He looks so broken. He looks completely destroyed. No. Don't feel sorry for him.
I looked down at him while he quietly sobbed into his hands.
"Chrissi, I'm so sorry for fucking up our honeymoon." he said quietly "Please forgive me, sugar. I'll never hurt you again. I never even meant to hurt you. My emotions just took over me."
"How can I trust you, Gerard. How am I supposed to know this will never happen again? My sister always told me, if a man ever hurts you, run. Cause if he did it once, he'll do it again." I spoke softly.
"Please believe me! It will never happen again. I swear, baby."
I knelt down in front of him, and looked into his tear stained eyes.
"I'm sorry, Gerard. But I don't trust you. What makes you think your emotions won't get the best of you again? I already spent more than half my life getting slapped. I don't want to spend the rest that way, too." I tried to swallow my tears. I had to remain strong. "For the rest of this trip, I'll sleep on the couch or something. Maybe we can manage to get tickets to go back to New Jersey early. "
"No, please! Just give me a chance." he cried
"I'm sorry, but I can't. At least not right now."
"Please......"
"I'm sorry." I slowly turned around, and walked away.
OMG that was so sad when Gerard was begging for forgiveness :'(
1/11/14