Save Me From My Self Destruction
You Make Everything Better
****1 month later (again)****
***Gerard's POV***
Today was the last show we would be playing on this tour, and can't wait to get home. Don't get me wrong, being on tour with all my best friends was awesome. But I needed to get home to Chrissi. I missed her more than I've ever missed anything. We were getting ready to start performing, when I got a phone call from Genni.
"Hello?"
"Gerard? You're coming home today right?" she said frantically
"Well I'll be home by tomorrow morning, but yeah. Why?"
"You need to get home as soon as possible." she said sternly
"Wait, why? What's up?"
"Chrissi's not well. I think something's seriously wrong with her, and I'm fucking worried."
"Wh-What do you mean she's 'not well'?"
"Well, I saw her today for the first time since you left. She looks like she lost at least 30lbs! She's bone thin, and paler then ever. Maybe her friend's death took a huge tole on her.."
My heart was pounding. There's no way I can perform tonight. I thanked Genni, and hung up. I dialed Chris's number, and paced around the room.
"Hello?"
"Chrissi, Genni just called me and told me that you've lost a ton of weight, and you look very sick. Baby, what's going on?"
"N-Nothing... We'll talk about it when you get home, okay?"
"Chrissi, I'm coming home now. I don't care if I need to perform tonight, you're obviously not well, so I'm leaving."
"Wait, Gee! You can't just leave!"
"I told you, I don't care."
She sighed and hung up.
******************
When I told the guys I was leaving, they were pretty disappointed but I didn't care. I needed to get home. Brian had his car, so he drove me home. It took 4 hours to get there. I thanked Brian, and opened the door to my house. I called her name, but she didn't answer. I headed upstairs to the bathroom. I opened the door, praying that she wasn't hurting herself. She was sitting in the corner, hugging her knees to her chest, crying. I rushed over to her and held her even smaller body in my arms. I cried harder than ever, looking at her state. She was so skinny, I could see every one of her bones.
"S-Sugar? Wha-what happened?" I asked in a shaky voice
"K-Kyliee wouldn't have died if it wasn't for me." she sobbed
"What are you talking about?"
"The night she died, she called me 4 times right before you left. I just ignored it cause I figured she was just calling to tell me about something she and Jason did. But then I heard the voicemail, and that's when I realized she could be dead! If it weren't for me being so fucking stupid, she'd be alive right now, Gee!" she let out agonizing sobs onto my shoulder. I held her close and rubbed her bony back.
"When was the last time you've had anything to eat?!" I asked
She nodded her head
"I don't even know, and honestly I don't care."
"Please don't talk like that, Chrissi. And please don't take any blame for Kyles' death. It is NOT your fault! Don't blame yourself, sugar. You are not to blame, you hear me? This is not your fault what so ever." I began to cry again, looking at her frail face. Her eyes are filled with so much sadness. It just breaks my heart. "I should have never left you, Chris. I'm so, so sorry."
"Gee, don't be sorry. I did this to myself. I should be the sorry one."
I shook my head, and pecked her lips.
"You have nothing to be sorry for." I whispered
I looked down at her legs, and saw countless cuts. Another tear fell.
"I-I'm sorry, Gee." she said, noticing where I was staring. I shook my head as the tears fell.
"Don't be. I'm not mad, upset, or disappointed I mean, relapse is a part of recovery. And we'll get though this, okay? Together. You're not in this alone, Chris. I promise you I'll help you get through this each step of the way."I picked her up bridal style, and brought her to the kitchen, where I made her a well needed sandwich. We both ate together, which is something I really missed over these last 3 months.
"Did I ever mention you're beautiful, Chrissi? Cause you are."
She giggled and playfully hit my arm
"Shut up." she joked
"It's the truth!"
We laughed at each other for a while longer. It was good to be back with the woman I love. And I can tell that she's going to get better. She just needed someone to help her get over this little bump in the road.
***Gerard's POV***
Today was the last show we would be playing on this tour, and can't wait to get home. Don't get me wrong, being on tour with all my best friends was awesome. But I needed to get home to Chrissi. I missed her more than I've ever missed anything. We were getting ready to start performing, when I got a phone call from Genni.
"Hello?"
"Gerard? You're coming home today right?" she said frantically
"Well I'll be home by tomorrow morning, but yeah. Why?"
"You need to get home as soon as possible." she said sternly
"Wait, why? What's up?"
"Chrissi's not well. I think something's seriously wrong with her, and I'm fucking worried."
"Wh-What do you mean she's 'not well'?"
"Well, I saw her today for the first time since you left. She looks like she lost at least 30lbs! She's bone thin, and paler then ever. Maybe her friend's death took a huge tole on her.."
My heart was pounding. There's no way I can perform tonight. I thanked Genni, and hung up. I dialed Chris's number, and paced around the room.
"Hello?"
"Chrissi, Genni just called me and told me that you've lost a ton of weight, and you look very sick. Baby, what's going on?"
"N-Nothing... We'll talk about it when you get home, okay?"
"Chrissi, I'm coming home now. I don't care if I need to perform tonight, you're obviously not well, so I'm leaving."
"Wait, Gee! You can't just leave!"
"I told you, I don't care."
She sighed and hung up.
******************
When I told the guys I was leaving, they were pretty disappointed but I didn't care. I needed to get home. Brian had his car, so he drove me home. It took 4 hours to get there. I thanked Brian, and opened the door to my house. I called her name, but she didn't answer. I headed upstairs to the bathroom. I opened the door, praying that she wasn't hurting herself. She was sitting in the corner, hugging her knees to her chest, crying. I rushed over to her and held her even smaller body in my arms. I cried harder than ever, looking at her state. She was so skinny, I could see every one of her bones.
"S-Sugar? Wha-what happened?" I asked in a shaky voice
"K-Kyliee wouldn't have died if it wasn't for me." she sobbed
"What are you talking about?"
"The night she died, she called me 4 times right before you left. I just ignored it cause I figured she was just calling to tell me about something she and Jason did. But then I heard the voicemail, and that's when I realized she could be dead! If it weren't for me being so fucking stupid, she'd be alive right now, Gee!" she let out agonizing sobs onto my shoulder. I held her close and rubbed her bony back.
"When was the last time you've had anything to eat?!" I asked
She nodded her head
"I don't even know, and honestly I don't care."
"Please don't talk like that, Chrissi. And please don't take any blame for Kyles' death. It is NOT your fault! Don't blame yourself, sugar. You are not to blame, you hear me? This is not your fault what so ever." I began to cry again, looking at her frail face. Her eyes are filled with so much sadness. It just breaks my heart. "I should have never left you, Chris. I'm so, so sorry."
"Gee, don't be sorry. I did this to myself. I should be the sorry one."
I shook my head, and pecked her lips.
"You have nothing to be sorry for." I whispered
I looked down at her legs, and saw countless cuts. Another tear fell.
"I-I'm sorry, Gee." she said, noticing where I was staring. I shook my head as the tears fell.
"Don't be. I'm not mad, upset, or disappointed I mean, relapse is a part of recovery. And we'll get though this, okay? Together. You're not in this alone, Chris. I promise you I'll help you get through this each step of the way."I picked her up bridal style, and brought her to the kitchen, where I made her a well needed sandwich. We both ate together, which is something I really missed over these last 3 months.
"Did I ever mention you're beautiful, Chrissi? Cause you are."
She giggled and playfully hit my arm
"Shut up." she joked
"It's the truth!"
We laughed at each other for a while longer. It was good to be back with the woman I love. And I can tell that she's going to get better. She just needed someone to help her get over this little bump in the road.
OMG that was so sad when Gerard was begging for forgiveness :'(
1/11/14