Save Me From My Self Destruction
So Long And Goodnight
***Chrissi's POV***
"Um. Uh. That-that was uh..dad."
Wait... What?!
"D-Dad? W-why would he call?"
"Look, Chrissi before I say anything, I just want to let you know how much I love you, Gerard
loves you, Kyliee loves you, and... Erik loves you..."
"W-Whats going on?"
"Chrissi I am so sorry." she began to sob
"Alice please tell me whats going on right now."
"M-Mom and dad h-have d-d-disowned you. I'm so fucking sorry Chrissi I tried everything I could possibly do to stop them but they wou-"
"Just fucking save it."
"Chrissi ple-"
"I SAID FUCKING SAVE IT!!"
I don't think I've ever yelled at her like that before.
Tears started to well up in her eyes while she looked at me with a shocked expression. Before
she could say anything, I grabbed my jacket, and quickly ran out of the house.
***Gerard's POV***
I woke up to the sound of Chrssi yelling.
"I SAID FUCKING SAVE IT!!" which was then followed by the front door being slammed
I ran down stairs as fast as possible to see what happened. When I reached the bottom of the
stairs, I saw Alice on her knees crying.
"Ali? Are you okay?! What happened?!"
"I-I've n-never seen her s-so mad!"
"Ali tell me what happened."
"M-my parents disowned her." she began crying even more
"What?! Why would they do something like that?!"
"I have no fucking idea! I've tried everything I possibly could to stop them, but they already signed all the papers now. There's nothing we can do, Gerard. I feel so horrible! She doesn't deserve this shit. All her life has just been made up of this bullshit! This shouldn't be happening to her."
A tear started to fall down my cheek. The thought of her disgusting parents made me sick to my stomach. I hope they spend the rest of eternity boiling in hell.
"Where did she go?"
I have no idea. But if I were you, I would just give her time to cool off. Don't bother her or anything, please."
"Oh... Alright. I won't."
"Thank you, Gerard."
****4 hours later****
***Chrissi's POV***
I had just spent the last 4 hours sitting in an empty coffee shop crying, and drawing. I always
knew my parents hated me, but not to this extent.
I walked through the door, and found Gerard lying on the couch, watching TV. When he saw me, he immediately got up from the couch, came over to me, and engulfed me in a big hug and kiss.
"Sugar I am so so sorry about you par-"
"Gerard please! I don't want to fucking talk about it okay? Just leave me alone for once!"
He looked heart broken. That was the first time I have ever yelled at him like that.
"Gee I'm-"
"Just stop. I don't wanna hear it. You wanna be alone? Fine be alone. I don't give a fuck. But I don't want to hear it later on, when you feel like talking." he spat. He then walked outside to have a cigarette
Jesus fucking christ, Chrissi! Why must you always ruin everything, and push the only people that will ever love you away! I'm such a fuckup. I fuck everything up. I even fucked up my own birth! Now I fucked up the best thing thats ever happened to me.
I ran up the stairs, and into the bedroom I shared with Gerard, and grabbed a pencil sharpener from my bag. I then took the blade out, and made my way to the bathroom.
I pressed the cold blade against my skin, and blood started to trickle down my arms. It felt so good to cut again since I haven't cut in 10 months. When my arms were fully covered, I moved down to my thighs. I was so caught up in what I was doing, I didn't even notice that my horrified boyfriend was standing in the doorway with a look of pure horror written on his face. Shit!!
"CHRISSI, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!?!"
I couldn't even find the words to speak. I was completely speechless.
Gerard ran over to me and started wrapping my wounds in wash cloths. I could see tears violently coming down his face.
Eventually my arms stopped bleeding, and I guess he hadn't noticed my thighs, because when I stood up, he began freaking out again.
"OH MY FUCKING GOD, CHRISSI?! WHAT THE HELL?!"
Again, I was unable to speak. I just stood there, and sobbed
Like my arms, my thighs stopped bleeding. I just layed there in the bathroom floor, curled up in a ball, trying to make myself as small as possible.
When Gerard finished washing his hands, he came over and sat next to me. He stroked my hair away from my face, and looked at me with tears in his eyes.
"Why?" was all he said.
***Gerard's POV***
"Why?" that was about all I could say. Honestly, I didn't know what to say.
She didn't say anything. She just looked at me, and cried.
"Chrissi? D-Did you do this- because of me? Cause I swear if I'm the cause of this, Chrissi, I'll never forgive myself."
She just shook her head.
"N-No Gee."
"Then why?"
"Because, Gerard! I'm a fuckup! I ruin everything! I push everyone away! Thats why no body fucking loves me."
"Chrissi Anne Jones I don't EVER want to hear that coming from your mouth again, do you understand me? You are NOT a fuckup, and you do NOT ruin everything! Chrissi I love you with every ounce of my being. I will always love you. Just because we had a little fight does not under ANY circumstances mean that I don't love you. I will always love you. I promise you that."
"Gee I'm so sorry for being such a bitch to you. I really didn't mean to-"
"Shh. Baby I'm the one that needs to apologize. I was so fucking stupid, I shouldn't have said any of what I said to you. I know you've been having a terrible day, and you don't deserve me being an ass to you. I'm so sorry, sugar."
"No, Gee don't apologize. You don't need to be sorry for anything okay? I love you."
"I love you too, Chrissi. More than anything on this earth."
I kissed her arms and thighs gently before carrying her to the kitchen were I made us both a sandwich.
"Hey Gee? Do you know where Ali is?"
"Uh no actually."
"Do you remember her leaving the house at all?"
"Nope. Not at all. Last time I saw her I think she went to her room downstairs. She said she needed some alone time."
"Hmm alright. I'm gonna go see if she's okay."
***Chrissi's POV***
I got up from the table and went downstairs to Alice's room.
"Ali? You okay?"
I walked into her bedroom where I saw her unconscious on the floor.
"GERARD!! CALL 911 NOW! HURRY!"
Gee came running down the stairs with the phone in his hands.
"Gerard please!" I yelled frantically
I held Alice in my arms sobbing uncontrollably and rocking back and forth, while he called 911
The ambulance got here no more than 5 minutes later, and took her out on a stretcher. Gee and I had to drive to the hospital since they wouldn't let us ride with her.
I was sobbing, and shaking like crazy the whole ride there. Gee just stroked my hand, and spoke comforting to me as he drove.
When we arrived at the hospital, Gee and I were forced to wait in the waiting room. He held me in his arms, and sang to me until the doctor came in with the results.
"Are you Chrissi Jones? Alice Jones' sister?" she asked
"Y-Yes." I said quietly
"May I speak with you privately please?"
"Uh yes o-of course."
Gee pecked my lips, and walked out of the room.
The doctor sat down in the chair next to me and began to speak.
"Miss Jones, As of right now your sister in conscious and would like to speak with you and your boyfriend. Though I hate to have to deliver this news to you, but she is most likely not going to make it today. We have done everything we could possibly do to save her but theres no chance anything could help at this point. I'm so very sorry Miss Jones."
"Bu-but wh-what happened to her?!"
"Her heart failed due to her heart cancer. I would suggest speaking with her as soon as possible since anything could happen at any time."
I was speechless. Was this really the end? Was this going to be 'goodbye' to my best friend? No please, this can't be happening! How will I go on without her? How can I let that person that has always stuck by my side throughout everything just slip away? She doesn't deserve this! She deserves a long happy life, growing old with the one that she loves more than anything! She has so much more to live for! She'll never be a mom, or be able to have grandchildren or being able to actually live life!
Without even thinking, I ran as fast as I could to her room.Room 567. When I walked in, I saw her connected to countless machines. I went over to her bed, and broke down. She stroked my head and began crying too.
"Chrissi, please stop crying. I need to speak with you. It's very important."
Just after she said that, Gerard walked in with tears in hi eyes. He came over to her bed, and kissed her forehead, then sat next to me.
"Chrissi, I want to thank you and Gerard from the bottom of my heart for letting me live with you. They've been the most fun, and exciting 6 months of my life. Chrissi, I need to let you know how much I love you. You are the best sister anyone could ever ask for. I want you to remember that you are so amazing, and so beautiful, and I don't want you to ever let anyone tell you otherwise. I need you to know that even when I'm no longer physically with you, I will always be with you, watching over you. Gerard, I want you to know that I love you like a brother. And I know that you'll protect Chrssi, and love her with everything you have."
I began crying even harder now knowing that this is probably the last time I will ever see my sister.
"Shh don't cry, Chrissi. Just remember, this isn't goodbye, it's a see you later."
We both hugged each other as tight as we possibly could, until it was her time to go.
"I love you both very, very much, and I want you to always remember that, okay?"
Gee and I nodded as the tears came pouring down both of our faces.
"This isn't goodbye... It's a see you later." she whispered as a couple tears came down her face.
Her eyes slowly began to close and the heart monitor began to beep less and less, until it became one long beep.
So long, and goodnight.
"Um. Uh. That-that was uh..dad."
Wait... What?!
"D-Dad? W-why would he call?"
"Look, Chrissi before I say anything, I just want to let you know how much I love you, Gerard
loves you, Kyliee loves you, and... Erik loves you..."
"W-Whats going on?"
"Chrissi I am so sorry." she began to sob
"Alice please tell me whats going on right now."
"M-Mom and dad h-have d-d-disowned you. I'm so fucking sorry Chrissi I tried everything I could possibly do to stop them but they wou-"
"Just fucking save it."
"Chrissi ple-"
"I SAID FUCKING SAVE IT!!"
I don't think I've ever yelled at her like that before.
Tears started to well up in her eyes while she looked at me with a shocked expression. Before
she could say anything, I grabbed my jacket, and quickly ran out of the house.
***Gerard's POV***
I woke up to the sound of Chrssi yelling.
"I SAID FUCKING SAVE IT!!" which was then followed by the front door being slammed
I ran down stairs as fast as possible to see what happened. When I reached the bottom of the
stairs, I saw Alice on her knees crying.
"Ali? Are you okay?! What happened?!"
"I-I've n-never seen her s-so mad!"
"Ali tell me what happened."
"M-my parents disowned her." she began crying even more
"What?! Why would they do something like that?!"
"I have no fucking idea! I've tried everything I possibly could to stop them, but they already signed all the papers now. There's nothing we can do, Gerard. I feel so horrible! She doesn't deserve this shit. All her life has just been made up of this bullshit! This shouldn't be happening to her."
A tear started to fall down my cheek. The thought of her disgusting parents made me sick to my stomach. I hope they spend the rest of eternity boiling in hell.
"Where did she go?"
I have no idea. But if I were you, I would just give her time to cool off. Don't bother her or anything, please."
"Oh... Alright. I won't."
"Thank you, Gerard."
****4 hours later****
***Chrissi's POV***
I had just spent the last 4 hours sitting in an empty coffee shop crying, and drawing. I always
knew my parents hated me, but not to this extent.
I walked through the door, and found Gerard lying on the couch, watching TV. When he saw me, he immediately got up from the couch, came over to me, and engulfed me in a big hug and kiss.
"Sugar I am so so sorry about you par-"
"Gerard please! I don't want to fucking talk about it okay? Just leave me alone for once!"
He looked heart broken. That was the first time I have ever yelled at him like that.
"Gee I'm-"
"Just stop. I don't wanna hear it. You wanna be alone? Fine be alone. I don't give a fuck. But I don't want to hear it later on, when you feel like talking." he spat. He then walked outside to have a cigarette
Jesus fucking christ, Chrissi! Why must you always ruin everything, and push the only people that will ever love you away! I'm such a fuckup. I fuck everything up. I even fucked up my own birth! Now I fucked up the best thing thats ever happened to me.
I ran up the stairs, and into the bedroom I shared with Gerard, and grabbed a pencil sharpener from my bag. I then took the blade out, and made my way to the bathroom.
I pressed the cold blade against my skin, and blood started to trickle down my arms. It felt so good to cut again since I haven't cut in 10 months. When my arms were fully covered, I moved down to my thighs. I was so caught up in what I was doing, I didn't even notice that my horrified boyfriend was standing in the doorway with a look of pure horror written on his face. Shit!!
"CHRISSI, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!?!"
I couldn't even find the words to speak. I was completely speechless.
Gerard ran over to me and started wrapping my wounds in wash cloths. I could see tears violently coming down his face.
Eventually my arms stopped bleeding, and I guess he hadn't noticed my thighs, because when I stood up, he began freaking out again.
"OH MY FUCKING GOD, CHRISSI?! WHAT THE HELL?!"
Again, I was unable to speak. I just stood there, and sobbed
Like my arms, my thighs stopped bleeding. I just layed there in the bathroom floor, curled up in a ball, trying to make myself as small as possible.
When Gerard finished washing his hands, he came over and sat next to me. He stroked my hair away from my face, and looked at me with tears in his eyes.
"Why?" was all he said.
***Gerard's POV***
"Why?" that was about all I could say. Honestly, I didn't know what to say.
She didn't say anything. She just looked at me, and cried.
"Chrissi? D-Did you do this- because of me? Cause I swear if I'm the cause of this, Chrissi, I'll never forgive myself."
She just shook her head.
"N-No Gee."
"Then why?"
"Because, Gerard! I'm a fuckup! I ruin everything! I push everyone away! Thats why no body fucking loves me."
"Chrissi Anne Jones I don't EVER want to hear that coming from your mouth again, do you understand me? You are NOT a fuckup, and you do NOT ruin everything! Chrissi I love you with every ounce of my being. I will always love you. Just because we had a little fight does not under ANY circumstances mean that I don't love you. I will always love you. I promise you that."
"Gee I'm so sorry for being such a bitch to you. I really didn't mean to-"
"Shh. Baby I'm the one that needs to apologize. I was so fucking stupid, I shouldn't have said any of what I said to you. I know you've been having a terrible day, and you don't deserve me being an ass to you. I'm so sorry, sugar."
"No, Gee don't apologize. You don't need to be sorry for anything okay? I love you."
"I love you too, Chrissi. More than anything on this earth."
I kissed her arms and thighs gently before carrying her to the kitchen were I made us both a sandwich.
"Hey Gee? Do you know where Ali is?"
"Uh no actually."
"Do you remember her leaving the house at all?"
"Nope. Not at all. Last time I saw her I think she went to her room downstairs. She said she needed some alone time."
"Hmm alright. I'm gonna go see if she's okay."
***Chrissi's POV***
I got up from the table and went downstairs to Alice's room.
"Ali? You okay?"
I walked into her bedroom where I saw her unconscious on the floor.
"GERARD!! CALL 911 NOW! HURRY!"
Gee came running down the stairs with the phone in his hands.
"Gerard please!" I yelled frantically
I held Alice in my arms sobbing uncontrollably and rocking back and forth, while he called 911
The ambulance got here no more than 5 minutes later, and took her out on a stretcher. Gee and I had to drive to the hospital since they wouldn't let us ride with her.
I was sobbing, and shaking like crazy the whole ride there. Gee just stroked my hand, and spoke comforting to me as he drove.
When we arrived at the hospital, Gee and I were forced to wait in the waiting room. He held me in his arms, and sang to me until the doctor came in with the results.
"Are you Chrissi Jones? Alice Jones' sister?" she asked
"Y-Yes." I said quietly
"May I speak with you privately please?"
"Uh yes o-of course."
Gee pecked my lips, and walked out of the room.
The doctor sat down in the chair next to me and began to speak.
"Miss Jones, As of right now your sister in conscious and would like to speak with you and your boyfriend. Though I hate to have to deliver this news to you, but she is most likely not going to make it today. We have done everything we could possibly do to save her but theres no chance anything could help at this point. I'm so very sorry Miss Jones."
"Bu-but wh-what happened to her?!"
"Her heart failed due to her heart cancer. I would suggest speaking with her as soon as possible since anything could happen at any time."
I was speechless. Was this really the end? Was this going to be 'goodbye' to my best friend? No please, this can't be happening! How will I go on without her? How can I let that person that has always stuck by my side throughout everything just slip away? She doesn't deserve this! She deserves a long happy life, growing old with the one that she loves more than anything! She has so much more to live for! She'll never be a mom, or be able to have grandchildren or being able to actually live life!
Without even thinking, I ran as fast as I could to her room.Room 567. When I walked in, I saw her connected to countless machines. I went over to her bed, and broke down. She stroked my head and began crying too.
"Chrissi, please stop crying. I need to speak with you. It's very important."
Just after she said that, Gerard walked in with tears in hi eyes. He came over to her bed, and kissed her forehead, then sat next to me.
"Chrissi, I want to thank you and Gerard from the bottom of my heart for letting me live with you. They've been the most fun, and exciting 6 months of my life. Chrissi, I need to let you know how much I love you. You are the best sister anyone could ever ask for. I want you to remember that you are so amazing, and so beautiful, and I don't want you to ever let anyone tell you otherwise. I need you to know that even when I'm no longer physically with you, I will always be with you, watching over you. Gerard, I want you to know that I love you like a brother. And I know that you'll protect Chrssi, and love her with everything you have."
I began crying even harder now knowing that this is probably the last time I will ever see my sister.
"Shh don't cry, Chrissi. Just remember, this isn't goodbye, it's a see you later."
We both hugged each other as tight as we possibly could, until it was her time to go.
"I love you both very, very much, and I want you to always remember that, okay?"
Gee and I nodded as the tears came pouring down both of our faces.
"This isn't goodbye... It's a see you later." she whispered as a couple tears came down her face.
Her eyes slowly began to close and the heart monitor began to beep less and less, until it became one long beep.
So long, and goodnight.
OMG that was so sad when Gerard was begging for forgiveness :'(
1/11/14