The One of Mine
Tragic with a Capital T
For never really being around, my mother was remarkable when it came to knowing what was going on in my personal life. I don’t know how she’d learn half the things she did, but she always seemed to be caught up on the latest thing going on in my life. Even if she never involved herself in it, she at least knew what was going on and news of Gerard’s invitation from a few days earlier was no exception.
I walked down stairs on Friday morning and saw that, once again, my mother was already awake and ready to take on the day. She greeted me good morning and made an attempt at conversation. “So Donna and I ran into each other the other day,” she said cheerfully not looking up from the prognosis report she was reading.
I didn’t really know why it mattered but I wasn’t going to be belligerent toward my mother for no reason, though I was damn good at it most of the time. “Oh really?” I liked Donna and Donald; they were nice people, but I never really saw them much after that first day we’d met when I’d first moved to Jersey. There was the occasional wave or ‘hello’ as we saw each other outside, but other than that, there was really no interaction; kind of like the rest of my life. Though I couldn't say the same about their son.
“Yeah,” my mother continued on. “She said that Gerard was going to have some friends over tonight.”
My mother was too easy to read sometimes, and I knew exactly where this was going. I tried to get myself out before it was too late. “Fascinating. Well, I got to go so I’ll se-“
My mother cut me off before I could get away. “She said Gerard invited you too.” Shit. I knew this was going to come up. Now that she knew I’d been invited over, it’d be virtually impossible to get her to let me off. My mom had been trying to get me to make friends my whole life and since moving to Jersey, her efforts only kicked up. She’d been especially keen on getting me to make friends with Gerard. She said it would be nice to have someone to talk to and hang out with and the fact that he lived right next door made it easier for us to become ‘very close.’ Because that was totally what I wanted.
“Did he?” she kept pushing for an answer, but I didn’t want to get sucked into this.
“He might have mentioned it.”
“Leigh, don’t lie to your mother.” Funny, that’s all I’ve really done for the past sixteen years; lie and hide from my mother. She had no idea what went on beneath the surface, but it was safer that way, for both of us. If lying is what it would take to keep her happy, then by all means.
But still, sometimes it would get to me and I just couldn’t do it. I’d look at my mom and think of all the shit I’d kept from her, all the secrets she’d never know about and all the heartbreak I’d caused. I just didn’t want to disappoint her anymore and as I thought of what lie to tell her, I found myself giving in. Just this once.
“He invited me over.” I reluctantly admitted to her. I felt bad about constantly seeing the sullen look on my mother’s face every time she tried to get me to ‘live a little’ and me just backing away from others. I didn’t want to add another crack in my mother’s already buckling heart.
After telling her that Gerard had in fact invited me to his house to hang out with him and his friends, my mother’s face visibly lit up. “Well that’s nice. You said ‘yes’ right?” She kept on her smile and waited for my answer, one she hoped, wouldn’t be…
“Not in so many words…” Upon hearing this, a frown started it’s encroachment on her previously smiling lips. I didn’t want to see it take full dominance as she continued on. “What’s that supposed to mean? Leigh, why don’t you want to go and spend some time with Gerard and his friends? It could be fun, and you’ll get to meet a bunch of new people.”
Because, mother, I don’t want to meet a bunch of new people. I’m perfectly content propped here behind my little wall and I don’t need to meet Gerard’s friends or make any of my own.
“I don’t know.” I did know, I just couldn’t get myself to say it.
“Well,” she sighed as she continued on in her slightly disappointed, slightly defeated ‘mom-tone.’ “I think you should accept Gerard’s invitation. He’s a sweet boy and I think you two could be really good friends if you weren’t so shy around him.” She said this last part like she’s always said it; desperate for my cooperation in putting in the effort to have a friend or two.
But little did my mother know that it was not shyness I suffered from, but rather a severely anti-social personality, and it’s not something you can just get over. It really wasn’t anyone’s fault but my own and no one could fix it but me, too bad I probably never would.
I still hadn’t responded to my mother’s previous requests when I saw something click. She sat up a little, ready for her monologue and I could practically hear the gears turning inside her head. “Oh, I think I know what this is about,” she said with a devious smile.
In a bored tone I responded, “What?” I didn’t really know what she had plotting in that cunning head of hers and I was, in all honesty, a little nervous to find out.
“You like him.” The words came out quick and clear, coated with enough sugar to make you diabetic. I looked at her with wide eyes, refusing to believe that she had actually just gone there. Was she serious?
There was nothing I could say. I froze up and couldn’t retaliate. She had actually just toyed with the assumption that I would actually have feelings for Gerard and I had no way to dissipate that notion. I mean, she was right; I did like Gerard, but I would never tell her that, and I certainly wouldn’t want her believing her own thoughts, true as they may be. “That’s so sweet, Leigh. You have a crush on Gerard.”
I finally mustered up the words to retaliate against my mother. I never really talked to my mom about boys or love or any of that mushy stuff and I wasn’t going to start now. “No, mom I-“
But she was too fixated on her little fantasy world where her daughter liked her next door neighbor and had friends and lived happily ever after with not a care in the world. Lord, was she a dreamer. “Oh, you two could be so cute together. I’m going to go call Donna and tell her to expect one more person over tonight.” My mother said not even letting me get one word in before going off into the other room to call Donna.
She stood and gave me a sweet smile hinting that the ‘one more person’ would be me before disappearing into the kitchen, leaving me sitting, awestruck at the dining room table. There was no way I’d be getting myself out of this one now.
It was truly incredible how my mother, despite never really talking with me, knew me like the back of her hand. How she was ever able to tell that I had feelings beyond friendship for Gerard was past me, but I never admit to her that she was right. I was shocked at her accuracy and annoyed at her socialness. She’d insisted I go to Gerard’s house and make friends, and get closer with Gerard, blah, blah, blah. And now I was stuck having to go through with the awkward evening pretending to have a good time when in reality no one would be having any fun. I was likely to bring down the whole mood and though it was unfortunate and I felt bad about it, it wasn’t something new to me. I wasn’t exactly the life of the party, or anything really.
Unfortunately, the school day passed way too quickly and though normally that would be a good thing, today’s end meant movie night at Gerard’s and I was dreading it. I’m antisocial and not too keen on making conversation; how I’d ever gotten this far with Gerard, I’d never know. He wasn’t so bad to talk to, and in fact was probably the only person I felt even remotely comfortable around, but I still wasn’t sure how I’d survive a room filled with strange people when it was hard enough talking to just Gerard.
At the end of that day, I took my sweet time walking home, not bothering to wait for Gerard who I’d normally ride into school with and meet at the end of the day to go home. I didn’t want to have to see him and solidify the horrible reality that was having to sit in an enclosed space with him and his friends later on that night. That and the fact that seeing him so much in one day wouldn’t probably give me a panic attack.
When I got home, I had a solid three hours to myself before my mom got home. I did all of my homework to keep my mind off of the night’s schedule and as the time drew nearer to when I was to meet Gerard at his house I was hoping I’d get off the hook. Sadly, upon my mother’s arrival home she demanded I 'go upstairs and get ready to meet the boys.' I trudged up to my room and put on what I felt like was at least a presentable outfit and brushed out the tangles in my hair before going back downstairs to get my mother’s approval.
I ignored the obvious disapproval on my mother’s face upon viewing my outfit choice. I hadn’t really put in any consideration to my appearance and didn’t really care that my mother wanted me to look more approachable and friendly.
It’s not like I was.
She finally gave up and accepted that my current outfit was as good as it was going to get and sent me off to endure the night surrounded by the Way boys and their strange friends.
I walked down stairs on Friday morning and saw that, once again, my mother was already awake and ready to take on the day. She greeted me good morning and made an attempt at conversation. “So Donna and I ran into each other the other day,” she said cheerfully not looking up from the prognosis report she was reading.
I didn’t really know why it mattered but I wasn’t going to be belligerent toward my mother for no reason, though I was damn good at it most of the time. “Oh really?” I liked Donna and Donald; they were nice people, but I never really saw them much after that first day we’d met when I’d first moved to Jersey. There was the occasional wave or ‘hello’ as we saw each other outside, but other than that, there was really no interaction; kind of like the rest of my life. Though I couldn't say the same about their son.
“Yeah,” my mother continued on. “She said that Gerard was going to have some friends over tonight.”
My mother was too easy to read sometimes, and I knew exactly where this was going. I tried to get myself out before it was too late. “Fascinating. Well, I got to go so I’ll se-“
My mother cut me off before I could get away. “She said Gerard invited you too.” Shit. I knew this was going to come up. Now that she knew I’d been invited over, it’d be virtually impossible to get her to let me off. My mom had been trying to get me to make friends my whole life and since moving to Jersey, her efforts only kicked up. She’d been especially keen on getting me to make friends with Gerard. She said it would be nice to have someone to talk to and hang out with and the fact that he lived right next door made it easier for us to become ‘very close.’ Because that was totally what I wanted.
“Did he?” she kept pushing for an answer, but I didn’t want to get sucked into this.
“He might have mentioned it.”
“Leigh, don’t lie to your mother.” Funny, that’s all I’ve really done for the past sixteen years; lie and hide from my mother. She had no idea what went on beneath the surface, but it was safer that way, for both of us. If lying is what it would take to keep her happy, then by all means.
But still, sometimes it would get to me and I just couldn’t do it. I’d look at my mom and think of all the shit I’d kept from her, all the secrets she’d never know about and all the heartbreak I’d caused. I just didn’t want to disappoint her anymore and as I thought of what lie to tell her, I found myself giving in. Just this once.
“He invited me over.” I reluctantly admitted to her. I felt bad about constantly seeing the sullen look on my mother’s face every time she tried to get me to ‘live a little’ and me just backing away from others. I didn’t want to add another crack in my mother’s already buckling heart.
After telling her that Gerard had in fact invited me to his house to hang out with him and his friends, my mother’s face visibly lit up. “Well that’s nice. You said ‘yes’ right?” She kept on her smile and waited for my answer, one she hoped, wouldn’t be…
“Not in so many words…” Upon hearing this, a frown started it’s encroachment on her previously smiling lips. I didn’t want to see it take full dominance as she continued on. “What’s that supposed to mean? Leigh, why don’t you want to go and spend some time with Gerard and his friends? It could be fun, and you’ll get to meet a bunch of new people.”
Because, mother, I don’t want to meet a bunch of new people. I’m perfectly content propped here behind my little wall and I don’t need to meet Gerard’s friends or make any of my own.
“I don’t know.” I did know, I just couldn’t get myself to say it.
“Well,” she sighed as she continued on in her slightly disappointed, slightly defeated ‘mom-tone.’ “I think you should accept Gerard’s invitation. He’s a sweet boy and I think you two could be really good friends if you weren’t so shy around him.” She said this last part like she’s always said it; desperate for my cooperation in putting in the effort to have a friend or two.
But little did my mother know that it was not shyness I suffered from, but rather a severely anti-social personality, and it’s not something you can just get over. It really wasn’t anyone’s fault but my own and no one could fix it but me, too bad I probably never would.
I still hadn’t responded to my mother’s previous requests when I saw something click. She sat up a little, ready for her monologue and I could practically hear the gears turning inside her head. “Oh, I think I know what this is about,” she said with a devious smile.
In a bored tone I responded, “What?” I didn’t really know what she had plotting in that cunning head of hers and I was, in all honesty, a little nervous to find out.
“You like him.” The words came out quick and clear, coated with enough sugar to make you diabetic. I looked at her with wide eyes, refusing to believe that she had actually just gone there. Was she serious?
There was nothing I could say. I froze up and couldn’t retaliate. She had actually just toyed with the assumption that I would actually have feelings for Gerard and I had no way to dissipate that notion. I mean, she was right; I did like Gerard, but I would never tell her that, and I certainly wouldn’t want her believing her own thoughts, true as they may be. “That’s so sweet, Leigh. You have a crush on Gerard.”
I finally mustered up the words to retaliate against my mother. I never really talked to my mom about boys or love or any of that mushy stuff and I wasn’t going to start now. “No, mom I-“
But she was too fixated on her little fantasy world where her daughter liked her next door neighbor and had friends and lived happily ever after with not a care in the world. Lord, was she a dreamer. “Oh, you two could be so cute together. I’m going to go call Donna and tell her to expect one more person over tonight.” My mother said not even letting me get one word in before going off into the other room to call Donna.
She stood and gave me a sweet smile hinting that the ‘one more person’ would be me before disappearing into the kitchen, leaving me sitting, awestruck at the dining room table. There was no way I’d be getting myself out of this one now.
It was truly incredible how my mother, despite never really talking with me, knew me like the back of her hand. How she was ever able to tell that I had feelings beyond friendship for Gerard was past me, but I never admit to her that she was right. I was shocked at her accuracy and annoyed at her socialness. She’d insisted I go to Gerard’s house and make friends, and get closer with Gerard, blah, blah, blah. And now I was stuck having to go through with the awkward evening pretending to have a good time when in reality no one would be having any fun. I was likely to bring down the whole mood and though it was unfortunate and I felt bad about it, it wasn’t something new to me. I wasn’t exactly the life of the party, or anything really.
Unfortunately, the school day passed way too quickly and though normally that would be a good thing, today’s end meant movie night at Gerard’s and I was dreading it. I’m antisocial and not too keen on making conversation; how I’d ever gotten this far with Gerard, I’d never know. He wasn’t so bad to talk to, and in fact was probably the only person I felt even remotely comfortable around, but I still wasn’t sure how I’d survive a room filled with strange people when it was hard enough talking to just Gerard.
At the end of that day, I took my sweet time walking home, not bothering to wait for Gerard who I’d normally ride into school with and meet at the end of the day to go home. I didn’t want to have to see him and solidify the horrible reality that was having to sit in an enclosed space with him and his friends later on that night. That and the fact that seeing him so much in one day wouldn’t probably give me a panic attack.
When I got home, I had a solid three hours to myself before my mom got home. I did all of my homework to keep my mind off of the night’s schedule and as the time drew nearer to when I was to meet Gerard at his house I was hoping I’d get off the hook. Sadly, upon my mother’s arrival home she demanded I 'go upstairs and get ready to meet the boys.' I trudged up to my room and put on what I felt like was at least a presentable outfit and brushed out the tangles in my hair before going back downstairs to get my mother’s approval.
I ignored the obvious disapproval on my mother’s face upon viewing my outfit choice. I hadn’t really put in any consideration to my appearance and didn’t really care that my mother wanted me to look more approachable and friendly.
It’s not like I was.
She finally gave up and accepted that my current outfit was as good as it was going to get and sent me off to endure the night surrounded by the Way boys and their strange friends.
I LOVE the way you've executed this one. It's done perfectly and characterization is just...magic. If you publish anything THIS SHOULD BE IT.
4/7/14