The One of Mine

Two o’clock rolled around, but there was no sign of the Ways or either of their sons. Maybe I wouldn’t have to meet them after all. Strangely, I was a little disappointed by this. I guess I thought things could be different in Jersey and maybe meeting Gerard would be a good thing. I mean, I wasn’t counting down the minutes until that time came, but there was something about Gerard that made him seem…different. Maybe it was the comic books.

It was a stupid thing to think though; I hadn’t even met the kid yet and I was already judging him. I felt kind of bad about that. I normally wasn’t a very judgmental person; I didn’t really care about how others carried themselves, but all day I kept thinking about Gerard and his weird name and his weird love of comic books. I didn’t even give him a chance, and I didn’t even know him yet.

The feeling quickly subsided though, seeing as he’d never be my friend anyway. I’d meet him once and get on with my day along with the rest of my life. Even though we’d be neighbors and go to school together, I doubted that we’d talk much. One; because he probably had other people he’d much rather hang out with, and two; because even if he wanted to talk to me, he’d never get passed the wall. No one does, not even my mother.

I’d built up this sort of emotional barrier over the years; I had to. It was either ‘hide all emotions and signs of weakness or feeling from the world’ or ‘be harassed even more for being a weak, loser, crybaby who couldn’t just suck it up and handle her shit.’ It wasn’t that the ‘wall’ prevented the jeering, it just made it more tolerable. It made me believe I was a stronger person, never seeming hurt at all, but in reality all it did was hide what was really going on. After all, who would stay friends with me once they found out that I was a sad, lonely girl who retreated to her razors just to feel something at all? No one, that’s who.

The doorbell finally chimed around two – fifteen in the afternoon. At first I thought of who it could be, but then I stopped kidding myself and went downstairs. Of course it would be Gerard and his brother, who else did we know in Jersey? Although, it could have just been some more neighbors coming to say hi. Probably not.

My mom was still busy sorting through everything from the move, so instead I walked over to the front door and readied myself to meet the boys. I wasn’t nervous, what did I have to be nervous about? But for some reason I found myself combing my fingers through my hair in an attempt to make it look more presentable. God, Leigh. What are you doing? He doesn’t matter, you won’t be friends anyway. Stop trying, I thought to myself as I reached for the knob turning it.

There stood two boys, one slightly taller than the other. I felt my eyes widen and my knees go a bit weak. He was perfect. He had longish black hair that fell to his shoulders and covered his ears. Hidden behind his hair were also the most beautiful and captivating hazel eyes I’d ever seen in my life. His porcelain skin and gentle features contrasted his dark hair perfectly. He was gorgeous and I could feel myself staring. I couldn’t help it though, I was captivated by him and I didn’t even know his name yet.

“Hey, I’m Gerard, this is my brother Mikey. You Leigh?” His voice was smooth and heavenly. If I believed in them I would have said he was an angel; a perfect, gorgeous angel. I suddenly found myself at a loss for words. What did he even just say? All I heard was the sound of his voice, not so much the content. Who was he? Was he Gerard or the other one? I couldn’t get my thoughts straight enough to offer a real answer but I went with what I thought was a safe response. “Hi.” Yeah, real original.

“Hi,” he laughed a little as he said this. “Are you Leigh?” Did he ask that already? Holy shit, Leigh, get it together. “Yeah, that’s me. I’m, uh, Leigh.” Great, now I was babbling. Why did he make me so nervous? Sure he was as handsome as a god, but I didn’t even know him. I didn’t want to know him.

“Hi Leigh,” the taller boy suddenly said. His voice wasn’t high, but it was notably younger sounding so I figured that he was Gerard’s younger brother. If I wasn’t already equipped with the information, I would have never put it together that these two were brothers or even related at all. Unlike Gerard, his brother had sandy brown hair that fell over his eyes which were light brown and hiding behind thick glasses. He was tall and lanky looking with long legs and thin limbs. He was cute, but he was no Gerard. What was his name again?

“Leigh? Who’s at the door, honey?” I heard my mom call out from behind me. I felt almost relieved that my mother, the amazing conversationalist, was coming in to save me from the awkwardness. “You must be Gerard and…”

“Mikey,” the younger Way offered his hand to my mother who took it. Mikey; I’ll remember that. “Well it’s very nice to meet you two. Come inside,” she said stepping away to let them in, me doing the same. “Leigh, I’m still doing some unpacking, but maybe you could take the boys up to your room and get to know them a little.” I was really hoping my mom wouldn’t say that. I wanted this to be a two minute ‘Hi, nice to meet you. Goodbye’ type of event. I didn’t want to ‘get to know’ the Way brothers, it would only make things harder later on.

I pleased my mother anyway and led the boys up to my room saying, “Okay then. Come on.” I hadn’t really interacted with people in a while and I wasn’t sure if I was being cold or not, but judging by the looks brothers had exchanged with each other, I wasn’t the friendliest person they’d ever met. Whatever, I didn’t care. My goal wasn’t to be their friend, it was to make our parents happy.

I opened my bedroom door and walked in, sitting down on my bed. The two boys entered along with me and awkwardly stood by the door, obviously unsure how to act. Even though I didn’t want to befriend them, I could at least make the current situation less awkward. “You guys can just sit where ever you want.” Mikey walked over to my desk, taking a seat on the spinney chair and to my surprise, Gerard walked over and took a seat on my bed next to me. He was mere inches away and I could feel myself becoming nervous. What was it about this kid? Why did he make me so edgy?

The awkwardness was thick in the room, I could almost feel its physical presence. No one said anything for a while and I certainly wasn’t going to be the first to speak up. I’d spend hours enduring an awkward silence before I’d ever break one. Gerard obviously operated differently. “So, where are you from?” I got lost in his voice again. Four little words sending chills racing through my body.

I quickly gathered myself and gave the whole conversation thing my best shot. “New York, but not like the city. Not New York City, I lived in a pretty small town.” I was babbling like an idiot again and I couldn’t help it. I hadn’t had a real conversation with someone in a long time and I didn’t even remember how to carry myself in one. Gerard probably thought I was some weird, insane chick who didn’t even know how to talk. But that would be a good thing, right? If he thought I was weird right off the bat, we’d never have to speak again.

Still though, even after my faltered rant about the fact that I grew up in New York, but not the city, Gerard smiled back at me. It was obvious that he’d never had braces but his smile was still perfect. The slight malocclusions didn’t matter; he was still a handsome guy, striking even. I found myself enchanted by his presence, he was having a strange effect on me. He wasn’t any different from any other person I’d ever met in my life, but at the same time, he was unlike anyone I’d ever known.

No, Leigh! Stop it! Don’t fall for him, it’ll only make things worse! My conscience yelled at me, and she was right. I couldn’t get attached to Gerard, it would only make things harder when one of us got hurt later on. It had happened a hundred times before. I’d make a friend and screw it up somehow. Either they’d stop talking to me once they found out about my addiction to self-harm or I’d be forced to leave them when others pressured them to quit being my friend. It was always the same, and now with Gerard I knew that nothing would be different. It never is.

God couldn’t have created a more awkward situation if he tried. No one said a word, a dead silence falling over the room. I wondered if Gerard or Mikey wanted to leave as badly as I wanted them gone. I know it sounds harsh, but remember my antisocial nature. I wasn’t comfortable being with not one, but two people in the confined space that was my bedroom, especially when one of them was very attractive and sitting so close to me.

I felt myself becoming increasingly shyer as the uninterrupted silence dragged on minute after minute. Essentially we were all just sitting there in my room; not talking, not interacting, just sitting and looking around at everything but each other. I kind of wanted Gerard or Mikey to say something else just to fill the quiet but I also kept thinking back to how I had no intention of being their friend, so I just had to be patient and wait out the uncomfortable situation.

I guess Mikey read my mind, because after a minute or two he suddenly stated, “Gerard’s going to be a junior in high school. I’m going into the eighth grade. How old are you?” I had to admit, Mikey was kind of adorable. Even though he was three years younger than me and Gerard, he didn’t really seem like it. He looked older than he was, almost as if he could have been in high school with us. He dressed in dark jeans and sneakers and, now that I noticed, he had on an Anthrax tee shirt.

“I’ll be a junior too.” For some reason as I said this I turned to Gerard. He was already looking at me, which is understandable considering I was talking, but it still caught me a little off guard. My eyes met his and time slowed for a moment. Everything faded away and all that was left in the whole wide world was me and Gerard. I felt my cheeks burn as we looked into each other. I felt like he was somehow reading into my soul, looking deep down and finding things that were never meant to be uncovered. Before anything too universe-shattering happened, I shifted my gaze, opting instead to look down at my hands in my lap.

I awkwardly tugged at my sleeves; a nervous habit I’d developed over the years to keep the scars concealed. It was late June now and it was starting to get hotter out, but no matter how scorching it got, I’d always have to keep my sleeves pulled down. Just another side effect of my lame decisions. I learned to be a big girl a long time ago and deal with the consequences of handling my problems the way that I did. If I had to wear sleeves all year round, so be it; it was definitely better than everyone knowing I was a freak, or validating that assumption. Gerard noticed my fiddling and looked down at my arms. I quickly stopped, preventing him from pondering my actions any further.

It became quite obvious that the ‘conversation’ we were having wasn’t going to go very far. The boys left not ten minutes after they’d arrived. I led them downstairs to the front door before they turned to give me their final goodbyes. “Bye Leigh, it was nice to meet you.” Mikey said as he pushed up his glasses that had slid down to the end of his nose. I faked a smile back at him, genuinely trying to make it look real.

“You too, Mikey.” He seemed pleased with my response, smiling once more and turning to walk back over to his house. Gerard turned his attention to me and looked into my soul again. My eyes met his and all was shut out. There was nothing; no Mikey, no mothers, no…anything to interrupt us; not that very much of anything was happening. We just stood there looking at each other, waiting for someone to say something. Gerard took the initiative, bringing us both back to our realities.

“Uh, so,” he gracelessly began. “Welcome to Belleville, Leigh. Hope I’ll be seeing you around.” He was so smooth with his words, the uneasy beginning not faltering his charm. I wasn’t sure how to answer him; I didn’t want to say, ‘that’s where you’re wrong; we’ll never be friends.’ But I also didn’t want to lead him on. I opted instead to simply nod my head, not really offering much assurance to his assumption of a future meeting.

Before leaving, Gerard extended his hand to me which I felt compelled to take. As our skin touched, I almost gasped at the sudden electric shock I felt run up my arm. I could feel the adrenaline coursing through my veins at his touch. It was almost, scary; no, actually it was terrifying, not only because there was a shock running through my body but because I had never felt it before. It wasn’t like getting a jolt from a static charge; this was different. It was two humans sparking from a simple touch, contact between each other. But why? How could I be feeling this exciting new sensation with someone I barely even knew?

Before I knew it, the marvel that was Gerard Way’s touch had ended and he left. I watched as he walked to the next house over from mine. He opened his front door and disappeared inside, but not before shooting me one final look and a sly, sideways smirk that made my stomach turn in knots. I watched in awe at this boy’s capability of making my brain turn into mush just by existing. What made him so goddamned special? Why was he different? I kind of hated him for it, but knew it wasn’t his fault God had decided to make him so perfect. I realized that shaking him off would take a little more work than anyone else I’d ever had to avoid a relationship with. But it’s not like I hadn’t already spent my entire life preparing myself for times just like these.

Still though, as I walked back up to my room, right there on the seventh step something happened. I felt the corners of my lips turn up and I’m pretty sure I…smiled. It was a strange smile though, it almost felt…real.

Notes

Since I won't be around on Friday or Saturday this weekend, I decided to update a bit early. Hope you like it, and feel free to leave me a comment (if that's what your little heart desires)