We walked down a crowded street with the intentions of getting some groceries from the nearest supermarket.
Gerard didn't manage to get even get one word out of me no matter now hard he tried, I'd just switch the subject and after a while he gave up. Not without promising that he'd find out what I was I'd refused to tell him though but I simply smiled and wished him good luck.

One small fact about me, when I made up my mind about something I was unshakable and there was pretty much no chance in hell of making me go back on a decision. I'd gotten that trait from my Mum, she was the same as me when it came to sticking to what you believed in.
That's a reason she let me come to America because she knew how badly I wanted to go to this art school.

I refuse to die without making some small difference to the world, no matter how tiny in may be I want to have the ability to impact people's minds. If it's only one person who takes something away from my opinions and art then it'll make me feel like I've achieved something.

Just making Gerard happy again would be enough, to see a smile on his face and know that it'll be there even after I've finished making jokes about pointless topics.
Besides if I were to help Gerard again it wouldn't be only him getting something from it.

There was Mikey, Ray, Frank and Bob who would be getting their bandmate and friend back.
Then there was also the fans who would have a happy Gerard meaning that he'd start recording the album again.

And in a strange way it made me happy to know that he was happy, so I was selfishly helping myself at the same time.
Yep because that's the fantastic person that I am, even when I'm helping people I have to stick with my selfish nature.

"People have always told me that I'm self-centred and can't do anything for anyone unless it benefits me, I guess they were right about that." I whispered to myself, just thinking out loud like I seemed to do at the worst moments.

As per what Gerard's reaction was.

"How are you self-centred?" He asked and I made a mental note not to talk to myself around him.

I'd say some things he really shouldn't to hear and stuff I wouldn't want him to hear either.
I had a very long history of saying things that could easily ruin a friendship without even meaning to so it was best for me to keep opinions to myself unless I truly believed he needed to hear something.

"I don't care about other people's problems."

And here's exact proof of what I was saying about me saying things without meaning to.
Gerard is not probably gonna think that I don't give a fuck with what's happened to him.

"That doesn't make you selfish and you do care." Not really, as far as I was concerned most people could go to hell and stay there for eternity.

"No is what I'm saying is that I don't care about anyone's problems but my own. I only care if something effects me." It was a lie and a truth at the same time.

For example I cared a lot about what Gerard was going through, because as I've said it makes me happy to know he's happy but I'd want him to be happy even if it didn't put a smile on my face.

"Then why did you open the coffee shop for me? You must have seen that I was upset and if you didn't care you wouldn't have invited me inside." He was right about that but my brain probably just got me to do it because I had deeper motives.

"Well you're Gerard Way." I have no idea why I was trying so hard to make him believe I was a bad person but I kept on talking anyway.

"Oh come on. I saw the look on your face when I turned around, you didn't know that was me." He was completely right about that one, I had no idea it was him since I hadn't seen him with white hair before.

To me he'd just been a guy who seemed to be having a really tough day and needed a small bit of kindness from someone.

"Besides you've been nice enough to tolerate my bitching when you've been at work." I hardly say what Gerard does is bitching, the only thing he talks about is books, movies and music anyway.
I also enjoy talking with him, he's different from everyone else that I've ever talked to.

"You don't bitch, Gee." I told him then immediately covered my mouth when I realised what I'd called him. I'd heard him be called that in interviews by the band so my mind told me it would be a good idea to call him that.

Was alright for him to call me a nickname that only his friends called him or was I in the wrong?

"That's what you'd like to believe, Lyx." I scowled at his use of my nickname but it actually didn't make me angry, it was alright for him to call me that.

Normally I'd punch someone in the face for calling me that or I'd least want to but instead my unhappy expression turned into a smile.

Gerard and I stopped outside the supermarket and he opened the door for me before I walked inside. There was tons of stuff that I hadn't seen in Australian shops and it was a reminder that I didn't spend enough time away from school, art or work.

"Can you think of anything you'll need?" He asked and I'd already started looking for the usual things I'd eat when I could be bothered enough to cook.

"Yeah, I don't need much." Most of the food I ate was cooked by my aunt since nearly everything I made was really unhealthy.

After Gerard and I finally agreed that I could pay for my own groceries we walked around with one shopping basket each, grabbing the things we needed. Of course with me being me the basket ended up being mainly filled with either fruit, tacos kits and frozen chips.
Oh and a whole bunch of junk food since I'm aiming to be diabetic before the age of twenty.

"Are you restocking Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory?" He asked and I snorted, I didn't have that much chocolate.

"Oh, haha. Very funny." I stuck my tongue out at him, reminding myself that I was very childish before following him down an aisle since I'd finished all my shopping.

"You didn't grab a toothbrush did you?" He'd stopped in front of the toothbrush display and was looking at all the stuff.

I shook my head and he grabbed something from the shelf display before throwing it at me.
To me was more like it but my body didn't seem to think that.
Seconds after me dodging I crashed into the shelf and brought down a whole bunch of hair dyes as I landed on my butt.

Gerard immediately started laughing and dropped his basket to help me up despite almost collapsing from the humour of me falling over.

"Douche." I mumbled as he gripped my arm and pulled me upright while still laughing.

"Sorry but it's just too funny." He snorted, leaning over and starting to pick up the boxes that'd hit the ground at the same time as me.

Since it was my fault I helped him and we quickly made order of all the boxes even though I'd gotten distracted.

I'd been thinking about dying my hair again because I'm now at a very different time in my life and I want my hair to reflect that.
The murder in the subway, almost being killed, staying with Gerard.

So much stuff had happened and my life was far beyond chaotic so I wanted my hair to be the same.
I looked at all the boxes on the shelf and found it impossible to pick one, I'd never had to before.
Dayna would come hair dye shopping with me and I'd ask her to pick one for me.

Gerard was here now though...

"I'm gonna dye my hair. Can you pick one for me?" I gestured to the shelf as we stood up and bestowed him with the ability to control my hair colour.

"Uh, okay." Gerard looked confused for a moment before facing the shelf and looking at all the hair dyes for a moment.

He passed me a box and I looked at it for a moment before smirking at the letters written across the front in a bold print.

"Black? Really?" It sounded much bitchier than I intend but I was surprised by his choice.

"Hey you asked me to pick." He shrugged and I sighed before throwing it into my shopping basket.

"Alright but if it looks like shit I'm blaming you." I smiled, black was about the only colour I haven't dyed my hair so this should be rather interesting.

"I'm positive it'll suit you. You could probably pull off a hospital gown if you wanted to." My face started going red but to stop myself I instantly stared at the ground and the flushed feeling in my cheeks went away.

"Have you got everything you need now?" He said before grabbing his basket and passing me another toothbrush, this time without throwing it at me.

"Yep, what about you?" Gerard nodded and we walked down the aisle to the check out, only stopping so he could get some razors.

"You shave?" I asked and wanted to immediately facepalm at how stupid the question sounded.

"I have to, otherwise I look really creepy after a week." For some reason my brain put an image of Gerard in a trench coat in front of my eyes, causing me to start laughing.

"What?" I shook my head and continued laughing, Gerard didn't need to know what was going on in my brain.

Gerard and I stopped at the checkout and it was one of those incredibly annoying self checkouts I was too bothered to use.

~~~

After nearly half an hour of me trying to get the fricken thing to work Gerard and I finally left the supermarket. Gerard and I were walking down the street to the nearest subway while I had my things put in my satchel.

Once we were in the subway the train showed up and we quickly got on then sat down.

While we'd been in the supermarket night had come and it'd gotten dark rather quickly. I had no idea it was that late but apparently Gerard and I had spent our whole day at the coffee shop.
Immediately after sitting down I opened a packet of lollies that were supposed to be coffee flavoured.

"Want one?" I asked, holding out the bag and Gerard stared at it before grabbing one of the lollies.

Gerard pulled his phone out of his pocket and started typing away on the screen with me trying to look over his shoulder.
I'd been hoping that he was going to call Mikey but instead he was playing a game and looking at twitter, fantastic.

The train slowed at a stop and the doors hissed open.
Five teenagers around my age stepped onto the train and started chatting loudly.

They were much noisier than they needed to be and were without a doubt drunk.
Whether he realised it or not I felt Gerard shift closer to me as the group sat a couple of seats away.
It didn't take long for them to use way more swearwords than necessary and I started to feel nervous.

I've been on a bus with people like that before and I knew what they were like. Noisy, crude and more often than not, violent.

Just because they happened to be around my age didn't mean that they'd act like it, plus I also knew what those kinda kids did.
Most of the people at my Australian school were like that but they had to the it down for school.

When they pulled out a spray can and started talking about the latest guy they'd glassed, that's when I decided I wanted to get off the train at the next stop.
Just as I was considering whispering to him that I wanted to get off he tapped on my knee and pointed the phone he had in his hands.

"Whattaya think of this?" He had the notes section of his phone opened and the screen was filled with words.

They're gonna clean up your looks with all the lies in the books to make a citizen out of you.
Because they sleep with a gun.
And keep an eye on you, son.
So they can watch all the things you do.

Because the drugs never work, they're gonna give you a smirk.
'Cause they got methods of keeping you clean.
They're gonna rip up your heads,
Your aspirations to shreds

They said all teenagers scare the living shit out of me.
They could care less as long as someone'll bleed.
So darken your clothes or strike a violent pose.
Maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me.

A smile spread across my face as I read the words he'd written down, they were obviously song lyrics and good ones too.
There was only one thing that was out of place, there was an extra line he needed in it and the words flashed brightly in my mind.
I took the phone from him and added the sentence I'd been visualising.

Another cog in the murder machine

I may not be a lyricist but I was a story writer and that's what I'd put if one of my characters had a song.
Gerard read what I'd added and he grinned, before nodding and adding some more.

The boys and girls in the clique, the awful names that they stick.
You're never gonna fit in much, kid.
But if you're troubled and hurt, what you got under your shirt will make them pay for the things that they did.

Despite the rowdy teenagers with Gerard and I getting distracted by the song that was slowly coming together the time passed quickly and before we knew it the train had reached our stop.
Before the teenagers could say or do anything Gerard and I had our bags and were off the train and watching it disappear.

"Teenagers are fuckin' scary." He mumbled, making me laugh as we walked up the subway steps.

"You think they're bad, you should see me when I'm hungry." I told him and reminded myself that I was act silly hungry and hadn't eaten much today.

My stomach growled and I muffled it with my hand as we walked down the street.

"Do you write songs like that on the fly all the time?" I asked and I could see his lit up apartment building in the distance.

"Not much, that was really sudden." Huh, I don't know why but I'd always imagined him writing a new song every five seconds.

"They're gonna clean up your looks, with all the lies in the books to make a citizen out of you. Because they sleep with a gun. And keep an eye on you, son. So they can watch all the things you do." He sung loudly as we walked down the street and I felt my mouth hanging open.

Was I witnessing a song coming to life?

"Because the drugs never work, they're gonna give you a smirk. 'Cause they got methods of keeping you clean. They're gonna rip up your heads, your aspirations to shreds. Another cog in the murder machine."

Yes, yes I was.
I've just seen Gerard make a new song.

"This is going on the album." He said firmly and I felt like one of the luckiest people in the world to have just heard that.

Besides it also made me happy to hear him talk about the album, from what he'd said before he never wanted to go back to it.
Now for him to write a dog he wanted on that album, it was a huge leap forward.

"When will you talk to the band about it?" I wanted to know because the sooner I could make him talk to then the better.

"Um, at the memorial perhaps." I knew it really wasn't any of my business but I was kinda curious why he was calling it a memorial and not a funeral.

Gerard looked at my face intensely for a moment before somehow managing to understand what I was thinking about.

"Their funeral was a couple of weeks ago. This is the sprinkling of the ashes." I nodded and stared in front of me, thinking over what I should say next.

"I'm really sorry, Gerard." I said with all the sincerity in the world, I was truly sorry for what had happened.

"I know, you don't need to say anything though. It's enough that you're going with me. Hell I'm surprised you're still around." It hurt me a little for Gerard to think I wouldn't want to be around him.

"You're a fantastic guy and you're my friend. I'll be staying with you until you're alright again." My voice sounded rather grumbly but I was being completely honest.

"Don't worry you'll get tired of me eventually. Everyone does." How hard is it for him to understand that it is possible for people to genuinely like him.

"Gerard, you're about the only person who gets tired of you." It was the truth, off the top of my head I could name twenty people I knew who admired him and his work.

"I can't keep a girlfriend for longer than a month, I think it's more than just me." The sad look I nearly always saw him with was back again and I frowned, I hated seeing him upset.

"Then those girls are idiots. You're smart, funny, talented, good looking and an amazing human being that saves kids lives. A girl would have to be an idiot to not like you." I'm probably being the most honest to him right now than I've ever been to anyone in my whole life.

"You think I'm good looking?" He had a small smirk on his lips and I whacked him on the arm, making him laugh.

"Oh come on, you know what I mean." Actually he didn't, I thought he was the most for gorgeous person I've ever seen but I'm not telling him that.

Gerard held the door open when we reached the apartment building and I said thank you before walking inside and heading over to the elevator.

It was a silent trip from the elevator yo his apartment but the second we got inside I started talking about how hungry I was. He pointed at the kitchen, told me to have at it and cook whatever I wanted then said something about organising his art room so I could sleep there.

Because he didn't say there was anything I couldn't use I just got everything from the fridge and tried to make up my mind with what I could cook.

I had absolutely no idea what Gerard would usually eat so I just went ahead and started cooking. If he didn't like it then he could tell me and I wouldn't make it next time.

Thankfully I was on one of my good cooking days so it didn't take long for me to chop everything up and put a meal together.
By the time I'd finished Gerard was calling for me to come into the art room and check out what he'd put together.

"What's up?" I walked into the room and was immediately surprised by all the pictures on the walls.

Gerard was in the process of taking down the pictures that he'd obviously drawn and I tried to look at all of them before they were gone.

One as a large fully inked drawing of a completely white girl with the front of a violin on her chest.
It wasn't just that though there was also some redrawn covers of Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge.

"Your bed is put together so you'll have somewhere to sleep and I'm taking down my drawings." He explained and I sat on the large futon with my legs crossed.

"Don't do that, all the drawings are amazing and they look cool." I told him, he stopped taking them down and stared at the wall for a moment.

"You like them?" I don't know why he needed to check, I was an artist, it was impossible for me to not like them.

"Fuck yeah." I said, smiling and looking at the picture he was holding in his hands.

"I really love that one." The picture was a parade of some sort and had an interesting way of being light and dark at the same time.

"Oh thanks, I drew it not that long ago." I wonder what it's meant to be besides a parade, it looks like it should race a story behind it.

"You want me to leave them up?" He asked and I instantly nodded, I had posters on the walls of my bedroom back at the apartment so it'd be weird for me to be in a room with bare walls.

"Lets get some dinner." I told him and he stuck the huge drawing back on the wall before following me out of the room.

Gerard sat on the bench and I handed him a plate while thinking over how weird it would be to stay with him.
I think the weirdest thing will be going to the memorial with him, I truly feel like I don't belong there.

"Gerard when is the funeral?" I mumbled, feeling awkward by bringing it up then handing him a pot filled with vegetables.

"Um, it's tomorrow."